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Thread: Little help? - Timeline for meds - homedetox

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    1. Yes new moon fan, blast that music!
    2. Ok so sex is for now off the table, but do get your cuddle time ALL the free time you got.
    3. The accident happened at the worst time 'convient addict in me thinking here).
    4. You get some heal time
    The Doc
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Lol. We spend most of our time together cuddling

    He's actually doing great. He texted me super excited this morning that he fell asleep at 2am and woke up feeling almost normal.

    I just talked to him before he went into the store to grab things for dinner and he sounds a little beat up. But he worked a 14 hour day.

    I was thinking this morning how proud of him I am. We're coming up on the end of the month which means it's been almost 30 days since he quit. While I know he had that slip that he hasn't told me about, he's been doing so great.

    When we were originally looking at dates for his detox I thought it wouldn't be until the beginning of May because of schedules and stuff. He picked his date because wanted to be done. He wouldn't have even started yet. And look how far he's come. Even if it's not perfect. Idk. I just really respect the fight.

    Goes for all of you. You're all amazing.
    Last edited by jordanwonder; 27-04-2017 at 04:17.
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    I am so excited for you two to get to spend five nights together! Super yay!
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Thanks so much. He came last night bearing flowers, smelling like man sweat and saw dust, and he hugged me so long....and for a moment every thing was right in the world.
    Last edited by jordanwonder; 27-04-2017 at 13:39.
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    Hearing this, you just made my morning (again! LOL)

    So nice to hear there is something still right in this world! You deserve nothing but the best, so this is very welcome news indeed
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    I slipped on H yesterday morning, wife caught me and drove my ass to live with the mother in law
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    I'm sorry to hear that DM! How are you doing today? Are the lines of communication open between you and your wife, or do you think perhaps a cooling off period would be better while you continue to get your pieces in order?
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Mine spent ALL weekend high and sleeping on my couch. I'm over it.

    He did admit it to me.

    But he lied about other stuff. Stupid stuff.

    I couldn't find the words last night but I think I'm at the point of 'listen, this is your journey and I fully understand your path to recovery may not be a straight line. I don't blame you. I'm not mad. This is your life and you can live it any way you want to. But, if you choose to buy enough heroin and want to spend the weekend blissed out and sleeping on the couch, please spend the weekend somewhere else. My door and my heart and my arms will always be open to you, but not like that, it hurts too much. Please let me know when and if you need me. I love you with my whole heart. Forever and ever'
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    Jordan, those are beautiful words. I think they strike just the right balance between guarding yourself and your child, while letting your BF know you still care about him and still take him seriously.

    TBH, it sounds a lot like he simply isn't ready to be done yet. And unfortunately, if he's not ready, long-term recovery is unlikely to get very much traction.

    Do you think you'll say something to him along the lines of what you just wrote?
    Want to stop using? Feeling trapped? You're not alone, and you can get out.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Yeah, I think I'll just copy and paste it into a text. And then let him know if he wants to talk, I'll be free on Wednesday and Thursday like normal. That will give us both a few days to digest it.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    And that's fine if he's not ready. It's his life, his journey. I never asked him to stop, only said I'd be there in every way when he asked for help.

    I just feel like if we keep going like this I'm going to build up resentment toward him. And that's not fair - to either of us. And I really love how open I am and how I trust and love fully and I don't want this situation to affect those traits - whether I'm with him or future relationships.

    fucking hurts like a mother fucker though. My heart is broken for having to say the words.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    And I know I've said before. But Chase isn't really affected by this. But he does always ask what's wrong if he can tell I've been crying or sad or whatever. He's VERY protective of me. Which is why I cut off men in a heartbeat, and even moreso why I keep my romantic and family life separate. I refuse to let him see me sad over some dude. It's either a healthy mutually beneficial relationship or GTFO.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordanwonder View Post
    And I know I've said before. But Chase isn't really affected by this. But he does always ask what's wrong if he can tell I've been crying or sad or whatever. He's VERY protective of me. Which is why I cut off men in a heartbeat, and even moreso why I keep my romantic and family life separate. I refuse to let him see me sad over some dude. It's either a healthy mutually beneficial relationship or GTFO.
    You're a wonderful person, Jordan. It goes without saying that you're doing right by your son. But I also think you're doing right by your BF and yourself. These are some rocky shoals (romantic relationships during addiction and recovery), and the possibility of getting badly hurt is real. Assuring him that you care, but that you can't clean up for him is a real kindness, on several levels.

    I know it will hurt to send that text. But I hope that in time the kindness and tact that you've extended to him will outweigh the sad...I think it will

    Sim
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    Sending you lots of wishes for strength, jordan. It can be so hard to break up with someone you love but so necessary at the same time.
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    Sending you lots of warm fuzzy vibes from out west Jordan! Sounds like a horrible weekend

    Sounds like getting some time to yourself (yourself and your little one) is just what the doctor ordered. Keep your head up my friend. You're stronger than you know!
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    So, Monday was a pretty terrible day, up until about mid-afternoon when I realized that if the words I was using to express my feelings were giving the impression that I wanted to break up with him, then I wasn't doing a very good job and choosing my words. And, I also remembered my self-imposed rule about not making decisions when I am in an emotional place. So I decided to sit with things for awhile, and immediately felt a million times better.

    I have more faith in the kind of man he is and more love for him, than I can put into words. I remembered my comment to cj about how I would be setting him up for failure if I had too many expectations right now.

    Things have been strained since the weekend. But we've been open about how we felt/are feeling. I'm going to just let things be and unfold naturally. He's very proud of himself for the 24 days clean he had in April, and so am I. My intention will be to be a source of love in his life, his safe space.

    I want to say thank you for all the kindness and friendship and knowledge and experience you've all shared with me over the past few months. Unless something major happens, this will be my last post. You were all so helpful during his detox, but at this point, it's just riding it out. Things will shake out how they should. But, this place is not meant for relationship advice, and I know that they should be handled privately, anyway. And, I'm certainly capable of navigating those waters.

    With many, many thanks, I wish you all the best and send you so much love.
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    I didn't get that impression, but it's good to hear you seem to be feeling better! Keep your head up jordan, and keep taking good care of yourself
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    Good luck Jordan. We are here if you need anything
    Addicted? Want to stop? We can help! Come to the sober living forum!
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    Quote Originally Posted by toothpastedog View Post
    I'm sorry to hear that DM! How are you doing today? Are the lines of communication open between you and your wife, or do you think perhaps a cooling off period would be better while you continue to get your pieces in order?
    Oh yeah we talk 3-4 times a day, my home town just has too many dark corners for me to want to stick around. I will see my wife Friday and not being with her has made me appreciate how much I really love her very presence
    Godspeed Jordan you are in my prayers
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Hey guys

    Well, as promised, I'm back...

    I've only begun to browse to see how everyone is doing, so please forgive my generic "I hope everyone is doing well..." but I do....I'll get caught up on the deats when I can...

    I only have a quick minute before my lunch hour is over but I need some help...

    So things w my bf have basically been back and forth (not with him and I - we are cool, but with his using). We talk pretty regularly about it. And he's been honest, which is huge.

    He's finally ready to get some real help. He knows he can't do it alone, even with my support (which he is super grateful for and tells me all the time)

    He'd like to find a doctor to prescribe subs - he had a good experience with them when we started this process. I told him I'd help find him a doctor.

    So my question is...

    What questions do I ask to be sure he or she is a good doc? Obviously, I know much will depend on how he clicks with the doc. But I'd have to think there are things to look out for...and after reading about so many bad (and good) experiences on here, I figured this would be the best place to start....

    Thanks so much guys. I think of you all, all the time.
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    That is awesome he's figuring this out and you guys are communicating more effectively.

    What do you think he is looking for in a good doctor? I guess I'm curious as to what you mean when you say that. What is your image of a "bad" buprenorphine doctor?

    At the end of the day, the doctor plays a rather limited role in buprenorphine ORT (for better or worse). But having regular UAs is a good thing, not prescribing more than month long scripts with no more than two refiles, having an appointment in person no less often than once every three-six months (and much more often for the first 6-12 months), spending more than 30 seconds seeing the patient for each appointment, the doctor's office TAKING HIS INSURANCE or a low cost program, etc. are good ideas.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    I know. I'm so proud of him for stepping outside of his comfort zone for help.

    I don't really have an image perse. I've just read that finding a good doctor is hard. My buddy went through 3 before finding one he liked. I've read on here about people going through a bunch that they didn't like before finding a good fit.
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    I think having to do a bit of the good kind of doctor shopping with finding good healthcare across the board is pretty par for the course, and all the more necessary when dealing with something like mental illness, developmental or learning challenges like addiction.

    I think he will get a pretty good idea sitting down and speaking with the doctor one on one privately whether it feels right. In cases like this it is a good idea for him to come prepared with a set of questions he considers important about the care he is going to receive. Like asking about what the short, mid and long terms goals are with the medication, in terms of its role in his treatment.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Gotcha.

    I was just hoping to field some of it for him - he's working 12 hour days this time of year, which makes doing the leg work and interviewing docs near impossible.

    But we'll figure it out.

    Thanks for the info. - it all helps.
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    From long term pain management perspective... You need a doc thats well established and is going to be around a while. Worst case scenario is always showing up and finding no doctor and no MEDS. Been through that twice. Nothing worse than being on your last day of pills without any chance of a refill. So established and going to be there for years to come...

    R13
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