- Joined
- Mar 9, 2005
- Messages
- 33,322
So, I'm in an ever worsening pickle that I'd love some insight into. My story may be boring so I will try to condense (but will fail!).
7 years ago I emerged from a very painful heroin and benzo addiction. For me, the benzo withdrawal was immensely debilitating, I was psychotic, blacking out, seizures, catatonic/aggressive, and this was from a slow taper using diazepam. I have mild epilepsy, mainly effecting me as a child (I am 34 now) but was treated with anticonvulsants and GABAergic agents. The seizures stopped when I was about 12 and really never returned until my benzo addiction. Then it all went utterly nuts. I suspect kindling as the culpit behind the intensity of my withdrawal (I got diagnosed with multiple pathologies during my withdrawal, from BPD, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar, PTSD etc, all of which amounted to nought when I was finally a few months clean. Of course, sleep disturbances and odd somatic symptoms have remained but nothing too upsettting.
Anyway, through pain and fire and ayahuasca! I managed to beat both addictions- to an extent. I've continued to use some GABAergic agents (GHB mainly) with no issues and then 18 months ago I made the great choice to take some etizolam and diazepam, lost a good two weeks (good times!) and then emerged into mild but very present withdrawal. Of course, I swore off benzo's for a few weeks, and have for the last 12 months been taking temazepam for a few days a month (usually a packet of 25 x 10mg tabs). Every time, unless I TAPER for at least two days of 1 x 10mg I will get a recurrence of withdrawal. Once bitten, never shy.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I've also been using increasing amounts of codeine, because I am an addict at heart and cannot say no to drugs.
So, starting about 18 months ago, though originating from nodding out badly 8 years ago, I've been getting severe sciatic nerve pain, extending down the legs through the butt/hip/groin/knee/calves/ankle/sole-of-feet, burning/parathesia/crushing sensations. Pain at probably 5/10 which is tolerable, but things like sitting down for more than an hour are crippling. It extends into my abdomen, feels like there is immense pressure and numbness on my right side. I also have nerve pain through my shoulder and neck, extending down my right arm into my wrist and the tips of my fingers; typing can actually send electric shocks up my fingers, I even find holding a smartphone to be quite painful- my hands go numb I get neurlagia pains across my scalp and in my jaw. All of this is on the right side of my body, though there are hints of it on the left too. I am incredibly sensitive to hot and cold, I get regular cold chills and hair standing on end for no reason, and random numbness through my face.
I'm on pregabalin, which helps to lessen the pain but only a bit. Codeine, of course mutes the pain but does not eradicate. The only thing that actually does remove it entirely is using a benzo. I basically have no nerve pain when on benzo's.
I use codeine too much, at least 5 times a week and in high doses, usually 1800mg a day. Hence, the days off codeine I experience withdrawal which increases the nerve/sciatic pain (and the suicide and loathing)
I feel like two things may be happening. One is opioid-induced hyperalgesia; I specualte that this is ocurring due to increasing levels of pain that have corresponded to my increasing use of the drug. I am incredibly sensitive to physical sensation, which seems hallmark of decreased internal pain management induced by opiate use. However, codeine is a really poor analgesic, but I am taking very large doses which actually do fuck all except cause my liver to hate me.
But I wonder if the actual issue is relating to my use of benzo's and a result of kindling phenomena. Given that they are a total cure for this pain, it seems they probably have a causal role in inducing it.*
*of note is that dissociatives such as MXE and 3MEOPCP have similar effect in reducing pain too, but I find these drugs to dsitracting to try and go to work on them. Sitting and typing long posts about my suffering nerves though, they are a real boon :D. High dose pregabalin helps a bit, but I am very wary of getting addicted (even though my doctor said it cannot be addictive because it doesn't cross the BBB which I know is utter bullshit, I can't imagine a peripherally acting anticonvulsant, can you??- doctor is but a GP though, very liberal with the script pad) but nothing removes 99% of the sensation like a benzo. Cannabis doesn't touch this pain.
Scans of my back have revealed a slightly prolapsed disk, putting some very light pressure on the nerve. Doctor does not believe that it should cause much pain though, so he assumes I am fishing for meds (I am, and he absoltuely complies with any request) There is no reason that a scan can reveal as to why I get pain in my shoulder/face/arms, though its described as RSI due to computer use- but, really, I don't use computers all that much, I purchase some expensive (and probably bullshit) ergonomic furniture for my man-cave/office, I adopt good posture, I am doing yoga and all that stuff!
I really think that I've combined a decreased ability to naturally offset pain through my opiate use, as well as hyperstimulated various nerves through physical trauma but mainly through repeated ingestions and withdrawal of nerve dampening agents like benzo's.
So my brief post is actually really long :D I'm sitting comfortably for once, that explains it! Hopefully you guys could see through my rambling and answer some of my queries.
Is my theory valid? Beucase, if so, this means that continuing abstinence from benzo's may cure this pain- I would forgo the recreational high, I don't even enjoy it but its a drug and that's usually appealing in itself. I am tapering down my codeine use too, it is soon no longer going to be OTC in Australia and I really don't want to desperately start seeking other opiates. I feel like there is light at the end of the void, it can be reached through suffering but I am used to sufferring and happy to undertake whatever I need to do to stop it getting worse. My doctor thinks I am being anxious, he think more pregabalin or diazepm will solve all.
Anyway, thanks if you managed to read this far.
7 years ago I emerged from a very painful heroin and benzo addiction. For me, the benzo withdrawal was immensely debilitating, I was psychotic, blacking out, seizures, catatonic/aggressive, and this was from a slow taper using diazepam. I have mild epilepsy, mainly effecting me as a child (I am 34 now) but was treated with anticonvulsants and GABAergic agents. The seizures stopped when I was about 12 and really never returned until my benzo addiction. Then it all went utterly nuts. I suspect kindling as the culpit behind the intensity of my withdrawal (I got diagnosed with multiple pathologies during my withdrawal, from BPD, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar, PTSD etc, all of which amounted to nought when I was finally a few months clean. Of course, sleep disturbances and odd somatic symptoms have remained but nothing too upsettting.
Anyway, through pain and fire and ayahuasca! I managed to beat both addictions- to an extent. I've continued to use some GABAergic agents (GHB mainly) with no issues and then 18 months ago I made the great choice to take some etizolam and diazepam, lost a good two weeks (good times!) and then emerged into mild but very present withdrawal. Of course, I swore off benzo's for a few weeks, and have for the last 12 months been taking temazepam for a few days a month (usually a packet of 25 x 10mg tabs). Every time, unless I TAPER for at least two days of 1 x 10mg I will get a recurrence of withdrawal. Once bitten, never shy.
I've also been using increasing amounts of codeine, because I am an addict at heart and cannot say no to drugs. So, starting about 18 months ago, though originating from nodding out badly 8 years ago, I've been getting severe sciatic nerve pain, extending down the legs through the butt/hip/groin/knee/calves/ankle/sole-of-feet, burning/parathesia/crushing sensations. Pain at probably 5/10 which is tolerable, but things like sitting down for more than an hour are crippling. It extends into my abdomen, feels like there is immense pressure and numbness on my right side. I also have nerve pain through my shoulder and neck, extending down my right arm into my wrist and the tips of my fingers; typing can actually send electric shocks up my fingers, I even find holding a smartphone to be quite painful- my hands go numb
I get neurlagia pains across my scalp and in my jaw. All of this is on the right side of my body, though there are hints of it on the left too. I am incredibly sensitive to hot and cold, I get regular cold chills and hair standing on end for no reason, and random numbness through my face.I'm on pregabalin, which helps to lessen the pain but only a bit. Codeine, of course mutes the pain but does not eradicate. The only thing that actually does remove it entirely is using a benzo. I basically have no nerve pain when on benzo's.
I use codeine too much, at least 5 times a week and in high doses, usually 1800mg a day. Hence, the days off codeine I experience withdrawal which increases the nerve/sciatic pain (and the suicide and loathing)
I feel like two things may be happening. One is opioid-induced hyperalgesia; I specualte that this is ocurring due to increasing levels of pain that have corresponded to my increasing use of the drug. I am incredibly sensitive to physical sensation, which seems hallmark of decreased internal pain management induced by opiate use. However, codeine is a really poor analgesic, but I am taking very large doses which actually do fuck all except cause my liver to hate me.
But I wonder if the actual issue is relating to my use of benzo's and a result of kindling phenomena. Given that they are a total cure for this pain, it seems they probably have a causal role in inducing it.*
*of note is that dissociatives such as MXE and 3MEOPCP have similar effect in reducing pain too, but I find these drugs to dsitracting to try and go to work on them. Sitting and typing long posts about my suffering nerves though, they are a real boon :D. High dose pregabalin helps a bit, but I am very wary of getting addicted (even though my doctor said it cannot be addictive because it doesn't cross the BBB which I know is utter bullshit, I can't imagine a peripherally acting anticonvulsant, can you??- doctor is but a GP though, very liberal with the script pad) but nothing removes 99% of the sensation like a benzo. Cannabis doesn't touch this pain.
Scans of my back have revealed a slightly prolapsed disk, putting some very light pressure on the nerve. Doctor does not believe that it should cause much pain though, so he assumes I am fishing for meds (I am, and he absoltuely complies with any request
) There is no reason that a scan can reveal as to why I get pain in my shoulder/face/arms, though its described as RSI due to computer use- but, really, I don't use computers all that much, I purchase some expensive (and probably bullshit) ergonomic furniture for my man-cave/office, I adopt good posture, I am doing yoga and all that stuff! I really think that I've combined a decreased ability to naturally offset pain through my opiate use, as well as hyperstimulated various nerves through physical trauma but mainly through repeated ingestions and withdrawal of nerve dampening agents like benzo's.
So my brief post is actually really long :D I'm sitting comfortably for once, that explains it! Hopefully you guys could see through my rambling and answer some of my queries.
Is my theory valid? Beucase, if so, this means that continuing abstinence from benzo's may cure this pain- I would forgo the recreational high, I don't even enjoy it but its a drug and that's usually appealing in itself. I am tapering down my codeine use too, it is soon no longer going to be OTC in Australia and I really don't want to desperately start seeking other opiates. I feel like there is light at the end of the void, it can be reached through suffering but I am used to sufferring and happy to undertake whatever I need to do to stop it getting worse. My doctor thinks I am being anxious, he think more pregabalin or diazepm will solve all.
Anyway, thanks if you managed to read this far.
