Im new here, Im trying to contact Genetic Freak

E

Etharris

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 27, 2017
Messages
5
Im in a horrible crisis...need help. I did the most ignorant bullshit, Im now finding out, in the world. I ran a 3 yr cycle of test and tren from 38 yrs old until 41. Was just fucking stupid, so please no bashing, Im paying a horrible price...its ruined my life. It's been 20 months that I have been battling horrible depression, anxiety...premature aging, impotence, no libido...starting to get diabetic symptoms, no blood flow to genitals...penile and testicular atrophy...color changes to my penis head...vein changes...color changes to my skin...old looking skin. I havent been able to function. I stopped cold turkey after my fiance left me and lost a job....ive been unemployed for over a year...am broke, no insurance...think of suicide everyday this situation is so bad....np pct when I came off, which not sure if it wouldve helped...can anybody tell me anything good...looking for genetic freak's opinion.
 
Etharris said:
Im in a horrible crisis...need help. I did the most ignorant bullshit, Im now finding out, in the world. I ran a 3 yr cycle of test and tren from 38 yrs old until 41. Was just fucking stupid, so please no bashing, Im paying a horrible price...its ruined my life. It's been 20 months that I have been battling horrible depression, anxiety...premature aging, impotence, no libido...starting to get diabetic symptoms, no blood flow to genitals...penile and testicular atrophy...color changes to my penis head...vein changes...color changes to my skin...old looking skin. I haven't been able to function. I stopped cold turkey after my fiance left me and lost a job....ive been unemployed for over a year...am broke, no insurance...think of suicide everyday this situation is so bad....no pct when I came off, which not sure if it would've helped...can anybody tell me anything good...looking for genetic freak's opinion.
Click to expand...

Hi There sorry to hear of your current predicament.. Being familiar with trenbolone might I suggest some of your symptoms could likely be depression caused by the termination of your past relationship, and subsequent unemployment, as opposed to blaming it all on tren'..
I might assume your current mental status is responsible for poor dietary choices which might account for at least several significant negative health effects you speak of..

We've all run long cycles without major issue, (personally I have run cycles and stopped cold turkey for 12 years without issue other than weight loss, which always comes back on cycle)..
I think we've provided enough evidence here to show PCT might not be optimal for return of testicular function, and that on-cycle protection might be of more benefit, but we are always learning with new research being presented all the time.. We can't hold ourselves responsible for not being up to date on all current research, we are all learning here..

Shit happens sometimes, we just have to learn to deal with it and not allow difficult situations to affect our life to such an extent that we get depressed..

You need to find a way to turn your life around, small steps to start with until you manage to get your life on track..

Exercise has been proven to reduce depression, get out for regular walks (if you can't afford gym), manage what finance you do have to eat healthy fresh foods (which contain the precursors for hormones, elevated mood, cognition, healthier skin etc).. fresh fish, veggies, berries, nuts seeds, green tea ...

Make yourself some new friends, get out more, join clubs, volunteer organizations (anything for human contact)..

The only person that can turn your life around is you, sit down and think how you can best do this, and make a start today.. Remember we are here to help..

Goodluck..
 
I appreciate you responding, sir...very much!! I do know that, unfortunately, the cycle I ran test and tren, and the duration of it, caused my hormones to be way imbalanced as it started with my testosterone levels going down to very very low levels. This is mostly the reason for my extreme depression. My relationship loss and unemployment are part of my situation and yes, that adds to my depression, however, if I could be hormonally balanced and good testosterone levels of a man my age I could and would come out of this and have employment again. My penis is lifeless, it has no blood flow to that region....its actually atrophying , changing colors, becoming pale. I have numb feet, hands...feet burn...this is due to my testosterone levels being so low for so long that it's causing blood sugar problems and possible peripheral neuropathy. I cant work due to my constant depression, lack of energy, weakness, being fatigued....hell, I am just trying to find a way out before suicide gets me....which is damn near. I am absolutely broke....all my relationships with everyone have been destroyed, even me and my mother. It's pathetic, I love with her in a small apartment...she has nothing...and I cant get better to get out. I was hoping I could recover naturally, but at 42 and doing what I did, I guess I messed myself up. It's been 20 months, I guess I was hoping that maybe someone with a similar experience or someone with much more knowledge with this, than me, could provide me with hope....like a strong pct or triptorelin... I would have to borrow the money for that, but could. Her is very expensive and a lifelong hassle...if I could afford it I would consider it at this point. It looks like this is probably the end, I dont know what to do. I took cycles before from 26-33 yrs old....off and on, mostly on...never constant like this time...and I recovered...no pct... I dont know anymore.
 
Have you had a recent blood test to determine your natural hormone levels?

Low levels frequently lead to depression, and you sound very depressed.
 
Yes, I have. My total t is 187. I dont know any other hormone levels currently...I know my estrogen was very low too. I am completely broke, have not worked in over a year, about 18 months of unemployment. I have no recource...nobody to help. I cant get a job because of my mental and physical state...cant get better without money or insurance...its a very bad situation to say the least. Some have suggested disability, but that takes nearly 2 yrs to get and quite honestly, I dont want to be on disability. I just wanted to be healthy, working and moving along in life. I dont want to use gear anymore...this has done it for me. I was hoping to have a wife one day, but that seems to be shot. Im really thinking suicide is my only way out now...its a horrible nightmare!!
 
Is there a reason you haven't tried TRT? I don't know where you live but in most Western countries you'd get a prescription if your test remained at that level for 2 years.
 
I've tried it on several occasions...200 mgs a week for about 2 months but never felt any different, depression still there, still no libido or erections...which I know could be because of estrogen or prolactin...just not being balanced. I dont have money or insurance to pay for it now....Ive got myself into a horrible situation. Ive got $500 month child support that I cant even pay now. I was a normal, working man, intelligent, nice looking, good guy at one time....now I'm looking my mind and everything with it. The anti aging clinics seem to be the best option because they monitor everything and most seem to know more about trt, hrt, than endos do... Im stuck in a total mess.
 
Sounds like you're in a bad place. Just remember it can get better if you want it to.

You should go see a clinic and get on trt. Then once your mind is in the right place you can start sorting out your other issues. I have a feeling TRT will greatly improve your sense of well being. It may not happen overnight or even the first few months but you will return to normal when everything is balanced out. You're severely shut down and the tren has messed with the neurotransmitters in your brain more than likely. For me it was a few months before I returned to a somewhat normal state after ceasing the tren, which is why I am very hesitant to use it now, maybe only for a short 6 week blast with low doses.. (me already trying to justify it lol)

I have ran tren for around 4 months straight(not wise) before, so I couldn't imagine stopping TEST and tren at the same time. That's just asking for suicidal thoughts.


Do you have a place to stay or are you homeless? I'm assuming money is the issue. If you have a place to stay you need to focus on getting a job ANYWHERE to save up enough to see a doc etc., especially if they offer insurance.





Just curious, during that period on cycle what were your dosages like? for the test and tren or whatever else
 
Situations like these we really do have to claw our way out of most of the time. I haven't been in your exact situation regarding hormonal imbalances, but I have been there with the depression and thoughts of suicide. Eight or so years ago, I had lots of money, great career potential, I travelled the world, had a sportscar, etc. Then I started using heroin and within a short timespan I had no car, no job, no place, no money and felony charges to my name. I've woken up from overdoses wishing I hadn't. I have bought drugs with the intention of making a suicide cocktail. I've permanently lost the respect of friends and family members. If I let myself, I can slowly drown in the regrets and the shame of it all. But I try and focus instead on what I have gained since I turned things back around. I took for granted everything I used to have, but I now appreciate even little bits of progress and reward. With that said, the first steps I had to take to get a life back were extremely painful and at times I didn't think I would make it. So I can empathize with how awful you feel.

I don't know what your job was before, and this may not be what you want to hear, but a lot of big stores like Wal-Mart or Target or Kroger are always hiring and you can get yourself in a situation very quick where you are making $1000+ a month and have benefits. I have an advanced degree and I still had to swallow my pride and do something like this to survive. I think you will find that you actually can get by doing such work even with your health problems, and you will feel better once a few paychecks come your way. And then you get some better care for your health, feel a little better, and start applying for more promising work. What's more is that people around you who you may not even think are noticing will see your efforts and want to help you now that you are helping yourself. People love the momentum of a success story. We all deserve a second (or third, fourth, whatever) chance.
 
Last edited:
RedLeader said:
Situations like these we really do have to claw our way out of most of the time. I haven't been in your exact situation regarding hormonal imbalances, but I have been there with the depression and thoughts of suicide. Eight or so years ago, I had lots of money, great career potential, I travelled the world, had a sportscar, etc. Then I started using heroin and within a short timespan I had no car, no job, no place, no money and felony charges to my name. I've woken up from overdoses wishing I hadn't. I have bought drugs with the intention of making a suicide cocktail. I've permanently lost the respect of friends and family members. If I let myself, I can drown in the regrets and the shame of it all. But I try and focus instead on what I do have now since I turned things back around. I took for granted everything I used to have, but I now appreciate even little bits of progress and reward. With that said, the first steps I had to take to get a life back were extremely painful and at times I didn't think I would make it. So I can empathize with how awful you feel.

I don't know what your job was before, and this may not be what you want to hear, but a lot of big stores like Wal-Mart or Target or Kroger are always hiring and you can get yourself in a situation very quick where you are making $1000+ a month and have benefits. I have an advanced degree and I still had to swallow my pride and do something like this to survive. I think you will find that you actually can get by doing such work even with your health problems, and you will feel better once a few paychecks come your way. And then you get some better care for your health, feel a little better, and start applying for more promising work. What's more is that people around you who you may not even think are noticing will see your efforts and want to help you now that you are helping yourself. People love the momentum of a success story. We all deserve a second (or third, fourth, whatever) chance.
Click to expand...


Solid advice.
 
I appreciate you men that have replied. I certainly am in a fix...its catch 22...need money to get anywhere...and with this sever depression from hormones I cant seem to do anything...function. I have a lil stain on my record that prevents me getting the jobs, career I need...I have $500 month child support payment that is behind, for a child that I've never been able to get to know...long story. I dont have a place to live, except my moms...and she is fed up with my situation, that I cant help...I would give anything to go back before I did this run...early 2012 I was healthy and was trying to rebuild my life, had a woman that I loved and seemed crazy about me....anyway, that doesn't matter.

I used test and tren 500 mgs a week, sometimes 750 if I felt I wanted a lil more a week....then stopped cold turkey...yes I feel like teen has done some permanent damage to my brain and hormones....I only have regrets now. I am ugly now....used to be a pretty nice looking guy. I love a pretty woman, but now I'll never get to enjoy that again...I believe my system is damaged for good...plus, Im in such bad shape financially also, no way in hell I have female company. I have dental issues now...nothing is right...I went to see a church counselor earlier...they say to trust God, give all to Him....this one is lil difficult. Im not wanting to spend one more day in this hell hole. A couple of different decisions on life, my life could be pretty good. This pain is too much. My # is 404 482 5495...not sure if Im suppose to put that out here...if anybody cares to call and talk to a suicidal guy....I effed up!
 
Couple things I could say....

First, you absolutely have to stop living in the past. It will crush you day in day out. I know this because I have been through it. Nobody in the history of humanity has ever worried his way out of the consequences of his past actions. You can reply it all in your head ten times more, ten thousand times more...it's impossible to change what happened and you just have to accept it and begin walking a new path. You're only human. Life is really difficult when the only dress rehearsal for life is life itself.

And not to offend your religious beliefs or anything, but I really would suggest not doing what the church people want you to do. Don't assume a God is going to fix your life. You have to see yourself as the god of your own reality and modify your situation as you can. You're didn't, for example, ask God to make a bunch of guys on Bluelight talk with you. No, you got onto your computer and composed a message, and from that you now have a few more friends and maybe some new perspectives.

We live in a society that is obsessed with instant gratification and has come to devalue classical hard work and incremental progress. But little things really do add up, and if you can go to sleep in slightly better a position than when you woke up, that is a successful day. So you didn't set a PR, fuck a model or make a huge commission. Maybe you pushed out two more reps over last workout, you're $10 richer from your minimum wage job and you said hi to a girl in public. That's all awesome stuff.

What do you want to have in a year from now? An apartment? A girlfriend? A nice physique? A better self image? New friends? Write down five or ten things you don't have now that you'd like to have in a year. Alternatively, things you do have now that you don't want to have in a year. So where should you be in six months if you want to move toward these goals? Maybe you have two grand saved up to put down on an apartment. Maybe you join plenty of fish and are messaging local women. Whatever your goal is, design a path toward it and it will feel more manageable.

Think back of when you first got into lifting weights. You're could bench 135 but 225 felt like trying to lift a car off of you. So the first goal was to bench 140. Then 145. But 225 still feels like a car. So you're repping out 150 now, then 155. You do a pin press in the rack with 225 and you actually are able to lock it out. You feel hope. Now back to 160... Point is, if you've gotten big and strong before, incremental progress is somewhat intuitive to you. The same thing applies to all areas of life. You want to earn $20/hr and you make $10 now. A ten cent raise is a ten cent raise. Focus on the direction (forward) and not the speed.

And ya, I know that I can write that up in a poetic and motivating way and it really is extremely overwhelming emotionally and there is the knee-jerk reaction to say "well that was you But I am truly fucked..." And let me tell you, my life right now is far from perfect. It is better, yes, but I still panic daily over finances, my health, my future. How irreparable my damage is. I still at times feel like a huge loser because of where I am now at 32 verses where I was at 22. Some days my alarm goes off and I just sit there in bed muttering "fuck" to myself while drowning in regret. But really, you're an animal on a planet flying through space, and that's all any of us are. We all have our battles, we all hate things about ourselves. But we also all have the potential to help one another, feel connected to others and to the giant mystery that this all is. Guilt and shame have huge social components to them, and it's imperative to learn how your personally are able to detach from society when you need to. I spend time in nature, listen to music, look at art, learn science...develop a deep connection with things that essentially matter to the human experience and it will allow you to feel less acceptable to society's treatment of the individual walking his own twisted path.
 
I was real depressed and felt horrible when my test was low, rubbing some topical TRT drugs on my back every night fixed me up right, Go get blood work.

Genetic freak eh? is that the OTC stuff you can buy at GNC like Test freaki... etc
 
♥ Lady Bug ♥;14063187 said:
Sorry, I wouldnt know how to help since I dont take steroids cause they are bad for you.
Click to expand...


Then GTFO! Why even post
 
Just wanted to say thumbs up to you guys for this massive amount of real wisdom. OP probably isn't reading here anymore, but like others said in a much better way, the only person who can really turn your life around is you. Lots of people blame their shitty situation on something or someone else, but that's not going to help you.
 
^ Good posts here

I would make step 1 getting some simple testosterone and running 100mg/week. Start TRT, it will make everything else seem much more logical and manageable.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top