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Long Term Comdown...When death visited

H

haux12345

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2017
Messages
3
Dear All,
I’m putting this out there just to gain some feedback on what happened to me when I took a combination of MDMA and coke almost a year back now. What happened to me post-binge I’ll never forget as it was the most harrowing and darkest time of my life. I’ve never suffered from mental health problems.
I’m not a regular recreational drug user – I use maybe once/twice a year – and when I do I don’t go overboard. Anyway, to the night in question. I rolled for maybe 5/6 hours with 3 friends – one of whom I didn’t particularly like and towards whom I felt threatened by by the end of the roll. For the next 7 weeks after the roll, I couldn’t operate. I couldn’t be around that said person, who happened to be my flatmate. I had my first full blown panic attack at home a week later while cleaning the kitchen. During it, I firmly believed I was going to knife my dog (I luckily didn’t). I was 24/7 terrified. I then developed a fear of actually doing this and couldn’t be around my dog. Following that, things got gradually worse – I admitted myself to A&E as I thought I was going crazy – I couldn’t sit still. They just said I had anxiety (yet I was familiar with anxiety but not to this degree) I felt disassociated. My familiar surroundings were no longer familiar – my brain had taken on a totally different reality. Anything that had previously brought me joy could no longer be done. Showering was impossible. When I listened to music, I thought the lyrics were talking to me. I had an irrational fear of being alone but I didn't know why. I live abroad so I went home to family. It worsened (I had a traumatic childhood) As soon as I entered the family home, I had a panic attack – my heart would not stop beating. I could not calm down. – I thought i was going to kill my parents. I fought against it. During all this time, I had waves of depression when I wasn’t panicked. I of course went to my GP who prescribed antidepressants which I was hesitant about at first but I am now taking them since last September. I had no other resource. I had been taking SJW, vitamins etc to no avail. I am now terrified of deferring to that state when I come off these drugs (hopefully soon).
I’ve read about long term comedowns and this terrified me – I’m just hoping people out there who have had similar experiences can advise or give any feedback.
Thanks in advance
Haux
 
Sounds like depersonilisation-derealisation disorder to me, which I too suffer from. I had a very traumatic year before it set it, and trauma tends to be a common factor in the onset of dp/dr along with drug use. So given that you had a traumatic childhood it seems possible that this is the case.

Have you recovered then since taking medication?
 
Hi Martainnn,

Thanks for your reply. I feel recovered yes since starting the meds. No more derealisation. I'm just at a loss at to what happens when I stop the meds. Did yours manifest in the same way as mine?
 
That does not sound pleasant. You didn't get a panic attack during the role while around the person?
 
I had a traumatic year leading up to the onset which led to a panic whilst I was on drugs and then caused dp/dr. So kinda similar. If the meds are working then I wouldnt worry too much. In fact you are pretty lucky in that regard because ssris in most cases dont help those with dp/dr! Carry on taking them until you feel ready to come off and then just taper really slowly and im sure youll be fine still. Other things to do are exercise regularly, eat a decent diet with lots of veg, get good sleep every night, dont use anymore drugs ( that includes weed!) And limit alcohol and caffeine use.

Hope this helps
 
Wow that is a pretty intense story. I'm sorry you're going through this. As said before, first and foremost follow the guidance of your doctor(s) and continue taking your meds. Depersonalisation or derealisation can be triggered by drug use but the good news is, it does pass with proper treatment. I'm not very familiar with English medical jargon but I assume a GP - General Practitioner is a 'regular' doctor? Have you considered talking to someone more specialised, like a psychologist or psychiatrist? From peer experience the most effective tools to overcome this is with proper therapy potentially combined with a medication course. That and taking care of your nutrition, sleep,...
Specialists might be more qualified to give you the help you need

I know someone closely that had derealisation (not depersonalisation) following a traumatic experience with spacecake (yes, really) and it took a long time but she has it under control now and it is slowly getting better and better, barely noticeable unless she's very stressed. Don't worry, you'll get there. Her case is of course different but I think it does have value in your case

By the way, and I could be wrong, but has anyone noticed a lot of these kinds of stories have the combination of MDMA and cocaine in them? I could just be noticing it more because I'm paying attention to it but I seem to be reading a lot of similar stories with that combination
 
^

If you think that's crazy check out the poor fools who mixed Adderall and MDMA. Holy shit.
 
Umm the killing dog and parents stuff seems a little schizo-ish to me. Just follow your doctor's advice and don't hesitate to seek a second opinion from another doctor.

Oh yeah and never combine Adderall and MDMA....unless you want serotonin syndrome
 
ADubbs said:
Umm the killing dog and parents stuff seems a little schizo-ish to me. Just follow your doctor's advice and don't hesitate to seek a second opinion from another doctor.

Oh yeah and never combine Adderall and MDMA....unless you want serotonin syndrome
Click to expand...
Source for this? I've NEVER heard this claim ever before. Although there is some effect on serotonin. The major action of amphetamine is on dopamine.
 
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Sounds bad. You will eventually recover. I remember taking acid in 67 and somebody brought somebody who was suffering from delirium tremens into the room. It was a very bad vibe and triggered a nasty experience for me, I did recover enough to function fairly normally after a year, 4 years to feel relatively peaceful and 8 years to go back to the city where the bad trip happened and another 30 years for it to be more or less completely behind me.
 
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