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Mental Health So tired of life

I am so tired of having to be strong, I'm exhausted and just want to rest but apparently that won't happen. I'm not actively suicidal but do wish I was dead so I can finally get some rest.
 
I know the feeling. Just experimenting with niacin and I am very impressed. I am using 500 mg pills, split in half to avoid too much of a flush, but it really has improved my mood and energy level. Its also readily available of course.
 
Hey Orilon. Just checking in to see how you're doing...hoping things have gotten better?
 
I am 46, F and also suffer from major depression, and have for years off and on. It got bad the last couple of years for various reasons and felt myself going toward that black hole you might never come out of. Like you, I never wanted to die, life just became so hard, impossible to figure out and supremely stressful that my options were literally running out after 2 therapists that did not help, years of anti-depressants losing their effectiveness and a really shitty support network of disappearing friends and family.

Sort of by accident I stumbled across a clinical trial for Esketamine / ketamine for treatment-resistant depression and I was accepted into the study. The long term effects of the drug are not know and that is the big gamble for me. It did not cure my depression but it sure did take the edge off - within 2 weeks. I didn't tell a lot of people but I felt like I was heading towards suicide. For right now, that particular feeling is absent. It's not perfect and I'm not completely back to normal but it allows me to function without having to fight back against the darkest thoughts that one can have.


This is an article about the drug and someone it has helped:

http://www.wbur.org/commonhealth/2016/02/25/depression-ketamine
 
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