So I had a wierd experience (wouldn't call it bad trip because I don't believe I tripped) back in June. I was drinking all weekend , when on the last day of my vegas trip I decide to do MDMA, friend gave me an untested pill and I was told was a good one, didn't feel like MDMA at all, another friend was given the same pill , looked up pill reports and seen these pills could've been PMA, or Meth, not sure, either way will never know I messed up by trusting my friend. Didn't feel that pill at all though , so I took a third of a good pill and felt the roll, it lasted bout an hour then I was back to normal, but after started feeling cold, and 30 min later started having trouble breathing , tunnel vision , loss of balance, and racing heart. Don't know if I was having a heat stroke or now that I think about it maybe a panic attack.
the week and a half after that experience was HELL, hourly panic attacks , paranoia, everything , I was feeling tired, and my body felt heavy. After a week and a half I woke up one day and was feeling AMAZING, woke up early made myself breakfast and was bumping music and feeling great texted all my friends I was feeling alive again. Yet 2 days after that the panic started creeping up again slowly. Then caught chronic sinusitis, and kinda made things worse. And for 2 months fealty with daily head aches and even developed thunderclap/cluster headaches. My stress levels were high. I stopped working and going to school. When that finished I developed DR/DP. Started noticing double vision, then the starbursts , then the off balance, visual snow, halos, and then tracers.
The panic attacks have calmed down but I still deal with depressive episodes and daily anxious feelings especially towards the afternoon and night . It's tiring , I deal with extreme exhaustion everyday, some days many bones ache, it's really stressful. Overall my symptoms have improved you can say, still there but improved , but is this really HPPD, or just anxiety? I'm seeing a therapist and mentioned HPPD but she didn't have a clue and diagnosed me with anxiety. Prior to that drug use I had only used MDMA 3 other times maybe with 2 months in between each time. And cocaine about a year ago for 2 weeks small amounts . Never liked smoking was always a drinker . Some days I feel like all this is bearable , but some days like today I feel so scared , I get this "crap I really fucked up im really dealing with this" thought and everything feels so surreal , or i just can't accept it some days. It's scary, sometimes it just feels like I'm still having a MDMA "come down" idk but I get so scared . I wish it would leave . Does anyone have any suggestions ? I know I wrote a lot and was all over the place but I just want to reach out to people who understand me. This extreme exhaustion is horrible too.
the week and a half after that experience was HELL, hourly panic attacks , paranoia, everything , I was feeling tired, and my body felt heavy. After a week and a half I woke up one day and was feeling AMAZING, woke up early made myself breakfast and was bumping music and feeling great texted all my friends I was feeling alive again. Yet 2 days after that the panic started creeping up again slowly. Then caught chronic sinusitis, and kinda made things worse. And for 2 months fealty with daily head aches and even developed thunderclap/cluster headaches. My stress levels were high. I stopped working and going to school. When that finished I developed DR/DP. Started noticing double vision, then the starbursts , then the off balance, visual snow, halos, and then tracers.
The panic attacks have calmed down but I still deal with depressive episodes and daily anxious feelings especially towards the afternoon and night . It's tiring , I deal with extreme exhaustion everyday, some days many bones ache, it's really stressful. Overall my symptoms have improved you can say, still there but improved , but is this really HPPD, or just anxiety? I'm seeing a therapist and mentioned HPPD but she didn't have a clue and diagnosed me with anxiety. Prior to that drug use I had only used MDMA 3 other times maybe with 2 months in between each time. And cocaine about a year ago for 2 weeks small amounts . Never liked smoking was always a drinker . Some days I feel like all this is bearable , but some days like today I feel so scared , I get this "crap I really fucked up im really dealing with this" thought and everything feels so surreal , or i just can't accept it some days. It's scary, sometimes it just feels like I'm still having a MDMA "come down" idk but I get so scared . I wish it would leave . Does anyone have any suggestions ? I know I wrote a lot and was all over the place but I just want to reach out to people who understand me. This extreme exhaustion is horrible too.