• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

April Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs. Spring is in the Air

I got high this morning. Had a feeling that was coming though

221 days or 7 months and 28 days

They say you can feel a relapse coming, and I think that is what happened to me

Due to a particular set of circumstances, I was able to drive a car around for this week

First thing I did was drive to Kensington. Saw this article in the paper (https://www.google.com/amp/philadel...racks-to-highlight-nations-drug-epidemic/amp/. It's crazy because I used to go there. Closest thing to a safe injection thing you will find in Philly though.

The train company (Conrail) is supposed to keep it's property in good condition but it's currently being used as an unofficial hazardous waste site right now. Conrail is getting bitched at by the city like it's their fault a bunch of junkies congregate to use drugs there

the amount of trash is quite ridiculous though, even for Philly's standards


So yeah, I'm back to zero with the clean time. Can't even say I have today yet. Could be worse I guess

Hey man, Im sorry to hear that..
But you had been doing fine a long time, a really long time, and that time is by no means wasted...
Best of luck from here on!
 
Hey man, Im sorry to hear that..
But you had been doing fine a long time, a really long time, and that time is by no means wasted...
Best of luck from here on!


second what visol said!! definitely not wasted!
 
Ouch!!

I used today. 60 mg OC :/.

This does not mean Im giving up...

But to you with more experience in opiate addiction than me, maybe you can relate to this situation:
I was 15 days clean, which I am grateful for, but the past days I've been so weak and tired, and slightly dysphoric.
I lost will and hope to keep fighting it, because I felt like I was getting nowhere :(.

I kinda sensed this coming since 3 days...

I am not giving up though, Just wanted to share, It's great with a forum such as this where we can share experiences and learn from each other.

Best of luck to the people struggling
 
Fighting the good fight I see :) keep your head up vlsol! I could say the same to myself this week ;)
 
vlsol...you asked if some of us can understand. yes! i feel like it was just a couple days ago that i was caught in a cycle of relapsing and desperately wanting to stop.

if there's any way you can reflect on how you felt during those three days when you kinda knew the relapse was coming, you might gain some insight that will help you next time.

but to both of you who had a lapse recently--vlsol and subotai--I'm so glad you're here and SL talking about what went down. your honesty helps all of us.
 
Ouch!!

I used today. 60 mg OC :/.

This does not mean Im giving up...

But to you with more experience in opiate addiction than me, maybe you can relate to this situation:
I was 15 days clean, which I am grateful for, but the past days I've been so weak and tired, and slightly dysphoric.
I lost will and hope to keep fighting it, because I felt like I was getting nowhere :(.

I kinda sensed this coming since 3 days...

I am not giving up though, Just wanted to share, It's great with a forum such as this where we can share experiences and learn from each other.

Best of luck to the people struggling


You were probably only a couple days away from feeling a little better, one day at a time look for small victories thats how i kept going. By the time you get to 3 weeks you get enough energy back to want to fight on. I dont think a 60 mgs OC will set ya back, when you need to cheat a little do less like a quarter of the 60 your tolerance has to be down after 15 days you want to feel just good enough to get by.
Good luck keep up the fight!
 
vlsol...you asked if some of us can understand. yes! i feel like it was just a couple days ago that i was caught in a cycle of relapsing and desperately wanting to stop. if there's any way you can reflect on how you felt during those three days when you kinda knew the relapse was coming, you might gain some insight that will help you next time. but to both of you who had a lapse recently--vlsol and subotai--I'm so glad you're here and SL talking about what went down. your honesty helps all of us.
You were probably only a couple days away from feeling a little better, one day at a time look for small victories thats how i kept going. By the time you get to 3 weeks you get enough energy back to want to fight on. I dont think a 60 mgs OC will set ya back, when you need to cheat a little do less like a quarter of the 60 your tolerance has to be down after 15 days you want to feel just good enough to get by. Good luck keep up the fight!
Thank you my friends, Your responses mean a lot to me and I mean that. Some of the threads in here has definitely given me new ideas on how to conquer this. Like an example, those who manage to stay sober a longer time than me Im starting to take as a role model. I would never consider NA earlier because I thought of it as kind of a sect. I might give it a shot though.I also spoke to an older woman I know who have experienced a severe heroin addiction. She recommended me to investigate buprenorphine treatment. I will investigate it but right now I don't feel like entering it. If the relapses become harder on me then I've promised myself I must do that, to reduce social and economical punishment of addiction.Again Im so thankful that you take your time to give me your advices!!Subotai: I hope you're doing well today. My thoughts is with you!EDIT: My browser don't seem to be inserting newlines correctly. Sorry if this looks messed up!
 
TLD keep it going man! I've relapsed on other shit but stayed off the opis and no joke, I cannot "recall" any aspect of the high or experience in the way you can early in sobriety and all cravings are gone. Hope you get there too man!
 
Thank you my friends, Your responses mean a lot to me and I mean that. Some of the threads in here has definitely given me new ideas on how to conquer this. Like an example, those who manage to stay sober a longer time than me Im starting to take as a role model. I would never consider NA earlier because I thought of it as kind of a sect. I might give it a shot though.I also spoke to an older woman I know who have experienced a severe heroin addiction. She recommended me to investigate buprenorphine treatment. I will investigate it but right now I don't feel like entering it. If the relapses become harder on me then I've promised myself I must do that, to reduce social and economical punishment of addiction.Again Im so thankful that you take your time to give me your advices!!Subotai: I hope you're doing well today. My thoughts is with you!EDIT: My browser don't seem to be inserting newlines correctly. Sorry if this looks messed up!

Sounds like you are doing great dude! Keep up the good work :)
 
TLD keep it going man! I've relapsed on other shit but stayed off the opis and no joke, I cannot "recall" any aspect of the high or experience in the way you can early in sobriety and all cravings are gone. Hope you get there too man!

thanks, the only opioid ive done since wds 11.25.16 was two or three teaspoons of kratom, i really have no opioid cravings. When i used lyrica for wds i couldnt believe how much better the nerve pain in my feet was, opoids never helped my nerve pain so my only cravings are for lyrica.
 
hey everyone, my names andrew and i am an alcoholic/addict. my sobriety date is 8/22/(of last year)! and today, right now to my friends and family here on bluelight. I am making a DEEP and personal commitment that I will not put any mind/mood altering chemicals in my body today!

coming up on my 8 months in a few days, things have been going well in my life, still in rehab. one of the last ones left from the group i came in with, i am one of those 3% that complete detox and the rehab program, and i'll be damned if another man or woman's actions gets me drunk or high.

i've been working a very serious program, my life revolves around the fellowship, meetings and working with my sponsor. I am working the 12 steps a second time, and soon I will be completing the program. They tell me that instead of it being a 'graduation' its a 'continuation'. I am looking forward doing what I need to do to remain sober, and for me thats helping the newcomer. which is why i chose to go into the office. (you dont have to, you can like stay on property and get a job-job). so in a way i am sacrificing making boku $ just so i can reach back and help someone else thats new in the program.

hopefully here in the next couple weeks, i will have more time to comment on the new threads here and answer some questions with a shot of hope. i love each and everyone of you! <3
 
D's...congrats in advance on the upcoming milestone. And thanks for the good vibes.

I'm just curious: do you ever feel burned out (or worry about getting burned out) from such a high level of involvement in your fellowship (not sure whether you run with AA or NA)? Personally, I take my own involvement with NA very seriously. But I do find that if I'm not careful, I start to resent the program. There's kind of a sweet spot where I feel engaged but not overwhelmed. But that's just me.
 
I think when you're less than a year or two sober there's almost no level of engagement that's too much. It's when you start to add other things back into your life that it gets hard for me.
 
Im eishing everyone a happy peaceful easter. You are all working hard and I for one am impressed. I hope you all get the rest you need during the holidays.
 
Things aren't going very well for me right now :\.
On a larger timescale however, I see myself a winner in this battle.
 
Right now, my best bet has to be not picking up a couple of OC80's I have scheduled. That's what I am going to attempt motivating myself to.

This is so irrational to me. I barely even enjoy getting high. I instantly start feeling weak and sensitive as I have to get off them despite using rather low doses. Nothing of this makes any sense!!! :!
 
Top