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Whats the point,how to continue

N

NOTforget

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2017
Messages
15
Hello my name is b
I have been reading on bluelight for a while now and i hope i find some help here.
I have been using and abusing drugs since
I was 16 , mostly weed but also uppers downers screamers you name it.. now im at the age of 25 and really i have been trying alot to better my life but it seems like im stuck whatever i do.
I got no friend left i can trust
Neither i can trust my family even tough they help me "alot"
I stopped smoking weed a few days ago wich is pretty much my main addiction
I have been taking xanax to calm me down and to sleep
But i keep asking myself this question
Whats the point of living
I feel like its all a big joke thats laughing at me
Anyone else feels like this sometimes
I know i need help but i just dont know where to start
Ive been in therapy before because i was suicidal and i hate it since docs just do what they get payed for and did not really help
Also after that i talked to a therapist tryed multiple times without succes
I have been clean before for a few months but when i look back at it
It did not make me more happy or social or anything
I really feel like i fcked up my life multiple times already ..
Pleas someone help me on track again
Or any help or support is appreciated.
 
Because you were using drugs during most of adolescence you deprived yourself of some of the natural strategies that develop during that time--strategies for living in the adult version of you. Adolescence is a time where you have to figure out what you need in your life to feel fulfilled and you start making strategies for how to have the life you want separate from your family. The good news is that it is never too late to develop a good adult relationship with yourself. It starts with getting to know yourself without judgment. You have not fucked up your life! It is an exploration after all. So, you learned what you do not want (to be high all the time) but what do you want? If you convince yourself that you have messed everything up it prevents you from having to take risks and control. It can feel discouraging and scary at first but if you make it your goal to create the person you want to be you can have fun with the process. Our culture lays a heavy image of one type of happiness on everyone--and teaches us to think of ourselves as failures when we don't live up to that image. Happiness happens in little blips; having a place of calm inside is much more desirable to me.

You are still young. Give therapy another chance but go into it with a proactive attitude. A therapist is not there to fix you but hopefully to guide you to healthier ways of thinking about yourself so that you gain the strength and confidence to help yourself break through old thought-habits that are keeping you depressed.<3
 
Wow thanks for these nice and motivational words, never tought of it that way
And about my family they do alot for me
If i need help they are there the problem mainly is trust , it just hurts when you know you cant trust them and since i got no friends i can trust either (wich is pretty much my own fault) that leaves me no one left.
Ima hear if i can do some therapy off some kind since there arent many other options.
Thx again u really set my mind to think in a positive way !
 
Herbavore,s post really lifted my mood up but yet here i am again a week later
Quitted weed for 8 days now
Other drugs mdma,2cb etc quitted for 2 weeks
Went to doc to he suggested
2.5mg temesta and 100mg trazolan each days before i go sleep
But the urge to give up on life keeps coming back

Ive been noticing someone is in my house whenever i go away most likely family and im 200% sure
I would give examples but cant post em here
Theyre making me crazy !!
I confronted em and they wont admit it
Wich makes me even feel more depressed suicidal crazy and mad etc...
I wish i could leave it all behind but my pets are like the only reason im still here
Pff i hate my life , like mentioned earlyr
Even after quitting is all it still feels like a big joke and i dont know if i can keep taking this
 
Instead of giving up on life, toss around the idea of giving up the life you had.

I can't tell you how many times I've had moments when I thought I had completely fucked up my life. But the funny thing is: we keep on moving. Nothing is permanent.

I've learned that there is a certain life, death, life cycle. To everything really. And we have to let something die in order for the new to come in. And there is discomfort in letting the old go. It can be lonely.

But trust that life will bring you what you need most.

You can do anything you want. And it's up to you to create it. Envision what you want your life to look like. And then take baby steps to get there. Manifest it. If you want to have a closer relationship with your family, try forgiving them. Forgive them for whatever they did to lose your trust, forgive them for entering your space when you are not there. And keep in mind where they might be coming from.

It always helps me to get back to most basic things in life, when I feel lost or stuck. Take care of your body, eat well, sleep when you can, get out in nature, clean and organize, stretch your body, focus on your breath. Personally, I love to dance - so even grooving around my house fills me up.

That's what works for me.

I started smoking weed and drinking a lot younger than 16. It's not too late to develop the skills you need to deal with life. You probably already know what they are. You just need to practice.

Trust yourself and the universe. You still have a beautiful life ahead of you.
 
I partly understand you
I love dancing to it makes my mood better but not right now
im trying to get help
And my family is pretty much all i got since after all they are family
I am doing my best to do pretty much everything they desire
But the fact that they keep denying and even be mad at me and calling me crazy for accusing them
Really makes is hard for me
It hurts me so much
I dont see the point anymore
Even with this medication i cant sleep
Cause i cant control what my mind thinks anymore
I know i got a whole life ahead off me , i just cant see it right now
I really dont know how to continue anymore ...
I feel like they will always be checking up on me and even if thats a good thing
I cant stand the tought
Really the only thing holding me back are my pets but im not sure if thats enough
I am really trying to get trough this but im not sure if i can
I am like one step away from dissaster
Thanks for youre input tough
 
Im in rehab now so i geuss youre post helped after all , i hope it works out this time
 
I'm so happy to hear that.

I felt awful that I said the wrong thing or stepped when I shouldn't of. I'm sorry for that. I know that we all have our own struggles and what works for me, isn't necessarily what someone else needs at the moment.

Sending you so much love and light on your journey. I hope they are able to give you the help you need.
 
No not at all! You did efford and i thank you for that ! I feel like this time it will all work out well :)
 
Just a little update , feeling much better already not taking any medication anymore and gonna try to keep it that way , tomorrow i can go home for a few hours so thats great also
Mindfulness is the key ?
 
NOTforget said:
Hello my name is b
I have been reading on bluelight for a while now and i hope i find some help here.
I have been using and abusing drugs since
I was 16 , mostly weed but also uppers downers screamers you name it.. now im at the age of 25 and really i have been trying alot to better my life but it seems like im stuck whatever i do.
I got no friend left i can trust
Neither i can trust my family even tough they help me "alot"
I stopped smoking weed a few days ago wich is pretty much my main addiction
I have been taking xanax to calm me down and to sleep
But i keep asking myself this question
Whats the point of living
I feel like its all a big joke thats laughing at me
Anyone else feels like this sometimes
I know i need help but i just dont know where to start
Ive been in therapy before because i was suicidal and i hate it since docs just do what they get payed for and did not really help
Also after that i talked to a therapist tryed multiple times without succes
I have been clean before for a few months but when i look back at it
It did not make me more happy or social or anything
I really feel like i fcked up my life multiple times already ..
Pleas someone help me on track again
Or any help or support is appreciated.
Click to expand...

All i can say is Keep Pushing Bro , I feel like that sometimes , Like everybody including Family Think im Destined to Fail at life. It Pisses me off yet Motivates me to Prove them all wrong and i suggest you do the same. Keep your Head up. also Drugs Physically Change the way your brain Works , It changes the way it develops if you start at a young age beings that our brains are not Considered fully developed until age 25. Adjust and Move on.
 
The funny thing is there is no point to life u can see,feel,taste that isn't made up.that has no merit in choosing to end your life...u are the purpose..everyone is a different purpose ..do whatever makes u happy.
 
I will keep on pushing even if i had a mental breakdown , so i failed at not taking medication
sadly right before that i was thinking
Medidation owns medication
But my mind took over
Im gonna have to work hard to give my life purpose again and get my happy life back
What has been years of drugs abuse cant be fixed in a few days weeks or even months i geuss
I hope one day i can prove them all wrong!
 
A mental breakdown feels terrible to go through but when you use it as an ally in learning about yourself you see nothing is in vain. The hardest lessons in the life hold the greatest rewards. You have determination and that is wonderful.<3
 
Feeling much better each day
Dont know if its the therapy,the sports i do here or the people i meet here
To herbavore youre posts keep lifting me up as they are always usefull keep spreading youre positive and usefull post,s i would say
I feel like i learn each day since im here
I wil keep u guys updated
I cant thank all off you enough as each post has been usefull to me
one day i wil look back at this and remember how much bluelight did for me
I knew this was the right place to tell my story
?
 
Yesterday i went out
While some people where smoking weed,who know i quitted they where testing me wich shows again how 2 faced some people are
But it did not bother me , it says alot more of those people and im glad they did it so i know i dont need to trust em
2 weeks clean now and gonna keep on pushing and not planning on giving up
 
Everything is going very good
Had the great news yesterday that they aint gonna prescribe any meds any more
They kinda forced me to take some
But since i was against it they not gonna do that anymore
Might start a new thread soon in the sober living section
2 weeks clean off weed and 3 weeks to other drugs ?
Thanks again to all !!
?❤
 
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