LSD - Some Experience - Bad LSD trip. Hope it's for the best.

[PsychToaster]

Done LSD a couple of times before. This time I took a tab and a half. Pretty strong and decent tabs, tested with a kit. I was tripping solo, and I was planning to chill out and listen to some music, which I did... and watch a movie (Koyaanisqatsi) which I did not because of what happened later...


I took the tabs at 7 pm.
For the next 4~5 hours I experienced emotions and felt like I ' ve never felt before in my entire life.... or I could imagine any substance could make you feel. I don't want to sound too cliche and ramble much about it (actually I did ), but at some point I felt like I was in vibe with everything and everything was perfect. So absolute and powerfull feelings.... I was coming up pretty smoothly, lost deep inside my own mind as I was listening to music and stared at the amazing and extremely complex visuals that started to manifest.


While I was peaking, anywhere I looked everything seemed all blurry and wavy, with strobing prism lights exploding all over the place. Everything seemed it had a pastel texture of purple, green and yellow. As soon as I stared into anything, it immiedetely started to morph away into something extremely different and complex and produce all kinds of fluid like moving patterns. I was completely amazed... everything seemed tiny, like I was staring it from a huge distance or like I was some kind of giant. Fractal and repetitive patterns on any surface I focused on.


Anyway, at that time I was thinking every aspect of my life in the most positive way than ever before. Problems and everyday frustrations seemed like no big deal at all and completeley meaningless. I was thinking about my friends and loved ones and tears of joy were running down my face. I imagined myslef trying to explain to them what I felt, and I was getting goosebumps. I felt such euphoria and happiness I' ve never felt before sober, with MDMA, coke or anything else.... (never done other psychedelics actually apart from low dose mushrooms).
I was completely amazed and given away to what I was experiencing.... I'm pretty sure I was lying in bed with my earbuds plugged on as tears kept running down my face.... I was starting to think that this could change me and make me a better person. Music, emotions, vision, feelings, everything seemed magnified in the most pleasurable way leaving me in total awe...


Everything was cool and awsome untill I randomlly had some bad thoughts like that this might end soon and how the fuck will I feel afterwards ?? or something like: woah it's starting to get a bit too overwhelming right now. Then I randomly thought about suicide, as I was thinking different ideas and concepts asking endless questions to myself. I started thinking about death and other dark themes. I've never felt suicidal in my entire life nor did I feel at any moment of the bad trip... but only the idea scared the crap out of me. Everything seemed so different and changed anyway, and anything could seem possible in this new world. I want to mention at this point that I'm pretty sure these bad feelings and general paranoia started to manifest after smoking a weed joint I had rolled earlier.


I was feeling really bad and frightened now. I suddendly realised I could experience negative emotions magnified 1000 times, as the good ones where before and hell it was scary... I thought I was alone in the house and I could potentially do harm to myslef by ""going crazy"" or doing something stupid and acting out an impulse against my will. I didn't feel I wanted to hurt myself but I was frightened I might do it without realising it or actually wanting to. OK!!! I felt I absolutely needed another sober human being with me right now as a point of reference. Immiedetely. This thought manifested my mind and everything else got dark and faded away. What I needed was a chilled out friend to pull me out of these extremely bad and looping thoughts. But all of my friends were busy at that time.

I was in a total panic state for about 10 to 30 minutes, trying to call any friend who could possibly come at my place asap so that I would feel safe and reassured. I even considered calling my parents, as I live alone but actually... I would never really do this...lol Anyway everything was scary and I really wanted to hug someone so bad or just hear a familiar voice. Those minutes seemed like an eternity. I took out my earbuds, and a loud wobbling noise echoing to eternity was the only thing I could hear. Actually every sound was magnified and echoing to eternity. My vision was completely blurred and I was struggling to find my friend's numbers on the phone. Then I saw something like blood spray visuals on my walls and it was really vivid and scary. It's kinda funny actually because I did cut my finger and spilled some blood trying to slice the blotter earlier, lol.


It felt like I was fighting something, and actually I was. I was feeling really bad but still it intrigued me in a weird way. Like it was some kind of test and I had to win by chilling the fuck out because everything was pretty ok anyway. Something I should have learned to do generally in my life anyway, as I have some minor anxiety issues. I had to face and embrace all these bad thoughts and there was not any other option available. I was mostly terrified by negative emotions. but now that I think about it it seemed like a fair challenge...


And I lost... I completely lost it. It felt like everything good that was building up completely shuttered and got lost in a single moment. I was feeling the classic paranoid anxiety attack symptoms magnified and nothing more. I was in shock going around in circles in the room feeling like I was suffocating and repeating calming shit to myself for about 5 minutes untill the doorbell rang (a friend I called arrived) and it surely was the most relieving doorbell I've ever heared.
We didn't talk too much, as I could still not at that point, but I was already feeling a lot better and calm now. From now on it gets pretty uninteresting, because pretty much everything faded away gradually, and I was left with a depresive mood and some miserable thoughts that this could have changed me for the worst. My friend told my that I looked like someone had given me the worst news ever or like I had seen something really terryfing. I was getting minor paranoid thoughts the whole time the following hours,and felt like everything seems so pointless and ruined. Also I had another major short freak out after smoking some weed while I was left alone in the room on my friends house for a bit. Mostly fear that I could hurt myself by acting out random impulses against my will.


I was experiencing something trully wonderfull before, and now it was gone. And I was left in this shitty paranoid mood like I' ve seen the meaning of life and it was pointless... I can't actually recall all of my thoughts when I was at my happy/awsome mood but one of the most vivid ones and worth mentioning was when I felt like I was being born, or like I was going to die but not in a scary/dark way. It felt completely metaphysical. I'm pretty sure I thought something like that even if I die now I don't really care....at some point.... Like I felt all the happiness I had ever experienced and I would experience in a single moment. And all the despair and agony as well.


Then I chilled with my friends and drank some booze and felt better and sobered up a bit. I was still in shock, amazed and terryfied with everything I experienced. Also another thing that started to freak me out is I was feeling really alone, although I was in a room full of people.... my friends don't really have experience with stuff like this and trying to explain what I felt before sounded like pretentious and exaggarated bullshit. Not that I care much but it' was pretty much like telling it to myself.... which is pointless. And this loneliness was killing me.
That's why I had to share this experience with people familiar with the subject.


Also having a trip sitter is something I will always consider from now on when tripping alone with more than 1 tab. I was like woah what could possibly go wrong... I got this.... But I was wrong. Or maybe I wasn't ready for such an intense trip. I'm totally amazed and completely blown away by what I experienced, so much that it still feels I can't put it up into words. It was something like a catharsis, a change. The thought of change actually scared the crap out of me while I was bad tripping as well... What if this changes is me forever and it's for the worst ? All was good and awsome untill it got pretty scary and messy and paranoid and fucked up because I was all alone without someone sober to look after for me.

Hands down I was completeley blown away and although I felt awsome I also feel like something rather traumatic had happened and this scares me a bit. Writing down what I experienced is the first step towards embracing it I guess. It's been 24 hours since I ingested the blotters and still no sleep. So annoying. At least I'm really calm psychologically and I'm trying to coprehend all this that happened to me.

Thanks for sparing the time to read all this.




Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
substancecode_marijuana
substancecode_cannabis
_combo_
explevel_inexperienced
exptype_negative
exptype_spiritual
exptype_difficult
roacode_sublingual
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey, thanks for sharing. It's quite common for weed to throw trips into a confusing and anxious place. I often don't smoke during trips anymore, even though I love weed. Or if I do, it's once the trip has significantly reduced in intensity, the peak is over, and I'm on my way down. It sounds like you're in a pretty good place now, which is good. Honestly, almost all of my early trips, especially the strong ones, involved periods of time where I felt like things were bad, including terror, confusion, feeling permanently crazy, feeling disturbed, etc. This can happen even when other parts of the trip are beautiful and amazing. Psychedelics can bring up all sorts of feelings and those feelings can rapidly change... I've had trips where I wished I could just die to escape the negative feelings, and then I change the room I'm in or change the music and everything is beautiful again. Everything that happens during a trip FEELS profound, but not everything actually is, sometimes you just get carried away by some thoughts because it makes it really hard to deal with intensity.

I'd try to think about if there is anything you can learn from this experience. Remember the good parts, and realize the bad parts were alright too, maybe they served some purpose. And even if they didn't, it was just a drug, and you're fine now. Over time I've been able to strengthen my mind as a result of dealing with the intense states of mind psychedelics produce. Don't worry, you didn't damage yourself, the sort of thing you experienced is normal. Especially when smoking weed during the intense parts of a trip.

 

[PsychToaster]

Actually I am really better now... Slept for 15 hours From now on I think I will avoid smoking weed during a trip. I don't know why but cannabis really gives me a paranoid mood sometimes that no other drug ever induces. It makes me think the worst things. Also what I smoked that day was really shitty weed anyway. Another thing I noticed and it's still really vivid in my mind is that at some point I felt a huge need to communicate with another person. I was so lost in my own thoughts for about 2-3 hours (felt way more). Not being able to do it actually made me feel sad and anxious in some way. It seems that those random bad thoughts got me in a depressive mood for half of the trip without reason, actually. It seemed so dramatic during that time. irreversible...I felt I had done or thought of something bad and ruined the trip and everything and it was my fault. But it was just some paranoid weed thoughts magnified. I gave them a lot of attention because I was overwhelmed from the intensity of the trip. From now on, If I feel I'm going for a bad trip I'll try to take it easy and just change something in the setting. Anyway thanks for your reply !!

 

[Xorkoth]

Cool, you've got a good way of looking at it. Yeah, weed is one of the drugs that has the greatest potential to cause anxiety. I rarely get anxiety on psychedelics but on weed sometimes I really have a hard time. Like, I'd rather take a hit of acid and no weed when meeting new people or something than show up high on weed.

Anyway, this way of keeping things in perspective will serve you well. There are plenty of threads that are like this where the end result is someone feeling like they've fucked themselves over, and they are experiencing long-term negative aftereffects. But it's really all about how you mentally frame an experience.

Thanks again for contributing, it was well-written.