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May' Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs. 'May the Flowers Be with You!'

Captain.Heroin said:
Don't feel bad. Even with over 2 and a half years, I don't know if I could say no to it. I really don't want to find out. I'd rather never encounter it ever again.
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I think you should give yourself some credit!

Sadly I have to admit I have a hard time staying away from opiods right now :(.
Doesn't mean I'm giving up.
 
I'm not giving up either. But I wouldn't like to try myself. I know I could resist or believe I can, but would rather not put that in practice. I had enough of it and a real long and shitty withdrawal. It took years (plural) to start to get adjusted to my 'new me'. Hate all the time I had lost. Not to mention all the money and the good health of some of my relatives.
 
Erikmen said:
I'm not giving up either. But I wouldn't like to try myself. I know I could resist or believe I can, but would rather not put that in practice. I had enough of it and a real long and shitty withdrawal. It took years (plural) to start to get adjusted to my 'new me'. Hate all the time I had lost. Not to mention all the money and the good health of some of my relatives.
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Narcotics is such a pest! I'm glad you've come so far. It's giving me hope when I read about you people with year(s) of abstinence.
Hope everyone is having a good evening.
 
I sometimes feel like I burned all bridges already and that becoming free from opioids is just ubrealistic for me. Hopless feelings. At the same time I can remember the feeling of relief of having cleared a withdrawal and life slowly becoming bearable again. And at the same time I am convinced I'll win this battle.

Feeling mixed.
 
I'm really struggling today. I'm angry. Really fucking angry. I don't know what's up lately but I'm going from 0-100 at the drop of a hat. I feel like a total asshole. I'm yelling at the washer and dryer and kicking my cat around. My head feels foggy and I'm getting physically ill from the added stress. What gives?
 
Hope you are all okay. Did summer arrive? It's been a cold spring here in Sweden...
 
^ At least the light is on, right? No more long cold-rainy nights taking part of the day.
 
Yes. The winter here is dark. Now we're having a lot of sunlight and it gives me much more energy :)
 
Maybe it's just me, because I really need to take a break from the world of Facebook. Seeing a lot of people that I used to get high with has been doing something to me, looking and reading their posts, them posting pictures and videos of them at work and making money, the same type of work that I was doing before I landed in rehab. Not only that but also me reading shit that people post that their lives are so good n shit. I mean I am happy for them, do they not remember those times we got really high that one time and one of us about died?

Maybe I am just pointing out my flaws in their lives, and I can see how I am very different then they are. I must never forget that if I take any drug or take a drink then I lose every fucking thing. It may not be over night, or a week or even a month later. It's bound to happen, me losing everything again. I know I have another relapse in me, I just don't have another recovery in me because if I ever do go out again I know that I am going to the bitter end, and that's a fact.
 
Facebook is not real for me. It's just frames of our best view of the world. Even when it's not nice it seems to be selective. We don't get to see who people really are. If life was just like what people post in Facebook the world would be a very different place.
 
So I've been working less at the deli lately and doing more landscaping work instead because it pays more, but it's all under the table. And I get the feeling that people are worried if I have a large amount of cash at once, that I would do something dumb with it.

idk, id never turn down a better paying job just because I don't feel comfortable taking cash. I feel very comfortable actually, I love getting paid under the table.

Sometimes I just wish people could get an idea of where my head is at. I understand the worry, but honestly, if I really wanted to get high that bad I would have been doing it by now. Christ, I did shoot heroin not that long ago just to remember what the process felt like. Of course it was enjoyable, but I couldn't even function really and felt lethargic the next day.

the desire to use just isn't really there anymore.

but, at the same time, if I had a car I'd probably have gotten high more often. Idk man, it's like I'm moving on with life and everything but every once and a while a little heroin Memberberry comes up and goes

"meeember when all of your problems disappeared in a matter of seconds?"

yeah, but a whole new set of problems just pop up. And eventually all of your original problems come back. So now you got double the problems. Solution? Double the heroin!

Sounds like a good plan

shit
 
Sounds like you've got a pretty damn good perspective on this subotai :)

Facebook, yeah... I got off Facebook as soon as I found out my girlfriends parents had an account, shortly before I learned my own parents had an account. Facebook is great if you can keep it to something used to keep in touch with folks you don't see very often - like an interactive address book of sorts. But getting sucked into it is like getting sucked into any other area of modern American life - it is almost entirely transformed into yet another mode for mass consumption and presenting the illusion of perfection.

I really enjoy not using Facebook, but with life and career moving forward I am going to have to create profile again one of these days. Funny this is, I wasn't even the one who created my original account, it was the girl I was dating at the time. I want someone to create an account for me again so I don't even have to deal with it :(

Then again, that would probably end badly with where my interests are at nowadays 8)
 
It's incredible how much social media is influencing our everyday life including our working routine. You can only share certain things if you are registered in FB, sometimes when I'm just about to get into an interesting site but I can't because the content is in Facebook. And these sites are shaping our realities, it feels we need to create a multiple number of Avatars and understand different site's MO to interact. It's all good until you are asked to do it not because you want but because it's work related.

With all these profiles out there there's simply too much exposure nowadays and that can't be that good. Some people say that it doesn't take too long to a computer or a hacker to figure out who you are and what you want. And nothing is a secret in internet these days. :\ You can literally compare your email to a postal card you send to friend.
 
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