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Mental Health So tired of life

O

Orilon

Greenlighter
Joined
May 27, 2017
Messages
11
I have been diagnosed with Major Depression and General Anxiety. I am on antidepressants and medication for the Anxiety, but they are not working, and I think either one or more may be making my suicidal ideation worse than it normally is. I've been having suicidal thoughts almost every day, and its getting more tempting.

I am so tired of life. Between always being tired physically, depressed and anxious, dealing with my verbally abusive family members, and being constantly in pain, I am tired and worn out spiritually and mentally.

I stumbled on this site looking for suicidal support. I don't necessarily want to die, I'm just tired of life and see no other way out.
 
Hi,

I understand what you're going through but suicide is never a solution. Being in that situation with no one to support you is very crucial but always remember that there is still God. Try to join Bible study and spiritual gatherings. I was in a very bad situation back then. I had postpartum depression. I was being physically and emotionally abused but I never gave up. I ask for a help and have a spiritual counseling and believe me. It really helped me.
 
Do you or anyone else here know how to get over being angry at God? I haven't gone to church or bible studies since my mom died in 2012. I haven't been able to process the grief because shitty financial situations started happening right after, and feel angry at God that she died. She was my only source of mental support, and I don't have any kind of support system at all now that she has died. I also feel at times that God is "kicking me" every time another shitty situation happens, like God forbids anything good happen to me, I always have to have shitty situations.
 
Sometimes you have to fall all the way down before you realize you are strong enough to pick yourself back up. Find a local support group, there is strength in numbers. Let go of the anger, it only poisons you. It sucks more than I can say that you lost her, but, well, No One really dies... the body dies... we are not our bodies. Im not trying to sound crazy, actually, I'm a psych-nurse.Im just speaking from my own personal experiences. I've seen a lot of death and dying. There are stages of grief and they are all real. https://youtu.be/G_Z3lmidmrY Thats a funny but valid little short about the stages. If you keep focusing on bad things happening, bad things will continue to happen. try to clear your mind from negativity. It is possible. it takes work. Prozac is a very effective medication. 40 -60 mg qd. Zoloft exacerbates suicidal ideation. get off zoloft if that's what you're taking, prozac is better.
 
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I would recommend against antidepressants as they have not really been shown to work. Irving Kirsh did some meta analyses on antidepressant efficacy trials, and basically found them to be just "enhanced placebos". This video gives a broad overview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zihdr36WVi4
 
I'm sorry. That's pretty much the situation I'm in now. I have hope for you though. "This too shall pass." Please hang on. Work out or go for a walk, look at the stars. Lose yourself in a book. American Gods is a great book to read! Just reminded myself about it. I bought the e-book. It's a series on Starz now. Feel better, I'm sorry.
 
Plane N SIM Pill said:
The worst thing ever is being stuck with my family in a house that feels a hundred degrees hot because it's cavity insulated, and it's very overcrowded and cluttered on top of that
Click to expand...

We're in the same hell. I pay bills here and have to literally beg for these dumb cunts to turn the air conditioner on when it's obviously hot! Heat makes me angry. Stupid people make me angrier. Ugh! Gotta use this anger as motivation to move on with my life.
 
How do I get the help I desperately need

:?I have a 10 page diagnosis that I received in 2007.I have gotten no treatment in the last 8 years and the quality of my life is at an all time low and the actual problem is that because of a serious heroin addiction that I got under control (suboxone) over 7 years ago I cannot get the actual medication I need now.I am not a doctor yet I know (yes,by self medicating and finding the right combination MYSELF). The worst part is I have given up on EVER getting the help I need.Here is what I need to function at a normal level each day One Suboxone (the non citrus kind) one Adderall 30xr and 150 MG Zoloft.THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GETTING OUT OF BED AND BEING ABLE TO THINK AND FOCUS! Yet in the area I live in as well as my history I am only considered a junkie and drug seeker. Not once in my long battle with heroin (some pill opiates )did I ever go to ER to get pain med or pain clinic. I was one of the first in my county to get prescribed suboxone in 2004 when insurance covered all. NOW doctors only care about making money off suffering. This winter I spent months in bed..praying to never wake up....Any advice on how I might talk to a doctor?
 
I am sorry you're having so much trouble finding a pysch or physician that will take you seriously. In my small town I had to travel a bit to findo someone who finally understood. Don't stop searching. Keep going until someone will listen.
My only suggestion is be honest about what you take, and let them go from there. Insisting on specific meds will never get you anywhere. Gotta let them do their job, too. Best of luck.
 
Are you still with us? Has anyone here or in person checked in on you? Yes! Of course. Almost every human gets angry with their higher power. As a Christian, in The Bible, we are given the right to get angry with God. God loves us and has given us undconditional love. As His children, and because Jesus died for our sins, and because that is the only condition for our being received unto Him, we can be angry, sweetheart! Get angry. You can feel any emotion within the spectrum of emotions that He gave you. Also, God understands that we get sick, and that depression, particularly major depression is a very serious illness. Please don't feel as though you have to do this alone. You or anyone else here should feel alone.
 
Orilon said:
I have been diagnosed with Major Depression and General Anxiety. I am on antidepressants and medication for the Anxiety, but they are not working, and I think either one or more may be making my suicidal ideation worse than it normally is. I've been having suicidal thoughts almost every day, and its getting more tempting.

I am so tired of life. Between always being tired physically, depressed and anxious, dealing with my verbally abusive family members, and being constantly in pain, I am tired and worn out spiritually and mentally.

I stumbled on this site looking for suicidal support. I don't necessarily want to die, I'm just tired of life and see no other way out.
Click to expand...

Orilon, I just hope you know that you are not alone, if you need a place to vent, it is an option here, and I'm all ears. I have been through that phase where suicide seems like the only way out of the shit hole I been through. I don't know what exactly you've been through that led you to think that suicide is the only option left.

I can only say hold on stronger brother, you can do it and you can beat it. You are way stronger then you know. I can't promise you that things will def be better down the track, but it will def be easier. This is your life, you ought to know that you have absolute control of it. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Once you have hit rock bottom you can only go up from there.

I once read an article when I was full depressed and it stuck through my mind; "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

Once you have gone through this bump of your life, you will smile at it with what you've learned and experienced, and that you have made the right choice, not giving up, one thing that you will not regret for the rest of your life.

All the best to you, holla/pm if you wanna talk or smth.

:)
 
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I'm here, although a good deal of that is because I end up in a Voluntary Psych hold. This past week the suicidal thoughts turned into a plan (I'm not going to go into more detail, unless I'm reading the site rules wrong about triggers or I'm mis-remembering the definition of triggers.) I immediately called the suicide hotline and ended up in a Psych Hold. I just got home, and I'm not actively suicidal right now, but I'm in a not so great mental space.

The psychiatrist is tapering the medications to get me off, but nothing has really worked in the past. The situational pressures are getting worse, and I need help not to be in the mental state I was that landed me in the Crisis Response Center.

My mother died in 2012 (August 18, 2017 will be the 5 year anniversary of her death) and I was living off the Life Insurance I received from her because I've been having a really hard time finding a job. I got caught in an online scam in 2013 that drained a lot of the Life Insurance money that I had gotten. My father started paying my rent and bills, but is verbally abusive about it. He forced me to take bankruptcy by making an appointment with an bankruptcy attorney without my input, and the bankruptcy closed 2014.

He is getting pissed off that I can't find a job because he is paying my bills and is verbally abusive about it. My mother was my only emotional/mental support and I have absolutely no one that is actually supportive now that she has died. My father is verbally abusive about not getting a job, my brother and sister-in-law are abusive about not getting a job, and my Aunt is verbally abusive about not having a job. I even got a call from my Aunt that "she can't forgive me because I don't have a job."

I have an official diagnosis of Major Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. So between my Chemical Imbalance Depression, Situational Depression from the verbal abuse, and stress about being able to pay my bills on my own without having to rely on my asshole father, I see no way out other than death. I haven't been able to find a job, my bank account has 9.00, and my father is forcing me to move into a place I don't want to move (again.)

It feels like its permanent. I doubt I will ever be able to get a job and keep it to be able to pay my bills by myself. I can't afford an over the counter supplement to help my chemical depression to be not so bad.

It feels like I don't have control at all. My father is controlling everything I do. Death is the only way out since God forbid I get and keep a job.
 
How come you can't find a job? Is it the anxiety? Or are you too picky with what you are looking for? Sounds like your father will let up a bit if you can find and hold onto a job.

Restaurants are ALWAYS hiring dishwashers. It is a shit job, I've done it, but it will generate income for you. Bussing tables is less demanding if you want to work front of house.

Shave, cut your hair if it's too long, bring a copy of your resume, look respectable when you fill out your application // ask to talk to the manager when you do so. Hit up every single restaurant in your area, someone will hire you. Also try Craigslist, I've got lots of jobs off there before.
 
I have a Masters Degree in Counseling but it doesn't mean shit in this town. Fast food restaurants won't hire me, and I just recently failed to get a job as a Dishwasher at a restaurant and at a hospital.

I'm female, and you unintentionally brought up another source of contention. I have short hair, and my father keeps griping that because of stupid stereotypes (only lesbians have short hair. I'm not going to touch that with a ten foot pole) that I won't get a job with short hair.

I ran into a scam in terms of a job a few years ago from Craigslist a few years ago so I don't trust it.
 
Sorry, I incorrectly assumed you were a male. Generally restaurants (in Canada) aren't picky about looks when you work back of house... I would think the States is the same.

Fast food generally hires teenagers and people in their 20s, larger restaurants and hotels don't really care about your age when you're working dish pit.

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but have you tried omitting your education on the resume? Your qualifications are intimidating in this business, and the manager will assume you'll quit as soon as you find something better. Maybe state that you previously worked as a dishwasher before? Tell that manager you know what you are getting into, have a good work ethic, not afraid of getting your hands dirty, can pick up additional shifts as needed, etc etc

Craigslist can be unsavoury but I have gotten some decent gigs from there... I wouldn't count it out entirely.

Dish pit sucks big time but keep knocking on doors and I'm sure you'll land something with a little persistence.

Or you could do daily contract labour? Hotel housekeeping? Coffee shop? Landscaping? Retail? Admin work? Teach English overseas? All of these are below what you are qualified for, but it's a step?
 
I'm 36, have a Master's Degree in Counseling, and a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology. I've tried leaving off the degrees when going for jobs that don't require them, but it doesn't help. Apparently I'm too old and over qualified for various positions in fast food.

Being around large groups of people make my anxiety and depression worse, so trying to facilitate group counseling for behavioral health agencies stresses me out, and the few openings in the behavioral health field around here require doing group counseling.

I have back problems so I don't go for more physical jobs like house keeping or landscaping. I've tried applying for Admin work, cashier at various places and other things, but the over qualified problem came into play again. I haven't tried teaching English overseas.

A lot of the time my anxiety gets in my way in job interviews. I'm really anxious in the interview, so when I'm in the interview my mind freezes up and I can't think of answers to questions and don't make a good impression.
 
I know what you mean about job interview, they suck so much. You could try going to a Toastmasters public speaking club to improve your confidence with interviews and social situations.
 
You are much more educated than I am, perhaps propranolol (Inderal) would help for anxiety during the interview... but I have no idea how this would interact with the other medications you are on.

I really like the Toastmasters idea! It's always nice to get constructive feedback from others about your mannerisms, body language, speech tempo, etc. I've never been to one but mostly I just rehearse and record audio at home for all the different scenarios / questions that come up in an interview... it's working pretty well so far.

Also you could lie on your resume? I don't really like the idea myself but if it gets your foot in the door...

I'm afraid I don't have much else to add, I really hope things work out for you.
 
I have terrible anxiety. I Couldn't work without drinking lol.
Hey goodwill skips the interview process . They get paid to hire people . It's suppose to be a 9 month training program .
Anyway you have to go to there orientation, have been unemployed for a year or something or have a speratic job history the past 6 months.
There's usually a lot of people who apply, so be sure to call them once a week. They like that kind of thing. Least the one out here does.
It's a shitty and easy job. I got fired for drinking ...

Please stay strong for us.
 
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