Mental Health Help getting of SSRI - Report of trials and tribulations, medication experiences

[sadasaulna]

TLDR: Long term SSRI use is hell to get off. I have had success cutting my dose using Lithium Orotate and occasional Fabomotizole for anxiety. 5-HTP had limited success and I wouldn't really recommend it.

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I drank every day for 15 years and have been on SSRI for anxiety and depression around 8 years. Since giving up alcohol the last 2 years have been hellish. I thought stopping drinking would solve most of my problems, and while it has improved my life immeasurably in some areas, in terms of Anxiety and Depression it has almost killed me.

The thing is, while SSRIs work, I have come to hate how dependent I am on them, and how they actually create and magnify symptoms when trying to kick them.

In the early years of SSRI use I could take them or leave them and often did, being rather bad at keeping up a steady schedule I would take them for 3 months, be off them a few months, back on. I would get the "electric shocks" sensation coming off them but this never bothered me and I don't class it as a withdrawal. After the years went on I noticed a trend toward mania when I came off them too. My main SSRI for many years was Citalopram 20mg. I was taken off it and moved to sertraline after Citalopram started giving up on me a bit. That was a mistake.

All SSRIs have a difficult hump you have to get over, Sertraline was no different and the first couple of months on it were awful. I went from 50mg (not enough) to 100mg, and finally settled down on that. But felt like a zombie and had no pleasure in life. I was existing and not trying to kill myself was about the best thing you could say.

So a few times I tried to get off Sertraline cold turkey like I had Citalopram. Big mistake. Each time I tried within 3 days I was a basket case - panic attacks, crying, crazy levels of anxiety and paranoia, and rapid cycle mania.

The next time I tried to come off it with 5-HTP. The 5-HTP cushioned the blow and I had no panic attacks but the mania was as bad as ever. After a few days I cracked again and was back on.

Then I tried dropping dose to 50mg, with no other drugs (didn't want to risk taking 5-HTP and Sert together) Not as harsh but within 1 week I was back up to 100mg, unable to cope.

So I'm sharing my first success with dropping the dose without going crazy - Lithium Orotate - I dropped to 50mg as before while taking a daily dose of 5mg elemental lithium in orotate form. That seems to have stopped the mania completely. First couple of weeks anxiety would get quite bad so I would take a 10mg Fabomotizole when it was too much to bear and that always helped.

Now on week 4 of 50mg and I seem to have my life back, feeling like a human being again. I don't miss the higher dose at all now, and the anxiety has nearly all gone away.

My plan is to get down to 25mg next, and maybe zero eventually. I will then try dosing down the lithium and hopefully won't have to take it long term.


Quick summary of drugs I have self medicated (not abused) and notes (with the caveat that we're all different in the way we respond):

Escitalopram - best SSRI I ever tried, if not having a soul is your goal. Zero anxiety or depression but then I didn't care about anything. Serial killers choice 10/10.

Citalopram - nicest ride of the SSRIs I tried, quite gentle on the withdrawal

Sertraline - horrid getting on, horrid getting off, not even that great at the job it does. For instance you will still have anxiety, you just won't care you have anxiety.

5-HTP - high apathy, not that amazing for dropping anxiety, bad for you in the long run, I'd give it a miss.

Valerian - a weird one for me, usually does nothing other than very mild sedation, but sometimes if taken at night I wake up the next day feeling amazing

Gotu Kola - might have been an improvement / might not, barely able to tell it apart from Placebo

Magnesium Chelate - best taken at night, makes you lethargic, worth taking as a background thing but I don't use much now

Licorice Root - this makes a delicious and very anxiolytic tea, recommended but not for every day, too much licorice is bad for you.

Phenibut - showed me there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and while it is certainly not sustainable I am very thankful to it for it opening to the door
to let the light in. I now use it very infrequently and only at low dose.

Fabomotizole - Weird at first then when I adjusted it is great. I now use only for acute anxiety and find I am using it less and less.

 

[sadasaulna]

Update:

After continuing with Sertraline at half my usual dose (50mg) and Lithium Orotate I had a few wobbles - mainly being cynical and slightly angry for a few days, then a few days of depression and anxiety, not a particularly bad spell, but enough to be unpleasant. I dropped lithium orotate for now as I feel no manic effects and will only re-dose if I feel that again. I also missed a few days of sertraline and then started cutting into thirds of 100mg. Last two days @ 33mg Sertraline, previous two or three days 0mg.

I have had no more fabomotizole for over a week, which while I find it very effective for anxiety, i've been trying to get by on minimum drugs.

So despite the push-back, SSRI intake reduced even further and last couple of days have been pretty reasonable feelings wise. Definitely feel more of human being than I did previously, haven't the same anhedonia, more interest in life, hobbies etc.

I would be interested in hearing any one else's success stories (or horror stories) in kicking SSRIs.

 

[cj]

Ive been withdrawing from mirtazepine an Snri for the last 10 days. I've had insomnia restlessness depression and just a negative head space the entire time. It's been really rough I would say it feels an awful lot like opiate withdrawal. Maybe even more disconcerting because it's all in my head.

 

[sadasaulna]

Ive been withdrawing from mirtazepine an Snri for the last 10 days. I've had insomnia restlessness depression and just a negative head space the entire time. It's been really rough I would say it feels an awful lot like opiate withdrawal. Maybe even more disconcerting because it's all in my head.

I feel for you. Besides everything is just in your head, after all, if I burn you with fire, the pain is just all in your head

 

[sadasaulna]

Ive been withdrawing from mirtazepine an Snri for the last 10 days. I've had insomnia restlessness depression and just a negative head space the entire time. It's been really rough I would say it feels an awful lot like opiate withdrawal. Maybe even more disconcerting because it's all in my head.

ps - did you cold turkey or had you tapered? How long had you been on it?

 

[sadasaulna]

UPDATE: My interest in life and hobbies is just verging back on the manic again, so I'm back on Lithium Orotate which usually puts things back on an even keel. Had no more sertraline for several days, anxiety pretty high. Sleep has been bad and restless.

 

[cj]

ps - did you cold turkey or had you tapered? How long had you been on it?

Cold turkey. I had been on it for 6 months. Not a pleasant experience but things seem to be leveling out now

 

[sadasaulna]

Cold turkey. I had been on it for 6 months. Not a pleasant experience but things seem to be leveling out now

Badass. Good to hear you're doing OK.

I had another wobble, fell apart last night. Mania, irrationality, super sensitive, anxious, delusional, suicidal - felt like I had totally lost my mind. Cracked and took a small dose (20mg or so) of Sertraline. Quitting drink was a breeze compared to this. Quitting drink was just a week of Librium (felt great), and then a few weeks of very intense nightmares along with cravings and months of AA - I had my ups and downs but nothing as bad as this. To be fair, I was on SSRI (citalopram) during alcohol withdrawal, so that may have masked some of the stuff about stopping drinking that finds its way out now.

 

[cj]

Badass. Good to hear you're doing OK.

I had another wobble, fell apart last night. Mania, irrationality, super sensitive, anxious, delusional, suicidal - felt like I had totally lost my mind. Cracked and took a small dose (20mg or so) of Sertraline. Quitting drink was a breeze compared to this. Quitting drink was just a week of Librium (felt great), and then a few weeks of very intense nightmares along with cravings and months of AA - I had my ups and downs but nothing as bad as this. To be fair, I was on SSRI (citalopram) during alcohol withdrawal, so that may have masked some of the stuff about stopping drinking that finds its way out now.

Hang in there buddy it will get better.its a good sign that you are able to identify the symptoms and relate it back to withdrawal. It shows that you are in control and hopefully it's a little comforting to know that it's withdrawal and not something your going to be stuck feeling forever.

 

[sadasaulna]

Hang in there buddy it will get better.its a good sign that you are able to identify the symptoms and relate it back to withdrawal. It shows that you are in control and hopefully it's a little comforting to know that it's withdrawal and not something your going to be stuck feeling forever.

Thanks man! My latest update is that I am almost off Sertraline and mostly free of its grasp! Dose averages only 12.5mg, soon to be dropped to zero. I saw my doctor recently and told her about weaning off, and thought she might be mad at me for not telling her or asking her advice, but she seemed cautiously pleased I had done it.

 

[simco]

One bit of advice: keep a close eye on your mood even a few months after you're off the SSRI's.

Last spring I tapered off a 20+ year stint on sertraline (150mg was my usual dose). Everything seemed peachy for about two or three months. But over time my mood/outlook just cratered. It took me a long time to conclude that I was back in the hole that brought me to antidepressants in the first place. Somewhat reluctantly, I ended up going back on sertraline and things really evened out (after the hump you described).

In some ways I suppose this is all kind of obvious. In my case, over the years I had lost sight of how much the meds were helping me. Turns out I (and that's just me) am still better off with their help.

Best luck, though. You've made awesome progress.

 

[cj]

One bit of advice: keep a close eye on your mood even a few months after you're off the SSRI's.

Last spring I tapered off a 20+ year stint on sertraline (150mg was my usual dose). Everything seemed peachy for about two or three months. But over time my mood/outlook just cratered. It took me a long time to conclude that I was back in the hole that brought me to antidepressants in the first place. Somewhat reluctantly, I ended up going back on sertraline and things really evened out (after the hump you described).

In some ways I suppose this is all kind of obvious. In my case, over the years I had lost sight of how much the meds were helping me. Turns out I (and that's just me) am still better off with their help.

Best luck, though. You've made awesome progress.

That's certainly a danger isn't it?

 

[sadasaulna]

One bit of advice: keep a close eye on your mood even a few months after you're off the SSRI's.

Thanks. I had my first real test tonight, I have been at 0mg for nearly two weeks. This is dropping from only 12.5mg sertraline i had tapered to, the worst was behind me or so I thought. First the brain zaps, well whoopy do, I don't care about brain zaps anyway, the mania I had kept at bay with Lithium Orotate in the beginning but now have only been taking once or twice a week. Suicidal thoughts also mainly on the back burner.

So brain zaps, no mania, and yet no apathy. I can cope with that. Then came the emotions, crying at every sad story, and even this, it felt OK, because sometimes it is good to cry, I would never cry when on SSRI. Titanic was on TV the other night, and when the passengers are falling from the upturned boat I burst into tears because it reminded me of the people falling from the towers on 9/11.

Today, my girlfriend went for a job interview and it went really well, so well she thinks she stands a good chance of getting it. I'm really happy for her, even if she doesn't get it I'm just glad it all went so well. Next thing I know, I'm feeling angry at an email someone sent me, and I'm more angry than I have a right to be. Then I shrug that off and she goes out with her friends for a night out she had planned. Then i've got panicky feelings and shit where did this come from after 2 years sober I want to drink again, really bad. There are some bottles of wine in the cupboard and I just kept thinking about them. Then I get all depressed, my life is a wreck, everything is a downward spiral i'm in hell etc, suicide seems like the best option.

Now I partly know where that response came from - whenever I've had cause for celebration it often brings with it an urge to drink because as an alcoholic celebrations were the best times when you could get blind drunk with family and loved ones without feeling guilty or having to drink alone.

Didn't give in, but did pop a couple of corvalol which have small doses of phenobarbital in them, they have since calmed me down and i'm feeling a bit better.

Basically FUCK YOU SERTRALINE and FUCK YOU DRINK.

I will keep updating this post as the weeks and months go by because I'm damned if this drug will beat me. If it does beat me, and I get back on you guys will be the first to know.

I got to thinking today how like Kafka's "The Trial" (or Der Process) this drug is, I highly recommend you guys read it if you haven't.

Taking the drug is evidence of mental illness, because why else would you be prescribed psychiatric medication.
Refusal to take the drug is evidence of the mental illness
Withdrawals are further evidence a) confirming that refusal is evidence of mental illness and b) that the drug was working
New symptoms you never had to begin with eg bipolar are further evidence that you have a mental illness requiring treatment.
Re-taking the drug (surrender) is a vindication of the drug in the eyes of your doctor and your acceptance of your mental illness...

Thanks for the support guys, it is definitely appreciated.

 

[sadasaulna]

Latest update: Fuck i'm struggling. Trying to look at positives I would say the over emotionalism is starting to fade. Electric shocks and other physical sensations a thing of the past, but the physical stuff was only ever the icing on the cake.

I had my first counselling session and am dubious about whether it will be of any worth but will stick at it.

Drugs like Corvalol and Fabomotizole are some help for debilitating anxiety but they are mild and only take the edge of it. The de-realisation and constant existential dread is fairly deep seated. My counsellor seemed quite alarmed at the kind of mental state I was in.

So, and I hate to say this, I have really been considering going back on. I hate being beaten like this but the pain is unbelievable and I only have so much strength. I'm seeing doc tomorrow and may ask what else she's got that isn't sertraline (or seroxat) or preferably any SSRI/SNRI.

I also feel like drinking when I'm hurting this much and that of course is only going to be a bad thing. Suicidal thoughts are back a lot too, though I'm so fucking anxious I would be far too scared to commit suicide.

 

[sadasaulna]

So, the final update:

I failed to get off SSRI, despite everything I tried and months of effort.

What happened was I was given Mirtazapine (as my anxiety, depression and panic got so bad) which helped at first then things got even worse. I ended up in the worst depression and suicidal pit I've ever been in, and was in accident and emergency twice, more or less begging to be hospitalised. I was given some benzos (diazepam) which barely put a dent in it, and so started taking sertraline again. After a week of feeling even worse I started to stabilise and am now back on original dose - 100mg Sertraline. Things are mostly back to normal.

In summary, either I'm just wired this way, or years of SSRIs mean I cannot get off them, ever.

One last addendum though - I had been taking corvalol occasionally which while it has only a tiny dose of phenobarbital in it, I now see that phenobarbital can induce depression in those prone to it. I have taken corvalol since with similar results, more depression, so I recommend you stay well away from phenobarb if you're prone to depression.