Benzos ruining my life

[manofadude]

My thoughts are always scrambled so I'm doing my best right now. I've Cold turkeyed off benzos 7 months ago and have been dealing with what seems like derilium for the whole time. I feel disconnected. My memory is still so bad I can't remember new names or barely faces. Yesterday I took a benzo which relieved my social anxiety but I feel as it didn't slow my thought process. When I quit benzos the 4th day in I bought some bad fake lean that made me trip out and have CRAZY dreams. Let me note that I had terrible physical withdrawals and then the day after I took that drank I was shaking all day in bed sick. Sometimes I feel normal for 10 seconds out of the week. Small window, I know. My last doctor said he deals with tons of people on benzos and said only people on benzos for decades describe what you are. He then said it's just anxiety and stress but how could those make me feel so far from myself. He then prescribed me anti depressants and I didn't take them cause I thought he was ignorant. For 7 months I've had problems driving because like when I'm turning by a curb I get scared I'm gonna hit it. Maybe it's cause when I tripped off that stuff I was driving and it hit me and it was the scariest thing of my life. Since this happened when I came off benzos I've been so stuck in between what could be causing how I feel and I'm scared I'm not going to get better.

 

[cj]

Oh god I feel your pain man. That doctor is ignorant but anti depressants could help though they want tackle the cause just symptoms. In short it's really bad for your brain to come off benzos without a proper taper. I'm not educated enough on the topic to tell you whether getting back on them then doing a proper taper will help at this juncture or not honestly. I currently have a dependency to kolonopin so this hits close to home. 7 months is a long time to feel like you do so hopefully one of our posters who know a ton about this weighs in. If not reddit has a subredsit dedicated to benzo it's r/benzodiazepines maybe cross post this over there with them? They seem to have a ton of specialized knowledge. If all fails I suggest seeing a neurologist because 7 months is too long to suffer like your describing.

How's your sleep and appetite? I found serouquel really helped turn the volume down on withdrawal when I was going through acute withdrawal it may at least help you sleep. The doctor at the hospital also prescribed Remeron but I hesitate to suggest anything because I'm way out of my depth on this one.

I'm going to leave this here and see what reply you get. If no one knows anything substantial I may talk to the mods of Other Drugs and see if they think you'll get help there. But for now I am leaving it here with the hope you get help.

Hang in there

 

[manofadude]

I really appreciate the reply cj. And I've been to that sub Reddit but it seems less active, atleast when I was using it. Ya honestly at this point I feel as if I'm not getting my life back, so I just want to do whatever to start being happy. That's number 1, I've been a sad sally all my life. I wanna try to open up to life more and experience things I never have. Especially a girlfriend. But to do that now with how I feel would be quite the challenge.

 

[manofadude]

Some days are bearable and some aren't. I don't know how people live like this, I wanna feel connected and in tune again. Recently I've been trying to look around for adderall as I feel that may benefit me. Just worried cause I wanna start college soon

 

[RecoveringDude]

doctors are always ignorant when it comes to drug abuse, irc they're only trained for a small time in medical school about abuse, most of them don't understand how drugs deplete the brain and think one SSRI anti-depressant (which recent studies say are much more ineffective than we think
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-05-...-alternatives-to-antidepressant-drugs/7417652) can magically fix your problems in a few months.



My advice would be working on increasing your GABA levels, which benzos can deplete.

 

[Lotus123]

With Benzodiazopenes you want to come down off them very slowly; obviously you are already clean now but the slower the taper usually the smoother the ride back to reality afterwards

I would not recommend taking anti-depressants for this nor would I recommend opiates. If you are looking at medication - Testosterone (anabolic steroid) can help GABA levels reset faster. So would exercise and a clean diet

You are in for a long, hard time but it will get better. Your brain will recover; it won't be easy but eventually this will all be a memory

 

[manofadude]

I can only pray your right lotus. And true, do you think I should get some kind of On the market steroid from total nutrition if it might help. Obviously I wanna make sure it's okay for me to take to because my buddy's had problem with like penta stack and stuff but I know that's a strong one. And once off benzos I did binge opiates for a week or so because I just wanted to feel good again. And I did in the moment, opiates have always been my thing

 

[manofadude]

I'd like to add in that I've been doing a lot of thinking about joining the navy and would like some of your opinions on that.

 

[manofadude]

I wish I had the ability to live day to day and not worry about all this but I can't keep the thoughts from racing through my head. Hell I don't have control of my own thinking lol. The best thing I could probably do for myself from my own knowledge is reduce my stress and anxiety levels. Only way I can do that is poppin pills

 

[Lotus123]

I wish I had the ability to live day to day and not worry about all this but I can't keep the thoughts from racing through my head. Hell I don't have control of my own thinking lol. The best thing I could probably do for myself from my own knowledge is reduce my stress and anxiety levels. Only way I can do that is poppin pills

People don't just start popping benzos and opiates for no reason - there was a cause.

Opiates make emotional and physcial pain go away and bring euphoria but they make it hard to interact with the world. Benzodiazopenes bring a floaty calm but they bring a mental fog over your life. No-one starts these things for the high (they always say they do - because other users want to beleive their own excuse too), you start them because you are in pain; physical, mental or emotional

There is something that is bothering you that gives you massive anxiety and stress. If you face that problem head on; it will get easier.

Often it can be hard to remember exactly why you started, either because you don't want to or you spent so long trying to bury it. But dig it out and run towards it and afterwards the emotional pain will leave

 

[Lotus123]

I'd like to add in that I've been doing a lot of thinking about joining the navy and would like some of your opinions on that.

Which Navy sir?

I would wait until you have been clean 6 months before rushing into that. The Royal Navy (British one) do random drug testing as well as a drug test on the medical. You can shave your head for the follicle test but emotionally you need to adapt to a life without opiates and benzos and get used to the wider emotional range (initailly you will be more sensitive to it) of sobriety before putting yourself into stressful basic training

 

[manofadude]

United States. I did start abusing shit for a lot of reason to a lot of problems I didn't face through highschool at home and shit. But idk worst part is how slow I feel now. I've had about 4 new jobs and each boss notices and comments about how slow I am. Idk I've always been one to process things pretty fast and stay in the sway of things. I've lost both of those completely.

 

[Lotus123]

United States. I did start abusing shit for a lot of reason to a lot of problems I didn't face through highschool at home and shit. But idk worst part is how slow I feel now. I've had about 4 new jobs and each boss notices and comments about how slow I am. Idk I've always been one to process things pretty fast and stay in the sway of things. I've lost both of those completely.

That sounds like fog from the drugs. Both opiates and benzodiazopenes are sedatives; they slow your reactions and slur your speech. It is incredibly hard for the user to notice the effects themselves. Only after you come off will you notice the difference in your behaviour. I spent months on benzos and opiates after cancer surgery - I didn't notice the extent of my behaviour changes until after I came off all the pills

It will get better sir, have faith. Faith is incredibly powerful. If you intend to join the United States Navy, the fortitude and discipline you build now will help you in your career. Many servicemen in the British and United States forces have contacted me with similar issues - on my honour their stories will die with me. You are not the first and you won't be the last. One day this whole scenario will all be a memory

 

[manofadude]

Really sickens me how unreliable doctors are. 90% of the offices I call don't even pick up the phone, and I know they asses have receptionists that don't do shit except mostly pick up calls.

 

[Lotus123]

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