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How can he love me but want more?

C

confusedwife

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My husband says he loves me. But he says he wants more. I ask what more means but he doesn't know. I have a higher sex drive. We've been together nine years. What is going on? Does he want to experience new people? That's the only thing I've said no to. Anal? Sure. Threesomes? Sure.
I don't understand what he's asking for. We've always been open about what we want. But whatever it is, he is not telling me everything. If I don't know what he's interested in, I can't do it. I want to have sex and fun and that stuff. The only thing is him having sex with someone without me being there. That's the only thing. Surely that's not "TOO" restrictive.
Thoughts?
 
Maybe your just stuck in a rut and it's not just about the sex - maybe you have both become a bit too comfortable in your routine and he is bored. This doesn't mean he is bored of you or anything specific just the routine that you may have. He may be apprehensive in opening up about this as you will automatically think it's your 'fault' (which your suggesting in this thread).

Are you both working 9 - 5, do you have kids, pets, meatloaf on a Monday, order pizza on a Friday etc.

Why not suggest a vacation away from it all - doesn't have to be an expensive get away, just a change of pace, change of scenery etc
 
I have this very outlandish suggestion. It may come off as "weird" but those I know who've tried it have great success. Approach with caution because this could yield severe results...

Ask him. And don't accept "I don't know" as an answer.

He knows. If he actually does desire something external, him saying he "doesn't know" is a total fucking cop-out because he wants you to be the one to suggest it, to which he will respond "yeah? you think so?" making it seem like it was your idea for him to bang another chick. However, as said above, perhaps he really doesn't know how to express the fact that he simply wants a change of pace. A romantic getaway is a great idea, check AirBnB or VRBO for cheap little cabins to rent, it's super fun, relaxing, and a great way to bond with your partner, ESPECIALLY if you go somewhere with no cell/internet service. Get out into nature, experience each other away from all the monotony and technology. Have a moment with one and other by a campfire. Take a psychedelic or even MDMA together out in nature, alone, just the two of you. Have mind-blowing sex in a secluded home that isn't yours. Get loud, scream, shreek, orgasm like you never have before. Then go home glowing with the experience you just had together, and always remember that no matter how boring, monotonous, and routine things can get, you always have the option to go do that again in yet another new location! My lady and I do this regularly and there's nothing like it.
 
I have this very outlandish suggestion. It may come off as "weird" but those I know who've tried it have great success. Approach with caution because this could yield severe results...

Ask him. And don't accept "I don't know" as an answer.

Whoa, easy there, let's not get too outlandish and ridiculous with our initial suggestions.

She did say that she asked though, so its possible that he really doesn't know, so all you can do is guess and try to work to find whatever he feels is missing.
 
Whoa, easy there, let's not get too outlandish and ridiculous with our initial suggestions.

She did say that she asked though, so its possible that he really doesn't know, so all you can do is guess and try to work to find whatever he feels is missing.

Yeah exactly, hence the rest of my post that you didn't quote. I'm assuming you're being as sarcastic as I was though. :p
 
He's probably just embarrassed to say what it is. If I had to guess I would say it has something to do with fooling around with another man.
 
Maybe its not sexual?

It could be like a quarter or midlife crisis.
 
Existential crisis

Just give him some blowjobs and beer and hopefully he chills.

Sounds like you are more than accommodating, wish all women where down for that stuff as you.

He will probably get over it. If he doesn't, you already tried so if he ain't what you thought he was it is what it is.
 
My husband says he loves me. But he says he wants more. I ask what more means but he doesn't know. I have a higher sex drive. We've been together nine years. What is going on? Does he want to experience new people? That's the only thing I've said no to. Anal? Sure. Threesomes? Sure.
I don't understand what he's asking for. We've always been open about what we want. But whatever it is, he is not telling me everything. If I don't know what he's interested in, I can't do it. I want to have sex and fun and that stuff. The only thing is him having sex with someone without me being there. That's the only thing. Surely that's not "TOO" restrictive.
Thoughts?

Supply and demand. Make them want more. Find out what they want and give it to them.
 
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