Bad trip on MDMA - Ready to roll again?

[NGW]

Hi all!

I'm new to this and this is my first post, understand there are probably many similar threads but just wanted to get this out!

About two weeks ago me and some friends went to visit some other friends at their apartment for a chilled get together (whatever you wanna call it) little did i know what was to come.

So back in august last year was when i had my first mdma experience which was at a festival - one of the best days of my life.

I have taken it a few times since then, second time being in October, third time in February this year which were all great experiences (all festival/rave environments) and just recently two weeks ago at my friends which is what i'm now getting at.

So we get to my friends and we are all chilling and i had been drinking since around 3pm, not heavily but i have had a few beers and what not. One of the people living there asked if anybody wanted any drugs picking up, i had agreed to buy some mdma for an event i'm going to at the end of this month.

Fast forward to about 12-1am and i had been smoking quite abit of weed (i smoke very rarely) and the occasional beer and one of my friends that was rolling has been bugging me to take a little bit of mdma with him so he 'wasnt alone' and i had refused many times.

Like an idiot i fell into peer pressure and agree'd to take a little bit with my other friend. So he took a small cup of water and entered two tips of a straw of mdma into the cup which was for me and my friend to share. We took a couple of sips each.

*At this point i'd like to make clear i've always been the most 'sensible' and most cautious out of all my friends, e.g researching as much as possible, testing mdma, spacing out rolls, all basic precautions that ensure a safe roll. I usually get told by my friends i worry too much but they're the ones who don't respect the drug.*

Anyway 20 minutes later i finish the rest of the cup of mdma laced water. Probably an hour later from first sips i'm not really feeling anything, i stand up to talk to my friend in the kitchen when all of a sudden i start to feel it creep up on me, that moment of realization when you feel yourself talking alot so you begin to smile and chuckle. I walk back into the room where my friends are and music is playing, i'm standing up moving around abit before i sit down on the bed.

This is where it all goes downhill..

As i sit down, i begin to feel it hit me, hard. I remember sitting there and feeling the tingles rush through my body, my temperature rise and my heart rate increase. It just happened so hard and fast, i wasn't prepared.

I'm sitting there on the bed and musics still playing and people are talking and i'm begging to feel very uncomfortable. I tell my friend (who took a couple of sips of the drink with me) i say "dude, it's hit me hard and i'm starting to freak out" i can feel my heart racing and i start panicking. He's telling me to calm down and all that but it all just becomes too much and i walk out of the room and head to the door for some fresh air.

I open the door and sit on the door step and try to calm down, but the more i think about it the more worked up i get, the more worked up i get the faster my heart seems to race.

Eventually i start having a massive panic attack, feeling really uneasy, thinking the worst of scenarios and that something bad is gonna happen to me. I tell my friend you might have to call someone because i was that scared haha.

My brain is on overload and my friends are trying to calm me down, one of them hands me some water and an ice lolly.

An hour or more later i begin start calming down but heart is still racing and temperature still high. I walk back into the room and sit down.

This continued til about 5-6am and eventually go to sleep. Those were definitely the scariest and most horrible 4-5 hours of my life.

I spent the next day mostly in bed and feeling absolutely guilty and annoyed at myself. I had absolutely no intention of rolling but i made a bad decision and suffered from it.

The day after that was even worse. I was travelling back home on a coach and long story short suffered from an anxiety attack, heart started racing again and started to panic and felt really uncomfortable, especially knowing i was stuck on the coach sitting next to a stranger. Baring in mind I've never suffered from any anxiety in the past.

I've never experienced a come down as such with my previous rolls but that was definitely the first proper come down i had, i felt slightly anxious the following couple of days and started feeling normal again about a week later. I feel fine now, and still regretting that night.

I still have the gram of mdma that i bought that night. I'm still going to the event in 2 weeks which will be exactly a month since i took the mdma.

I want to roll that night but i'm afraid of having another bad experience like last time and i start to freak out again. Just thinking about it gets me a little anxious.

Also, because in the past i have spaced out my rolls (which is one of the reasons i didn't want to roll 2 weeks ago) i'm not sure if i'll be giving myself enough time to recover.

Will i be okay to roll again a month later? It will only be a one off as i will be taking a 3 month break before i roll again at a festival at the end of august.

It's a shame because my previous experiences were great and it's kinda ruined that for me so i'm hoping if i roll this month it will make me love mdma again.

Could i have just taken too much? Could smoking weed have made me paranoid? Did drinking alcohol before hand affect me?

I hope that wasn't too long! i'd love to hear your thoughts and what you think i should do.
THANKS FOR READING X

 

[BlueBull]

Could be that the worrying about this being a bad decision coupled with the anxiety a comeup always causes made you spiral into a panic attack. Could be that you took too much. Could be that your drugs were impure or even not MDMA at all (you mention that you test, did you test this batch as well?). Could be that you are taking medication which is having this effect. Could be... There's a lot of different possibilities. Things to do: if you didnt, test the drugs before you take them again. Weigh your dose, always yourself never let anyone else determine your dose for you. Don't drink MDMA water, it is horrible for your teeth in the long run. Make sure you are well rested and fed before a roll, eat a big healthy meal 4-5 hours or so in advance

If your drugs were tested and no abnormalities like other colours were noticed, my guess would be comeup anxiety + added anxiety = panic attack. If your drugs weren't tested I would say bad drugs, test next time

How are you feeling now?

 

[NGW]

I feel fine now thanks for asking.

I hadn't tested the mdma that i had drank from although it was from the same person i had gotten it from in the past which i tested before. (i know this is no excuse)

So in regards to me rolling again in a couple of weeks which will be a month since the night it happened, do you reckon i will be fine? I'm not happy with the fact i haven't had more time to recover but i hear a month is the minimum break period.

Again, i don't plan on rolling after that for another 3 months

(also when i tested the mdma before with a reagent kit a previous time, the color went pretty much black, couldn't detect a dark purple like the graph indicated. Is black still a positive reaction? My main concern would have been if it turned any other color indicating a substance such as pma 8()

 

[BlueBull]

Well it's more of a rule of thumb than a real minimum. See some people will get side-effects even when they wait 3 months, some people can roll every other week and get no side-effects. In my experience, rolling too frequently one time has little to no consequences if you make it a rare exception and take a good long break afterwards. I think you're good to go but should take extra care in the circumstances (drink enough, eat enough, sleep enough, cool down enough,..... and this more than you normally would).

I've had pills turn purple to black and I've had pills turn straight to black. The difference is noticeable and I'm still wondering why this is. Soms say there's a difference in effects too but I've yet to see this. In any case, pills reported to turn purple have been tested by a lab containing only MDMA and the same goes for pills that turn straight black so I don't know what the difference is. It's not a difference in drug, it's something else. Pill binder perhaps or something?

 

[Inds]

I think you just took too much. When I took 250mg, I was feeling nothing for about an hour, then felt uplifted and happy for a little bit, enough to phone my social worker because I just wanted to hear her voice. Then in the middle of it I started freaking out and had a panic attack, all kinds of irrational thoughts coming to my brain, then I passed out and had the worst, suicidal hangover ever for the next 2 days. A little over a month later I took 100mg and this time had a decent roll and felt perfectly fine, an afterglow even. Same setting, but I did eliminate human contact that time as I did not want to take the risk.

 

[NGW]

Well it's more of a rule of thumb than a real minimum. See some people will get side-effects even when they wait 3 months, some people can roll every other week and get no side-effects. In my experience, rolling too frequently one time has little to no consequences if you make it a rare exception and take a good long break afterwards. I think you're good to go but should take extra care in the circumstances (drink enough, eat enough, sleep enough, cool down enough,..... and this more than you normally would).

I've had pills turn purple to black and I've had pills turn straight to black. The difference is noticeable and I'm still wondering why this is. Soms say there's a difference in effects too but I've yet to see this. In any case, pills reported to turn purple have been tested by a lab containing only MDMA and the same goes for pills that turn straight black so I don't know what the difference is. It's not a difference in drug, it's something else. Pill binder perhaps or something?

Possibly, although mine was crystals/powder so i don't see it being pill binder in that situation. Who knows.

I've decided i'll actually measure my dosage this time. The first time i took mdma, (no real knowledge of the drug at all) i took half a pill then another half around 3-4 hours later. So i have no idea how much 'mdma' was in the pill but it still remains the best roll i've had.

The couple of times after that was with powder (that i had tested) which i simply took a finger and dabbed it on my gums.

I plan on taking 100mg which i'll put in some empty capsules, then possibly a top up dosage of 75mg? to put inside another capsule.

 

[NGW]

I think you just took too much. When I took 250mg, I was feeling nothing for about an hour, then felt uplifted and happy for a little bit, enough to phone my social worker because I just wanted to hear her voice. Then in the middle of it I started freaking out and had a panic attack, all kinds of irrational thoughts coming to my brain, then I passed out and had the worst, suicidal hangover ever for the next 2 days. A little over a month later I took 100mg and this time had a decent roll and felt perfectly fine, an afterglow even. Same setting, but I did eliminate human contact that time as I did not want to take the risk.

Yeah i'm guessing i just took too much, plus the fact i had been drinking with no food in my system and what not.

I'll be sure to never make that mistake again, but it's pleasing to hear you had a successful roll afterwards.

Were you nervous prior to rolling in case it happened again? or did you just remain calm and focus on enjoying the roll.

The only thing i'm worried about is my nerves getting the better of me

 

[Inds]

Here's the thing, I'm very paranoid and antisocial in general. I hate people, always only been fucked over by them. That means I don't mix well with stimulants as it makes my paranoia worse.
The second time I did almost have a panic attack in the shower when I couldn't do a bowel movement but I got a grip on myself, reminded myself I was having a great time and it went away. Then negative thoughts started piling up again when I saw myself in the mirror and saw what utter shit I looked like, what with the saucer eyes, the pale flushed face covered in goosebumps. I looked like a psychopath. Then I simply smiled, thought happy thoughts as much as possible. Kittens, puppies, children etc. and I got back into a positive mood and enjoyed the rest of my roll. Next 2 days I had an afterglow and never been so truly happy in my life. Not only did I not think negative thoughts but I couldn't if I tried. I completely lost the desire to view gore or other violent material.
I'm back to "normal" now but it was a great 3 days.

The more ecstasy you take, the harder it will be to control the mood swings. For me it only takes the tiniest bit of negative stimuli to send me from top to bottom in the next few seconds. So yes, do not let your nerves get the better of you. But the most important thing of all is to create the happiest, cheerful, most comfortable environment around you as possible prior to rolling. Only have nice posters on your walls, only listen to positive, not edgy music and so on. Having enhanced empathy means you'll feel the same thing as your surroundings. If your surroundings are bad, well...

 

[NGW]

Here's the thing, I'm very paranoid and antisocial in general. I hate people, always only been fucked over by them. That means I don't mix well with stimulants as it makes my paranoia worse.
The second time I did almost have a panic attack in the shower when I couldn't do a bowel movement but I got a grip on myself, reminded myself I was having a great time and it went away. Then negative thoughts started piling up again when I saw myself in the mirror and saw what utter shit I looked like, what with the saucer eyes, the pale flushed face covered in goosebumps. I looked like a psychopath. Then I simply smiled, thought happy thoughts as much as possible. Kittens, puppies, children etc. and I got back into a positive mood and enjoyed the rest of my roll. Next 2 days I had an afterglow and never been so truly happy in my life. Not only did I not think negative thoughts but I couldn't if I tried. I completely lost the desire to view gore or other violent material.
I'm back to "normal" now but it was a great 3 days.

The more ecstasy you take, the harder it will be to control the mood swings. For me it only takes the tiniest bit of negative stimuli to send me from top to bottom in the next few seconds. So yes, do not let your nerves get the better of you. But the most important thing of all is to create the happiest, cheerful, most comfortable environment around you as possible prior to rolling. Only have nice posters on your walls, only listen to positive, not edgy music and so on. Having enhanced empathy means you'll feel the same thing as your surroundings. If your surroundings are bad, well...

Thanks for the response. I feel more confident in rolling again now than i did before posting this thread.

I'll be sure to update on how to roll goes when the time comes.

 

[BlueBull]

Let is know how it goes. One more thing, more important than strictly keeping to a schedule is your attitude towards this drug. Reason I say this is that when you make the exception of rolling a bit too soon after your last roll, you should make sure that this doesn't develop into a pattern. It's very easy to come up with excuses to make another exception and another one and... Not that it's addictive or anything but I've you notice that rolling too often once doesn't have any repercussions it's easy to assume this will always be the case. It won't. So try to develop a sensible usage pattern from the start, don't make the exception the rule

 

[Inds]

Thanks for the response. I feel more confident in rolling again now than i did before posting this thread.

I'll be sure to update on how to roll goes when the time comes.

No problem, tho I'm not sure if I should feel great about having encouraged someone to continue doing drugs. Boy, my mom would sure be proud of me. LOL
For what it's worth, I hope you have a good time and don't have a bad trip. Also take note of BlueBull's advice. It may not be physically addictive but it is psychologically addictive.

 

[NGW]

Hahaha don't worry, my decision!

Yeah i understand that. I'm literally only doing it again this month because of the event i'm going and obviously never intended to take mdma the other week, otherwise the last time i rolled would have been the start of feb which would have been nearly a 4 month break.

I totally get how easy it can be to fall into that trap. Ever since my first roll at a festival, i'll admit i do find it hard to imagine enjoying myself as much without molly. Obviously i don't rely on drugs to have a good time at all.

You always hear 'you dont need drugs to have a good time' well i know i dont, but those who know, know. It's hard explaining mdma to someone who has never done it, kinda like myself before i had tried it, never knew what to expect before it hit me until it hit me, and it was then when everything made sense. It's an amazing drug, you just have to respect it.

 

[Inds]

I agree with all that. Mind over matter is the key. During my mdma hangover, I literally wanted to kill myself because of how worthless life felt but I didn't cuz I knew logically that I'll be singing a different tune tomorrow when my levels go back up. I also ate food during the hangover despite feeling disgusted at the idea because I knew I needed food to live. Mind over matter. Use your brain and nothing can stop you. I love molly and wish I could do her everyday but I force myself to respect her boundaries so she doesn't leave me. This way the magic stays.

 

[Pallyress]

Quick reply from me, haven't read all replies;

Weed potentiates mdma. I can get the roll feel again a couple of days later just by smoking weed.

MDMA also increases muscle activity /heartrate. Normally our body reacts the same way when we panic, so it's easy to interpret it as anxiety/panic attack. Tell yourself that it's the body reacting to the stimulant, not the emotion. It makes it easier to distinguish between them. Try adjusting mood by choosing music. I use meditative music, instrumental. To get more euphoric; put on something with about 165 beats per minute, jogging music or mdma trance music.

To avoid/minimise hangover; try not to sweat. Adjust body temperature.

 

[NGW]

Quick update:

Been feeling on and off past couple of days. It was my 21st the other day and i spent most of the day feeling anxious, over nothing in particular.

I was on the train to meet my girlfriend when i got a wave of anxiety, again over nothing in particular. I usually enjoy train rides and find them relaxing, staring out the window with my headphones on.

Then the next day i will feel fine again. It's very on and off.

I keep thinking about my upcoming roll, i reckon this has something to do with it. I've never experienced anxiety before this. I honestly wish i could just relax and look forward to it, but the more i think about it the more i'm putting it off.

However, i just tested the batch i have that i plan on using. I tested with a marquis, mecke and froehde reagent. Positive results all round. This has kind of put my mind more at ease.

I'll continue to wait and see how i feel come the day. I'll try to remain as positive as possible.

It's annoying as hell not being able to feel excited because of one shitty experience fml!

 

[Inds]

I have been getting some mood swings since my 2 rolls too. This is coming from someone who has been emotionally flat for the past decade. Molly does seem to cause mood swings in the longer term.

 

[topgunner19]

in the back of your mind always a small part of me says mind over matter u need to keep that aside just for this type of situation
it really does help it out and have co piloted a few that were going through sudden death!

 

[Inds]

I rolled last month in the middle of having a cold because I had 3 days off work and didn't wanna miss this opportunity. All my symptoms were gone within an hour of taking the pill. Nasal congestion, sore throat and all of that was gone. Ecstasy draws blood away from the surface of your body so it will reduce swelling, the same reason you can't get an erection. Also, you'll find it interesting to note that a cold is the result of your immune system overreacting. The cold virus does no actual damage to the body. As weird as it sounds, you'll feel better with a weaker immune system when you're sick with the cold.
However, if you're unsure that you have something besides the cold, you probably should avoid rolling as you don't want to contract an actual infectious disease.

 

[LuxuryConsumer]

I had an experience similar to yours around March. It was the first time I took a large dose of molly and that combined with paranoia from weed I smoke beforehand made me have a really bad experience especially at the peak. I genuinely thought there was a good possibility that I was going to die because my heart rate was insanely fast and I could feel my arms and legs going numb. The comedown I had was really bad as well but after a week I felt pretty much normal.

It wasn't until over a month later that I took MDMA again (this time at a much smaller dose) and I had a great experience so I'd say you should be fine as long as you dose properly and don't mix with other drugs.

 

[NGW]

I had an experience similar to yours around March. It was the first time I took a large dose of molly and that combined with paranoia from weed I smoke beforehand made me have a really bad experience especially at the peak. I genuinely thought there was a good possibility that I was going to die because my heart rate was insanely fast and I could feel my arms and legs going numb. The comedown I had was really bad as well but after a week I felt pretty much normal.

It wasn't until over a month later that I took MDMA again (this time at a much smaller dose) and I had a great experience so I'd say you should be fine as long as you dose properly and don't mix with other drugs.

Good to hear.

Do you know roughly how much you took for your smaller dose? Also, how was your comedown?

I'm still having on and off anxiety and although if i were to take mdma this saturday and have a good roll, i'm worried i'll make the anxiety even worse.

Other half of me says stop being such a pussy and stop overthinking it all