I am a recovering addict but realistically I am still an addict. I replaced heroin with methadone... but don't get me wrong it has completely given me a great deal of stability in my life where I don't have to resort to crime, steal and wake up sick every morning, and as time has progressed I have been able to undertake training and education that will hopefully lead me back to employment. I have used and abused many drugs in my time some of which I have used compulsively and harmfully leading to devastating consequences.
I have tried experimenting with being able to use drugs recreationally but most of the time my impulsive nature has not allowed me to do so. Of course I wish I could do drugs occationally as I enjoy the effects... that's why many people us drugs. Also, I see the medicinal value of certain drugs and I am completely for the use of drugs such as marijuana for that reason as well as recreational use. I really enjoyed the effects of benzos too and I attempted to use them every now and then but my frequency kept increasing until I was eventually physically and psychological addicted - that was not fun at all... I would definitely prefer to detox from heroin and be sick as a dog for a week (realistically two) than enduring months of anxiety, panic attracts, insomnia and depression.
I have learnt from my many mistakes attempting to use (particularly benzos) recreationally but it has nearly always ended badly. The only drug I am able to use occasionally and recreationally is cannabis and I am fortunate as I have found it helpful for relaxation, relieving the pain of opiate withdrawal and to help sleep. I prefer smoking hash and indica dominant strains as I have found more beneficial effects rather than sativa dominant strains as well as'skunk' to provoke anxiety. I also use alcohol occationally but I am very much aware that I could easily end up abusing it and becoming an alcoholic. I do find it hard to stop one I start having a drink so I don't buy any more than I intend to drink.
Abstinence-based recovery works for some people and groups such as AA, NA and CA are groups that are based on the ethos of abstinence. You might find them helpful but lie I said you may not. It's probably good to check out a could of groups ar different Venus before making your finally decision. Personal, I found those groups unhelpful.. I found being told that I "was not clean" as I was on methadone which was a massive kick in the teeth given the amount of effort I but towards my recovery and I kept relapsing and struggling and it was t until I was on a methadone script albeit "supported-recovery" which really help.
Early recovery can be a confusin place... boredom, depression, loneliness, regret, shame, low-self esteem, lack of motivation, lack of purpose or direction and confusion about your identity are common but thes tend to pass are you being building new positive and helpful connections in your life. Gaining a purpose... hippies, training, voulunteering and employment really help me with my depression, engaging in addiction services will help give you advice, attending groups and training to, meeting new people and help you get your zest for life back.
this process takes time, so don't be too hard on yourself, just take it one day at a time and try to make small positive changes and set yourself achievable and realistic goals!
i hope this helps!
