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    multitasking 
    #1
    I admittedly have several problems, including emotional hypersensitivity and infrequent psychotic delusions. The former (emotional hypersensitivity) doesn't seem to affect my life very much aside from making it difficult for me to make friends. I'm actually pleasantly surprised I've been able to interact on this site as much as I have; I've already been banned from several other sites in the very short period of time I've been experimenting with social media. The latter (psychotic delusions) can be frightening, but I've taught myself to live with them fairly well.

    The most life-destructive mental issue for me feels to me as if it's not an issue, as if I'm right about it and everyone else is wrong. It has to do with multi-purpose working. I simply can't comprehend a job having more than one purpose. If it is the quality of work that matters, than why should hours worked or money earned be involved? If it is hours that matter, I can and have just sat and stared at the clock all day in some hidden corner. If it is money that matters, there are MUCH easier ways to get money than working a "nine-to-five" five days a week, namely stealing it from other people or waiting a year without working and receiving welfare checks.

    I always try to go with the first option - the notion that quality outcome is the purpose of my work, but it never seems to last. Every employer starts out loving me but figures that if I'm doing so well than they should ask me to do even more. Eventually they end up demanding more than is possible in the allotted time and I usually try to stay late after clocking out in order to preserve the quality of the work. I've found out from several employers that, at least where I live, this is not permitted because there are apparently certain legal liabilities for on-the-job injuries while working without pay. Once I realize I can't fulfill all the tasks required in the best fashion possible, I turn to hours as a purpose and, as I've said, sit and watch the clock. Except they eventually become privy to my behavior and ask me to resign. It's as though they WANT me to do a half-assed job or fall slightly below the bar they set. This just baffles me!

    Right now, I'm working towards a Ph.D and have an unpaid internship at a Community College. I've clung to college because it seems like the only place where there's a clear purpose: complete and/or teach the course material in the best possible way. I also know professors are usually salaried, which gets rid of the "hours" problem. But, after having a discussion about this with one of my professors, I'm still frightened that, once I make it to my doctorate and am hired by a university, it'll go back to the same old shit - being "required" to do more than is possible, in this case in the allowed semester rather than the allowed hours.

    Am I crazy? I honestly think everyone else is crazy for wanting to knowingly set standards higher than can physically be met. It's not just the modern working world where I see this. Cops seem to expect people to drive just a bit over the speed limit but consider it illegal to go, say, twenty or thirty miles over. Even the Old Testament endorses this mentality: "Thou shall not lie." REALLY??? NEVER??? Is that even possible? Some psychologists have told me this is called perfectionism, but I don't believe that because doing no work is, for me, just as satisfying as doing the best possible job. Others have called it "black and white" thinking, but I feel like it's just basic logic, like the rest of the world is fooling themselves or just lying to everyone around them.

    I've heard that the definition of insanity is when you think you're right and everyone else is wrong, and I'm not completely expecting an answer here; but I fear I'll end up turning to a life of slacking off or - even worse - a life of crime if I can't one day make sense of this.
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    #2
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    You seem highly sane to me. Everything you said is completely accurate and true. It's not you, it's them. Society is heavily populated with illogical people who are full of double-standards, sets rules they themselves never intend to keep, and make demands that even a tiny bit of perspective would suggest are impractical given the working constraints.

    But the thing is though, to them this whole crazy set-up makes sense, because of the way their minds work. And so most just don't see it the way you do. And many actually enjoy it.

    To me, casually at least, you seem to be a little on the austistic spectrum. This might explain why you look through the veneer around you and think everyone is behaving in illogical/contradictory ways. Sometimes being a bit outside the norm creates just enough distance for you to put things into perspective better.

    So the thing is, you've come this far and made these observations and realised that the way society works in general really doesn't work for you. So your next step is to decide what you actually do want to do with your life. I don't mean just clocking in and clocking out like you're talking about at the moment, or just doing a PhD for the sake of it. What's the point of all that, if all it's going to do is provide food and rent for the sake of being able to continue working in order to pay for food and rent to continue working ad infinitum? You may as well not exist if that's all your life's going to be.

    Rather, what would motivate you? What would give you a sense of purpose and a reason to do stuff?
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    Also, you might consider owning your own business where you are the boss. What are you getting your PHD in?
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    #4
    Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I was actually told by one (and one only) psychologist that I fell on the more functional end of the autism spectrum (Aspergers as they say), but after being "diagnosed" with multiple disorders by different psychologists, it gets to the point where I stop believing them.

    The point about getting a Ph.D just for rent is a valid one, and I take it into consideration. Sometimes in class, my head just blazes with non-drug induced euphoria, and I suppose that's what took me down this road. I know this is not a political site, but I suppose I've been looking for a meaningful life within the constraints of Capitalism. I'm hoping now that I can lead classes the way some of my favorite professors do.

    As a child, I was highly religious. In adolescence, I started realizing people of "faith" are often doubtful - which is fine; but they never admit doubt and I couldn't handle the confusion. It may be a weak effort, but it's almost like academics, particularly philosophy, took the place of the church.

    What motivates me? Also a good question. The aforementioned paragraph gives a hint, but I suppose I can't be sure. I live with my parents at age 34, and they very much provide for and enable me in life. Once they're gone, I'm scared because I can't completely answer your question.

    Finally, there's been some confusion on my part with passwords that has led to "alter-egos." I think this problem is over. Roger = Roy
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    #5
    My Ph.D, as you might have seen in my previous comment, is in philosophy. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but how exactly would I start my own business if I wanted to? It seems to require some saved money, and I've never made more than $20,000/ year! I admit I spend too much on drugs, but perhaps part of it is because I know how lower-class I am and quit on an endeavor that seems impossible. I sometimes feel as if someone could give me a grant of some kind, I could do just as you're suggesting.

    I've written two novels, tried to publish one and, given the futility of trying to publish the first, have let the second one sit here for about four years now. As I implied in describing myself as hypersensitive, I don't take rejection well; and I think this is part of the problem. But there again, I feel like it's everyone else who has it wrong. Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, once wrote that work is "anything you'd rather not be doing." I know it's just humor, but it works because there is a snippet of reality there. The internet is a global thing, so I'm not sure everybody will understand this, but where I live (USA) it's almost like tolerance to rejection, stress and frustration is what's considered admirable, as opposed to producing the best product. It seems wrong and gets my mind mixed up.
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    #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by RogerSigval View Post
    Sometimes in class, my head just blazes with non-drug induced euphoria, and I suppose that's what took me down this road. I know this is not a political site, but I suppose I've been looking for a meaningful life within the constraints of Capitalism. I'm hoping now that I can lead classes the way some of my favorite professors do.
    That sounds like a great motivation/motivator. We're all looking for ways to lead a meaningful and purposeful life despite capitalism and teaching could certainly be a fulfilling way of doing that.

    What motivates me? Also a good question. The aforementioned paragraph gives a hint, but I suppose I can't be sure. I live with my parents at age 34, and they very much provide for and enable me in life. Once they're gone, I'm scared because I can't completely answer your question.
    Family and friendships are another form of motivation and purpose generation in life. Usually they're positive influences though it seems from your recent post this may not be entirely the case.

    My Ph.D, as you might have seen in my previous comment, is in philosophy. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but how exactly would I start my own business if I wanted to?
    There are a million ways to start your own business. They don't all require a lot of capital to do so. Your business may also have nothing to do with what you've learnt at school or any pre-existing interests either. There are quite a lot of guides online, here's one I randomly found: How to Start a Business With (Almost) No Money

    I've written two novels, tried to publish one and, given the futility of trying to publish the first, have let the second one sit here for about four years now. As I implied in describing myself as hypersensitive, I don't take rejection well
    That's impressive. And don't worry, you're not unique in being hypersensitive to critcism - I'd say 75% of the population is! Also, don't just accept rejection. If you know you can write well, you need to believe in that and keep trying. Tons of now famous authors were once habitually rejected (some for decades) before finally getting published. The billionaire author JK Rowling is one example off the top of my head (she was told her work was unsaleable lol).
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CFC View Post
    That sounds like a great motivation/motivator. We're all looking for ways to lead a meaningful and purposeful life despite capitalism and teaching could certainly be a fulfilling way of doing that.



    Family and friendships are another form of motivation and purpose generation in life. Usually they're positive influences though it seems from your recent post this may not be entirely the case.



    There are a million ways to start your own business. They don't all require a lot of capital to do so. Your business may also have nothing to do with what you've learnt at school or any pre-existing interests either. There are quite a lot of guides online, here's one I randomly found: How to Start a Business With (Almost) No Money


    That's impressive. And don't worry, you're not unique in being hypersensitive to critcism - I'd say 75% of the population is! Also, don't just accept rejection. If you know you can write well, you need to believe in that and keep trying. Tons of now famous authors were once habitually rejected (some for decades) before finally getting published. The billionaire author JK Rowling is one example off the top of my head (she was told her work was unsaleable lol).
    You are a godsend! Simple, logical discussion!! So it's the dice?? I can handle the dice, the chaos theory; I'm okay with that despite its difficulties. Chaos doesn't have a brain - "Que Sera" - If it's chaos, then no one is "getting one over on me" and there's nothing to figure out!

    Allow me to quickly share one more thing - I occasionally have a "God Delusion" when involved in traffic or, say, dropping something on my foot, I first think, "who's fault is this?" Sometimes, it's mine and I realize it. Other times, I get to thinking (quote from Fear and Loathing), "Do you see what GOD just did to us, man?" If you haven't read/watched Fear and Loathing then that's fine but I do recommend it... But I think you get the point.

    So is it the dice?
    Last edited by RogerSigval; 17-04-2017 at 20:36.
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    #8
    Yet again replying to myself because of afterthoughts... although I guess I could just edit them. Who knows? It was really just your paragraph about the business that sparked this thought. "They don't require a lot of capital to do so" and "Tons of now famous authors were once habitually rejected (some for decades) before finally getting published."

    I hope this clarifies "the dice."
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    #9
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    It's always about the dice. There are a million talented people every year who get overlooked. And there are a million people with greater merit overlooked by their boss. That's why you should never take any judgement anyone else makes about you to heart. As long as you hold to your own values and create your own sense of self-worth and ability, you'll always be better able to weather criticism and knocks to your self-esteem.
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    #10
    All you can do is pace yourself and put limits in place (within the framework of a workplace setting, which can be hard) that keep you from feeling exploited. Mentally interesting people can have a b*tch of a time with this stuff. Identifying or projecting onto others is another big hurdle.
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    #11
    Quote Originally Posted by cr33py View Post
    All you can do is pace yourself and put limits in place (within the framework of a workplace setting, which can be hard) that keep you from feeling exploited. Mentally interesting people can have a b*tch of a time with this stuff. Identifying or projecting onto others is another big hurdle.
    Agreed - what a hurdle it is! I'm starting to work through it and hoping this is not yet another "false start" as I call them.
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