Dealing with loved ones clean

[DoctorMolecule]

I wish this topic was a sticky mega thread. I'm going to be with the in laws and want to hear your experiences: don't be shy

 

[Jabberwocky]

Do you have any of your own experiences to share on this topic?

 

[DoctorMolecule]

Do you have any of your own experiences to share on this topic?

Yes I like to escape my problems, healthy: jam on guitar, laughter, trying out mindfulness.
Unhealthy: using meetings to get away from the wife
Deadly: that shit I'm trying to not use no matter what

 

[jdfisse]

I will add to the fray.

Assertiveness - the ability to express one's thoughts and feelings with confidence and skill. Assertive statements are phrased as "I feel this way when..." instead of the more aggressive, "You are pissing me off!" Something as simple as changing language can have dramatic effects on my ability to deal with others.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Nice jdfisse! There is a whole load of wisdom packed away in your post there

 

[simco]

Following jdfisse's lead, I'll add...

Resilience. Especially as in "shame resilience." When people interrogate me about where my life is headed, what skeletons are in my closet, or even just who I am, I have a tendency to get really negative towards myself--very defensive and ashamed. I've been working a lot recently on trying to remember that I'm doing my level best and that my life is heading in a positive direction. For me, that's enough.

 

[DixiChik]

I learned long ago..."Don't even TRY to hide the skeletons in your closet. Instead, TEACH those fuckers to dance!"

Family can be the other "F" word. My mama just died in my arms April 12, after 12 LONG years in the nursing home. Both she and I were ghosted by my 5 older siblings in life, and now in death.

I did not sleep or eat (sans Gatorade) for several days, as I coordinated her funeral arrangements/burial. I did her hair and nails, to match her favorite red dress. She was buried on Good Friday as the sun began its decent in the West. I still could not eat or sleep. My siblings implied "drugs". Nope, it was pure grief and adrenaline to do what others refused to do.

Keep your head high. If you are doing what's right, you will never be wrong.

((HUGS))

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sending you a lot of love DixiChik! I'm so sorry to here about your mama. My deepest condolences. What an honor, both to her that you were there for her, and for you that you got to be with her for her last minutes on earth, that you got to share this terribly tender kind of experience with her

 

[simco]

Hey Dixie. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Fwiw, I went through a similar thing in January...my mom died after a long illness. The grief is still there. But I'm so glad to have been with my mom as she left the earth. It was intensely spiritual, and beautiful in some ways. I hope you find peace in the coming weeks and months.

Sim

 

[DixiChik]

Thank you TD and simco...For some reason, I'm unable to use the "heart" emoji, which is my favorite. It ghosts, along with whatever text follows it.

simco...I clearly remember your mom's death. I posted to your thread. Our "mom" situations were very similar, though you were struggling with early recovery. I do hope life is treating you well, as your body and soul heals. Stay strong.

I don't want to derail this thread, though I could certainly use some support. I've thought of starting my own thread, but don't think I belong anywhere.

Mama's death was brutal and ugly, as she had been struggling since January. I had prayed for a merciful death to end it for her, but it was hard to have the DNR placed solely on my shoulders. I have no doubt I made the right decision.

 

[DoctorMolecule]

I will add to the fray.

Assertiveness - the ability to express one's thoughts and feelings with confidence and skill. Assertive statements are phrased as "I feel this way when..." instead of the more aggressive, "You are pissing me off!" Something as simple as changing language can have dramatic effects on my ability to deal with others.

Following jdfisse's lead, I'll add...

Resilience. Especially as in "shame resilience." When people interrogate me about where my life is headed, what skeletons are in my closet, or even just who I am, I have a tendency to get really negative towards myself--very defensive and ashamed. I've been working a lot recently on trying to remember that I'm doing my level best and that my life is heading in a positive direction. For me, that's enough.

Going to try assertiveness minus aggression, and yeah staying clean today is something I should feel proud about, but there is the emptiness or falseness about being proud of not using, like shouting 'yay a tornado didn't happen today!' Gratitude man, that's a tough one for Doc

 

[simco]

Thank you TD and simco...For some reason, I'm unable to use the "heart" emoji, which is my favorite. It ghosts, along with whatever text follows it.

simco...I clearly remember your mom's death. I posted to your thread. Our "mom" situations were very similar, though you were struggling with early recovery. I do hope life is treating you well, as your body and soul heals. Stay strong.

I don't want to derail this thread, though I could certainly use some support. I've thought of starting my own thread, but don't think I belong anywhere.

Mama's death was brutal and ugly, as she had been struggling since January. I had prayed for a merciful death to end it for her, but it was hard to have the DNR placed solely on my shoulders. I have no doubt I made the right decision.

Hey, sweetie...I'm going to PM you in a second. But first, a couple things for out in the open.

1. The is my favorite emoji too. You can insert one into text on BL by typing a < followed immediately by a 3 .
2. I hope you'll start your own thread...you belong right here! SL is for anyone trying to learn how to live authentically and healthily, whatever those terms may mean to you. (Alternatively, there's also The Dark Side forum, which could also be a good home.)