ahntikhrist
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2017
- Messages
- 1
Hello, I am a 28 year old male. At the age of 19 I tried Marijuana for the first time. Around this period I also experimented with MDMA, and began smoking tobacco products. By 21, I had done Psilocybin Mushrooms a couple times. Also around this time I had experience with taking Hydrocodone’s, Benzos, and barbiturates. I had smoked Salvia, drank on occasion, and used synthetic Marijuana. By 22, as far as I know, I had become chemically imbalanced. One day I finally lost my mind and began hallucinating without drugs, and went into a deep psychosis. I began hearing voices, having delusions about the world around me, and hallucinating outside of my mind. I was fully aware but at the same time, it’s as if I had left my brain and left the lights on with no one home. The last time I did Psilocybin Mushrooms before all this began, I had my first bad trip. I felt as if I had only moments to live and regretted every bad decision I had ever made in my life till that time. It was soon after this bad trip that I started going into psychosis. Leaving details behind, I was paranoid with a train of thought never ended. One day after wandering my city while having a mental breakdown and hallucinating vividly, I ended up in the Hospital. I was Baker acted. Told nothing. And was given a cocktail of drugs that just made things worse, including pain relievers, and hypnotic sedatives. I was diagnosed as “Psychosis Overdose.” Much is a blur, but eventually I was put into an outpatient program here in South Florida. I was given SRI’s, Antipsychotics. I can easily write a list of 20+ prescribed medications that have been tried on me. Anxiety reducers. Bipolar medications. I’ve been given things I don’t even know what the purpose was for. I felt foggy, slow, and non-present. Then around 23 I was offered crack cocaine. Being on antipsychotics and SRI’s, I could no longer experience anything from Psilocybin and it also dulled the effects of THC. I could no longer do MDMA because the SRI’s take up the same receptors in the brain as MDMA. But Cocaine always worked. From 22-26 I had been in and out of programs. Rehabs. Group Meetings. Mental wards and Clinics. Cocaine made me realize that the Devil does come in white. The addiction destroyed me. It ruined my self image, self worth, my relationships, everything was put on hold. It got to the point where I was panhandling money for just that one more. On-top of this, of all the Medications I’ve taken, Abilify has been a steady influencer in my life for maybe 5 years. I have not stopped taking this drug till this day. But I am not happy. As of today, I am 28 and have stopped using Cocaine period. I’m am currently on Abilify and Xanax. I still smoke Marijuana which I have found to be good to me above all things. I want off Abilify. I feel that I have matured enough and understand myself on a much more profound level. I want back what I gave up, and want to continue a natural life. I’m not where I need to be yet, but I have grown, and being through all this have gained much knowledge and understanding of the ways that Mental Health is being treated in America. My mother would not want me to be off the antipsychotic and I do not know how my current Prescriber will react. I wish to be me again, I wish to grow. I’ve been labeled as a drug addict, and Schitzo-effective. Today is a new day for me. I wish to get back into Psychedelics and get the full effect of Marijuana. I want to experience Psilocybin again. I need to grow spiritually without being blocked or blinded by an anti-psychotic. I feel empty. I hope to one day try Ayahuasca and maybe LSD. I wish to do this safely and responsibly. I’m so tired of the system in Florida, I want to move to Colorado or somewhere where I can smoke Marijuana in peace. I believe what happened to me was a direct result of a bad mushroom, maybe rotten or something of that nature. I feel lonely and left out. I have few friends. Being blank, or empty in the mind seemed to be the goal, but looking at it now, I realize I’m lacking what normal people have as far what the mind is capable of. I feel like something is turned off, and I want it back. It’s been so long I can’t even taste it anymore. But I can just feel it. I really need someone to work with me here. I do not know where to go from here. The worst is out the way.
