lonliness due to drugs

[cyberius]

Same here, meth has destroyed my social life and killed any desire I've ever had to be close to other people. It's really a hard thing to deal with. I've found forcing myself to be social is tough, but it helps a lot and it's starting to bring back the need for others.

Feel free to vent here though, there's a bunch of people in your shoes here to listen to you without judging at all. (Like me!)

 

[herbavore]

I think she means well. Her boyfriend is also an addict who recently relapsed and went back to rehab, so she may just be sick of all our bullshit, haha, you know? I haven't dropped the H bomb on her because people seriously freak out over heroin, especially IV heroin. I've just told her I'm back on opiates. But she did say a while ago that she has a hard time telling the difference between supporting and enabling, with both me and her boyfriend. So if I give her the benefit of the doubt, I think maybe she's just trying to avoid enabling me? But of course, support and communication never enabled anyone. And I really miss her. I always felt better after talking to her, and she's really nonjudgmental and compassionate. I think the fact that it all seems a little out-of-character makes it worse.


... And yeah, especially for someone with trust and abandonment issues, the realization that someone is more important to you than you are to them really stings. I'm planning on asking her about it straight this weekend, I think. Might as well get it out in the open.

Have you tried sending her a note that says everything that you said here? Sometimes it is easier in writing. One thing that is very hard not to feel when you are on the outside of someone's consuming drug use is that you feel you are less important than the drug. You know that isn't truly the case (much more complicated!) and she probably even knows that rationally but emotionally she may not. Especially as her bf just relapsed she is probably also experiencing a lot of fear. Tell her how much the friendship means to you. Tell her one of the things that has meant so much to you is her non-judgmental compassion and also let her know that you are not looking for enabling. Maybe she needs space for her own head. If that's the case, as hard as it is for you right now, you will be a really good friend to her if you can resist seeing it as personal and let her have that space temporarily. One thing you might ask then is for a promise that it not be "forever".

A book that I read that helped me a lot to not take things personally in relationships is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruíz. I still have difficulty--I think it is the hardest thing for humans to embrace-- but at least I have a compass and can keep referring to it when I get lost in my own needs/ interpretations.

 

[jdfisse]

I am curious if the tobacco/agoraphobia link is a situation of correlation rather than causation. I too want to hear more about this. I have much to write about that matter, but I don't want to hijack a thread. It is possible to find recovery jayjay. I met a 93 year old man with 3 years clean once. I am not sure how the hell he made it to 90 in active addiction, but that is beside the point. It may involve a whole lot of lock-step doing whatever others with recovery experience tell you to do. This makes recovery simple, but certainly not easy.

 

[jayjaysleepyhead]

guys, please u are not hijacking my thread I enjoy listening

 

[Jabberwocky]

Thanks for your support, I got an open day on monday, level 2 in councelling , but I was told councelling is very difficult to fund its one of these proffesions that the goverment do not help much, so im also looking at a support worker, u get help and theres so many jobs I was told as long as u got life experience of this u do nt even need to go to college, but id rather go and study properly if possible, im worried that my criminal convictions will hinder me. In fact im sure they will do a proper check on me, even though these days they are really starting to help ex prisoners get jobs, all my convictions are theft from stores when I had a daily heroin habit and couldnt fund it, im so embarressed now im almost clean off my meth, but im hoping that these sort of jobs really are interested, in any sort of violence and interference with people which ive never done, so basically I need them to give me a chance to prove I can be a kind, helpful guy and would love to help and stop youngsters from being any sort of addict as ive been through it for 30 years so surely my knoledge and experience can be very useful.

How are you doing this week jay?

 

[WhiteDream]

I'm 25 and I feel the same. Depression and anxiety can stop your life. However there is a way out of it through medicine and therapy. I hope we both make it out alright!

 

[jayjaysleepyhead]

hi, folks sorry I aint been on here for a while, truth be told ive relapsed , again by my kindness ive put a guy up in my flat , he is a great guy and I feel so sorry for him as he reminds me of myself a few years ago, just out of jail homeless, f.....ed ,heart of gold he is 50 but like a 35 yr old . Now to the problem he iv,s heroin 2 to 3 timez a day like I used to, and guess what I could not resist that 1 hit which has turned into 3 a day for the last few weeks , im so gutted that ive been so weak , also I know that I was so lonely so his company is helping my depression, but yes im so sorry to my friends on here , I cant put him out on da street as ive been there but the injecting is beyond a joke and if I keep doing this, I wil be behind bars soon so ( HELP).

 

[d3athadone]

Fuck u sound like me so much at points of my life. You really want help man? I'm on day 7 here now. Had a relapse for like 2 weeks about 3 weeks ago. Was a fucking nightmare. I hadn't relapsed that hard in like 5 months or something and it really hurts. You let the guy into your life because you knew you would relapse. I know it, you know it. You gotta kick him out man. That's for sure. I would give him like 3 days to find a shelter or whatever and say ya bro sorry I gotta detox. He will understand man. just give him a bit for him to get out and also for you to use for a few more days before you quit. YOu need to prepare yourself mentally for the fact that you gonna quit. YOur still on methadone right? Detox wont be that bad if you are. Just take you like a bit to level out, but fuck 20 mls of methadone is plenty to hold even a serious habit over, it wont be fun, but not that fuckin tough either in the scale of things. The tough part is your actual life. Like you socially isolated and obviously a misfit like most addicts or maybe all. Thats ok. You can get help for all that shit man. Your not like stuck as a socially inept misfit for your whole life! My friend is going through similar shit. He is on 25mls of methadone and he gained all this weight and just been a total bore living on a farm house for past 3 years. He feels like he lost his personality and shit. Its fine, all that shit comes back when you work at it. But u have to work at it, you cant just stay at home and be a couch potato and expect your life to change. So get ready, get the guy out nicely(with a bit of warning), and get prepared for the fact that u gonna be a bit of a vegetable for a year or so and and that its gonna be tough and still a long haul b4 you feel good and bright. Aim to be a good person and help others and be a bright force on this earth and I promise you will feel better. Its been working for me. My problem lately has been the actual art of staying sober. Like its ridiculous, if I am not on a constant vigilant watch, I will just end up back there again. So thats what I'm learning right now. How to be more mindful, so I don't end up back in there. Its a very easy hill to slide down.

Just remember how much jail and dope sick (and the things that go with using dope) sucks.

 

[jayjaysleepyhead]

yes your god dam right, the hardest thing is getting rid of this guy, in case he flips I dont want to involve the police but he has no desire to stop injecting and I thought I would never inject again but its so easy as u know , f..ck . im sick of drugs and I got a 50 year old man who ive known for a month , well I just see it as a good deed from me and life will, repay me im 44 myself, so any ideas on how, to get rid of this guy in a way without me being horrible would be welcome.

 

[d3athadone]

"hey bro but I gotta get clean, I can give you a few days for you to find a shelter or whatever" If he acts like an asshole say get the fuck outa my house. Thats what I would do.