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April Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs. Spring is in the Air

Ds

Bluelight Crew
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Apr 26, 2006
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topic for discussion?

Help or Harm?

I have a hard time with this one because I want to help people, but I do not want to Harm them. holding others accountable is one of them, if i 'tell on you' for having a cell phone and your going to get kicked out, is that helping you, or harming you? you knew the rules for not being allowed to have a cell phone,

Nevative contracting.. meaning I don't want to tell on you for having a cellphone because you know that I have a cellphone, so no one 'helps or harms' the other.

just been dealing with a lot of that shit around the rehab..
 
I'd like to wish everyone the best today. So far I'm doing well :).
 
Damn, the weather is lovely today. Bunny rabbits. Birds chirping. Sun...the whole deal. Took a nice walk this morning. Felt good to score a little vitamin D.
 
Still clean. 7 months, 19 days (8/13/16)

It's alright sometimes. Still not sure if I'm never going to get high again. Don't want to say I definitely wont because I know that would just be wishful thinking but like I don't necessarily want to if that helps.

I just don't know if that mind state will continue forever. Idk
 
Still clean. 7 months, 19 days (8/13/16)

It's alright sometimes. Still not sure if I'm never going to get high again. Don't want to say I definitely wont because I know that would just be wishful thinking but like I don't necessarily want to if that helps.

I just don't know if that mind state will continue forever. Idk

That's fuckin solid, subotai. 7 months is some serious time.
 
That's fuckin solid, subotai. 7 months is some serious time.

I really want that glow in the dark keytag. I havent gotten any of the other ones yet but if I get to a year I will probably get that one
 
Hey sub... as they say where I attend the meetings.. "so your sponsor can find you"....
it is a pretty spring day here as well... I am starting to work on the craphole that is my garage... where I threw all the stuff I would have dealt with "later"... when using, when working, when raising kids. Most of it is so dusty and non important any more it has been surprisingly easy to toss. I like the clarity of mind I have at 36 days clean... and know it will only get better if I don't use.
 
Well it's April, time to do another inventory I guess. It's raining where I'm at, so why not pass the time and take a look at some resentments
 
What does the inventory process involve for you? I take it you learned about it from your sponsor (as each sponsor tends to have a slightly different way of doing things, I always am interested in knowing what the actual process looks like past ambiguous terms like inventory), and how it benefits individuals in recovery past the generic stuff often heard (and often repeated verbatim) in meetings.

Does it involve anything more than looking at your imperfections? It always seemed to me that the emphasis was on looking at our flaws and fallibility, which is certainly a worthwhile exploration. But without balancing it by looking at our goodness and that which gives our lives meaning and dignity, it always seems like an inherently flawed, dangerous experiment (at least in terms of the slippery slope of self hatred that we as humans are so good at engaging in as a cognitive process).

But the assumption I'm making is that the emphasis in 12 step culture in on our imperfections (as it is in many Christian circles on sin, which that former culture grew out of and continues to rely on in very significant ways), as opposed to our weakness and our strengths. Although I am no Buddhist (well, I'm about as much a Buddhist as Marx was a Marxist), that is why I have been more drawn to Buddhist psychology and it's emphasis on the 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows of life.

In any case, we are, after all, so much more than just our strengths taken alone, or our weakness. And we all, always, have varying degrees of both present in our lives - in our darkest moments, just as our greatest.

What does looking at your resentments do for you? I have also found that taking a good clear, often difficult, look at my motivations and thought patterns (who I see myself, my place in the world, and the world itself) to be incredibly helpful. But again, I also find this process to be one relatively small piece of the much greater puzzle that is "recovery" (otherwise known as life).

Without going about these processes without kind, compassionate guidance, it can be - at best - very off putting for most people and - at worst - very harmful given the particularly vulnerable, raw nature of individuals new to recovery.
 
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^ 3 columns: 1st people places and things that piss you off, 2nd column why it pisses you off, 3rd column (done with aid of sponsor) my own part in it. Usually I find my poor decisions are based in some sort of fear or insecurity. End result: I feel so much better to know I can make changes to my actions and not have to worry about changing others.
Hope that helps
Update: yes include your strengths as well, the point is to get a clear picture of ones mind and how it perceives the world.
 
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Personal note, the 12 steps work for me personally and they are in a certain order for a reason. Never attempt a 4th step inventory unless steps 1-3 are fairly solid. but that's just my experience strength and hope
Good luck everyone
 
I'm glad the 12 steps are working well for you. I don't mean to be a prick, I'm just being my inquisitive self here so I hope you don't take it too personally, but the whole experience, strength and hope line pisses me off. You don't mean to imply that this kind sharing your (or anyone's anecdotal) "experience, strength or hope" is more significant to recovery than empirical evidence based medicine and public policy that treats substance use as a public health issues instead of merely a public safety issues?

I mean, it's so hard to actually get quality, let alone truly evidence based (grounded in actual scientific research that is not still considered experimental, as most forms of commonly available addiction treatment - including 12 step modalities - are) treatment, but so clearly access (and the politics of the war on drugs for that matter) are probably bigger issues in the grand scheme of things.

Perhaps for those of us who don't know the meaning of mental illness, poverty, social alienation, and other more significant barriers to accessing foundational tools necessary for making one's way through early recovery, experience, strength and hope are enough.

Personally, I've seen enough hypocrisy, contradiction, exploitation and predatory members in 12 step communities and 12 step culture that, when I hear those words, I puke a little in my mouth. You have no idea how hard I have to work to remind myself that, indeed, there any many very helpful and responsible members to the 12 step community and do a whole hell of a lot to make recovery possible for many, many people. But I honestly feel like that is less a product of anything inherent to the 12 steps or its culture and everything to do with the fact that it is the single largest recovery community out there, and certainly the most socially, culturally and political accepted one given it's focus on abstinence.

Oh yeah, that's where I get caught up with 12 step shit, the whole abstinence only thing.

Fuck me, I'm sorry for this rant of a post. I must be tired... I apologize for being a prick, it you did take this personally (like I said, this isn't directed at you, especially if you have benefit from it all, do what works for you). I just can't stand other less mature steppers who push the whole thing like it is the only way to recovery (which is pure poppycock - it is one road among many that lead to the same place).

Okay, I've said my piece, I'm done (for now LOL)... 8)
 
No worries toothpaste, you've got a lot of valid points. If I had a dime for every hypocritical person I've met in a meeting well I'd have about half the total money I blew on drugs. Hehe got to have a sense of humor ;)
 
Hope everyones having a good day! I am happy because today marks seven days without OC for me! :)
 
That is indeed pretty awesome visol! Do you have any plans in terms of how you're going to help yourself continue moving forward in recovery? As DM said, this is the first major hurtle for sure, but it's only one of many to come.

Still, I hope you're able to do something nice for yourself today to celebrate your recent accomplishment! And make no mistake, seven days is a major accomplishment - one among many to come to come for you, I sincerely hope :)
 
Nice! You still feeling slight withdrawals still? You're definitely over the first major hump that's for sure

Yes, but only slightly. I was lucky and got a rather mild withdrawal. I had been expecting much worse! Isn't it great when things turn out so? The symtom that always last me the longest (that isn't "PAWS"), up to a month after withdrawing, is a strange sensation of taste. Like a "brainzap" but a "braintaste". But overall the symtoms are managable. Managing the psychological cravings for the drug is a much, much different story for me. Thanks for asking DM!


That is indeed pretty awesome visol! Do you have any plans in terms of how you're going to help yourself continue moving forward in recovery? As DM said, this is the first major hurtle for sure, but it's only one of many to come.

Still, I hope you're able to do something nice for yourself today to celebrate your recent accomplishment! And make no mistake, seven days is a major accomplishment - one among many to come to come for you, I sincerely hope :)

Hi toothpaste. It is indeed and I am feeling quite relaxed today. I know the worst part is over when I start enjoying music again. To me, after having recovered slightly, the past relapses to OC seems like sort of a recurring nightmare that is taking place in my real life. It's important (but very hard) to convince oneself that the despair and hopelessnes in peak withdrawal will eventually pass. The citation "Is there a life after opioids? Yes there is." from another thread served as an inspiration to take the step and go cold turkey again.

I did move in with a family member for shelter during the first two weeks. I will return home next week and that is indeed where the real struggle starts. Where I'm at now, opioids aren't close at hand, but they will be so when I return.

I have only been really fighting addiction for half a year. Before that I enjoyed using drugs. I believe I still have a lot to learn about addiction...

I'm thankful for your motivating last words. I wish you all the best in your struggle as well!!

Take care today friends!
 
Hey, vlsol. You're wise to be alert to the challenges that will come up when you get back home. But regardless of those, I hope you're suitably proud of where you're at now. Getting to Day 7 is such a big milestone with opioid WD.

Congrats!
<3
Sim
 
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