30 year old Black Male Virgin

[User9899]

Hello, i dont fit the typical criteria for being a virgin and alot of people would think im trolling. Im a 30 year old black male who lives on the west coast of the usa, im educated (career in IT), im fairly attractive by most standards (i dont look 30), im well hung (8 inches) and i was raised well. But somehow after all of that im still a virgin at 30. Now a little background of myself, i suffered from athsma as a kid, i stayed at home alot of the time and skipped 4th grade, i had few friends in elementary school and maybe only 1 friend in high school. Now days im happy with working but when it comes to relationships i truly show my insecurities.

For one im extremely shy, ive been told this by countless people since i was a kid, why am i shy? Im trying to figure this out, but i think it has to do with self esteem issues. For 2 i don't always say what i want, i have alot of tolerance which causes me to not say things to people who should be cut off when they talk (self esteem issues maybe idk). Either way im quite bothered by being a virgin, the size matters thing def bothers me, i see pornos with men whos less hung as me who are getting laid and its making me wonder maybe there is something wrong with me. Theres my rant, feel free to critique if you want.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

For one thing mate, it doesn't matter that your black, or well hung. Please see the 'im a virgin at 23' thread. That guy got his rocks off several days after posting his frustration. Read, learn, and fuck the arse off the first rampant piece of tail that comes your way.

 

[User9899]

For one thing mate, it doesn't matter that your black, or well hung. Please see the 'im a virgin at 23' thread. That guy got his rocks off several days after posting his frustration. Read, learn, and fuck the arse off the first rampant piece of tail that comes your way.

I wish i could definitely think that way, i did when i was in my early 20s. Now that im in my early 30s i just dont feel the same, the hopelessness is growing stronger . I hope to say things to motivate people(even tho everything i said in that thread i thought was true about him), which is what i did in my post on that thread, but i dont buy in or believe in it, not like i did in say 2010 unforunately for me.

 

[MrRoot]

I think that it is mostly a matter of self esteem to get laid. As humans we can sense if someone is feeling ok with him/herself.

In a retrospective I can say that I have got laid mostly when suffering from a (hypo)manic episode and one of the biggest things when in a manic, remissive or depressive episode is how self-esteem you start to feel when you approach the manic end.

How can you expect them to have sex with yourself if you don't feel like you are worth it?

Maybe start typing I instead i as a first step for trying to solve your self-esteem issues.

 

[User9899]

True that. For some reason i have fluctuating self esteeem issues. I do well in some areas (career, money wise) but bad in other areas (dating) so im not quite where my self esteem lies, but i do know that i at least have times where its normal and other times when its not, i think i may need to seek help to patch up different areas of my self esteem.

Whenever i would talk to a woman i can joke make her laugh and have a really good time, except talking about sex, sexual things. Im the guy who can joke forever but mention sex and im stone cold silent. Whenever i would try to move a conversation in that area i would get nervous and really self concious, and its just weird. Ive been trying to work on not being so shy and let my intentions known, but so far its been hard. Ive accomplished alot of the things ive wanted in life but this dating thing is the one thing that seems to be harder then the everything else, and this is usually something that's simple for most, thats what makes it hurt even more for some reason.

Edite a little more background on myself. I had my first kiss when i was 23, ive kissed about 8 or 9 girls in my time but only french kissed 3 of them the rest were maybe a few times total (most all of the times i ever did anything with a girl was when i was drunk), ive done some sexual activities but not the actual sex, the last step which is really bad because technically im still a virgin after all of that. The only thing that at least sometimes makes me feel better is the "Well ive done all these other sexual things with a girl so i guess im semi not a virgin" but eventually i really the truth about it.

 

[Vastness]

How often, and how, do you meet new women? If the answer is not very often, have you tried online dating or dating apps? I feel like I am suggesting this a lot in these kind of threads but I'm always honestly surprised more people aren't doing it who don't have much confidence with women, because in my opinion (and experience) it's a great way to get your confidence up and hopefully progress to approaching more women in real life. Additionally if you have self-esteem issues this is probably always going to be more obvious in groups and the sort of social settings where you might meet women naturally, like through work, or social events with friends and that sort of thing... but almost everyone finds it easier to be themselves when hanging out with someone one-on-one (as you will be if the first time you meet someone you are both already clear that it is a date in some form or other).

Also, seriously, being black and well hung has no relevance whatsoever, you need to stop thinking this way. Just so we are clear, why exactly is it that you think this is relevant? Do you think it would be less bad to be a small-penised 30 year old white virgin? Because black guys are just naturally more promiscuous? You sound like you are well educated so it's surprising that you're basically perpetuating some slightly racist stereotypes with your views, whether intentionally or not.

 

[zephyr]

People who are shy can seem just up themselves or snobby to others. Its just a thing.

Its hard when you are really shy to appear open and friendly but youre going to have to work on it. Maybe instead of avoiding others and in particular strangers make eye contact, share a passing laugh or anything that will invite conversation.

I know its hard and you could benefit from some psycological counselling but its probably ehats going on.

I work with a really hot guy who I e never bothered talking to as I thought he was up himself and thought i was beneath him but turns out hes just shy and didnt know how to introduce himself. We are mates now so yeah sounds like your scenario

 

[alpha_centauri]

Are you actively out looking for women as a sex partner? Do you want to have a one night stand or a FWB (friend with benefits or fuck buddy), or a girlfriend who you have sex with when you're in a relationship?

What you see in porn is sex but it's not real sex. Porn is edited, it's scripted, the people who are in it are paid-albeit not a lot of money but nevertheless paid to have sex with whoever they are being filmed with, and porn videos are just basically ads for prostitution as the majority of people who do porn wind up being prostitutes on the side as they make more money from that than they do from being in porn videos or working in porn, and the people in porn are all on drugs and are not sexually attracted to each other despite what people think, and the sex in porn is basically two or more people using each other's bodies to masturbate quickly.

 

[MrRoot]

^ There are plenty of real amateur porn out there.

 

[Marioshroomed]

For one thing mate, it doesn't matter that your black, or well hung. Please see the 'im a virgin at 23' thread. That guy got his rocks off several days after posting his frustration. Read, learn, and fuck the arse off the first rampant piece of tail that comes your way.

terrible advice. dont listen to this guy.

im 31 and still a virgin. doesnt bother me at all.

 

[BocaCerrada]

9.5 times out of 10, when someone's not getting laid, it has little-to-nothing to do with looks or physical "endowments."

To the OP, do you get turned on by random women you see at bars or parties? Have you considered the possibility that you might be a demisexual, or someone who's only capable of being attracted to people they have an emotional connection to? If this is the case, I'd suggest trying to find female friends with similar interests and allowing the sexual attraction to develop naturally.

There's nothing wrong with you still being a virgin. I was a "late bloomer" too.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I have a friend who lost his virginity at half your age and is very experienced sexually.

He now has 5 kids, to different woman, and will never have a happy family. He would kill for your circumstances.

You have no accidental children, no emotional baggage of previous lustful infatuations... a career, physical health... and in a great position to make some lucky lady very happy and raise a great family...




What was your problem again!?

That sucks that your friend has all of those baby mamas and child support to pay. Do they all get jealous of each other, or get together and talk shit about him?

To the original poster, you will eventually have sex. Have you tried dating or sex apps like Tinder or meeting women through your job?

 

[Ne0]

Why sis you create new account to drug forums just for sex section? I think there are much better forums for usual sex talk.

But why you don't go with escort? She don't care if you are virgin, maybe she could teach you how to have good sex with woman?

 

[brookelyn33]

I think Vastness's idea of trying online dating for your situation is a fabulous one. You don't have to go out on a date right away. You can take the time to get to know someone by talking to them online or on the phone first which makes it far less intimidating to talk about the sex stuff you normally shy away from. I think you just need to find the right woman to bring you out of your shell. Doesn't even have to be a romantic interest. Could be a girl bestfriend to tell you how awesome you are to help you boost your confidence. Good luck to you.