- Joined
- Feb 8, 2006
- Messages
- 65,043
My girlfriend has always been curious about tripping. She's taken mushrooms a few times, once with me over a year prior to this experience, but she's never broken through a threshold sort of effect. She is interested in my experiences, and we've talked about some of them at length; on our first date I told her about my ibogaine experience to get free of opiates. She's the type of person who is very cautious about drugs, and doesn't do them very often. Even weed, she will sometimes smoke for a week and then not for a month, and generally she does it infrequently. Lately we've been talking about trying acid and also MDMA together, the MDMA specifically for the purpose of having a therapeutic session to help her deal with some childhood-related PTSD that affects her.
So I was quite surprised when she came over Friday night and told me she wanted to do some drugs this weekend, and that we should take acid the next day at one of our favorite nature spots off the Blue Ridge Parkway. Exciting! Also slightly nerve-wracking because I of course hope she has a good time and likes it. Anyway, the morning came, and we set out to get some snacks and make the drive to the spot, about an hour away. Once we parked there, we took the ALD-52 (interchangeably referred to as "acid" in this report). I gave her one 125ug hit, and instructed her on how to hold it in her mouth until it basically dissolved, and then swallow. I took 1 and a half 125ug hits, so about 187ug. Once properly dosed and our gear situated, we began hiking in towards our destination.
At the beginning when she started really feeling it she wanted to stop and catch her breath. I could see she was starting to feel uneasy. I guess the energy of it in her body was overwhelming for her. I told her that's normal and it will pass. I told her the way I deal with it is I always move around, climb trees, etc. She said she didn't feel comfortable doing too much moving because her equilibrium felt off. She did some deep breathing and I was doing my best to amuse her, so she was alternating between laughing and looking around at things, and writhing and feeling really anxious. She kept asking me when this part would end, and I said soon, and told her about how come-ups are often difficult for people but as long as you don't give in, it will pass. I also told her it helps to be a conduit for the energy and then it feels good, that she has to figure out how to pass it through her instead of holding it in. I do it through physical movements and holding rigid positions, for example with my arms stretched out to the sides and my fingers splayed, holding as rigidly as I can. At the worst of the anxiety I would just hold her and try to pass some of my calm into her, or I would rub her back because she kept feeling like this weird spasming was happening up the left side of her back and into her neck that was painful.
Eventually she decided we should keep moving because sitting around wasn't helping. We started talking about a lot of things, about how she feels about people she encounters in nature (especially around here there are a lot of city-style tourists who come check out the parkway places and listen to music the whole time and leave trash everywhere and hike while staring at their cell phones and talking really loud and disturbing all the animals). As we went she felt better and better, she started getting really silly and we were just fucking around with each other. For a while I pretended to be a monkey and hung on tree branches and made animal sounds while she threw little bits of sticks at me to help dispel the restless energy. We talked about what we were seeing (in terms of the plants and animals, there were no real visuals except with eyes closed), and intermittently had discussions of a more serious nature, mostly about herself and her tendencies and thinking about why she is the way she is. She was definitely feeling it, although at first she couldn't quite pick out any effects over the intense body energy that she found unpleasant, she was like, I'm not sure how different I actually feel, but I could tell she was already feeling it in her head. LSD can be subtle in a way. Over time she started phrasing her sentences differently, in amusing ways, and stopping and being unable to figure out how to say something briefly. Every time we encountered people she put her hat over her face and stood there as they passed, unmoving, due to feeling too awkward to interact socially with strangers. She told me she was trying to be a tree so they wouldn't notice her. Near our destination, we came across an older couple, it really surprised us because we totally didn't hear them coming, and she didn't have time to become hat-face-tree so she said hi to them, as did I, and after we passed them she was like, oh my god, did I just have a really weird interaction with them? I was like nope, you were fine, it's common to think everyone knows you're weird on psychedelics. She was like, but I AM weird right now! And I said yes, but they don't know that.
She told me she doesn't understand how I can be so comfortable the whole time, through the come-up and when encountering people. I told her I've been doing this kind of thing for over 15 years, and that at first it was really difficult for me. I told her that tripping has been a big part of how I've learned to become more comfortable with myself, and my energy space, and my confidence when interacting with people. She was really interested in this and I could tell it was making her think.
Finally after a few hours we reached our destination, which was this beautiful secluded campsite we've camped at before, right next to the river. We got down to the water and this was when the peak started. Still no visuals but both of us were feeling awesome. We got naked (no one ever comes here and we both love being naked) and played in the water and rocks. I loved the way she was phrasing everything, everything was so funny and sort of ironic and swirly. Our conversations were full of wordplay and ludicrously or grandiosely formatted statements. Every time I looked at her she had a huge smile, it almost made me cry because I don't think I've ever seen her smile so consistently, she looks so beautiful when she's smiling. She was just really in the moment, loving life, not worrying about this or that or feeling sad... just totally glowing. We explored, skipped rocks, giggled a lot and talked about lots of things such as the societal expectation of not being naked and how that sucks and causes body shame. She had to pee and it took her like a half hour because every time she started to go up the bank away from the water, she'd get distracted and forget what she was trying to do.
Eventually some clouds moved in and it started lightly sprinkling... it was 5:30pm already and a couple of hours back to the car and we didn't want to get stuck in the dark, but she really didn't want to leave (nor did I for that matter), and she told me she wished we could just stop time in this moment forever and never leave and always be like this.
We went up back to the campsite, with the intention of slowly walking back, but instead we got stuck multiple times for over an hour. Talked about some trees and flowers, and about how we were standing in the exact spot we had set up our tent when we went camping at this spot quite some time ago. We reminisced about how during that trip, it started pouring down rain so hard you couldn't even see, and how we climbed into the dry tent and got all cozy and decided to wait out the storm by having sex. Then we laid down there and made out, and we really wanted to have sex but we didn't have any condoms and it was right before her ovulation so we didn't, but then we just laid on the ground with her on top of me and held each other for a long time, and it was the greatest thing. I was gently trying to get us moving back towards the car since I didn't want to get stuck in the dark. It was hard to get her going because she was really indecisive. Should we leave the water yet? Wait, I want to check out this tree. Etc. It was really fucking cute, she was so excited. I loved just watching her so much because she was so animated and open and free, so curious. Not that she isn't these things to some extent anyway, but normally she is a bit closed off from herself in fully accessing her personal freedom and goes about her days with some amount of sadness and internal stress.
Eventually we started walking back. By now the trip was slowly drifting down from the peak for us both. We had a lot of good conversations on the way back too, including how lucky we were to find each other because as far as either of us can tell, this thing we have is perfect. Couldn't be better. She was having to pee like, really often. Every 10 minutes at least. As we got farther back, she started to get bad pains in her bladder. This is something that used to happen to her, but hasn't in quite a long time. It was caused by certain foods and especially alcohol, and she totally cut out alcohol and those foods and it hasn't really resurfaced to a significant degree. But as we neared the car, it was really starting to hurt and was affecting her time for sure, although she remained positive and engaged. She felt like she had to pee constantly and did have to quite often but sometimes thought she did but didn't actually have to (it's not a bladder infection by the way, it's some sort of inflammatory response or something). I was just trying to keep her thinking about other stuff and giving her plenty of water. She was still able to be happy and enjoy herself, but it was not trivial amounts of pain.
When we got near the bottom we passed a tree we were going to cut a few young reishi mushrooms off of to cook with later that we had seen on the way up, but someone had knocked them all off, probably with a stick out of some random destructive whim. They were all laying smashed on the ground as if they had then been stomped on and some of the bark where they had been attached was damaged too. And there were plastic soda bottles everywhere. People left underwear, socks, washcloths, it was crazy. We had gotten back down to the spot that tourists and visitors come to to swim and apparently desecrate nature. We both got really angry/sad about it and had a discussion about how people are insane and unable to even connect with nature anymore so much of the time. Like, it's inconceivable to me that you'd come to a place so beautiful (literally the most beautiful place on Earth to me, this particular spot, it's breathtaking and magical) and just treat it like you do whatever shithole city/suburb you come from where there's garbage everywhere and no one gives a fuck. And it's amazing how many people just set up their music and play it all loud, and talk about their phones and their new video games or whatever, not even really noticing where they are, seemingly. It's like, man, why don't you just go do that at your house, go to the swimming pool instead of this magical waterfall swimming hole, and stop fucking up one of the last places around here that's relatively unspoiled? If you come here, come here to appreciate and respect the place you're visiting, and experience it. How can you come to this incredible place and be such a blindly unthinking and destructive asshole? It's like people have lost the ability to even connect with nature at all because they're so disconnected from it normally.
We went around picking up all the garbage we could find and stuffed any empty space in our backpacks with it, there was still plenty more we couldn't carry, and as we were doing so we had a conversation about the incremental progression of steps we took to get to where we are now, and how much of a seemingly impossible task it is to back out, we're going to fuck everything up sooner or later, we're not gonna get ignorant people to stop destroying everything because our civilization has become insane and that insanity is cancerous. It's all about short-term convenience. People leave their garbage there because it's easier for them than carrying it out and it's easier not to think about how they just left a neon green piece of plastic that will never break down and will forever be littering a beautiful place. After a while we stopped talking about it because it was making us feel too angry and we wanted to stop and enjoy what time we had left in nature before we had to leave. By then the last people had left and it was close to dark, but we were close to the car, so we stayed and basked in the sound of the waterfall, and investigated the nature of this one plant she knew about but had never closely checked out. When we got back to the car, it was 8:45, and super foggy and beautiful, so we stayed up there and smoked a cigarette together and took our time leaving.
Driving home was crazy, very thick fog, but it was 10 hours after eating the acid so I was totally fine to drive. Her bladder kept hurting more and more so we kept having to stop for her to pee, and it took a long time to get home. By the time we got home, the restless energy that started the trip for her had come back and her bladder was really hurting, so she was kind of miserable. Like she felt too restless to lay in bed, so she was walking around in circles endlessly or sitting in the bathroom with a heat fan blowing on her bladder. We had a pretty good time anyway, talked about stuff, looked up about a million things on the internet which led to much amusement, and basked in the slightly trippy aftereffects. I was still not feeling tired anyway, but we ended up staying up til it was getting light out, at which point I fell asleep and she fell asleep a little after. I offered her etizolam earlier in the night since she just wanted to relax, but she doesn't like taking drugs unless absolutely necessary, and she didn't know if it was going to make the bladder thing worse since she's never taken it. Eventually she got 1 hour of sleep and I got 2, she woke me up after she woke up because she was still feeling a little off and wanted to have company.
We ended up having a really nice day after, though sleep-deprived. Her bladder felt fine (fortunately) and she felt good, no more restless energy. Ran some errands, visited my favorite local awesome radio station and got a tour and donated money, and hung out with my girl's friend and her roommate and dog. I started getting a little delirious towards the end from lack of sleep and using some stimulants to stay awake all day, she thought it was hilarious. We were laying in bed and it was almost dark out, and I thought for a minute that it was the night before and told her I couldn't believe it was almost morning already. We started having sex but partway through we both kinda felt like just snuggling so we stopped, and it was really, really sweet. We went to bed pretty early and slept for a long time and today I feel a little tired but good.
So, overall it was amazing trip, she had a lot of fun and really enjoyed it, and handled her difficult come-up like a champion. The thing that sucks is that it seems almost 100% clear that LSD (or ALD-52 anyway) causes her bladder to be in a lot of pain after the main part of the trip, and the lingering stimulation was kind of disturbing for her and lasted for like almost 20 hours, that was her least favorite part (and she is resistant to the idea of taking a benzo to stop that at the end). During the night when she couldn't sleep and her bladder hurt badly she said she's not gonna try it again and that really bums her out because it was awesome but she doesn't want to go through all this stuff again. Then yesterday after she stopped feeling the negative parts, she said she might try it again just to make sure it really was the acid that did it, because she has also had the bladder thing happen before from high stress, and she was feeling an intense amount of stress bordering on panic during the come-up, and she also said the body energy was kind of intense for her the whole time although during the peak and plateau of the trip it was also kinda nice. She really enjoyed the change of mind state and the appreciation of the familiar in a new way, and she told me she's really happy she got to get on that level with me since she knows it's been a big part of my life. She was really, really fun to trip with, she was witty and funny, and had fun ideas for activities and discussions, and had a really childlike sense of adventure which is exactly what I love about tripping. We got into some deeper level stuff but didn't touch on anything too deep/painful, but she seemed to really be in a very happy and carefree place to the extent I've never seen from her before, and she was definitely more open with herself about her feelings. It was making me tear up from time to time because I love her so much and I want her to be able to feel that way, and she wants to be able to feel that way very badly.
But god damn that physical stuff. I could tell she was really bummed/angry about the fact that it happened, because 2 years ago she started developing digestive issues, and they've really impacted her life a lot and she's really had to work to not let that make her feel depressed (it started suddenly and before she never had anything like that to deal with). We were both hoping that LSD (or ALD) would be the one drug (besides marijuana) that she can really do and not suffer from it, it's SUCH a minuscule amount of something, you don't have to swallow it (eliminating stomach issues, which is what usually gets her, like if she takes even 200mg of ibuprofen her stomach is in horrible pain for like 3 days, to the point that the first time it happened she almost went to the ER - she did not get stomach issues at all from ALD), and the amount of metabolites you excrete must be minuscule as well. But it seems that it fucks her bladder up, although only for a little while apparently. She was really happy to have finally really tripped with me, it was a wonderful bonding experience for us, and it really upsets her that yet again there's something that maybe she can't do because her body has decided to rebel against her, but I think she's not willing to give up on it yet. She was asking me what other psychedelics there are she could try. I told her that among the non-RC ones (she hasn't warmed to the idea of ingesting less researched things herself), there are mushrooms, which she already knows slightly hurt her stomach (but not much, not enough to stop her from doing them once in a while) and every time she's done them she's felt down the next day which bothers her (acid didn't have this effect at all, she's felt really good since). I said there's mescaline but I wouldn't count on it not messing up your stomach (but I think she'd love the effects a lot). And then... research chemicals basically. I told her about 4-AcO-DMT, because I suggested the possibility of extracted alkaloids of mushrooms so she doesn't need to digest the flesh. She seemed wary of the idea, so I dunno.
I'm not sure what we should do, because she likes to trip; during the peak of the trip, she said, next time we do this, let's bring a tent so we don't have to leave. She really wants there to be future times and she really liked acid, she liked the effects more than mushrooms. So I hope we can figure something out. She doesn't even know what's wrong with her that causes these issues, she's been to doctors and a specialist and had an upper endoscopy, they can see she has some acid reflux, but it goes beyond that even for her stomach. And the bladder thing was happening for a while, right when her issues started, but she got that under control much faster and it seemed like it was healed and no longer an issue, which is why it almost certainly had to be the acid we took that caused it.
But even though that part of it really sucks, mostly my impression of this trip was that I'm so fucking lucky to have found her, we're totally equal parts friends and lovers. There are all these big and small ways that what she does or doesn't do just perfectly fits with what I need, or would like, or wouldn't like. We provide all of the things that each other needs in a partner, and as time goes on all the aspects of it get deeper and deeper, our friendship has grown as much as everything else. Our relationship is about as close to perfect as I can imagine one being, and it's more perfect than I really thought one could realistically be. It's like, I would never do something mean to her, I wouldn't ever want to, I just want to make her feel good and I respect her so if she says something to me I listen and care about what she's saying. And she feels exactly the same way about me (we talked about this specifically during the trip). Since we have never done anything mean to each other in over 2 and a half years (and I mean never even close to it), there's no baggage at all, there's no past meanness to lash out against. I am not expecting that we'll never go there because it seems so crazy to me that one could experience a relationship that never did, but I wouldn't be surprised if we never do anything to hurt each other. I can't imagine a time when I would. It's been a pretty long time now and we're still totally infatuated with each other, but that's on top of much deeper levels now.
With so many people, they're carrying around pain and neuroses, and when those are triggered, they will lash out and treat other people badly, especially their romantic partners. But my girlfriend, even though she is pretty damaged emotionally from her childhood, and it affects her life dramatically in some ways, never puts that on other people. We discussed this topic too and I told her how much I respect that about her. We both feel like we just wouldn't do that because it's not necessary and it's a hurtful thing to do to someone and completely unfair. We've both always wondered why so many people do that when you always have the option not to, like, I know you might feel like doing it, but just don't do it because you shouldn't hurt people, especially if it's yourself you're upset with, especially if it's someone you love. My last relationship was dominated by a partner who used me to take out all her rage and frustrations at her childhood pain and her own state of life and the things she hated about herself. To find someone now (the very next person no less) who feels exactly the same way I was always feeling while being emotionally abused by my last partner, who feels the same way I do about how you should treat someone, that you just really like and love them and want to go out of your way to make them happy and wouldn't ever do anything to hurt them... it feels like a miracle, like something magic. Relationship karma, she just happened to find me and reach out to me on OkCupid. I appreciate it so, so, so fucking much. I actually have a tear running down my cheek right now. ❤
So I guess overall, it was a trip of discovery, bonding, and gratefulness.
substancecode_ald52
substancecode_lysergamides
explevel_firsttime
roacode_sublingual
exptype_positive
exptype_difficult
So I was quite surprised when she came over Friday night and told me she wanted to do some drugs this weekend, and that we should take acid the next day at one of our favorite nature spots off the Blue Ridge Parkway. Exciting! Also slightly nerve-wracking because I of course hope she has a good time and likes it. Anyway, the morning came, and we set out to get some snacks and make the drive to the spot, about an hour away. Once we parked there, we took the ALD-52 (interchangeably referred to as "acid" in this report). I gave her one 125ug hit, and instructed her on how to hold it in her mouth until it basically dissolved, and then swallow. I took 1 and a half 125ug hits, so about 187ug. Once properly dosed and our gear situated, we began hiking in towards our destination.
At the beginning when she started really feeling it she wanted to stop and catch her breath. I could see she was starting to feel uneasy. I guess the energy of it in her body was overwhelming for her. I told her that's normal and it will pass. I told her the way I deal with it is I always move around, climb trees, etc. She said she didn't feel comfortable doing too much moving because her equilibrium felt off. She did some deep breathing and I was doing my best to amuse her, so she was alternating between laughing and looking around at things, and writhing and feeling really anxious. She kept asking me when this part would end, and I said soon, and told her about how come-ups are often difficult for people but as long as you don't give in, it will pass. I also told her it helps to be a conduit for the energy and then it feels good, that she has to figure out how to pass it through her instead of holding it in. I do it through physical movements and holding rigid positions, for example with my arms stretched out to the sides and my fingers splayed, holding as rigidly as I can. At the worst of the anxiety I would just hold her and try to pass some of my calm into her, or I would rub her back because she kept feeling like this weird spasming was happening up the left side of her back and into her neck that was painful.
Eventually she decided we should keep moving because sitting around wasn't helping. We started talking about a lot of things, about how she feels about people she encounters in nature (especially around here there are a lot of city-style tourists who come check out the parkway places and listen to music the whole time and leave trash everywhere and hike while staring at their cell phones and talking really loud and disturbing all the animals). As we went she felt better and better, she started getting really silly and we were just fucking around with each other. For a while I pretended to be a monkey and hung on tree branches and made animal sounds while she threw little bits of sticks at me to help dispel the restless energy. We talked about what we were seeing (in terms of the plants and animals, there were no real visuals except with eyes closed), and intermittently had discussions of a more serious nature, mostly about herself and her tendencies and thinking about why she is the way she is. She was definitely feeling it, although at first she couldn't quite pick out any effects over the intense body energy that she found unpleasant, she was like, I'm not sure how different I actually feel, but I could tell she was already feeling it in her head. LSD can be subtle in a way. Over time she started phrasing her sentences differently, in amusing ways, and stopping and being unable to figure out how to say something briefly. Every time we encountered people she put her hat over her face and stood there as they passed, unmoving, due to feeling too awkward to interact socially with strangers. She told me she was trying to be a tree so they wouldn't notice her. Near our destination, we came across an older couple, it really surprised us because we totally didn't hear them coming, and she didn't have time to become hat-face-tree so she said hi to them, as did I, and after we passed them she was like, oh my god, did I just have a really weird interaction with them? I was like nope, you were fine, it's common to think everyone knows you're weird on psychedelics. She was like, but I AM weird right now! And I said yes, but they don't know that.
She told me she doesn't understand how I can be so comfortable the whole time, through the come-up and when encountering people. I told her I've been doing this kind of thing for over 15 years, and that at first it was really difficult for me. I told her that tripping has been a big part of how I've learned to become more comfortable with myself, and my energy space, and my confidence when interacting with people. She was really interested in this and I could tell it was making her think.Finally after a few hours we reached our destination, which was this beautiful secluded campsite we've camped at before, right next to the river. We got down to the water and this was when the peak started. Still no visuals but both of us were feeling awesome. We got naked (no one ever comes here and we both love being naked) and played in the water and rocks. I loved the way she was phrasing everything, everything was so funny and sort of ironic and swirly. Our conversations were full of wordplay and ludicrously or grandiosely formatted statements. Every time I looked at her she had a huge smile, it almost made me cry because I don't think I've ever seen her smile so consistently, she looks so beautiful when she's smiling. She was just really in the moment, loving life, not worrying about this or that or feeling sad... just totally glowing. We explored, skipped rocks, giggled a lot and talked about lots of things such as the societal expectation of not being naked and how that sucks and causes body shame. She had to pee and it took her like a half hour because every time she started to go up the bank away from the water, she'd get distracted and forget what she was trying to do.
Eventually some clouds moved in and it started lightly sprinkling... it was 5:30pm already and a couple of hours back to the car and we didn't want to get stuck in the dark, but she really didn't want to leave (nor did I for that matter), and she told me she wished we could just stop time in this moment forever and never leave and always be like this. We went up back to the campsite, with the intention of slowly walking back, but instead we got stuck multiple times for over an hour. Talked about some trees and flowers, and about how we were standing in the exact spot we had set up our tent when we went camping at this spot quite some time ago. We reminisced about how during that trip, it started pouring down rain so hard you couldn't even see, and how we climbed into the dry tent and got all cozy and decided to wait out the storm by having sex. Then we laid down there and made out, and we really wanted to have sex but we didn't have any condoms and it was right before her ovulation so we didn't, but then we just laid on the ground with her on top of me and held each other for a long time, and it was the greatest thing. I was gently trying to get us moving back towards the car since I didn't want to get stuck in the dark. It was hard to get her going because she was really indecisive. Should we leave the water yet? Wait, I want to check out this tree. Etc. It was really fucking cute, she was so excited.
I loved just watching her so much because she was so animated and open and free, so curious. Not that she isn't these things to some extent anyway, but normally she is a bit closed off from herself in fully accessing her personal freedom and goes about her days with some amount of sadness and internal stress.Eventually we started walking back. By now the trip was slowly drifting down from the peak for us both. We had a lot of good conversations on the way back too, including how lucky we were to find each other because as far as either of us can tell, this thing we have is perfect. Couldn't be better. She was having to pee like, really often. Every 10 minutes at least. As we got farther back, she started to get bad pains in her bladder. This is something that used to happen to her, but hasn't in quite a long time. It was caused by certain foods and especially alcohol, and she totally cut out alcohol and those foods and it hasn't really resurfaced to a significant degree. But as we neared the car, it was really starting to hurt and was affecting her time for sure, although she remained positive and engaged. She felt like she had to pee constantly and did have to quite often but sometimes thought she did but didn't actually have to (it's not a bladder infection by the way, it's some sort of inflammatory response or something). I was just trying to keep her thinking about other stuff and giving her plenty of water. She was still able to be happy and enjoy herself, but it was not trivial amounts of pain.
When we got near the bottom we passed a tree we were going to cut a few young reishi mushrooms off of to cook with later that we had seen on the way up, but someone had knocked them all off, probably with a stick out of some random destructive whim. They were all laying smashed on the ground as if they had then been stomped on and some of the bark where they had been attached was damaged too. And there were plastic soda bottles everywhere. People left underwear, socks, washcloths, it was crazy. We had gotten back down to the spot that tourists and visitors come to to swim and apparently desecrate nature. We both got really angry/sad about it and had a discussion about how people are insane and unable to even connect with nature anymore so much of the time. Like, it's inconceivable to me that you'd come to a place so beautiful (literally the most beautiful place on Earth to me, this particular spot, it's breathtaking and magical) and just treat it like you do whatever shithole city/suburb you come from where there's garbage everywhere and no one gives a fuck. And it's amazing how many people just set up their music and play it all loud, and talk about their phones and their new video games or whatever, not even really noticing where they are, seemingly. It's like, man, why don't you just go do that at your house, go to the swimming pool instead of this magical waterfall swimming hole, and stop fucking up one of the last places around here that's relatively unspoiled? If you come here, come here to appreciate and respect the place you're visiting, and experience it. How can you come to this incredible place and be such a blindly unthinking and destructive asshole? It's like people have lost the ability to even connect with nature at all because they're so disconnected from it normally.
We went around picking up all the garbage we could find and stuffed any empty space in our backpacks with it, there was still plenty more we couldn't carry, and as we were doing so we had a conversation about the incremental progression of steps we took to get to where we are now, and how much of a seemingly impossible task it is to back out, we're going to fuck everything up sooner or later, we're not gonna get ignorant people to stop destroying everything because our civilization has become insane and that insanity is cancerous. It's all about short-term convenience. People leave their garbage there because it's easier for them than carrying it out and it's easier not to think about how they just left a neon green piece of plastic that will never break down and will forever be littering a beautiful place. After a while we stopped talking about it because it was making us feel too angry and we wanted to stop and enjoy what time we had left in nature before we had to leave. By then the last people had left and it was close to dark, but we were close to the car, so we stayed and basked in the sound of the waterfall, and investigated the nature of this one plant she knew about but had never closely checked out. When we got back to the car, it was 8:45, and super foggy and beautiful, so we stayed up there and smoked a cigarette together and took our time leaving.
Driving home was crazy, very thick fog, but it was 10 hours after eating the acid so I was totally fine to drive. Her bladder kept hurting more and more so we kept having to stop for her to pee, and it took a long time to get home. By the time we got home, the restless energy that started the trip for her had come back and her bladder was really hurting, so she was kind of miserable. Like she felt too restless to lay in bed, so she was walking around in circles endlessly or sitting in the bathroom with a heat fan blowing on her bladder. We had a pretty good time anyway, talked about stuff, looked up about a million things on the internet which led to much amusement, and basked in the slightly trippy aftereffects. I was still not feeling tired anyway, but we ended up staying up til it was getting light out, at which point I fell asleep and she fell asleep a little after. I offered her etizolam earlier in the night since she just wanted to relax, but she doesn't like taking drugs unless absolutely necessary, and she didn't know if it was going to make the bladder thing worse since she's never taken it. Eventually she got 1 hour of sleep and I got 2, she woke me up after she woke up because she was still feeling a little off and wanted to have company.
We ended up having a really nice day after, though sleep-deprived. Her bladder felt fine (fortunately) and she felt good, no more restless energy. Ran some errands, visited my favorite local awesome radio station and got a tour and donated money, and hung out with my girl's friend and her roommate and dog. I started getting a little delirious towards the end from lack of sleep and using some stimulants to stay awake all day, she thought it was hilarious. We were laying in bed and it was almost dark out, and I thought for a minute that it was the night before and told her I couldn't believe it was almost morning already. We started having sex but partway through we both kinda felt like just snuggling so we stopped, and it was really, really sweet. We went to bed pretty early and slept for a long time and today I feel a little tired but good.
So, overall it was amazing trip, she had a lot of fun and really enjoyed it, and handled her difficult come-up like a champion. The thing that sucks is that it seems almost 100% clear that LSD (or ALD-52 anyway) causes her bladder to be in a lot of pain after the main part of the trip, and the lingering stimulation was kind of disturbing for her and lasted for like almost 20 hours, that was her least favorite part (and she is resistant to the idea of taking a benzo to stop that at the end). During the night when she couldn't sleep and her bladder hurt badly she said she's not gonna try it again and that really bums her out because it was awesome but she doesn't want to go through all this stuff again. Then yesterday after she stopped feeling the negative parts, she said she might try it again just to make sure it really was the acid that did it, because she has also had the bladder thing happen before from high stress, and she was feeling an intense amount of stress bordering on panic during the come-up, and she also said the body energy was kind of intense for her the whole time although during the peak and plateau of the trip it was also kinda nice. She really enjoyed the change of mind state and the appreciation of the familiar in a new way, and she told me she's really happy she got to get on that level with me since she knows it's been a big part of my life. She was really, really fun to trip with, she was witty and funny, and had fun ideas for activities and discussions, and had a really childlike sense of adventure which is exactly what I love about tripping. We got into some deeper level stuff but didn't touch on anything too deep/painful, but she seemed to really be in a very happy and carefree place to the extent I've never seen from her before, and she was definitely more open with herself about her feelings. It was making me tear up from time to time because I love her so much and I want her to be able to feel that way, and she wants to be able to feel that way very badly.
But god damn that physical stuff.
I could tell she was really bummed/angry about the fact that it happened, because 2 years ago she started developing digestive issues, and they've really impacted her life a lot and she's really had to work to not let that make her feel depressed (it started suddenly and before she never had anything like that to deal with). We were both hoping that LSD (or ALD) would be the one drug (besides marijuana) that she can really do and not suffer from it, it's SUCH a minuscule amount of something, you don't have to swallow it (eliminating stomach issues, which is what usually gets her, like if she takes even 200mg of ibuprofen her stomach is in horrible pain for like 3 days, to the point that the first time it happened she almost went to the ER - she did not get stomach issues at all from ALD), and the amount of metabolites you excrete must be minuscule as well. But it seems that it fucks her bladder up, although only for a little while apparently. She was really happy to have finally really tripped with me, it was a wonderful bonding experience for us, and it really upsets her that yet again there's something that maybe she can't do because her body has decided to rebel against her, but I think she's not willing to give up on it yet. She was asking me what other psychedelics there are she could try. I told her that among the non-RC ones (she hasn't warmed to the idea of ingesting less researched things herself), there are mushrooms, which she already knows slightly hurt her stomach (but not much, not enough to stop her from doing them once in a while) and every time she's done them she's felt down the next day which bothers her (acid didn't have this effect at all, she's felt really good since). I said there's mescaline but I wouldn't count on it not messing up your stomach (but I think she'd love the effects a lot). And then... research chemicals basically. I told her about 4-AcO-DMT, because I suggested the possibility of extracted alkaloids of mushrooms so she doesn't need to digest the flesh. She seemed wary of the idea, so I dunno. I'm not sure what we should do, because she likes to trip; during the peak of the trip, she said, next time we do this, let's bring a tent so we don't have to leave. She really wants there to be future times and she really liked acid, she liked the effects more than mushrooms. So I hope we can figure something out. She doesn't even know what's wrong with her that causes these issues, she's been to doctors and a specialist and had an upper endoscopy, they can see she has some acid reflux, but it goes beyond that even for her stomach. And the bladder thing was happening for a while, right when her issues started, but she got that under control much faster and it seemed like it was healed and no longer an issue, which is why it almost certainly had to be the acid we took that caused it.
But even though that part of it really sucks, mostly my impression of this trip was that I'm so fucking lucky to have found her, we're totally equal parts friends and lovers. There are all these big and small ways that what she does or doesn't do just perfectly fits with what I need, or would like, or wouldn't like. We provide all of the things that each other needs in a partner, and as time goes on all the aspects of it get deeper and deeper, our friendship has grown as much as everything else. Our relationship is about as close to perfect as I can imagine one being, and it's more perfect than I really thought one could realistically be. It's like, I would never do something mean to her, I wouldn't ever want to, I just want to make her feel good and I respect her so if she says something to me I listen and care about what she's saying. And she feels exactly the same way about me (we talked about this specifically during the trip). Since we have never done anything mean to each other in over 2 and a half years (and I mean never even close to it), there's no baggage at all, there's no past meanness to lash out against. I am not expecting that we'll never go there because it seems so crazy to me that one could experience a relationship that never did, but I wouldn't be surprised if we never do anything to hurt each other. I can't imagine a time when I would. It's been a pretty long time now and we're still totally infatuated with each other, but that's on top of much deeper levels now.
With so many people, they're carrying around pain and neuroses, and when those are triggered, they will lash out and treat other people badly, especially their romantic partners. But my girlfriend, even though she is pretty damaged emotionally from her childhood, and it affects her life dramatically in some ways, never puts that on other people. We discussed this topic too and I told her how much I respect that about her. We both feel like we just wouldn't do that because it's not necessary and it's a hurtful thing to do to someone and completely unfair. We've both always wondered why so many people do that when you always have the option not to, like, I know you might feel like doing it, but just don't do it because you shouldn't hurt people, especially if it's yourself you're upset with, especially if it's someone you love. My last relationship was dominated by a partner who used me to take out all her rage and frustrations at her childhood pain and her own state of life and the things she hated about herself. To find someone now (the very next person no less) who feels exactly the same way I was always feeling while being emotionally abused by my last partner, who feels the same way I do about how you should treat someone, that you just really like and love them and want to go out of your way to make them happy and wouldn't ever do anything to hurt them... it feels like a miracle, like something magic. Relationship karma, she just happened to find me and reach out to me on OkCupid. I appreciate it so, so, so fucking much. I actually have a tear running down my cheek right now. ❤
So I guess overall, it was a trip of discovery, bonding, and gratefulness.
substancecode_ald52
substancecode_lysergamides
explevel_firsttime
roacode_sublingual
exptype_positive
exptype_difficult
Last edited:
