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Thread: Little help? - Timeline for meds - homedetox

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    I might die from medication but i sure killed all the pain
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    Shithe timing. Surgery means painkillers which is often a prelude to relapse
    Addicted? Want to stop? We can help! Come to the sober living forum!
    http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/269-Sober-Living
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Yeah, I'm not sure what they gave him yet.

    Before I knew how bad it was, I suggested telling the doc he was working on recovery and having trouble sleeping, to see if they'd give him something.

    He only has a couple subs left, according to what he told me last night.

    I flew out of work after my call and was headed home to change out of my work clothes. Got a text that he was out of surgery. I called from the car and he said he was leaving soon and it wasn't worth me driving out. I told him I already had care lined up for chase for an extra hour or so, so I had some free time and to hit me up when he knew what he was gonna do. But that I didn't want to stress him out - his mom was there and she, based on our texting today, has been very worried about him. (She doesn't know about any of the recovery stuff) and an hour later I'm sitting here alone.

    To paint or to go steal some baby kisses from my nieces, this is the question.
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    Sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place with this current dilemma
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    I've got 99 problems but baby kisses ain't one.
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    LOL luuuuucky
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordanwonder View Post
    Well, my friends, he seems to be doing pretty well as far as I can tell in regards to not using.

    I know he didn't get much sleep over the weekend and said he hasn't been eating much. He stopped by last night and we had a drink and chatted on the porch for a little bit. When he first got there he was super sad after dropping off the kids. But thanked me later for making him feel better. It kinda seems like he knows this will all be over eventually and it's just gonna suck to get through it.

    He texted me this morning and said he hadn't slept a wink :-/

    And then I just got a text a little bit ago that he was on his way to urgent care because he got speared through the lip with a stick !!!!!
    Yep I'm on day 10 from just a 4 day binge and have hardly l slept 3-4 hours a night this entire time! I'm waking up feeling good some days others I'm suicidal. This is where safe sex is important and should be part of recovery.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    I don't want to get my hopes up but that would be so amazing.
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    I'm keeping you guys in my prayers, your will and strive to stick by his side is so amazing!! I'm currantly kicking a year and a half oxy habit of 60mg a day sniffing. Right now I'm On day 3 :/ cold turkey with a little dosing help with kratom . This would be my 30th time trying to quite and my last. I'm 21 with a beautiful daughter and fiancÚ I almost lost due to my habit.
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    I got 99 prahlums.......


    You crack me up Jordan! I hope homeboy is OK. Let us know.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thebeatmaster View Post
    I'm keeping you guys in my prayers, your will and strive to stick by his side is so amazing!! I'm currantly kicking a year and a half oxy habit of 60mg a day sniffing. Right now I'm On day 3 :/ cold turkey with a little dosing help with kratom . This would be my 30th time trying to quite and my last. I'm 21 with a beautiful daughter and fiancÚ I almost lost due to my habit.
    Thanks so much or thinking of us during your struggle. That is incredibly kind of you. If your fiancÚ ever needs someone to talk to, feel free to connect them to me. Sometimes just the smallest shift in perspective helps.

    And I want to send you some love. After 30 times, it must shake your confidence. But practice makes perfect, in all things, right?? You've got this. My son has always been my biggest motivator when it comes to making positive changes in my life. At 21, you have all the time in the world to create the life you most desire, and it's all on the other side of this. To have someone that loves you and the honor of raising that beautiful baby girl, you are a very lucky person, even on the days when life doesn't feel so lucky. Hold on tight. Love to you.
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    Thank you so much I will let her know, yea I usually can't make it fast the 1-2 day the depsression and lack of happiness in things that usually make me happy kicks in and it sucks but I'm staying strong . As of now I'm not as in much pain as yesterday just some minor aches and stiffness it's just the wanting to lay in bed all day with out the tv or games that sucks but I'm pushing threw it. Iv made it to one week no wothdrawls feeling a lot better and I got a thought of "well if I just moderate how much I do and take I'll be fine if I take a couple today" then the spiral happens and I back at day one trying to find pills every other day lying then telling myself tomorrow I'm stopping then I push it back. It just sucks to keep on having to do that to have to relay on a pill to make me modivated and happy
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    and thanks, sixx

    I think he's mostly okay. I never saw him yesterday but he called as I was getting ready to take my boy up to bed.

    He needed to have some forms signed by his boss and his crews didn't get done working until the sun went down. By the time they met up it was late, and I live like a half hour from there. I could hear how tired he was.

    I'll tell the story of how it happened but fair warning it's pretty gross, so don't read the next paragraph if you have an uneasy stomach.

    *********

    He was in a giant pine tree making a cut and was kind of pushing the log while he was cutting, because it was at an odd angle. One of the guys he was working with came along and tried to help and pushed also and it started to roll back toward him. One of the little sharp branches that grow off the big branches speared through his lip and pulled it away from his skull. So all in all the visible part of his face isn't terrible and it should heal pretty fast because mouth wounds do, but it is pretty awful.

    ************

    Gross part over.

    He had already lost two stitches by the time we talked. They only gave him 2 Percocets, but I think considering all that's probably a good thing. They said he had to be out of work today but can work tomorrow.

    We talked about grabbing lunch today. I could tell he really wants some time together. He's counting down until Wednesday. Once it does, we'll have five days together. He says he can only sleep well if he's with me, I'm hoping that's true because I know he needs it.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thebeatmaster View Post
    I'm keeping you guys in my prayers, your will and strive to stick by his side is so amazing!! I'm currantly kicking a year and a half oxy habit of 60mg a day sniffing. Right now I'm On day 3 :/ cold turkey with a little dosing help with kratom . This would be my 30th time trying to quite and my last. I'm 21 with a beautiful daughter and fiancÚ I almost lost due to my habit.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thebeatmaster View Post
    Thank you so much I will let her know, yea I usually can't make it fast the 1-2 day the depsression and lack of happiness in things that usually make me happy kicks in and it sucks but I'm staying strong . As of now I'm not as in much pain as yesterday just some minor aches and stiffness it's just the wanting to lay in bed all day with out the tv or games that sucks but I'm pushing threw it. Iv made it to one week no wothdrawls feeling a lot better and I got a thought of "well if I just moderate how much I do and take I'll be fine if I take a couple today" then the spiral happens and I back at day one trying to find pills every other day lying then telling myself tomorrow I'm stopping then I push it back. It just sucks to keep on having to do that to have to relay on a pill to make me modivated and happy

    I don't know I should even be saying this. Out of everyone on here, I'm probably the least qualified to give advice. But I'll tell you the one secret that I use when I need to quit something, and it's the simplest: no matter how fucking bad (or easy) it gets, do not give in. That's it. Have a strong no. I tell myself, I don't care how fucking hard it is, whether I'm crying on the floor because something shitty happened or life is hard and feel like I'm totallly alone, the answer is no. Because history tells us that it passes. Experience tells me exactly what will happen if I give in. Learn that all feelings come and go, and that want will pass. The first thing to do to get over something is admit that you're weak to it, whether it's a person or a drug. From there, we gain our strength. Learning the science of things always helps me too. Why your brain is telling you you can moderate....having information in regards to what's happening to your body behind the scenes can help as a first line of defense. I've often found myself reminding myself that my brain is playing tricks on me.

    And to be kind to ourselves if it takes awhile to heal. Know that this doesn't have to be more than a chapter in your life, not the whole book.

    Baby steps and one day or one hour or one no at a time.

    Anyway, again, I'm not sure if I should give advice. But in my limited experience that has helped me. Sending you all the love and strength.

    And since you mentioned saying prayers, remember you can ask your angels to guide you. You're not alone and we can lean into the support of others - both seen and unseen. You are not alone.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    My intuition is gnawing at me that he's using.
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    I kind of wish we could go out for a drink 😁 We're in such similar situations, although I think you're a bit wiser than I. I know you're on top of it, but all you can do is live your own life and support him lovingly if you choose to do so.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Lol. I almost said the same thing in your thread. I wish we could hang out!!
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    What do you think is making your intuition feel like he is using J?

    I am the kind of person who believe strongly in the importance of learning to trust one's gut. The only caveat to this is that sometime people mistake thoughts as institution. So is there anything concrete you have noticed that you're aware of that might have lead your gut to pick up on the possibility of him using?

    I mean, statistically speaking, most people don't go from using to not using right away, so it is highly likely that he won't have been able to yet completely stop. That doesn't necessarily mean he is going crazy or anything.

    It's really hard to be able to tell if someone is using with actually spending a lot of time with them one on one IRL (as opposed to talking with them over the phone or internet). Hopefully you are able to get to spend some time with him, as this might be able to give you a better sense of whether he's using or not.

    Have you talked with him again about how important his honest about his use is for you?

    Clearly this is still (understandably and rightfully - honest about something like this is essential to a healthy mutually intimate adult relationship) something that is very important for you, and I wouldn't beat around the bush about it at all. You are obviously a deeply loving, compassionate individual, so I'm not worried about you getting all confrontation and in his face about it with him (though this is probably what he fears).
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    I doubt he worries about me getting in his face or being confrontational. He knows that's not my style. I couldn't tell you the last time I raised my voice.

    If he worries about anything, I'm sure it's the shame you guys talk about. He's said as much. And he may be worried that I'll bail.

    No, nothing concrete. Other than the fact that it's 2:45 here and he hasn't replied to my text from this morning and I've noticed a pattern in him not talking to me (as much) when he's using. And he asked me about having lunch together today.

    And if I hadn't slept in days and had a stick through my lip and surgery and everyone was pissing me off, I'd probably want to use too. So I'd understand if he decided to.

    Starting tomorrow after work, he'll be with me for 5 days.

    I'm not pointing fingers or blaming or anything. Just a feeling.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Oh, and no. I haven't talked about being honest again. I haven't needed to. And he did say that he promised to be truthful w me going forward - that he didn't want another relationship like he had w his wife.
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    You're probably on the money with the feeling. Isolating, particularly from those we care about most, is an extremely common MO when it comes to using/relapse.

    I just hope you two have a great five days together. I'm sure that will make him feel a lot better spending time with you. I just hope you get to enjoy it too (well, I mean, you do kinda need to get laid already... ).

    If he is feeling off when he is with you, that will probably be a sign that he's been using perhaps more than he has been willing to openly admit with you. But your attitude about taking things as they come and not jumping to conclusions belies your heart of gold. He is a very lucky guy, no two ways about this.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Lol. I don't see sex anywhere close to being on our horizon. I've accepted that I'm going to have to wait before seducing him. Last thing he needs is something else to feel bad about. (And being turned down doesn't feel great either. Makes me teary just thinking of it.). But I'm okay with that.




    Although to lighten the vibe in here, I'll tell you guys the funny story of how I brought up the fact that we hadn't had sex in so long...

    This was before I found the H

    I struggled to find a way to bring it up and never could.

    Finally I texted him and said....

    But babe, I do have a question, do you not like me in the 'I wanna do you' kind of way anymore???


    (About as confrontational as I get )
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    As I said, heart of gold
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Obviously, the other thing that could have happened was that he finally got some sleep. And while I did think of that as an option, I kind of forgot about it as the hours ticked by.

    He did text me to let me know that he finally fell asleep at 8am and had just woken up.

    I need to put this phone down to save you all from my stream of thoughts. I feel like I've been attached to this thing and I'm driving myself crazy.
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    It sounds to me like you care deeply for this man. I'd try and find something to do with yourself that allows you to put these fearful thoughts related to whether or not he is using. Be good to yourself, do something fun you can get totally immersed in. Perhaps with your son or another loved one, or just by yourself.

    I'd use whatever guilty pleasure(s) you have for your own benefit today
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