Hey Guys. . I have been registerd for a bit but always to afriad to all the " I got Clean " threads that seem to all fail within a short time. Pretty depressing looking at the odds to any addict trying to make a change /get clean. Anyway ,Im here now, 30 days into My journy altho this time is different and its kida freaking Me out. I could make a muti page book on My 13 years battling pain pills but I suck at typing so Ill cut it down a bit.
I have been an adrenalin junkie since I was a kid. Started BMX racing , skteboarding, breakdancing, dirtbike racing and years of ripping up the mountin in My "race cars" lol In My 20s I had over 15K in speeding/racing tickets still not learning I continued into My 30s downhill mountinbiking, snowboarding compitions more dirtbike racing etc.
All My injuries started catching up to Me and at 33 I hurt My back pretty severe ending up on 15mg vics for a month or so (At this time I had not even smoked weed or touched any drugs in My life. Comes in around the same time an angle I can only describe and "the perfect girl" and boy I was ontop of the world . (Ill skip how I ruined this girl and our 2 years together).
At the time I was working at a bike shop and anyone that has done retail kowes how slow the time can pass. .I would start thinking about the euphoric feeling the pills would give Me kind obsessing about it untill I would run home and take a couple.
Now unbenounced to Me, My mother had seriously 3 or 4 bottles of 120 / 15mg vics and mom lookin after her boy asked if I needed more pills. .: } Why yes Mother , My back is kiling Me. .Anyway , thats how it began. .I quickly lost interest in most phisical things I loved. Kinds just started building motorcycles in the kitchen and started to bounce around from job to job at the same time I was burning thorough girlfriends as quick because I would get bored a few monthes in then get cought cheating seemingly on purpous being to chicken shit to properly end things.
Ill jump ahead many years but lets just say I burnt so manny bridges that the guilt still haunts Me :/ After taking a great Job in LosAngeles just to embesel thousands of dollars from a great family owned business (Ughhh I know!! ) I came back home and started a Motorcycle shop with My best friend since middleschool and things where looking great!! (Still taking pills) I had a great supply from lots of people including older family members noone suspecting anything yet.
About this time a Dealer friend of mine and now a customer at the shop need "A favor" Making a rater expensive Vehicle to dissapeer and Me never being in My right mind got rid of it for him and in return he hooked Me up with a fella that had terminal MS and the guy prefered weed over hid 60mg oxycotton in witch He sold to Me at the price of a candy bar per 60 mg. .Insne to me knowing these had costed Me 30 a pop before.
Sooo now Im from maybe 30/40 mg a day up to 120/160 a day but sometimes fluctuating and this is when some serious depression started in . I would be in the shop sometimes suicidal and while customes would be trying to open the front door , I would just sit there and pretend I wasnt these. When the lease was up , I closed shop and took another shitty but low stress job trying to get My head straight and now back down to 40/60 mg a day.
I have alwas been a hustler so I would buy/fix/flip a car or bike and have money for pills and it still blowes My mind how I was able to spend so much all the time and practically never run out for a decade. Crazy when the brain wants something.
Anyway Ill jump forward a bit to another amazing woman that came into My life. A darn near femail version of My self (adrenalin junky) and within a short time I was back on My bike leading her urban assult maountian bike group a few times a week. I was in love again
Now , she pretty quickly cought on to My pills and confronted Me :/ you see her previous husband was a heroin addict in wich she left after a few years of trying to get him clean and she made it clear that if I wanted to be with her I need to be honest with her and get clean with her help. .Well yall know how the story goes. .After putting up with Me constantly lying and getting cought, I was alone again. .This time I at leasr had her to talk to. .She was the very fist person I ever opened up to about My addiction and she has still been a supporting, loving person in My life.
So another year of job hopping burnig more bridges and drugs I finally really wanted to get clean. .So , I made My first attempt.
I sold the last of MY things, rounded up 3 suboxin (had never tried them) packed up My junker old Rover and headed out on a loop around the country to visit friends and family. The subs and distraction of the road tip I thought really helped all the withdrawls but I was still really pretty sick and ended up on a family members couch for a couple weeks not being able to move . .Exhausted but couldnt sleep thanks to RLS?? Spikes of shocks down My spine as soon as I tried to sleep. .It was a rough few weeks but then My cash was about out so I headed back to AZ and 5 weeks into it I was still feeling depressed and exhausted . As soon as I was back I got yet another great interview ( Ima good bullshitter /resume tweeker ) Had the joib locked down to even getting a handshake welcoming Me to the company. .Then a fucking mistamener from My past popped up and promptly got an email saying they had to dismiss My resume :/ Fuck!!
I went straight to an old buddy/connection and started popping pills again. .Back to scramblin to get $500-1000 a month to get pills. .. ugh. ..
So at this point Im about homeless and got a DUI leaving a christmas party adding a ton of shit on the pile I have been building. .. OK so in My darkest hour , I open craigslist and see an add offering great paying work in Alaska !! Flight and apartment paid and a good salery.. So I went for it knowing I could leave the pills behind and I did just that. .Because of funds , I had tapered for a few weeks feeling like shit the whole time. I got on the plane with some multi vitimans , milk thistle and benidrill . . The minute I landed , I started working and not having a vehicle forced Me to walk everyware I needed to go in this tiny town. .Obviously the first week was horrid but the second week , besides no sleep I was not in bad shape. .Third week , Im back at the gym altho not much effort is being put into it but Im feeling better. .4th week and Im actually feeling really good. .For the first time in 13 years I can make it through a whole day without thinking about pills.
Now Im about to head back home because the solitude of this place has been worse then the withdrawls .. Its a tiny mountian town of a few thousand (mostly Men) and the town shouts down at 5. .Its horrible.. I have already got two interviews back home as soon as I land and I know that pills are to be had but Im very serious that I feel so lucky to have gotten through this bought of withdrawls and feeling nearly no phisical junk at this point that I feel like I can honestly say Ill never look back.
I know this has been terribly long winded but I have been hiding for so long and so afraid of even thinking I could ever give the pills up.. I need some people that have honestly made it through the fog and are happily living clean to let Me know this is possible to stay on the straight and narrow. .. .I know Im probally naive but this is a first for Me and I need Hope..
VR
I have been an adrenalin junkie since I was a kid. Started BMX racing , skteboarding, breakdancing, dirtbike racing and years of ripping up the mountin in My "race cars" lol In My 20s I had over 15K in speeding/racing tickets still not learning I continued into My 30s downhill mountinbiking, snowboarding compitions more dirtbike racing etc.
All My injuries started catching up to Me and at 33 I hurt My back pretty severe ending up on 15mg vics for a month or so (At this time I had not even smoked weed or touched any drugs in My life. Comes in around the same time an angle I can only describe and "the perfect girl" and boy I was ontop of the world . (Ill skip how I ruined this girl and our 2 years together).
At the time I was working at a bike shop and anyone that has done retail kowes how slow the time can pass. .I would start thinking about the euphoric feeling the pills would give Me kind obsessing about it untill I would run home and take a couple.
Now unbenounced to Me, My mother had seriously 3 or 4 bottles of 120 / 15mg vics and mom lookin after her boy asked if I needed more pills. .: } Why yes Mother , My back is kiling Me. .Anyway , thats how it began. .I quickly lost interest in most phisical things I loved. Kinds just started building motorcycles in the kitchen and started to bounce around from job to job at the same time I was burning thorough girlfriends as quick because I would get bored a few monthes in then get cought cheating seemingly on purpous being to chicken shit to properly end things.
Ill jump ahead many years but lets just say I burnt so manny bridges that the guilt still haunts Me :/ After taking a great Job in LosAngeles just to embesel thousands of dollars from a great family owned business (Ughhh I know!! ) I came back home and started a Motorcycle shop with My best friend since middleschool and things where looking great!! (Still taking pills) I had a great supply from lots of people including older family members noone suspecting anything yet.
About this time a Dealer friend of mine and now a customer at the shop need "A favor" Making a rater expensive Vehicle to dissapeer and Me never being in My right mind got rid of it for him and in return he hooked Me up with a fella that had terminal MS and the guy prefered weed over hid 60mg oxycotton in witch He sold to Me at the price of a candy bar per 60 mg. .Insne to me knowing these had costed Me 30 a pop before.
Sooo now Im from maybe 30/40 mg a day up to 120/160 a day but sometimes fluctuating and this is when some serious depression started in . I would be in the shop sometimes suicidal and while customes would be trying to open the front door , I would just sit there and pretend I wasnt these. When the lease was up , I closed shop and took another shitty but low stress job trying to get My head straight and now back down to 40/60 mg a day.
I have alwas been a hustler so I would buy/fix/flip a car or bike and have money for pills and it still blowes My mind how I was able to spend so much all the time and practically never run out for a decade. Crazy when the brain wants something.
Anyway Ill jump forward a bit to another amazing woman that came into My life. A darn near femail version of My self (adrenalin junky) and within a short time I was back on My bike leading her urban assult maountian bike group a few times a week. I was in love again
Now , she pretty quickly cought on to My pills and confronted Me :/ you see her previous husband was a heroin addict in wich she left after a few years of trying to get him clean and she made it clear that if I wanted to be with her I need to be honest with her and get clean with her help. .Well yall know how the story goes. .After putting up with Me constantly lying and getting cought, I was alone again. .This time I at leasr had her to talk to. .She was the very fist person I ever opened up to about My addiction and she has still been a supporting, loving person in My life. So another year of job hopping burnig more bridges and drugs I finally really wanted to get clean. .So , I made My first attempt.
I sold the last of MY things, rounded up 3 suboxin (had never tried them) packed up My junker old Rover and headed out on a loop around the country to visit friends and family. The subs and distraction of the road tip I thought really helped all the withdrawls but I was still really pretty sick and ended up on a family members couch for a couple weeks not being able to move . .Exhausted but couldnt sleep thanks to RLS?? Spikes of shocks down My spine as soon as I tried to sleep. .It was a rough few weeks but then My cash was about out so I headed back to AZ and 5 weeks into it I was still feeling depressed and exhausted . As soon as I was back I got yet another great interview ( Ima good bullshitter /resume tweeker ) Had the joib locked down to even getting a handshake welcoming Me to the company. .Then a fucking mistamener from My past popped up and promptly got an email saying they had to dismiss My resume :/ Fuck!!
I went straight to an old buddy/connection and started popping pills again. .Back to scramblin to get $500-1000 a month to get pills. .. ugh. ..
So at this point Im about homeless and got a DUI leaving a christmas party adding a ton of shit on the pile I have been building. .. OK so in My darkest hour , I open craigslist and see an add offering great paying work in Alaska !! Flight and apartment paid and a good salery.. So I went for it knowing I could leave the pills behind and I did just that. .Because of funds , I had tapered for a few weeks feeling like shit the whole time. I got on the plane with some multi vitimans , milk thistle and benidrill . . The minute I landed , I started working and not having a vehicle forced Me to walk everyware I needed to go in this tiny town. .Obviously the first week was horrid but the second week , besides no sleep I was not in bad shape. .Third week , Im back at the gym altho not much effort is being put into it but Im feeling better. .4th week and Im actually feeling really good. .For the first time in 13 years I can make it through a whole day without thinking about pills.
Now Im about to head back home because the solitude of this place has been worse then the withdrawls .. Its a tiny mountian town of a few thousand (mostly Men) and the town shouts down at 5. .Its horrible.. I have already got two interviews back home as soon as I land and I know that pills are to be had but Im very serious that I feel so lucky to have gotten through this bought of withdrawls and feeling nearly no phisical junk at this point that I feel like I can honestly say Ill never look back.
I know this has been terribly long winded but I have been hiding for so long and so afraid of even thinking I could ever give the pills up.. I need some people that have honestly made it through the fog and are happily living clean to let Me know this is possible to stay on the straight and narrow. .. .I know Im probally naive but this is a first for Me and I need Hope..
VR
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