• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

April Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread vs. Spring is in the Air

I'm glad I sent you that pm last night DM - as soon as I posted that crap earlier in the thread and then read some of your other posts I was like, "fuck." LOL, anyways, I like the way you think. Ice cream and detoxing = win.
 
vlsol said:
Hope everyones having a good day! I am happy because today marks seven days without OC for me! :)
Click to expand...
toothpastedog said:
I'm glad I sent you that pm last night DM - as soon as I posted that crap earlier in the thread and then read some of your other posts I was like, "fuck." LOL, anyways, I like the way you think. Ice cream and detoxing = win.
Click to expand...
Again no worries! We're probably in the same 'do whatever works for you to stay clean' camp. The one glove fits all BS is not compatible with human beings. Learned that lesson the hard way, hope you have a good day toothpaste!
 
Always! When it rains it pours huh? How are you yourself holding up in the midst of the chaos? Just holding it together is all we can ask for sometimes, even if it's just barely so.

That was the end of my week last, getting robbed, for sure. Came really close to cracking and hunting down the fucks and either doing something that would have ended up with me in jail or badly injured. Luckily good sense somehow prevailed. Treating myself to a bit of debauchery didn't hurt keeping me sane, in a kind of funny way. Strange how things can turn out.
 
On day 4 for not smoking pot, my mood is good, just dealing with insomnia issues. Might have to get some valerian root
 
Oooo that stuff is stinky! I tend to sweat a lot to begin with, but it turns my body odor into something downright foul. I wish it wasn't something I experienced, as it would be a nice asset to have alongside melatonin for when I need something considering I've stopped taking more potent sleeping meds on any regular basis.

Congrats on the four days without any pot!
 
if the urge to score H or ice gets to be too great, I will gladly go get some pot. But for the time being my wife and I are exploring the healing power of stand up comedy and spicy Tex mex food. Yum
 
The capsaicin in spicy food can provide quite the healthy endorphin rush; as does laughter; as does spending time with those we love.

Great ideas :)
 
Yo guys what do we think about letting loved ones know when we lapse (NOT relapse fully - have slip ups.) I've had one or two but have kept it on the low because I don't want to create unnecessary anxiety for those around me. It's almost like I had to lapse to remind myself why I quit in the first place. I seemed to slip into some older way of thinking and found myself justifying using only to get "high" and say to myself "wow this sucks, I'm happy I don't do this shit anymore." Thoughts?
 
infectedmushroom said:
Yo guys what do we think about letting loved ones know when we lapse (NOT relapse fully - have slip ups.) I've had one or two but have kept it on the low because I don't want to create unnecessary anxiety for those around me. It's almost like I had to lapse to remind myself why I quit in the first place. I seemed to slip into some older way of thinking and found myself justifying using only to get "high" and say to myself "wow this sucks, I'm happy I don't do this shit anymore." Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Good question. It obviously depends on the unique facts of one's situation. But...

I would usually keep something like this to myself for exactly the reasons you describe. A lapse can be a pretty minor thing, but it's likely to look very scary to a third party. The obvious counter-argument, though, is that a small lapse can snowball into something bigger and nastier. And wrapping it in secrets seems like it could feed a bad turn like that.

If I were pretty confident that the episode wasn't an ongoing danger, I'd stay quiet about it. Mostly because I think it's important to keep small lapses from derailing larger progress. But it's a tightrope walk, as minimizing problems doesn't tend to help them go away.
 
infectedmushroom said:
Yo guys what do we think about letting loved ones know when we lapse (NOT relapse fully - have slip ups.) I've had one or two but have kept it on the low because I don't want to create unnecessary anxiety for those around me. It's almost like I had to lapse to remind myself why I quit in the first place. I seemed to slip into some older way of thinking and found myself justifying using only to get "high" and say to myself "wow this sucks, I'm happy I don't do this shit anymore." Thoughts?
Click to expand...

I have been feeling like I was gonna get high for the past week and if I actually do, not a chance I would tell anyone about it.

The thing I struggle with the most actually is kinda emo sounding but tbh, I don't know who I even am anymore.

I almost preferred the consistently gloomy feeling of being in active addiction over this unknown of sobriety.

Some days are alright, some days suck, but I don't have that guaranteed escape hatch aka heroin to fall back on.

And you'll hear that all the time "life on life's terms" and shit

Ok, well, I'm starting to think I'm not a huge fan of life's terms

And when I don't like something I usually take my ball and go home

I mean, just typing that makes me feel incredibly lame and weak but that's real shit. That's basically my addiction in a nutshell. The only thing I needed in life to be content was heroin.

Without it, there is so many more things I need to fill the void with. And I just loathe doing anything out of my comfort zone.

And then I start going on in my head about how heroin is only a problem because it is illegal. About how I could go get 2 bags right now and be good for a week. About how I live in the best and worst place in the US to be a drug addict depending on what phase of addiction you're in. About how I earned the right to relapse (that sentence alone LOL)

Jesus I'm a mess. That's what it always seems to come back to. If I'm going to be a mess anyway, why not just use drugs to stabilize that? At least then I would have an excuse for my pointless existence
 
Subotai...I just wrote a post in my 'recovery journal' thread that sounds pretty similar to what you've written here. FWIW, I totally feel you--we take the drugs away and who the fuck are we? I suppose that's the exciting thing about recovery; we either get to rediscover or recreate ourselves. But on most days, I'm not real crazy about who's left now that the heroin is gone. I keep trying to tell myself that this is a long-term project, and that I'll get happier to be around myself with time. I hope that happens for both of us (and anyone else feeling this particular kind of suck).
 
You know this is gonna sound really selfish and stupid but I have to at least type it so I can see it in text and laugh

but I feel like I'm not really the problem here. I think I'm actually a pretty insightful and helpful person, even when I was getting high. The only reason I wasn't productive or helpful is because I ran out of heroin and felt like shit. If I had a steady supply of heroin, I would be able to exist quite well actually.

The thing I need to get over is that a "steady supply of heroin" is an oxymoron. Such a thing will never exist because you always outpace your supply

Now I'm just kind of existing, but I don't know what I want. I feel like I can just do anything, but I don't want to actually put in the work to get to that point. I just want to, you know, go right to the finish line so to speak. Because that's what heroin did to me. I want instant gratification. Why flirt with a girl for weeks when I can just shoot drugs and be happy in seconds? Why work for months when I could just steal stuff in minutes? What's stopping me? Jail? All talk tbh. Jail isn't shit. And I'm not even tough. Jail just isn't that bad if you keep to yourself. And I'm real good at doing that. Too good

but it's like I KNOW I can do anything. And that feels good. But there's no motivation. What is the point of grinding your whole life just to die anyway?

Not sure if being a pessimist is incredibly smart or incredibly depressing. Probably both
 
That's not selfish or stupid, subotai. Unfortunately, as you point out, it probably won't help you a lot IRL; heroin just has too much baggage in our society to make it very feasible as a long-term solution.

Of course, there *are* other reasons it's (generally) a good thing to be free from heroin addiction. At least for me, it's really hard to maintain interests and manage relationships when I'm strung out. Also, over time it makes me feel like ass, physically (though I suppose this is as much due to cut as it is to the dope itself).
 
toothpastedog said:
The capsaicin in spicy food can provide quite the healthy endorphin rush; as does laughter; as does spending time with those we love.

Great ideas :)
Click to expand...

Indeed, I am a big fan of spicy food. I deliberately get scorpion pepper hot sauce. Can't get enough of it.
 
Have you ever been to the Fairfax farmers market? My favorite hot sauce store is (or at least used to be) located there.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top