I can't get moving! Im frozen in time HELP! <3

[d3athadone]

I just can't get moving. Im on like week 3 no opiates no weed. I'm so facking lazy. Its a haze of laziness. I'm not just lazy. I'm depressed as fuck. I am in the nether realm at the moment. I wake up, turn on computer, play video games until I am exhausted. Repeat. Cleaning seems like the most horrible thing in the world. I don't get it. I actually want to enjoy life. I don't think I'm really a lazy person. I think something is wrong. I know paws exists, but like whatttt the fuck. I cant command myself to do anything. Its like my will is broken or something. MY pre-frontal cortex is like offline or some shit. I can't stand it anymore, but everyday I say I'm going to change and I don't. I'm ready to throw a hammer through my computer at this point. I remember just like 4 months ago I was dancing, cuz I love dancing. So I was dancing everyday and just had a hell of a lot more energy. Even when I wasnt using. Part of me thinks exercise is a major problem here, but I can't get myself to exercise. I feel like parts of me are just so freaking tired from battling opiate addiction for 10 years. When I do have a normal day, it freakin kills me. Being out in the real world with the sun shining and people busy everywhere around me is so weird to me. I feel like a vampire. I just want to retreat into my cave. HELP!! lol :D

 

[elvis_wears_nikes]

I relate to your pain and frustrations! I always used to feel terribly depressed with absolutely no get-up-and-go for a while after opiate withdrawal and together with insomnia, my depression used to linger longer than any other symptom. Getting to three weeks with no opiates and cannabis is a HUGH feat and you should be proud to get to where you are. I think it is important to keep reminding yourself that you WILL eventually start to feel better even if you don't feel like you are at the moment! It takes time for your endorphin production to recover but certain things can help like getting out and going for a walk (probably the last thing you feel like doing right now).

As cliché as the saying is it is so important to take one day at a time or even one hour or one minute at a time. Try some mindfulness activities to bring yourself back to the present moment and try to avoid worrying about the future or being sad about the past. The present is the only place we exist! Speak to people and try not to isolate yourself too much, reach out for help if your suffering is becoming too much to bear. I wish you all the best!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

sounds awful, no weed either, huh? how long were you using for?

 

[d3athadone]

Thanks elvis for the words of encouragement!

CH I was using for like 10 years. I mean, I've had breaks and was on methadone for a while blah blah blah, but really my brain hasnt had a real chance to heal in 10 years.

So I figured out something that is working for me at the moment. I think maybe I'm taking too much on in my mind all at once. So what I have been doing is setting an alarm for 1 hour. Then I play games or do whatever the fuck I want for 1 hour, but when the alarm goes off I pick one thing and do it. So I did dishes once. Cleaned bathroom once. Pushups and shit once. Its really working! I have the attention span of a goldfish so I can't really do anything prolonged. I get super bored fast.

 

[Jabberwocky]

That sounds like a pretty cool rhythm you've developed there

 

[jdfisse]

You can do this. I am proud of you. Almost all growth happens against my thinking (will). It is my actions that are important. I like how you have made small commitments and stuck with them. Forcing action even when your thoughts are the opposite will have the slow effect of changing your thinking. For a very long time I attempted to think my way out of situations rather than act my way out of situations. I am glad you are seeing incremental improvements. I hope that you have a group of people that you talk to on a daily basis. It will make things easier.

 

[cj]

Your post describes paws pretty well. Paws are real and powerful that's why so many people relapse. Just hang on and let your brain establish equilibrium. It takes 90 days for your brain to start healing.

 

[d3athadone]

Thanks everyone! Writing this post really helped motivate me to change. I am so blown away by the results of my little system. Yesterday I got more done than I have in the past 2 weeks combined! My house is spotless. I cant believe it! I feel like this is the freakin miracle cure for paws. The crazy thing is I was so much less depressed yesterday because I felt like there was magic in the air and energy around me. Things were happening! I managed to pass out around 12 because I was actually tired and now its 6am and I gotta admit I'm pretty excited to establish some sort of healthy pattern today. The first thing I am going to do is go to the park and run across the field until my heart races. I did that yesterday. Only for about 3 minutes because I'm a smoker and outa shape, but it did seem to jump start my day. Then I'm going to eat breakfast, get dressed, and then start my little do something every hour system again! I've never held a routine in my entire life. I'm not even joking. When I was a a teenager I was just such a social butterfly who slept in everyday and ate whatever I wanted and did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. So no chance for routine there. As a kid, my mom had mental health issues. So she cant hold a routine either. Then in my 20's I was a junky so my only routine was get fucked up. Now I'm almost 30 and damn do I ever want to leave this shit behind and find a new way to life. Fuck dying to a fent OD. Even if I got real H most of the time, one day I'm gonna miss that guy and end up grabbing from someone els and its gonna be that scary fent shit. You know the shit where I took a 1/4 of my usual H dose and almost fuckin almost OD'd. Sorry. *End rant*

Love you guys! Keep pushing forward. Thanks for all your encouragements!

jdfisse I'm going to try going to this new place I heard about called Refuge Recovery? Its at a buddhist temple, which is pretty damn cool and also I can jive with buddhist philosophy more than the whole NA thing.

 

[simco]

So glad to hear that your system is working for you. When we're feeling overwhelmed and/or depressed, I think breaking the day and it's tasks into small chunks is a great strategy.

Keep it up, man.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm going to try going to this new place I heard about called Refuge Recovery? Its at a buddhist temple, which is pretty damn cool and also I can jive with buddhist philosophy more than the whole NA thing.

Which city will you be going to? I wouldn't exactly call their centers temples (that's a bit of a stretch), but it's worth checking out, particularly if you're interested in Buddhism.

 

[P0kemama]

Good thread... helpful hints re: my laziness. Thanks!

 

[herbavore]

So I figured out something that is working for me at the moment. I think maybe I'm taking too much on in my mind all at once. So what I have been doing is setting an alarm for 1 hour. Then I play games or do whatever the fuck I want for 1 hour, but when the alarm goes off I pick one thing and do it. So I did dishes once. Cleaned bathroom once. Pushups and shit once. Its really working! I have the attention span of a goldfish so I can't really do anything prolonged. I get super bored fast.

What a great strategy!

 

[d3athadone]

Which city will you be going to? I wouldn't exactly call their centers temples (that's a bit of a stretch), but it's worth checking out, particularly if you're interested in Buddhism.

This one is in Toronto. Your right its not a temple. I thought it was. Sucks for me. My dad used to use a buddhist temple as a baby sitting service when I was a kid. There were computers in the basement and people rarely were down there. He would just let me chill on the computer for the day and I would wander around this beautiful temple getting to know the monks and attending services and stuff. Was actually one of the best experiences of my life. Temples feel vvery clean and out of this world. Especially this one. Its known for being very beautiful. I don't think the monks ever minded. I was a really polite and personable kid when I wanted to be. Its interesting how they got respect from me but my parents and teachers and shit never did. I mean I never did anything wrong at the temple. Which is crazy to think because outside of temple life I was the biggest shit disturber.


My buddy came over with a bit of vodka the other day. Then I decided I wanted to smoke a j cuz I'm impulsive when booze is around. So we go to the bar and I slam back a bunch of drinks. THen we smoke this weed and go to 711 where we buy an insane ammount of bullshit. I ate it all and passed out on the floor. This experience completely threw me off my flow. I was just starting to get a hang on this sober life lol. I've never had a problem with alcohol, but I'm not going to say no if a buddy wants to drink. After this experience though, I am going to keep the drinking and toking to once a month. This was just such a pain in the ass. I've felt like a zombie since the experience. and it sucks cuz now I'm finding it very difficult to get moving. It really highlights just how extreme the difference in lifestyles can be! I felt much better after my morning jog and accomplishing things. Now I just feel blah. too much sugar! Been eating insane amounts of sugar since and its fogging my head up.

 

[simco]

...
My buddy came over with a bit of vodka the other day. Then I decided I wanted to smoke a j cuz I'm impulsive when booze is around. So we go to the bar and I slam back a bunch of drinks. THen we smoke this weed and go to 711 where we buy an insane ammount of bullshit. I ate it all and passed out on the floor. This experience completely threw me off my flow. I was just starting to get a hang on this sober life lol. I've never had a problem with alcohol, but I'm not going to say no if a buddy wants to drink. After this experience though, I am going to keep the drinking and toking to once a month. This was just such a pain in the ass. I've felt like a zombie since the experience. and it sucks cuz now I'm finding it very difficult to get moving. It really highlights just how extreme the difference in lifestyles can be! I felt much better after my morning jog and accomplishing things. Now I just feel blah. too much sugar! Been eating insane amounts of sugar since and its fogging my head up.

Yeah, it's crazy how disinhibiting alcohol is. Personally, I don't seem to have any problems when I smoke weed (in terms of wanting to use my old DOC). But I try to stay away from booze; it gets my head in all kinds of crazy places.