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One of my old dealers just butt-dialed me

K

KraziKat

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Joined
Jul 30, 2013
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I didn't answer. But then I called back. We talked, and caught up a bit – she is actually very nice and we had a nice friendship, apart from her supplying me with pills and me forking over hundreds of dollars at a time. Before hanging up, I asked her how "business" was, and I also asked her when she may have anything. (Tomorrow). Why did I ask?

Cravings are through the roof right now.
 
Hang in there! There are some really awesome posts about getting yourself off the pills, take a look at them and remind yourself why you don't want to reset! Find anything by Squeaky and you'll see his struggle, both the first time he cold turkeyed it, and then his struggle to use the taper method.

Good luck and stay strong!
 
If you really don't want to use, call this person back and tell them you changed your mind, maybe even explain how you're trying to quit. Then block their number for the foreseeable future.

If you kinda really do want to use, don't beat yourself up over it. Pick yourself up where you left off when you're ready.
 
i haven't shot a bag of dope in over a year (I'm on suboxone) but every couple months my old dealer texts me... all he says is "yo" i usually text him back and he tries to entice me with other shit cuz he knows i don't fuck with D any more

one simple text from him fucks my mind up so much... thank God I'm on subs cause otherwise id be out there immediately coping from him... cravings from him while ON THE SUBS?? yea it gets bad sometimes

i won't change my number because in the back of my mind i rationalize an excuse "what if theres a catastrophe and i can't get my suboxone?" id go through cold turkey withdrawals from 10mgs? haha no thank you... so i keep his number just in case something happens with my meds... just my addicted brain trying to rationalize using one more time
 
That's a sticky situation. Can you make plans with a friend who doesn't use? Doing something fun will help rewire your brain to not associate every good time with pills.
 
When cravings go through the roof, I find it's really important to forcibly concentrate on other stuff...anything besides using. The fantasies and excitement are--in my experience--self-reinforcing. But if you turn your attention to other stuff, they'll quiet down. It can take a while, though, which sucks. cj's advice is really good--maybe you can hook up with a friend for a while until things settle down?

Also, it really is a good idea to either block dealers' numbers or get a new phone. That was a really hard one for me personally, but I think it made a big difference.
 
I can, and will. Most of my friends aren't raging pillheads – that was my role. And I came clean to my wife and have been struggling with repairing the damage my lies have done. Which is how I am holding myself accountable. We are going out of town for a wedding this weekend – this would normally be a spot where I'd be sure to have pills.

This is just my first real strong urge since "coming clean" from oxy. I am still dosing kratom daily, which I suppose is keeping me from revisiting the oxy world.
 
And, for whatever reason, I have not blocked or even deleted that number. UGH. And I know where to find it in an old email. I have no idea why I haven't. I want to be clean. But I am having a hard time letting go
 
Trouble letting go isn't at all unusual. You'll eventually find ways to.
 
Well a good opportunity to raise your confidence, nothing is easy anyways but look where u are now compare to before, and best thing look at yourself in the close future, ull be astonished who u'll be !
 
kingqueen1 said:
Well a good opportunity to raise your confidence, nothing is easy anyways but look where u are now compare to before, and best thing look at yourself in the close future, ull be astonished who u'll be !
Click to expand...

Nicely put. It's very true; the changes we go through in the process of--and because of--quitting an addiction are amazing.
 
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