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April Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs. Spring is in the Air

Everybody relapses man. Its alright to feel bad about it, but don't let it stop your continuing recovery. It's part of the process, it doesn't undo any of your hard work. It's just another obstacle you gotta get beyond, until eventually, it doesn't happen anymore. Gotta stay away from the all or nothing thinking, that's been a big problem for me.
 
vlsol said:
I was clean for 15 days and then I took a small amount of OC again. And have been "on and off" for the past 5 days...
What can I say, I feel stupid 8).

Thank you for asking, I hope you're okay :).
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It happens. Stay strong. :)

I'm having a pretty good day today, but it's been a lot of hard work.

In 9 days I'll have 2 and a half years.
 
JBrandon said:
Everybody relapses man. Its alright to feel bad about it, but don't let it stop your continuing recovery. It's part of the process, it doesn't undo any of your hard work. It's just another obstacle you gotta get beyond, until eventually, it doesn't happen anymore. Gotta stay away from the all or nothing thinking, that's been a big problem for me.
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You're absolutely right. I was just disappointed that day.
I'm giving it a new try :).

Captain.Heroin said:
It happens. Stay strong. :)

I'm having a pretty good day today, but it's been a lot of hard work.

In 9 days I'll have 2 and a half years.
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Thank you Captain

And most of all congratulations, 2 years is just great, you should be proud!=D
 
thanks :)

I do it one day at a time. Sometimes, one hour at a time.

Hope you're doing well today :)
 
Just realized my last post was incredibly foreboding. Probably should at least check in and mention that I haven't used since last week, and don't have a real strong desire to

I can't get away with getting high anymore, whereas when I lived with my ailing grandparents I could.

so for me it's either: do the right thing, or alternatively, be homeless.

and not like "I still have a car, an iphone, and a credit card but I just can't sleep at my house" type of homeless you see these try-hards in meetings talk about

I'm talking like

"my family disowned me and I sleep under a bridge" homeless

I think I'll just stick to smoking weed, it actually feels nice to not have to scrounge up 10 dollars at least once a day. And I don't even really smoke that much, usually once a night to help me fall asleep and relax after work

I don't necessarily think my relapse was a bad thing in the long run, especially since I never was overly concerned with clean time

idk, I guess I just wanted to see what it was all about again to remind myself if it is worth it or not. As sad as it is, I do find myself feeling cool sometimes for being able to buy heroin in crime ridden areas.

you know, because it's real fucking hard to find people to sell you drugs when you're white. So ridiculous. That I would think like that I mean

its fucking stupid. Everything about being a heroin addict is fucking idiotic, you just don't care because you know that your next shot will make you forget about it

thats part of the reason being sick is so lame IMO, it starts sinking in how foolish the whole process is and you know the only way to make you forget about that is to get high

ugh, thanks but no thanks. Hopefully I don't find myself needing any more reminders but I learned to never say never
 
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Man I used to think my drug collection was soooo cool and I fetishized all my connects etc. And now I feel like it was all just a tremendously immature waste of time. So, I know the feeling.
 
Idk like I'm probably still going to take MDMA again at some point. Can't see myself never smoking weed. Honestly, I wouldn't mind having an adderall sometimes

but there's certain drugs I just can't fuck with anymore

Heroin is far and away at the top of that list, but Methamphetamine and to a lesser extent Benzos are also there

I don't really think I would enjoy psychedelics much anymore, feel like I'm already kind of weird mentally, really don't need to throw fuel on that flame.

never really enjoyed cocaine much

same deal with alcohol

the best way I can look at it is that I can do anything I want with my life, I just can't use heroin, meth, or benzos anymore

boo fucking hoo

Im fucking good man, seriously. I feel like a douche for having to keep reminding myself of this in a public setting but like I'm gonna be fucking good. Not a doubt in my mind.

I have a tendency to put myself out there sometimes with trying to predict how the future will unfold, especially in regards to sports, and this can cause me to have to eat crow sometimes. But usually that's not the case. I am right about a lot of stuff

and I'm gonna be fucking good

take that to the bank

thanks all
 
what's up everybody. it's been almost 3 months since my wife took me to the ER after she found me holed on o-pce. it was a huge wake-up call.

I've been going to meetings, working with a sponsor, and solo therapy and couples therapy. it's exhausting. a lot of old shit is being dredged up from the seaflooor.

I have been depressed pretty much my entire life and my wife asked me to try medication because nothing seems to help my mood which is a huge downer for the family a lot of the time. I got prescribed Wellbutrin today. I could feel it almost right away, it feels a little risky because I abused stims and the feeling is kinda familiar. but I can also feel the apathy and hopelessness slipping away a bit.

I have to shout out this podcast called Dopey. they tell hilarious drug stories but they also planted the seed of the idea to go to 12 step and that has been the single best change since this last crisis.

for people who have been doing this a long time, does it just become your new normal? do you always feel like you're actively working at it?
 
Good for you ? My sis had been sober/ clean for 10 year's now; so proud off her...
I, on the other hand, still find myself longing for the rush and endless sense of control/composure thday Adderall (legal speed) would give me whenever I needed a puck me up... it's just been so hard getting my feet under me, (let alone picking up my pace) without amphetamines over the past few months...! (Haven't been able to get a refill of my adderall since ODing/ having crazy panic last December).. sucks. I
used to get so high on em, dance, connect, (with madd focus) all the years id's taken em..
I felt so confident too; strangers used to stop me and compare me to a particular Hollywood actress left and right to, both while living in Europe and here in the US... oh the crazy nights- sure miss em these days! nowadays I don't even really feel like going out (& have certainly gained some weight).. though I certainly Miss the Adderall amphetamines I don't wanna buy the shit from some college kid or get hooked on anything else, but man do I miss em! Was making progress on my website, finishing my dissertation and feeling so sharp/euphoric on my addies!
Any advice out there? I'd love to hear from people who have overcome the addiction and don't want to go back or just get feedback from anyone who is missing em like myself!
We've all got our stories.. :)
 
YIKEs- please disregard all those funky typos and my message up there! They're certainly not intentional
 
Erikmen said:
Exactly.
It's been now over two years but i've often had to do it one hour at a time.
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Being able to take it one hour a time is a really good thing. By the end of stressful day you can count all the points where instead of using drugs, you just took a deep breath, did the right thing, asked for help if necessary, and it feels good to live that way. :)

I had an exceedingly stressful beginning to last week but in the end I am glad I worked hard and took my time with everything.

I'm having a good day today, all things considered. Trying to stay out of the heat. :)
 
7 days since 4 day binge, I'm hopeful, got love and support around me, on my phone, you guys. Life's looking good now
 
Man, my brain is trying really fucking hard to rationalize using meth again. It's not gonna happen unless I get drunk or something, but I really forgot about this part of my addiction.

Sitting around, doing something, a little voice says "man no way you'll get that project done, a little speed would really help you knock this out".
 
Starting your own recovery journal on the process of what it was like going through the motions of picking up meth again might be very useful in bringing to light any inconsistencies or contradictions - anything representative of values you yourself do not want to be associated with in your recovery - in the rationalizing you are struggling with. Just a thought.

Regardless, well done on keeping up the good fight!
 
JBrandon said:
Man, my brain is trying really fucking hard to rationalize using meth again. It's not gonna happen unless I get drunk or something, but I really forgot about this part of my addiction.

Sitting around, doing something, a little voice says "man no way you'll get that project done, a little speed would really help you knock this out".
Click to expand...

I can relate to rationalize to use benzodiazepines or opiates and one thing which is precious to my fight is not to get drunk or things will be exponentially harder. Remember this is all part of the process and you are doing it!
Keep up with the hard work! :)
 
Hey guys
I haven't been on here in what feels like foreverrrrrr.
I'm still clean! I will have 17 months on the 28th of this month.
Life is so fucking weird and crazy right now.
I started line cooking which I love. I have a real passion in my life other then drugs and it's an amazing feeling. But with that I work so much.
I have been struggling hard the past few months with everything. Wanting to get high every minute of every fucking day. I've had my relapses all planned out but have been too scared to go through with it. I'm trying my hardest to hold on it's just starting to get hard. I've been crying everyday because of my mom and my heart feels like it's going to break at any moment.
I mean I'm doing good on the outside. I have my life in order. I have friends and a social life that I am forever grateful for. I have a job that I love and a roof that I pay for over my head. But still something has just been missing.
Anyways. I just wanted to come on here and say hi and say that I'm still holding on and doing this shit.
I still often think of my first few days clean and the days leading up to getting clean... I've said it so much but I truly believe everyone on here for me when I first got clean and inspired me to actually do it saved my life
<3
EXjg
 
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