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Anal Sex - Give up?

J

JustMarried

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 14, 2017
Messages
5
Hello all,

6 months ago I married to the most amazing and beautiful woman I've ever met. She's 21 and I'm 24. Our sex is great, after a couple of months at the beginning we kind of clicked and reached a point where we can now both orgasm at the same time 7/10 times when we have sex. If one of us doesn't orgasm it's usually me and she's not good at using her hands and has a super strong gag reflex so I'm normally left unsatisfied if that happens. She's never been left unsatisfied since we've been together, even if I have to go down on her for 45 minutes.

I am interested in trying anal sex, it's always been a fantasty of mine and I see it as a really hot, intimate and trusting experience to share between two people who love each other. Not like it is in porn. I imagine it as something we'd do maybe a couple of times a year when we're feeling really close to each other.

My wife has had anal sex with two of her ex's. In total about 20-30 times however does not want to do it with me. She doesn't really like it. She said it doesn't hurt her but when she says that when she's turned on and wants to feel something in her vagina and then something goes in her butt it's like the reverse of having a poo and she doesn't feel sexual any more. I'm also a little on the large side in terms of penis size unfortunately and she's quite small and petite.

Now I respect her opinion and don't want to make her do anything that would cause her discomfort. I just really struggle with the concept that there's anything "off limits" in our sex life, especially something she was more than willing to do so many times for her ex. I'm willing to do absolutely anything for her and would really like her to consider trying it with me one day. With me it wouldn't be just an idiot ramming it up her bum like it was with her ex.. Now I know anal is not comfortable to start with. After we discussed it I personally tried butt plugs and dildos to see what anal felt like and to be honest, after the first few minutes once I'd relaxed it was quite nice and I could use the dildo quite hard on myself and had really good orgasms.

On discussion she gets quite upset when we have discussed it as she seems to think I want to cause her pain in wanting anal which is not true. She also said no woman enjoys it. Period. Anyone that says they do are lying and it will never be possible to orgasm with something in her bum.

Now I love her more than anything in the world so I want let my desire ruin our relationship and I'm at the point where I've spoken to a hypnotherapist and am considering paying a substantial amount of money to stop me from wanting this. At the same time I don't know whether there's anything I can do to make her feel comfortable enough to one day try it with me.

We've discussed anal play and she's OK with that so I'm was going to start licking or rubbing her anus for the first few weeks and hope she responds well. Maybe insert a finger once she's more comfortable and let her relax into the idea that anal play can be fun for both of us.

I'm interested to know what peoples thoughts are.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting this?

Should I keep trying and if so any suggestions on how to introduce anal stimulation in a relaxed gentle way?

Any advice from both women and men would be greatly appreciate.

Thank you for reading.
 
There's nothing unreasonable about desiring it. But you've no entitlement to expect it from her unless she wants it - and clearly she doesn't.

Having said that, you've only been married 6 months and you're both very young. Give it time - maybe in a few months or years she'll get bored and horny and willing to try something new. The finger play isn't a bad idea, but don't push it too fast or she'll only become upset that you're not really listening to her or respecting her wishes.

Also don't keep a scorecard. If you feel like you're doing her a favour during sex that she won't return, you're going to get bitter and things will go wrong between you very quickly.
 
Very good and reasonable response CFC. Thank you.

Will bare that in mind regarding the score card.
 
JustMarried said:
We've discussed anal play and she's OK with that so I'm was going to start licking or rubbing her anus for the first few weeks and hope she responds well. Maybe insert a finger once she's more comfortable and let her relax into the idea that anal play can be fun for both of us.
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Sounds like a good plan! :thumbsup:

"Should I keep trying and if so any suggestions on how to introduce anal stimulation in a relaxed gentle way?"
Isn't the plan above .. just that?
She already agreed to anal play and you said she gets upset when you bring it up. Don't force the issue. She'll eventually give in and then resent you. There's a reason she did it with her exes.. and there's a reason she's not with them anymore. Get her into it, if she wants to, let that be her decision not forced/pressured by you.
 
First of all, I can assure to you that there are women who really enjoy anal sex. I have even met the ones, who like it more than vaginal sex.

You don’t have to suppress your desires, because you will only hurt yourself, It is absolutely normal to have such a desire and it is one of the expressions of your unique sexuality.

It seems that you are really frustrated not because you can’t get anal sex from your wife, but because she had anal sex with her ex’s and at he same time she doesn’t want to do it with you.

If she really didn’t like anal sex, there wouldn’t be those 20-30 times with ex’s. I think that at certain circumstances/conditions she likes it.
One of the main reasons why she doesn’t wan to do it with you could be the fact that you both are married to each other, and for many people it is rather difficult to do something rough or “dirty” in their sexual lives with partners who they love, or are in long-term relationships. It is much easier to be rough, nasty and dirty with strangers or with persons with whom the sex is just sex.

You see, romance and sex are two separate concepts and two very different energies, but due to the massive brainwashing in our culture, these both concepts Love & Sex are often used together, and it leads to various problems in sexual life.

You have to help your wife to separate both these things, so that there aren’t the confusing image in her mind, when you stick your penis in her anus and after just few minutes, you say to her “I love you”.

You have to help her to understand that romance is before and after the sex, but during sex you both can be sexually free, you can both be rough and you both can follow your sexual instincts and enjoy each other fully, and that it in no way will diminish the quality of your mutual respect and romantic feelings in everyday normal life.

Therefore, gentle touching and massage of her anus I think won’t help. Physically she is ready to have anal sex with you, but not emotionally. You have to “massage” her mind, to get rid of the mental blocks described above.

And don’t give up, because you are very close to what you desire!
 
doheryourway said:
It seems that you are really frustrated not because you can’t get anal sex from your wife, but because she had anal sex with her ex’s and at he same time she doesn’t want to do it with you.

If she really didn’t like anal sex, there wouldn’t be those 20-30 times with ex’s. I think that at certain circumstances/conditions she likes it.
One of the main reasons why she doesn’t wan to do it with you could be the fact that you both are married to each other, and for many people it is rather difficult to do something rough or “dirty” in their sexual lives with partners who they love, or are in long-term relationships. It is much easier to be rough, nasty and dirty with strangers or with persons with whom the sex is just sex.
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This issues with this is she tells me she did it because that's what she thought she was supposed to do when she was young and inexperienced (First time she was 15 and then with her ex who was a serious relationship she was still only 17) So she didn't necessarily do it because she liked it, just because she felt obliged to from what I understand.

doheryourway said:
You have to help your wife to separate both these things, so that there aren’t the confusing image in her mind, when you stick your penis in her anus and after just few minutes, you say to her “I love you”.
Click to expand...

How would one go about this? It sounds simple written down but I have no idea how to clarify that concept in her mind.
 
Last night, after having some amazing sex we were lying in bed talking and she said "Having sex with you is just so incredible, I just want to do everything with you... You know, except that..." (meaning giving head or anal)

I didn't really respond however she went on to talk about how its the most selfish thing a man can do and she hates the fact that every guys she's been with has asked her to do it.

I didn't really say much I just asked her about her experience with her ex and she told me that they tried for ages to make it enjoyable and she just never liked it. I asked her if she ever felt any pleasure from anything anal related and she said no, never, not even when he used to go down on her and just gently rub the anus without any penetration at all. She just genuinely hates the idea.

So I guess that's it. I'll respect her opinion and I'm not going to try and pressure her into something she's so strongly against.

Any suggestions on how to overcome sexual desires?!
 
Well to be frank I think you should try receiving anal for yourself.
Maybe you could persuade her to harness up and give you a good seeing to.
You might then find out why she doesn't want to but if you are lucky and you enjoy it, she might see how pleasurable it is for you can ask you to do it for her too.
 
augustaB said:
Well to be frank I think you should try receiving anal for yourself.
Maybe you could persuade her to harness up and give you a good seeing to.
You might then find out why she doesn't want to but if you are lucky and you enjoy it, she might see how pleasurable it is for you can ask you to do it for her too.
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Honestly I'd love to, but she's not into doing me with a strap on. If I want to use butt toys I can only do it when she's not around.
 
augustaB said:
Well to be frank I think you should try receiving anal for yourself.
Maybe you could persuade her to harness up and give you a good seeing to.
You might then find out why she doesn't want to but if you are lucky and you enjoy it, she might see how pleasurable it is for you can ask you to do it for her too.
Click to expand...

Double recommend for this post - has the potential to be a win-win: You love it (married straight guy here who loves a bit of back door action), and if you do, she may see you getting pleasure and wanting in on it for herself (that's my usual, sneaky and enjoyable route into a lovers ass as it happens =D)

However, if she just hates it, why waste time pursuing it (despite how frustrating that must be - I know, I love giving it to, and receiving it from willing girls ;) - when you could be finding new, unexpected ways to pleasure her. They might still even involve the bum ;)
 
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Do it yourself in front of her with a large dildo or the size of your penis? It will hurt at first but loosen up like ya know START SLOW just a finger then add another etc... I personally go up to 3. Then Slowly i repeat SLOWLY insert the dildo into you. Practice by yourself maybe at first? It will be uncomfortable at first but starts to feel really good.
 
All you can really do is accept her wishes if she doesn't want to do it. It doesn't sound like she's going to change her mind so you either pressure into it (not healthy) or wait and see if she changes her mind in the future. If it's something you NEED then see about an open relationship or inviting someone into your bed who is willing to let you. Otherwise just suck it up. It's very unlikely anyone you meet will have exactly the same sexual tastes as you.
Maybe there's stuff she wants that you wouldn't want to try.
 
Going to a hypotherapist to try and alter your sexuality sounds very unhealthy. If she doesnt want to though unfortunitely there is nothing you can do.
 
JustMarried said:
"My wife has had anal sex with two of her ex's. In total about 20-30 times however does not want to do it with me."
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Ouch, TMI. hahaha


In all seriousness, I have the oppisite problem. GF wants to do it but I'm not at all into it. I may have to bite the bullet and just go for it.... The sacrifices we make. lol
 
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I would suggest not nagging her about it and dropping it from discussion for a while. Also just leave her anus alone for a while as she might think you will just keep asking and not want sex anymore.

Also its not a big deal to a lot of women if they dont orgasm all the time as sex feels good anyway.
 
I prefer anal sex over vaginal sex, but sadly my wife is short and has very sexy little ass and asshole, and that makes me even more want to have anal sex with her. She says it hurts even with one finger in, but Im ok rimming it deep and long. But good for me she promised that I can go to see escort for anal sex, because she is sure she never can get over the pain aspect (im sure it would go away). She loves me so she is ok with it.
 
Dresden said:
Find a gay bottom guy.
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Yes because if you are into anal sex you are ok with any ass, just like with oral sex you are ok as an heterosexual guy that some other dude is sucking you off, because both woman and man has the same mouth? Good logic.
 
Some great advice here, especially the advice saying to fuck your self with a dildo in front of your wife. Lol
She's done it before but didn't really like it so to try to change her mind let her watch her husband stretch his arse out with a dildo. Wtf sort of advice is that?
 
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