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    Bluelighter kaya_9's Avatar
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    Could be compulsive liar.....That sucks JW. -_-
    *What happened? If you wanna talk about it...
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    Bluelighter kaya_9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toothpastedog View Post
    If not, it may be that the page is timing out.
    Thanks breh...This is probably it...I tend to do other stuff, even when I'm mid-post..heh.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordanwonder View Post
    Can someone explain to me the lying for no reason??? Not drug related. Just regular stuff.

    I'm about ready to walk away from this whole thing until he can figure out how to start being honest w me because this is fucking bullshit.
    I would be willing to wager that it is wrapped up in feelings of guilt and shame. That and having something we feel the need to hide.

    What's going on Jordan?
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    The lying sucks. My husband will lie about literally anything, big or small. Fucking hate it
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Hey guys, so...that thing a couple days ago, when I got so upset and then disappeared for the last few days is pretty dumb and not that great of a story.

    Basically, I never heard from him on Easter about going over to his folks for dinner until almost dinner time when he texted me and told me it was cancelled. But when I texted his mom the next day to express my thanks for the invitation she said 'we had hoped you could come'.

    It just drives me nuts. Like, dude. I didn't ask to be invited, I wasn't expecting an invitation. So if you don't want me there just don't say anything. Same w the whole recovery stuff. I'm trying really hard not to insert myself into his battle unless he asks.

    Whatever. Easter, he claims, wasn't officially cancelled although they didn't do a big Easter dinner because everyone was still full from their Easter brunch at some family member's. And he didn't want me to have to drive all the way out there for what turned into a 15 min pasta dinner.

    Idk. I'm over it. I'm only writing about it because I didn't answer those questions.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    However, in more interesting news: he was withdrawing like a motherfucker last night while he was here. He threw up, had the shakes, temp off, couldn't eat the whole nine.

    Kept saying he didn't know why this was happening out of no where.

    Suuuuurrre dude.

    But I don't even care. I'm happy he's trying again even if he hasn't been able to work up the nerve to tell me he slipped. Baby steps, I guess.

    In other news, I'm really missing sex and especially making out. I was thinking about how much has changed since I discovered this (his heroin use). Before I knew for sure and we weren't having sex but he told me it was because of his meds, we were at least affectionate in a sexual way. Ebbs and flows, I guess.

    Other than that, I'm pretty good. I'm reading the book dunno and TPD recommended. I've had some fun w my boy in his spring break. Although I have a giant gash in my ass cheek from falling on a stick when he wanted to go off trail during a hike. Lol. This is what I get for encouraging him to enjoy the adventurous side of life

    I have a meeting with my boss today to discuss my goals. It's been scheduled for a month. I need to get back to studying for this particular license (I work in finance) but it's summer and I hate studying. So wish me luck.

    Gotta fly. Just wanted to check in and fill in the blanks I'd left.

    (Kaya, I know Wally approved you over there.)

    Have a great day, friends. Love and other good things. xoxo
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    Sorry it didn't go how you wanted it too. Don't take him not being honest personally he is just emberassed and or doesn't want you getting in the way of his high. I have c a feeling he had to make something happen in order to score in Easter which is why he didnt want you around. I wouldn't be suprised if money is becoming an issue at this point tbh.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Oh, it's okay. I had a really, really wonderful day. I didn't care that much about going other than it was nice that they asked me.

    The lies are just dumb to me. I really couldn't be much more understanding about things (all things not just this situation) so it seems silly to break someone's trust over something I don't care about anyway. But I digress.

    Regarding the money, he makes a lot. Well, enough, anyway. He's an arborist and they get paid pretty well. Not to mention he can work a side job and make what I make in a week in a day. Granted his day care bill for three kids is outrageous but he does okay.

    He may have wanted to pick something up after dropping his kids off. He came over and stayed w me after he dropped them off though. So maybe in between. Idk.
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    Bluelighter kaya_9's Avatar
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    Thanks girl! Yeah, Im'ma get over there later tonight. Saw they got a soundtribe thread..heh!

    Glad to see things got worked out. Yeah, he shoulda' been done wd's ...Does he think you believe him? -_- I know you're giving him some latitude r'now, but damn, you 'ain't no fool, don't get played for one. You've known him for a long time and he needs support though if he's trying to give it up, I understand. I'd have to chuckle at him for that one though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordanwonder View Post
    Oh, it's okay. I had a really, really wonderful day. I didn't care that much about going other than it was nice that they asked me.

    The lies are just dumb to me. I really couldn't be much more understanding about things (all things not just this situation) so it seems silly to break someone's trust over something I don't care about anyway. But I digress.

    Regarding the money, he makes a lot. Well, enough, anyway. He's an arborist and they get paid pretty well. Not to mention he can work a side job and make what I make in a week in a day. Granted his day care bill for three kids is outrageous but he does okay.

    He may have wanted to pick something up after dropping his kids off. He came over and stayed w me after he dropped them off though. So maybe in between. Idk.
    You just keep doing what you're doing jordan I'm sorry about what happened, that must have hurt, but at least you got to see how things actually are going for him right now a bit more clearly "thanks" to the event.

    That said, when it comes to your issues with the libido, I have three letters for you:

    F
    A
    P

    p.s. What book did I recommend you read again? Probably one of Maia's, was it Unbroken Brain? Sorry, memory isn't what it used to be
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Lol. No kidding, tpd. Everyone at Duracell has job security because mama is keeping them in business. Lol. (Still not the same but I'll make it.)

    ********

    And yes, that's the book. The real sequence of events was that Dunno recommended it and then you seconded the rec. I'm really enjoying it. Not even so much for what I'm learning for him but more my own experience. I had my first drink at 12, started smoking weed at 13, was eating L at 16, going to raves (which we called parties) in Toronto at 18 - eating E and dancing until the sun came up for years. Flirted w a cocaine addiction for awhile. My whole life I've been toeing the line of developing a real 'problem'. Luckily, every time, I recognize what I'm up to and decide to make changes to create the life I want. I've got stories for days. So the book has been really interesting. Not to mention as a mom, I'm already thinking about how I can guide my son through this part of his experience. I don't doubt he's gonna explore.

    **********

    Lol, Kaya. I know. I don't know if he thinks I believe him or not. I didn't say that I didn't but I definitely had a 'sure, dude' look on my face. And kept saying things like 'the worst of it will be over in a couple hours, we've been through this before' and I could feel him relax after that.

    I'm just not making a big deal out of it. First of all, I know this whole thing is a motherfucker for him and I get the idea of wanting to protect yourself. And I'm reminding myself that he's not really used to being with someone like me. He once told me that his ex-wife (but this is when they were together) would put him in jail if she knew he smoked weed. So his natural reaction is to hide.

    Plus I'm just not mad. Just keep dealing with what's in front of me. Even on Easter, the day was perfect. I didn't need to be anywhere else. I even got a mimosa induced nap in the sun in. In April!!!. How lucky is that.

    It's the lies or half truths that muddle everything up. But I have a feeling it will just take time. I reminded him that friends do that and it's cool. It can be the same for us now. Like, 'hey, the vibe has shifted here, no one is hungry, and it's probably not worth the drive over, how about I just see you after I drop off the kids' to which my reply would be. Sure babe. Cool. I'm chillin anyway. See you then.....but like I said. Maybe it'll just take time and practice.

    No harm no foul.

    ***********
    And 'doing what I'm doing' is my plan. Even going back to my philosophies before I got so wrapped up in learning everything I could about H and withdrawals, etc. Over the past few years I'm been really attracted to and exploring the whole 'Devine feminine' experience. We as women have such a gift to share. Our compassion and empathy, love and kindness, our sexuality and feminity, our light. The way we can birth something new. I've been meditating on those aspects to kind refocus on how I can help bringing that energy to this vs the clinical 'take this now and then you're gonna feel like this, blah blah blah.', which served its purpose, don't get me wrong. But like I learned from the rat park experiment, I'm focusing on creating the park. Idk if that even makes sense. But it feels good so I'm going w it.

    ********

    In other news, talk w the boss went GREAT. I'm super motivated again to start studying. Sometimes it's hard to believe how much they love me there and want me to move up. They could choose anyone and they want me

    (if anyone reading this is struggling.....I got kicked out of college and after a long string of events (and almost a decade) I was pregnant, unsure of what would happen with his dad (we were broken up at the time), I was doing free lance design work (partying A LOT) but knew I needed steady pay, found myself in an entry level job making $8 an hour, worked my ass off, self-studied in my down time, and worked my way up. Those baby steps people preach about are dead on)

    Anyway, have a great day, friends. Lots of love.
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    I like your attitude right now Jordan. This guy is in no place to have an adultimate relationship right now. You sound pretty awesome and there are plenty of guys who don't use heroin. You can still be friends with him from a distance but don't become his boat when the seas get rough. Look out for yourself and your kids and maybe start dating around when your ready.

    Far as dude goes he is officially addicted and needs opiate replacement or rehab. But those are things he has to come to terms with on his on?
    Last edited by cj; 21-04-2017 at 21:13.
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    Adultimate. Great word!
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    It is a pretty great word. Somelody call webstees dictionary
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    Thanks, cj. You're great too. I read your thread this morning. And man, I just want to give you the biggest, warmest hug. And I'm so sorry about your grandma. I'll be sending lots of love and strength to you and your family.

    Thanks for the kind words. Yes, there are lots of men out there that don't do heroin. But everyone has their own set of problems. I've hung out (or dated if you want to call it that) with guys that are dating multiple women and lying about it, men that want to marry me within months of meeting me and freak out if I need a night off to clean my freaking house, guys that disappear for days, or that are just trying to get me into bed and don't get to know how giant my heart is, or the dudes that ask for selfies every 4 seconds. Men that talk about their money like I need saving (biggest turn off) Ugh. Dating sucks.

    Despite the fact that he's battling this, it's kind of been the most real thing I've been involved in since my divorce. I know that sounds fucked. But it's nice to hang with my best friend. Someone who knows me and my struggles, who is happy and proud of my successes, someone who isn't with me just because they are attracted to me or the fact that I like sex. It's nice to have someone to cook for and cuddle and pour my love on to. Someone who knows that life is messy and fucked up sometimes.

    I don't mind being his boat. If he didn't have me, he wouldn't have anyone. I'm the only person that knows. And even if he and I don't amount to anything more than friends that love each other, I can't leave him when he's at his most vulnerable.

    It's not even for me or for us, but really because I know the kind of father he wants to be. We used to have so many late night talks about how he didn't want to get divorced even though his marriage wasn't happy because he wanted to be there for his kids. I know that's why he's fighting. (And maybe for me too. But I'm not really thinking about that right now.). I figure the least I can do for someone I love is to be there if I can. This won't last forever. Either something will happen and I'll have to bow out or he'll get better and then we'll see.


    Shit, I've even got it in my head that there is a possibility he could go back to his wife once he's over this. And even that would be okay.

    Over the years I've learned that little lasts forever. I just enjoy what's in front of me while it's there.

    I feel in my heart that he and I are together now for a reason. That I'm the kind of woman he needs right now. And I love spending time with him.

    But I feel you, I'm not putting anything on hold or getting all wrapped up. Still working on my goals. Hanging w my friends. And I'm learning a lot.

    Idk. I may want more at some point. But like I said before, I've pretty much had it in my head that I won't be in a *really* serious relationship for a long time. My focus now is being the best mom I can be. And as long as this situation doesn't mess w that, I'm cool.
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    And similarly, it is nice to know ladies like you exist in America

    Keep your head up, focusing on what is important to you. You'll be just fine.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    I know lots of cool chicks if you guys wanna road trip to NY

    But for real, thanks for all of the love and support and knowledge over the last few months. I wouldn't be able to be as cool as I am about things without all of you.
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    Keep up on keeping on with yourself Jordan. Us addicts we relapse, it sucks but it happens. It's up to us to get honest with our loved ones and ask for help. My slips used to last months and years b4 I met my wife, now they last a day to a week. Eventually I break down and admit to it, or she just asks and I get honest. The trick on your part is to not take it personally, even if he blames you; remember it's his choice to use or not! Best of luck to you and yours
    -DM
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    Your wife sounds pretty amazing DM, I'm glad to know there are people out there who care and understanding like that
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    Quote Originally Posted by toothpastedog View Post
    Your wife sounds pretty amazing DM, I'm glad to know there are people out there who care and understanding like that
    Don't get me wrong, she's still pissed and calls me stupid, but doesn't leave me... so I got that going for me (caddyshack humor)
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    LOL poor guy, but as you say the doghouse is better than no house
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordanwonder View Post
    Thanks, cj. You're great too. I read your thread this morning. And man, I just want to give you the biggest, warmest hug. And I'm so sorry about your grandma. I'll be sending lots of love and strength to you and your family.

    Thanks for the kind words. Yes, there are lots of men out there that don't do heroin. But everyone has their own set of problems. I've hung out (or dated if you want to call it that) with guys that are dating multiple women and lying about it, men that want to marry me within months of meeting me and freak out if I need a night off to clean my freaking house, guys that disappear for days, or that are just trying to get me into bed and don't get to know how giant my heart is, or the dudes that ask for selfies every 4 seconds. Men that talk about their money like I need saving (biggest turn off) Ugh. Dating sucks.

    Despite the fact that he's battling this, it's kind of been the most real thing I've been involved in since my divorce. I know that sounds fucked. But it's nice to hang with my best friend. Someone who knows me and my struggles, who is happy and proud of my successes, someone who isn't with me just because they are attracted to me or the fact that I like sex. It's nice to have someone to cook for and cuddle and pour my love on to. Someone who knows that life is messy and fucked up sometimes.

    I don't mind being his boat. If he didn't have me, he wouldn't have anyone. I'm the only person that knows. And even if he and I don't amount to anything more than friends that love each other, I can't leave him when he's at his most vulnerable.

    It's not even for me or for us, but really because I know the kind of father he wants to be. We used to have so many late night talks about how he didn't want to get divorced even though his marriage wasn't happy because he wanted to be there for his kids. I know that's why he's fighting. (And maybe for me too. But I'm not really thinking about that right now.). I figure the least I can do for someone I love is to be there if I can. This won't last forever. Either something will happen and I'll have to bow out or he'll get better and then we'll see.


    Shit, I've even got it in my head that there is a possibility he could go back to his wife once he's over this. And even that would be okay.

    Over the years I've learned that little lasts forever. I just enjoy what's in front of me while it's there.

    I feel in my heart that he and I are together now for a reason. That I'm the kind of woman he needs right now. And I love spending time with him.

    But I feel you, I'm not putting anything on hold or getting all wrapped up. Still working on my goals. Hanging w my friends. And I'm learning a lot.

    Idk. I may want more at some point. But like I said before, I've pretty much had it in my head that I won't be in a *really* serious relationship for a long time. My focus now is being the best mom I can be. And as long as this situation doesn't mess w that, I'm cool.
    That's a beautiful post. You sound like you know what your doing. It's nice to talk to a girl who is so in touch with what they want. I think I have an Internet crush
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    Quote Originally Posted by toothpastedog View Post
    Your wife sounds pretty amazing DM, I'm glad to know there are people out there who care and understanding like that
    Quote Originally Posted by toothpastedog View Post
    LOL poor guy, but as you say the doghouse is better than no house
    Exactly my point indeed.
    Again I want to stress the addict has to be honest with their loved ones and it's their right to leave and not watch you die
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    That's so nice, thanks, cj

    We can talk whenever you'd like. .

    But, I think it's just an age and experience thing. You'll find that women in their 30s are, in general, more self-aware than chicks in their 20s and I'm sure it just gets better and better.
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    Bluelighter jordanwonder's Avatar
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    And thanks, Doctor. I think if I hadn't read over and over again on here how common relapsing was, I would've been more upset.

    I can't imagine him ever blaming me. But it wouldn't end well for him if he did.
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