Just realized my last post was incredibly foreboding. Probably should at least check in and mention that I haven't used since last week, and don't have a real strong desire to
I can't get away with getting high anymore, whereas when I lived with my ailing grandparents I could.
so for me it's either: do the right thing, or alternatively, be homeless.
and not like "I still have a car, an iphone, and a credit card but I just can't sleep at my house" type of homeless you see these try-hards in meetings talk about
I'm talking like
"my family disowned me and I sleep under a bridge" homeless
I think I'll just stick to smoking weed, it actually feels nice to not have to scrounge up 10 dollars at least once a day. And I don't even really smoke that much, usually once a night to help me fall asleep and relax after work
I don't necessarily think my relapse was a bad thing in the long run, especially since I never was overly concerned with clean time
idk, I guess I just wanted to see what it was all about again to remind myself if it is worth it or not. As sad as it is, I do find myself feeling cool sometimes for being able to buy heroin in crime ridden areas.
you know, because it's real fucking hard to find people to sell you drugs when you're white. So ridiculous. That I would think like that I mean
its fucking stupid. Everything about being a heroin addict is fucking idiotic, you just don't care because you know that your next shot will make you forget about it
thats part of the reason being sick is so lame IMO, it starts sinking in how foolish the whole process is and you know the only way to make you forget about that is to get high
ugh, thanks but no thanks. Hopefully I don't find myself needing any more reminders but I learned to never say never