deadendgame
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2014
- Messages
- 356
Hello. I'm a 27 year old paranoid schizophrenic living in my parents' basement owing student loans up the wazoo from going to a diploma mill, no job, no bitch, no money. Not much has changed except the age number 26 is now 27. My paranoia and OCD evolved to the point where I'm scared to post things on the internet but my life sucks so much ass that I figure I got nothing to lose so here it goes. I tried to get help before many times but mental illness is heavily stigmatized in this society as you all may know. So, I suffered a schizophrenic illness in college and I tried to seek help for it many times. The first time I tried to seek help was after college talking stuff out to a quack psychologist who charged me $150 for the consult. And the only "help" he gave me was that my life indeed sucks ass. I also seen psychiatrists but unlike the psychologist, he didn't have time to listen to my mother fucking problems and prescribed me antipsychotics. At the time, I did not know of the side effects of the medication and my family members were calling me fat and retarded. Suspicious, I did my own research and realized that these pills were indeed poison. I told my psychiatrist that I ain't taking this shit no more and he discharged me. My social worker discharged me too cuz she thought I was crazy as fuck and that I "wanted" to jack off to adderall all the time. A lot of stuff happened in between but fast forward to today and here I am. I'm stable and I feel like I have more control of this now, but I kind of had to do this on my own. The problem is that mental illness is stigmatized so much that it's really hard to seek help. You also don't have any friends if you're not in school or working and those friends don't have time to listen to your mother fucking problems. For someone to listen to your problems cost X dollars an hour which I don't have. I reckon that's why I'm posting on here. People always tell YOU to get help when help is so hard to find and they're not willing to help you. Well, that's my mental situation. Now I will discuss my physical situation.
Luckily, I only have high LDL, cholesterol and triglycerides. If I had any major illness, I don't have to financial resource to get it treated. So, going to that diploma mill exhausted all my financial resources that I can't go back to school again. I tried to get a job as a security guard in retail but I was made fun of for doing that too. People don't even know who I am and they think they can judge me. Getting paid $1000/month just to pay rent and getting laughed at by customers, coworkers, managers, friends, etc was getting on my nerves and after three months of that, I quit. My parents are giving me a bit of respite in that they're giving me a few months to figure out what to do with my life. After that, they're basically telling me to go fuck myself. So with this time, I really have to think of a solution. So you know the economy is bad and that it's hard to find a job above minimum wage. Those jobs require some certifications but I can't front the tuition fee cuz I spent it on that diploma mill. And so, I know what's going to happen next, and that's homelessness. I realize now that this is the next thing to happen, but I have 3 months to figure out what to do. I watched a documentary online about a Japanese word hikkakimori and I reckon I am doing that now. With only youtube, google, and the internet, I learned many things. Life is not just one bad event. It is a series of bad events leading to you dying anyway. Putting it in the context of my life, there are approximately 20,000 more days of this stupid shit left. I don't fear death anymore cuz I never die when I'm supposed to, like what the fuck? And just when I'm feeling down, the Christians come and fuck up your day even more and saying youre going to hell after you die for doing nothing. I didn't do jack shit to anyone. Like what the fuck man? After I'm already having a bad day yall seriously know how to make someone feel better that you deserve some kind of trophy. So I learned to ignore these assholes too.
Yeah, there was a presidential election and shit. After the election, my friends' true colors came out. Yall know what happened but after the election the democrats, SJWs, feminists, minority groups start wreaking havoc and shit. Complaining about hacking, electoral college, how Trump's not your president, etc. But the main thing is Trump is your president and he won fair and square. He is slowly fixing all the problems in America and will make America great again. So please have some dignity and respect, stop complaining, and yield to the new president. That's all I will say about politics. I really don't wish to cause harm to anyone. I just want to live my life and hopefully this stupid shit will be over, someday. And so, I thank you blue/greenlighters who been with me all these years. This post was about me but I will try to be more resourceful on here. What I will say is that youre not alone and that your suffering will someday come to an end. Best wishes
Luckily, I only have high LDL, cholesterol and triglycerides. If I had any major illness, I don't have to financial resource to get it treated. So, going to that diploma mill exhausted all my financial resources that I can't go back to school again. I tried to get a job as a security guard in retail but I was made fun of for doing that too. People don't even know who I am and they think they can judge me. Getting paid $1000/month just to pay rent and getting laughed at by customers, coworkers, managers, friends, etc was getting on my nerves and after three months of that, I quit. My parents are giving me a bit of respite in that they're giving me a few months to figure out what to do with my life. After that, they're basically telling me to go fuck myself. So with this time, I really have to think of a solution. So you know the economy is bad and that it's hard to find a job above minimum wage. Those jobs require some certifications but I can't front the tuition fee cuz I spent it on that diploma mill. And so, I know what's going to happen next, and that's homelessness. I realize now that this is the next thing to happen, but I have 3 months to figure out what to do. I watched a documentary online about a Japanese word hikkakimori and I reckon I am doing that now. With only youtube, google, and the internet, I learned many things. Life is not just one bad event. It is a series of bad events leading to you dying anyway. Putting it in the context of my life, there are approximately 20,000 more days of this stupid shit left. I don't fear death anymore cuz I never die when I'm supposed to, like what the fuck? And just when I'm feeling down, the Christians come and fuck up your day even more and saying youre going to hell after you die for doing nothing. I didn't do jack shit to anyone. Like what the fuck man? After I'm already having a bad day yall seriously know how to make someone feel better that you deserve some kind of trophy. So I learned to ignore these assholes too.
Yeah, there was a presidential election and shit. After the election, my friends' true colors came out. Yall know what happened but after the election the democrats, SJWs, feminists, minority groups start wreaking havoc and shit. Complaining about hacking, electoral college, how Trump's not your president, etc. But the main thing is Trump is your president and he won fair and square. He is slowly fixing all the problems in America and will make America great again. So please have some dignity and respect, stop complaining, and yield to the new president. That's all I will say about politics. I really don't wish to cause harm to anyone. I just want to live my life and hopefully this stupid shit will be over, someday. And so, I thank you blue/greenlighters who been with me all these years. This post was about me but I will try to be more resourceful on here. What I will say is that youre not alone and that your suffering will someday come to an end. Best wishes
In other words we live in a pretty superficial and judgmental toxic stew of our own collective making. The best we can do is to work on changing ourselves so that we are can hopefully move beyond vilifying everyone that thinks differently from us or lives a different reality.