When will enough be enough... I don't want to die from this disease.

[GodPleaseHelpMe]

God, please help me.

I don't know what to do anymore. 7 years of fighting the battle of addiction and I don't know how much more I can take. Started aIV''ing heroin and meth at the age 16, 23 now. Been to 8 inpatient rehabs, anywhere from 1-3 months. 5 Overdoses. 1000+ AA meetings and completed the steps multiple times. Sponsored a few guys. I've tried so hard and so much. And I've relapsed again. And it's come with vengeance. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to have a family and live a happy life. But I'm out of gas and I don't know if I can come back from this one. Heroin and meth were my DOC's up until this most relapse. But that's no longer the case. I've been on a 3-month run, started with benzos for the first month but now it's everything. cocaine, meth, alcohol and of course benzos is what I've been using daily for 3 months now. When I think about the W/D's that will come inevitably, I want to end my life.

I have the most amazing family. I have so much support but I just CAN'T manage to stop and stay stopped. I know some people will disagree with me on this but I've came to the conclusion that AA isn't for everyone, and that's the case for me. And yes, I did give it 100% effort.

I don't know what to do.

I don't want to die to this.

 

[KevinT]

You are still so young and yes, it's difficult but you can do it..don't give up. Keep looking forward, not back. You can't change the past but you can learn from it. Don't beat yourself up over it and know that you are not alone. You will get some good advice here so be patient.

 

[herbavore]

AA is not for everyone to be sure. My own personal take on it is that you should take from it what is helpful for you and leave the rest for someone else (who may find helpful what you do not). But putting that aside, it sounds like you have never gotten down to the deepest levels of why you use drugs--what pain are you using them to medicate? That is the key to true recovery because the drugs are merely a symptom of a much deeper and probably old anxiety about the self. Life, for all of us, is a process of self-learning. Once we acknowledge that it is a process, we can begin to be less judgmental about ourselves (and others!).

Don't give up. Don't feed yourself fatalistic words and thoughts. Encourage yourself to try something new--maybe many new ways to address not only the addiction but what lies underneath it.