Kallisti23
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2015
- Messages
- 186
I have recently tried to start reconnecting to nature after a period of feeling quite separated from the natural world, and the world around me in general, culminating in a period of acute existential and ontological crisis where I became strongly immersed in my inner world and obsessed with thoughts of the ultimate nature of reality to the extent where all terrestrial and temporal activities began to loose all their meaning for me.
I believe this to have been at least partially brought about by my intense experimentation with Ketamine for about a year or two, where I went through periods of months of near daily to daily use. Mainly insufflated but also intramuscular.
On Ketamine I communicated non-vocally with beings outside of space and time, and experienced the ultimate oneness of all; during my most profound trip on ketamine taken at the peak of a 2CB trip I had an experience that is hard, near impossible to put into words - I reached an intensely egoless state where I became the One, the All, God at the center of the universe, I was nothing and at the same time everything, I was a point at the center of being with all that exists flowing through me.
As I started to come down from the ketamine I separated out into all the separate components that had been flowing through me, being multiple of these states or things at once, gradually separating out until my consciousness found it's way back to me and was born into my body.
This lead me to the belief that all is just the individual manifestations of the One Consciousness, and that the life we live here on earth is just a small stage in this existence. For some this could have been an ecstatic state, but because of my already depressive emotional state at that time this it lead me into a very nihilistic belief system were I felt that all activities rooted in the temporal - work, art, relationships etc. were all ultimately meaningless in the grand scheme of cosmic existence.
I must stress that although I still believe that Ketamine is a valuable and extremely powerful tool and entheogen, I have learnt that it does have a dark side and is one to be treated with respect and caution.
I cut down on my use of Ketamine and went traveling for 2 months and gradually managed to shake off this negative BS. But it's dissociative, and what I found to be it's cold, and cosmic, space based nature lingered with me and I felt I had lost touch with the earth and nature. I have lately been trying to reconnect with The Great Mother, Isis, Gaia or any of the nature spirits manifestations.
Since then I had been working a a lot with 2CB, LSD, and Mushrooms. Unfortunately I have also fallen foul to the lure of Benzodiazepines which I have been using all too regularly for the last 6 months. During my last trip I had on 2CB I got the message that I was finished my work with this ally for now and should do more work with the more powerful plant / planetary healers such as Mushrooms and LSD.
I hope that this communion with The Mushroom today will help me with this goal.
Hail Isis, Hail Gaia, Hail Mary!
T+0.00(8.00am): I ingest 2g of very potent, and previously tried, dried Psilocybe Semilanceata mushrooms and start to write the introduction.
T+0.40: I can feel the first effects start to come on, slight rushes and tingling in my body and mind, and my vision begins to shimmer and move ever so slightly. I find myself looking at the three recently acquired plants in my room and feel that I am intuitively sensing their various light requirements...
A deep sense of bubbly relaxation envelopes me as the effects start to gather strength, and I lie back into my bed.
I open my blinds and everything is extraordinarily bright and vivid.
T+1.15: One must go through darkness (the womb image) to be born again.
I could feel myself getting in tune with deep vibrations that were running through my body in rhythmic waves and felt as if they where trying to communicate something to me. I could not break through though and decide to smoke some cannabis and put on my eye mask to hopefully help things along a bit.
The image of Homer in The Simpsons episode where he breaks through from the cartoon world into the 'human world', and the strange intermediate realm he passes through has for some reason been a reoccurring one for me for this last part of the trip...
When I put on the eye mask my consciousness gets drawn inside of me, I feel in tune with the inner workings of my body, but unfortunately in the time it took me to find my eye mask and load up a pipe of weed the intensity of the moment had passed and I get lost tripping on my thoughts.
My eye and energy keep getting drawn towards the ginseng plant, it exudes a definite power, dominance and command, it is definitely the most powerful plant in this room.
T+1.50: I am sitting in my back garden eating granola pondering away and it strikes me how my mind is like a maze of barbed hedging - loose my judgement and I am likely to encounter some prickly anxiety laying dormant in my subconscious. I have a lot of issues hidden down there that I'm not bringing to light and generally avoid at all costs, but that are absorbing energy in the dark soil of my mind. But now is not the time, I may proceed down these avenues on the come down...
T+2.00 – 4.00: From this point on I largely stopped taking notes. I became immersed in the trip and note-taking seemed like an unnecessary distraction from the prime direct experience I was after. It was a mild morning with some sun and scattered cloud, so I put the moroccan rug down on the grass in my back garden and lay down. I spent a good hour or two just sitting and lying in the garden, alternating between reveling in just being here now, and going off on deep currents of thought.
There was a moment when I was sitting with my eyes closed facing the sun, sensing a great sense of worship towards the life giving rays of the father Sun, and the mother Earth that begot me. I saw images of thousands of different red facial figures streaming down, a lot of it quite Mayan / Aztec in their design, flowing behind my closed eyelids, and felt them intuitively to be sacred art from many of the various sun worshipping cultures.
I tried to mentally trace my own lineage back, on my fathers British side and my mothers Scandinavian. Both traces led back to earth worshiping pagans - Druidic on the English and Nordic pagan on the Scanidinavian. I had vague images of ancient ceremonies. I remember distinctly thinking 'I am a pagan!' and something along the lines of, 'I worship what is around me, what I can see and touch and feel, the life giving force of nature'. At that moment I felt that I had finally found my faith.
I could sense that I was in a profoundly altered state of consciousness and decided to try and pinpoint the primary difference between my current altered state of consciousness and my regular state of consciousness. I looked around my garden noticing the plants and a hover fly that was hovering in front of me and remember being struck with the directness of everything, it was a feeling that is hard to put into words, I felt acutely in the present - I was right here right now. In an attempt to save this moment in my memory I scribbled the following down in my notebook I had at hand;
'One main difference to RC (Regular Consciousness) is that in this AC (Altered Consciousness) everything has a directness to it when attention is paid. Much more so than in RC.'
Not very elegantly or profoundly put but it served it's purpose of triggering the memory of the moment in myself.
I spent some time thinking about the nature of life and of living organisms, and what defines life apart from non living matter in the universe. Here are the brief notes jotted down in my notebook at the time;
'What makes life so special?
We are all made up of the same cosmic particles and matter – inorganic and organic.
Life proceeds through space and time with intent. It seemingly utilizes energy relentlessly to what seems to be at least a believed subconscious purpose.'
My memory of these couple of hours is still fragmentary and a bit fuzzy. I do remember smoking some cannabis on a few occasions, and making a couple of excursions upstairs to check on my new plants. I found myself drawn to touching the plants and feeling them as if in some sort of attempt of emotional or energetic transferral.
I also spent a bit of time, although I was trying my best to avoid it this early on in the trip, thinking about the recent unexpected situation to do with my Dad that has caused me some stress for the last couple of days. It brought up a lot of deep rooted insecurities and emotions to do with our relationship, and I remember in a rather whimsical state making melted cheese on toast with brown sauce (a food item that would have strong associations with my father for me) to symbolically devour. I don't recall the full implications of this small bizarre act now, but it seemed to make sense at the time.
T+4.00: At roughly this time I got a minor wave of paranoia about the possibility of someone coming back home early, and started worrying about how far-out I looked and how well I would handle social interaction. I brought sun glasses outside that I could put on to cover my eyes with if someone came home, and a book to have at hand as a means to normalise me lying outside in the not quite sun-bathing appropriate cool half-sun. Eventually I went upstairs to my room and lay down and listened to Suit: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby, Stills, and Nash to chill out. This worked to good effect.
The visual aspect to the trip had seriously diminished by this point, and although the psychological dimension was still going strong it was surprisingly mild considering what I have experienced from lower doses before. I think this could be largely due to me having taken diazepam the day prior and it still being in my system today, and also possibly slight psychedelic tolerance build up from regular micro / low dosing for the last couple of weeks. I felt that with the way things were today I could definitely have handled another gram of the sacrament.
Although the early part of the trip had a very strong natural spirit and energy to it this seemed less pronounced than I would have expected and hoped for, and the effects waned pretty quickly. I would love to experiment with this again at a stronger dose to really experience it's full potential but alas my supply is all gone until next season.
T+6.00 – 6.30: I had a bath and remember noticing around this time that the visuals had pretty much completely subsided although I could not have been considered 'down' for at least another 2 hours.
Although this trip was milder than I had hoped for I felt it did succeed early on in giving me a hint of the connection that is possible between the human and the natural world, an obvious statement maybe as humans are born of nature, but unfortunately a fact that is all to easy to loose touch with.
I have also learnt that it is good to abstain from downers like benzodiazepines for at least 24 hours before a trip for full effects, and of course best to abstain from all together.
Peace and Discord!
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_cannabis
substancecode_tryptamines
substancecode_cannabinoids
explevel_experienced
roacode_oral
exptype_positive
exptype_spiritual
_combo_
I believe this to have been at least partially brought about by my intense experimentation with Ketamine for about a year or two, where I went through periods of months of near daily to daily use. Mainly insufflated but also intramuscular.
On Ketamine I communicated non-vocally with beings outside of space and time, and experienced the ultimate oneness of all; during my most profound trip on ketamine taken at the peak of a 2CB trip I had an experience that is hard, near impossible to put into words - I reached an intensely egoless state where I became the One, the All, God at the center of the universe, I was nothing and at the same time everything, I was a point at the center of being with all that exists flowing through me.
As I started to come down from the ketamine I separated out into all the separate components that had been flowing through me, being multiple of these states or things at once, gradually separating out until my consciousness found it's way back to me and was born into my body.
This lead me to the belief that all is just the individual manifestations of the One Consciousness, and that the life we live here on earth is just a small stage in this existence. For some this could have been an ecstatic state, but because of my already depressive emotional state at that time this it lead me into a very nihilistic belief system were I felt that all activities rooted in the temporal - work, art, relationships etc. were all ultimately meaningless in the grand scheme of cosmic existence.
I must stress that although I still believe that Ketamine is a valuable and extremely powerful tool and entheogen, I have learnt that it does have a dark side and is one to be treated with respect and caution.
I cut down on my use of Ketamine and went traveling for 2 months and gradually managed to shake off this negative BS. But it's dissociative, and what I found to be it's cold, and cosmic, space based nature lingered with me and I felt I had lost touch with the earth and nature. I have lately been trying to reconnect with The Great Mother, Isis, Gaia or any of the nature spirits manifestations.
Since then I had been working a a lot with 2CB, LSD, and Mushrooms. Unfortunately I have also fallen foul to the lure of Benzodiazepines which I have been using all too regularly for the last 6 months. During my last trip I had on 2CB I got the message that I was finished my work with this ally for now and should do more work with the more powerful plant / planetary healers such as Mushrooms and LSD.
I hope that this communion with The Mushroom today will help me with this goal.
Hail Isis, Hail Gaia, Hail Mary!
T+0.00(8.00am): I ingest 2g of very potent, and previously tried, dried Psilocybe Semilanceata mushrooms and start to write the introduction.
T+0.40: I can feel the first effects start to come on, slight rushes and tingling in my body and mind, and my vision begins to shimmer and move ever so slightly. I find myself looking at the three recently acquired plants in my room and feel that I am intuitively sensing their various light requirements...
A deep sense of bubbly relaxation envelopes me as the effects start to gather strength, and I lie back into my bed.
I open my blinds and everything is extraordinarily bright and vivid.
T+1.15: One must go through darkness (the womb image) to be born again.
I could feel myself getting in tune with deep vibrations that were running through my body in rhythmic waves and felt as if they where trying to communicate something to me. I could not break through though and decide to smoke some cannabis and put on my eye mask to hopefully help things along a bit.
The image of Homer in The Simpsons episode where he breaks through from the cartoon world into the 'human world', and the strange intermediate realm he passes through has for some reason been a reoccurring one for me for this last part of the trip...
When I put on the eye mask my consciousness gets drawn inside of me, I feel in tune with the inner workings of my body, but unfortunately in the time it took me to find my eye mask and load up a pipe of weed the intensity of the moment had passed and I get lost tripping on my thoughts.
My eye and energy keep getting drawn towards the ginseng plant, it exudes a definite power, dominance and command, it is definitely the most powerful plant in this room.
T+1.50: I am sitting in my back garden eating granola pondering away and it strikes me how my mind is like a maze of barbed hedging - loose my judgement and I am likely to encounter some prickly anxiety laying dormant in my subconscious. I have a lot of issues hidden down there that I'm not bringing to light and generally avoid at all costs, but that are absorbing energy in the dark soil of my mind. But now is not the time, I may proceed down these avenues on the come down...
T+2.00 – 4.00: From this point on I largely stopped taking notes. I became immersed in the trip and note-taking seemed like an unnecessary distraction from the prime direct experience I was after. It was a mild morning with some sun and scattered cloud, so I put the moroccan rug down on the grass in my back garden and lay down. I spent a good hour or two just sitting and lying in the garden, alternating between reveling in just being here now, and going off on deep currents of thought.
There was a moment when I was sitting with my eyes closed facing the sun, sensing a great sense of worship towards the life giving rays of the father Sun, and the mother Earth that begot me. I saw images of thousands of different red facial figures streaming down, a lot of it quite Mayan / Aztec in their design, flowing behind my closed eyelids, and felt them intuitively to be sacred art from many of the various sun worshipping cultures.
I tried to mentally trace my own lineage back, on my fathers British side and my mothers Scandinavian. Both traces led back to earth worshiping pagans - Druidic on the English and Nordic pagan on the Scanidinavian. I had vague images of ancient ceremonies. I remember distinctly thinking 'I am a pagan!' and something along the lines of, 'I worship what is around me, what I can see and touch and feel, the life giving force of nature'. At that moment I felt that I had finally found my faith.
I could sense that I was in a profoundly altered state of consciousness and decided to try and pinpoint the primary difference between my current altered state of consciousness and my regular state of consciousness. I looked around my garden noticing the plants and a hover fly that was hovering in front of me and remember being struck with the directness of everything, it was a feeling that is hard to put into words, I felt acutely in the present - I was right here right now. In an attempt to save this moment in my memory I scribbled the following down in my notebook I had at hand;
'One main difference to RC (Regular Consciousness) is that in this AC (Altered Consciousness) everything has a directness to it when attention is paid. Much more so than in RC.'
Not very elegantly or profoundly put but it served it's purpose of triggering the memory of the moment in myself.
I spent some time thinking about the nature of life and of living organisms, and what defines life apart from non living matter in the universe. Here are the brief notes jotted down in my notebook at the time;
'What makes life so special?
We are all made up of the same cosmic particles and matter – inorganic and organic.
Life proceeds through space and time with intent. It seemingly utilizes energy relentlessly to what seems to be at least a believed subconscious purpose.'
My memory of these couple of hours is still fragmentary and a bit fuzzy. I do remember smoking some cannabis on a few occasions, and making a couple of excursions upstairs to check on my new plants. I found myself drawn to touching the plants and feeling them as if in some sort of attempt of emotional or energetic transferral.
I also spent a bit of time, although I was trying my best to avoid it this early on in the trip, thinking about the recent unexpected situation to do with my Dad that has caused me some stress for the last couple of days. It brought up a lot of deep rooted insecurities and emotions to do with our relationship, and I remember in a rather whimsical state making melted cheese on toast with brown sauce (a food item that would have strong associations with my father for me) to symbolically devour. I don't recall the full implications of this small bizarre act now, but it seemed to make sense at the time.
T+4.00: At roughly this time I got a minor wave of paranoia about the possibility of someone coming back home early, and started worrying about how far-out I looked and how well I would handle social interaction. I brought sun glasses outside that I could put on to cover my eyes with if someone came home, and a book to have at hand as a means to normalise me lying outside in the not quite sun-bathing appropriate cool half-sun. Eventually I went upstairs to my room and lay down and listened to Suit: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby, Stills, and Nash to chill out. This worked to good effect.
The visual aspect to the trip had seriously diminished by this point, and although the psychological dimension was still going strong it was surprisingly mild considering what I have experienced from lower doses before. I think this could be largely due to me having taken diazepam the day prior and it still being in my system today, and also possibly slight psychedelic tolerance build up from regular micro / low dosing for the last couple of weeks. I felt that with the way things were today I could definitely have handled another gram of the sacrament.
Although the early part of the trip had a very strong natural spirit and energy to it this seemed less pronounced than I would have expected and hoped for, and the effects waned pretty quickly. I would love to experiment with this again at a stronger dose to really experience it's full potential but alas my supply is all gone until next season.
T+6.00 – 6.30: I had a bath and remember noticing around this time that the visuals had pretty much completely subsided although I could not have been considered 'down' for at least another 2 hours.
Although this trip was milder than I had hoped for I felt it did succeed early on in giving me a hint of the connection that is possible between the human and the natural world, an obvious statement maybe as humans are born of nature, but unfortunately a fact that is all to easy to loose touch with.
I have also learnt that it is good to abstain from downers like benzodiazepines for at least 24 hours before a trip for full effects, and of course best to abstain from all together.
Peace and Discord!
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_cannabis
substancecode_tryptamines
substancecode_cannabinoids
explevel_experienced
roacode_oral
exptype_positive
exptype_spiritual
_combo_
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