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My Alcohol Taper and Detoxification

Ragnarok-isinsight

Ragnarok-isinsight

Bluelighter
Joined
May 12, 2017
Messages
75
Posting my own tapering journey. I have to do this. I'm so determined. I just don't know how long it will take and if I've done permanent nerve damage in my brain.

I have drank daily and throughout the day with vodka or rum for the past 2-3 straight months. It started with maybe a shot in the morning to coast and be happy, then a few by the afternoon so I could sleep, then I'd wake up to go my night job and maybe have a shot before that, then drink a couple six hours later to sleep through the night.... turned into a pint a day, then a pint and a half, to two... I work nights so for really 2 months I've spent alot of time in bed watching movies and enjoying the buzz and moving minimumlly.

Repeat for the next 3 months, and I've only just discovered a 600-700 today was keeping me perfectly balanced.
I was going through a tough spot in my relationship with my boyfriend, and he moved away to Maine for those months, and we didn't speak much. I tried to repair things I disliked in the relationship with him, but he was unable to compromise with me. I hide my drinking from everyone and just maintained a buzz throughout the day, no blackout binges, but I probably constantly had alcohol in my system.

My relationship ended last week, and for the past 3 weeks I've been trying to taper down. I eventually got to about 10 nips a day but I'd wait for the withdrawals to feel unbearable til I took a nip.. the nip took the edge off but I was constantly uncomfortable.
... And one night last week during the best of the taper, I auditory hallucinated once, and then again the next morning. Both times I knew both things I heard weren't real, I didnt believe them at all, and I went to go check on them, and sure enough, no chance those things I heard happened. I went right back up to maybe 14-15 nips terrified of knowing I hallucinated. With the relationship ended.... I went back up to about a 750 a day now.
I'm so scared posting this cause I think everyone will say I have to go to a safe detox instead of tapering. My family doesn't know, and I would tear the family apart if I told them, no one even drinks in my household, they're all perfect.

I know I can taper. Doing a 75 shot made me feel so perfect, fully functioning for 3-4 hours before my hands started to shake or my body would get warm. I just dont know how much to decrease anymore, because I only wait for the shakes/heart rate/ warmth of all three to appear, and today was getting lots of pins and needles feeling all over from time to time.


I didn't sleep at all last night and I'm concerned I won't sleep again tonight. I'll take a standard drink before I go to bed so maybe that will soothe me in. I've had scary nightmares or 'i miss you' dreams about my ex since we broke up, so nights are the hardest.

My family doesnt know. I feel like with all these other symptoms I feel (pins and needles, general twitchy feeling super noticing of movements around me) I don't know which is worse than the racing heart, hots, or hand shakes.

I don't have health insurance, and I really just don't want to admit to my family I've been drinking for so long, cause I know better. I've been taking a multivitamin and eating so much food and downing a ton of water today and for the past three days, so I think that's where I found a perfect medium today, just the amount scared me, that I have to taper back from so much.
I don't know if using wine or beer at this point with the ethanol content would really help. I'm allergic to beer anyway. I know I have to speak to a doctor and maybe get naltrexone or benziodiapines, I would really love to prefer benzos but I can't get addicted to that next. I've never done drugs and smoked pot 3 times in my life. I dont know any person who does drugs so I wouldnt be able to get them off the street if I got addicted. I just want the taper to go well.
 
^Thinking you should see that doctor you speak of. Your family does not need to know if you do that, or what's going on exactly. – perhaps, in your early days of getting better – you spin it that you have the flu, or food poisoning, or something. Or, you can downplay it, saying you started drinking a bit after your relationship went south.

As someone who has spun out of control before from heartache, I feel your pain, but you can do this. Be strong.

In the meantime, I'd suggest be very mindful of WD symptoms and hallucinations, etc -- if in doubt, ER, or walk-in clinic. And if your family has to deal with some drama in order to save your life, so be it. Vibes all around.
 
Ragnarok-isinsight said:
Posting my own tapering journey. I have to do this. I'm so determined. I just don't know how long it will take and if I've done permanent nerve damage in my brain.

I have drank daily and throughout the day with vodka or rum for the past 2-3 straight months. It started with maybe a shot in the morning to coast and be happy, then a few by the afternoon so I could sleep, then I'd wake up to go my night job and maybe have a shot before that, then drink a couple six hours later to sleep through the night.... turned into a pint a day, then a pint and a half, to two... I work nights so for really 2 months I've spent alot of time in bed watching movies and enjoying the buzz and moving minimumlly.

Repeat for the next 3 months, and I've only just discovered a 600-700 today was keeping me perfectly balanced.
I was going through a tough spot in my relationship with my boyfriend, and he moved away to Maine for those months, and we didn't speak much. I tried to repair things I disliked in the relationship with him, but he was unable to compromise with me. I hide my drinking from everyone and just maintained a buzz throughout the day, no blackout binges, but I probably constantly had alcohol in my system.

My relationship ended last week, and for the past 3 weeks I've been trying to taper down. I eventually got to about 10 nips a day but I'd wait for the withdrawals to feel unbearable til I took a nip.. the nip took the edge off but I was constantly uncomfortable.
... And one night last week during the best of the taper, I auditory hallucinated once, and then again the next morning. Both times I knew both things I heard weren't real, I didnt believe them at all, and I went to go check on them, and sure enough, no chance those things I heard happened. I went right back up to maybe 14-15 nips terrified of knowing I hallucinated. With the relationship ended.... I went back up to about a 750 a day now.
I'm so scared posting this cause I think everyone will say I have to go to a safe detox instead of tapering. My family doesn't know, and I would tear the family apart if I told them, no one even drinks in my household, they're all perfect.

I know I can taper. Doing a 75 shot made me feel so perfect, fully functioning for 3-4 hours before my hands started to shake or my body would get warm. I just dont know how much to decrease anymore, because I only wait for the shakes/heart rate/ warmth of all three to appear, and today was getting lots of pins and needles feeling all over from time to time.


I didn't sleep at all last night and I'm concerned I won't sleep again tonight. I'll take a standard drink before I go to bed so maybe that will soothe me in. I've had scary nightmares or 'i miss you' dreams about my ex since we broke up, so nights are the hardest.

My family doesnt know. I feel like with all these other symptoms I feel (pins and needles, general twitchy feeling super noticing of movements around me) I don't know which is worse than the racing heart, hots, or hand shakes.

I don't have health insurance, and I really just don't want to admit to my family I've been drinking for so long, cause I know better. I've been taking a multivitamin and eating so much food and downing a ton of water today and for the past three days, so I think that's where I found a perfect medium today, just the amount scared me, that I have to taper back from so much.
I don't know if using wine or beer at this point with the ethanol content would really help. I'm allergic to beer anyway. I know I have to speak to a doctor and maybe get naltrexone or benziodiapines, I would really love to prefer benzos but I can't get addicted to that next. I've never done drugs and smoked pot 3 times in my life. I dont know any person who does drugs so I wouldnt be able to get them off the street if I got addicted. I just want the taper to go well.
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KraziKat said:
^Thinking you should see that doctor you speak of. Your family does not need to know if you do that, or what's going on exactly. – perhaps, in your early days of getting better – you spin it that you have the flu, or food poisoning, or something. Or, you can downplay it, saying you started drinking a bit after your relationship went south.

As someone who has spun out of control before from heartache, I feel your pain, but you can do this. Be strong.

In the meantime, I'd suggest be very mindful of WD symptoms and hallucinations, etc -- if in doubt, ER, or walk-in clinic. And if your family has to deal with some drama in order to save your life, so be it. Vibes all around.
Click to expand...

Please do find a way to get to a doctor Ragnarok, what you are going through is so hard on your body and can be very dangerous (seizures from alcohol withdrawal for instance). Do you have a family doctor or someone at a clinic you can make an appointment to see? You really would benefit from medical attention - I hesitate to say this, but it really is a necessity in your case.
 
Thank you Krazikat and toothpastedog,
I'm so happy I found this website (it made me laugh and smile that both a cat and dog replied to my post, hahaha)

I've had re occurring nightmares since my bf of 5.5 years ended things with me (which, IDK if it matters, but HE was the one to end things with me because he knew I was the one who WANTED to end it, not him, but I didn't have the balls to do it, cause I still loved him, but was no longer IN love with him, if that makes sense. So there might be some guilt with that that resounds in the nightmares.)

I've been telling my mom about my nightmares and telling her I wake up with a racing heart or generally hot feeling all over, (which is a lie about the bodily effect I get from the dreams, I'm just edging her into the idea I'm not doing well and need to see a doctor.) She's concerned about me and she has her own portable wrist blood pressure monitor, so we tracked my heart rate/dys/syts amounts throughout the day, and while it fluctuated from slightly high to normal, she thinks I should make an appointment with a doctor to get me checked out for my heart ( I did a silent fist pump when I heard her say that.)

So now, when I make my appointment, if my doctor recommends a medication for withdrawls, I can just tell my family it's for generalized anxeity about the breakup or whatnot ( I was concerned if I got medicine and took it without my dad/mom/ sis knowing and I looked doped up around the house, they'd freak out. Also if I had an allergic reaction to it, I know they'd have to know what I'm on.)

I know there's a few medicines out there to help with withdrawls, and from research I think benziodiapines would work best for my GABA receptors, but I'd have to see what the doctor says, but I dont want to get hooked on that next. Honestly I haven't 'wanted' to drink in 3ish weeks besides the couple days after the breakup, I only do it cause I know I HAVE to, so naltrexone might not be necessary. .. I feel nauseous before each drink cause I hate that I 'have' to do it, it sickens me.

Thanks for the advice, and for you guys caring. I love this website. I will check out a doctor this week if there's an opening and go see what he says.

And what kills me the most, is that I have a Bachelor of Science degree in Psych, and I let myself get addicted to something when I know better than to do that.... I just keep telling myself, "when you get out of this, you will be the best therapist for substance abuse, cause now you've been there", hahahahaha.
 
Btw, the auditory hallucinations I had were from me lying in bed during the night, and I heard my sister from her room 10 feet away yell 'GAME CHANGER' and I just froze and thought 'she's at her boyfriend's house, she's not here. I know she's not here.' And I got up to check her room and she wasn't there, and I was like oh great, well that's a good sign.

Then later on in the afternoon that day or the next I was in my room and I heard our front door creak open like how it does normally, and I thought.... 'that wasn't real. That doors locked and closed right now.' and I got up to check and sure enough, it was closed. So I was like 'this is definitelllllllly not a good sign.'

So I've read up, since I KNOW the hallucinations aren't real, I may be experiencing 'alcoholic hallucinosis' instead of DTs, cause with DTs hallucinations you don't know the hallucinations aren't real, and in my case I do, which means my hallucinations aren't life threatening, but I know I have to talk to a doctor. My taper will take too long, and I'm using high alcohol content.

I know seizures would be the worse thing for me to have. I can deal with all these other things, cause I brought this on myself, but I know you can die from withdrawals, I am taking that seriously.
 
How long has it been since you had your last drink? I have heard that by day three or four, if you haven't had a seizure or gone into DTs, it isn't going to happen (don't entirely know how good this advice is, but I've never seen anything to really demonstrate elsewise when it comes to alcohol at least).

In your case a medication like baclofen or Librium is probably the best thing to try under a doctor's supervision. There is also diazepam, but it seems like you're through or at least will be through the worst of it by the time you start taking anything anyways. Hopefully you'll be out of the woods by then, but who knows.

What else are you doing to try and take care of the other symptoms (I mean, other than potential for seizures, which you're going to talk to a doctor with about)? What you're going through might have a bit to do with some prior unskillful decision making on your part, but there is no reason you can start working to make healthier choices today that will help you avoid suffering down the road.

p.s. I also like that a "cat" and a "dog" both replied to your post. I guess we like to be pretty symbiotic around these parts :)
 
Oh no, I still drink every day, I'm just trying to taper back from the amount I had been having to stay buzzed for a solid 2 months to allow my brain to adjust to less alcohol. I'm not doing cold turkey.

For the past 2-3ish weeks I would go to work or wake up and wait an hour or two for the withdrawals to set it. I'd start to feel generally uncomfortable from withdrawals for 15 minutes, then they'd pass and id be fine for 15 minutes, then they'd come back for the next hour after, but wait to feel 'unbearable' and then have to take a nip, then the nip sets in after a few minutes And I feel 'normal, balanced' again, at least for the next hour or so.

For the past two or three days I tried a different taper schedule and instead would take a standard drink (75mil) and then wait 2 3 4 hours for it to wear off and for the heat/fast heart beat/ or shakes among other things to come back and be unbearable, then I'd take another 50 or a standard, and wait again. Rinse and repeat.

I'm learning my taper may be a slower process than I want (someone on these forms in a different thread said he'd been drinking for 15 years and it took him several months to taper back but he did it with no withdrawls or seizures in the end) and I choose hard alcohol to taper with. I was going to buy triple sec or Mead today cause they have 8-20% alcohol content and start using that too for my taper.
 
Meow. Sounds like you are at least being mindful of your situation, which is good. Keep doing that. I was nervous about alcohol withdrawal 10 days ago, and I believe I did have some physical symptoms which included crippling anxiety, depression and insomnia. Kratom was helpful. Bear in mind I was drinking *just* a half bottle of vodka or bourbon a day.
 
Krazikat, do you mean half a bottle of a 750ml or A pint or handle?

Today was hard on me, but I mustered through. I cut back about 200 mil through out the day today for Mother's Day, and my ex sent me poem in an email about our breakup which was beautifully​ written but it makes me want to yell 'NOW THAT WE'RE BROKEN UP YOU CAN WRITE SWEET NICE THINGS ABOUT IS WHEN THATS ALL I ASKED FOR?' lol which was Always the issue IN the relationship. But I'm happy with my tapering back, just my heart was beating so hard and out of whack today. Maybe it's always been like that. I'll find a new symptom of withdrawal to go through that I'll obsess over later, hahahahH
 
Ragnarok-isinsight said:
Krazikat, do you mean half a bottle of a 750ml or A pint or handle?

Today was hard on me, but I mustered through. I cut back about 200 mil through out the day today for Mother's Day, and my ex sent me poem in an email about our breakup which was beautifully​ written but it makes me want to yell 'NOW THAT WE'RE BROKEN UP YOU CAN WRITE SWEET NICE THINGS ABOUT IS WHEN THATS ALL I ASKED FOR?' lol which was Always the issue IN the relationship. But I'm happy with my tapering back, just my heart was beating so hard and out of whack today. Maybe it's always been like that. I'll find a new symptom of withdrawal to go through that I'll obsess over later, hahahahH
Click to expand...

Hi, how are you holding up? I know the feeling about the relationship stuff -- so frustrating. My broken heart led me to drink many sorrows away. As for alcohol use disorder, I was drinking I believe a half a bottle of the 750 ml. Is that the size of the standard bottle that bartenders pour from? When I'd get a handle, I'd finish it in about 3 nights, 4 tops. Yikes. Day 12 sober for me today. The hardest parts is when I get home from work -- that's when that inner alarm clock in my body starts going off and asking for booze. I keep saying no, but it's still there every night. Smoking some cannabis helps a little, in addition to my kratom... and I'm eagerly awaiting my order of kava to come in the mail.
 
Hey krazi, my taper is actually working, I do a little less each day, and actually my hands don't shake as much during the day and the brain tingles I was getting went away. I did about 600 mil which could have been 500 today, but it's the nights I hate the most, so I do an extra drink to help with my chest pain.

Today I had a court day for my first driving ticket which ultimately got thrown out, but it was a stress full day none the less.

Everything about the withdrawals had gotten better these past couple days, but then my heart started to hurt the day before mother's day like it cramps it stabs, it crunch's, and theres pressure there, and it hasn't gone away since. I remember this feeling from 6 years ago (before I even had had a thought about the drink, sigh) I had this terrible pressure and stabbing pain in my heart for three days straight until I finally went into a walkin and they did a lung capacity test, EKG and cheat xrays maybe to see what was going on. All came back negative, they said it's NOTHING to worry about, maybe you had a very long panic attack or they said something else.
I'm going to a walk-in Tomorrow to talk about the chest pain and alcoholism I've developed. I still can't have my parents find out but I told my sis and she's been 100% supportive and watching me like a hawk. She knows what's going on, but my mom wants to come to my appointment to see about my heart too. I guess what ever he puts me on I'll say it's to help with the muscle spasms or it's for anxeity or we.


I just know the extent to which I've been drinking, and while I know heavy drinking for years damages the heart, I've only been drinking a lot these past 3 months, but it's still alot, I know.
 
I did basically 2/3s of a 750 today. I just don't want a heart attack in the night. I moved my bed into my sisters room so I can sleep with her tonight in case something happens. This chest pain tho, I drank a little and now I can't feel it, but it's rough, its always there, even after it fades away for a bit it comes. Back.
 
3am and I'm having some muscle twichtes and itchy hands and general enerfy. My heart did get better over time but I just couldn't relax and I'm still going to the walk-in Tomorrow. I hate sleeping in the dark. The little white flashing halos and spots of light and 'moving blackness' I see when i close my eyes is unsettling. I haven't slept yet. But I slept alot some during the later morning today. I want to go have another 50 drink to knock me out but I know I shouldn't
 
Let us know how the walk in goes. Hopefully you'll get the help you need with this from them.
 
I didn't go to the walk-in, my primary Dr squeezed me in.

So basically, I told him my chest pain and an EKG showed nothing, he prescribed me Metoprolol for my high blood pressure and high pulse, a BETA blocker. I didn't damage my heart from drinking, I either pulled a muscle from heavy lifting or there's a heart muscle connected to my skeleton that's weaker. Also he said my esaphagus may be a culprit so he said take extra strength OTC Gaviscon to help with that.

He told me Metoprolol brings blood pressure down so you might feel dizzy or lightheaded cause your hearts getting alot of adreleline right now. He said while it's not a sedative, some people find the lack of adreleline very calming and relaxing, he said that may be good for me right now (it sounds great, non addictive but to relax me out)

O told him about the drinking and he was honestly more interested in my mental health than in my actual withdrawls, he didn't ask me what my experiences we're or even how much I'd been drinking a day (500-600mil this past week). He said there's meds he can give to help cravings or withdrawls, but he basically wanted me to go to a detox facility instead to speak with them about this and referred me to another place, which I was disappointed in. The nurse at the office tried to set me up with a referral but when I told her I don't have insurance, I was told the first visit would be close to $400. I told her i want to try to get health insurance first and I have a recheck for next week, hopefully something can get pushed through so I don't have to fork over $400.

My sister and I have been working through the very convaluded process of applying all afternoon, but people gotta have it!

My tapering has gone fantastic today, I don't know what got in me. My whole body fells almost 'normal' all the time, and over the past 12 hours I've only had (200mil) usually if it gets spread out this much with so little my heart's though the roof and I'm hot and twitchy and get startled by little things. The only bad part to the day is when I tried to take a nap this afternoon, I got the same general disoriention, big twitches and when I close my eyes I see after images that shift from different kinds of black.
It almost feels.... Like whenever I drink now, I go though shaky hands, my blood pressure spikes I get hot, like I get withdrawals right after the first drink, but when I metabolise it, I'm fine. I want to push it more and see how much I can still taper, but the night scares me to not drink. Esp cause I take my first pill tonight, so it may be a bumpy ride where I don't sleep again. I'm staying in my sister's room near her bed in case something does happen.

Just realized I also have a gyno appt tomorrow.... This turned out to be a fun old week.

Thanks for checking in. I feel the end (a good end, haha) is in sight.
 
Be careful choosing a treatment provider outside your doctor. If you have the time to spare you'd almost certainly benefit from medication and some form of outpatient program. Given you specific situation and the nature of most inpatient programs, those might be overkill.

It sounds like you're more concerned with getting through the dangers of withdrawal than an urge to spend a month or more in rehab. There are plenty of good seven day detox places out there, although some are certainly better than others.

It's such a shame your doctor isn't willing to just do a diazepam taper with you. Something like that would be your ideal?
 
My doctor seemed more the loving gentle father type who wants to see me get mentally better, not just physically, so he pushed the 12 step whole enchilada. And gotta say, no offense to anyone... 'I ain't got time for that!' I have to work and finally start grad school, and how do I explain to my parents disappearing for a week with no phone and no way to tell them how I'm doing. They're helicopter parents. With beak-up though I went through, I feel like this summer I'm gonna be a whole new me. It's just getting to that point.

I would love to just stop this second, take a pill for 5-6 days and taper off perfectly at the end and be done forever with this shit.

My friend who's a nurse I talked to about it said be careful with benzos, they re as addictive as alcohol and the withdrawals are just as bad and dangerous, and I'm like 'lookit, if I make my sister sit with me for each dose or I have to face time you Brandon each time I take it so you know I'm not hiding or over dosing and I make my sister hide these pills, then fine. I'll do it.'

I have no connections I know of that do pills or hard drugs, so I really wouldnt have an option to get them again really. Well one guy I know, but he's in love with me and he would rather die than have go down the same road as him.
 
Yes, benzos can be as habit forming and dangerous as alcohol (for our purposes they're essentially the same drug, after all). But someone who using about a ten to twenty one day supply of it taper off alcohol isn't going to get the same kind of pleasure or satisfaction from the effects as someone who was taking it under other, non-withdrawal related circumstances.

It's frustrating how little it seems like most doctors know so little about managing gabaergic dependency and withdrawal. It sounds like you and your doctor are on somewhat different wavelengths regarding the kind of treatment you are interested in. After all, you are the patient and your priorities are really the most important. It's good to hear you're taking his pleas with a grain of salt.

So what is your plan of action now to deal with this? Are you going to try and seek out another service provider?
 
I'm down to 100 mil today! 1 drink before I went to work, then after 7 hours I had another 50mil when I got home, REALLY no withdrawals anymore in between drinks, although by the time I left work my hands were shaky. That could have been from how agravating my job is though, hahaha.
I'm hoping my drink at 2:30 can last to 9 or 10, then I'll have another 50 before I go to bed! I'm so happy with getting to this point. I think I'll try tomorrow the same thing, three drinks, and then try a 30 mil or a 25mil and decrease that one drink from a couple says, then so on and so forth. I just dont know if I should be switching out one drink still with a beer or a triple sec drink, which respectfully have 8% alcohol and 20% alcohol, while my daily rum or vodka is 40%.

My next course of action is just to keep tapering. I've done so well, I'm so proud of myself for still getting cravings but never giving in.
Recovered alcoholics are my new heros, lemme tell you, hahahaha.

I'm wondering if I'll also get off this pill when I'm done drinking, cause I'm sure it's a reason why my pulse and heart rate are so fast.
 
Go to a rehab run by medical professionals or check into hospital.

Many people have died attempting to taper alcohol themselves and if you are taking a blood pressure medication you should be monitored by medical professionals.
 
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