• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Recovery Oxymorphone hell...slowly reclaiming my life

So, I was getting tired of my mood fluctuating bet ween anxiety and depression, so last week started taking a very small dosage of generic Prozac... only 10 mg every other day. I definitely am feeling an improvement in experiencing less anxiety, less depression and better mood stabilization. I don't know if it is a placebo effect, the effect of having 7 weeks clean, or what... but I will definitely take it.

Last Sunday afternoon/evening, I was very depressed and anxious and that is when I surrendered and started taking the fluoxetine. I now have a full week of gradually decreasing depression and anxiety... several other BL'ers have used anti-depressants during their first year in recovery and reported positive results. I am just going to stay on it for now, and some time in the future will wean off by increasing the amount of days between doses. I was prescribed this last time I went c.t., in 2013 and it helped back then, but I did not stay on it long enough, and relapsed on alcohol, sometime between 2-4 months clean, gradually increasing the amount I was drinking at night to manage my anxiety and insomnia until I was drinking compulsively. I do not want to repeat that experience!!

To those that celebrate: Happy Easter!!
Happy-Easter-Images.jpg
 
POke,

If taking the anti-depressants is helping you, I say run with it. Shit, these meds saved my life over and over, both before I got addicted and after.

I've seen a lot of talk on BL and elsewhere recently suggesting that anti-depressants are some kind of scam foisted onto us by big Pharma and lame doctors. This line of thinking drives me nuts for many reasons. But I don't want to hijack your thread any more than I already have.

You're doing awesome, POke. And I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling less anxious and depressed.

Happy Easter!
<3
Sim
 
sim: Hijack my thread all you want, brother... we are in this together. Thanks for the support around the anti-depressants... I wanted to put that out there for any readers of my thread who are struggling with mental health issues. Hell, I have been diagnosed with depression (dysthymia, I believe its called) on and off for years... I self medicated with the opiates and in the past, other substances to relieve the depression. I definitely self medicated with alcohol to relieve the anxiety!

So, I do not want to use illicit substances or prescribed substances for the wrong reasons... hence, giving the prozac another try. If in 4-6 weeks I need to tweak it... I will consult with my psychiatrist, who thinks Cymbalta is a great fit for me. Honestly, after reading about Cymbalta, it does seem to be a solution to all my symptoms, including chronic pain, so I will see how this experiment with goes. If some BL reader doesn't like my decision... it is not their life, it is mine.

b-dog: How are you? Please check in as often as you want or need to.
 
15 days clean is amazing! Yes, the anxiety can be troublesome, I admit. It does get better, as does the insomnia, but it is gradual, and takes time. Hang in there... exercise seems to help the anxiety and the insomnia a lot, as do the hot baths with eucalyptus scented Epsom salts. I like to do deep breathing as well. Do you go to meetings at all?

Being able to talk about my anxiety with other addicts, face to face was helpful as well. I use a lot of different coping skills to manage the anxiety, and it is work, I won't lie. But for me, relapse is not an option. I want to stay away from opiates, benzos, alcohol, etc... they just make my anxiety worse in the long run, not better.

Your brain and body are healing, and it takes time. DO NOT GIVE UP!

If you feel comfortable, you can start your own recovery journal, and ask for help specifically for the anxiety issues, and see what kinds of feedback you get.

Sending you positive energy!
 
Sounds like you're doing great lady-props!

You too B-dog....! You're almost there....*Will Benedryl help you sleep at all?
 
Last edited:
Hey b-dog: I am happy to hear that your sleep is improving... it will continue to get better and better as you get farther away from the drugs.
 
So how are you doing, POke? Hanging in there?

Thinking of you...
Sim
 
Day 21. Thanks to all especially POKE for all the encouragement. Keep Kicking Ass!!!
 
Oh b-dog: 21 days... 3 weeks... you are a warrior!! Quitting suboxone is no joke, and you are showing strength and resilience. I had 8 weeks clean on Saturday, and had an awesome week-end! i slept great both Friday and Saturday night, walked 50 minutes both days, did yardwork/chores, went to meetings, talked to my adult children, etc. I went to a 12 step fund raiser, bingo and dinner, and laughed like I hadn't laughed in years... the bingo caller was funny and nasty... it was such a great way to enjoy part of my week-end.
So b-dog... it really does get better, and I am so honored to have you along with me on my journey! No one can understand what we through except a fellow addict.

Hi Sim: Life is good! I hope your writing continues to progress and you feel a sense of fulfillment from the process.
 
Today is 2 months clean and sober, and I feel a sense of relief the farther away I get from my acute withdrawal. I continue to work on my recovery daily... the walks, preparing healthy food, attending meetings. Overall, I am seeking balance as that is when i tend to feel the best. I do not get cravings and feel as if I have been released from that prison of drugs where I was constantly counting, trying to taper, feeling ill, isolating, etc.
 
P0kemama said:
Today is 2 months clean and sober, and I feel a sense of relief the farther away I get from my acute withdrawal. I continue to work on my recovery daily... the walks, preparing healthy food, attending meetings. Overall, I am seeking balance as that is when i tend to feel the best. I do not get cravings and feel as if I have been released from that prison of drugs where I was constantly counting, trying to taper, feeling ill, isolating, etc.
Click to expand...

This is beautiful. I'm so proud of you!
 
Thank you, my brothers in recovery! Your support means the world to me! I am heading out to babysit the little 2 month old... feeling no anxiety or stress.. just happy to be helpful!
 
I am not happy at all this evening. I am getting ready to return to work in my professional field; I am contemplating which type of setting I would like to work in, and would like to go back just part time right now, so I can continue to work on myself. I ran my ideas past my sponsor, and told her what I do. She said that because I work in a field closely related to the medical field, caring for patients, etc. I "should not" return to work in my chosen field, where I have years and years of education; licenses, etc. Instead I should find something "fun", i.e. "skill set not necessary"... like a garden center ( what... cashier, loading cars... really?) or better yet, just volunteer for this first year.

Unfortunately, I cannot afford to volunteer, and the thought of not doing what I do professionally has put me into a tailspin. I am angry that I even tried to do the whole 12 step deal... I don't trust people easily, and again, I feel burned.

I usually am a people pleaser, but I know that is one of the reasons I liked opiates.. I stopped caring about what I wanted. Now i care about myself. She can fire me, but I do disagree with her, and I will pursue a position using all my experience, education, and credentials. However, now I am doubting my abilities a bit, and she has chipped away at my confidence.

I need to remember what I read in the "Four Agreements"... don't take anything personally. Everyone's opinion is just a projection of their own dream, it is not based on who I am. She doesn't even know me... we met for 40 minutes face to face so far; sat in 3 meetings together, and talked on the phone 2 times.

Even addicts stigmatize other addicts and display their prejudice. This is crazy... I would understand if I had been cracked out for several years ( no offense to any crack addicts, which I used for 3 months about 18 years ago and could not function due to paranoia).. but I took prescribed medication... never once did I get extra or other drugs. I know for a fact that many people work while taking what I was prescribed, and more, and others who quit and worked a week later or worked through withdrawal.

I question my own judgement in choosing her as a sponsor... I guess b/c she has years and years of clean time. Anyway, I sure could use some support. And, if any of the people that know me here believe she is right, I would read what you wrote with an open mind. I respect your opinions.
 
I have struggled with the same issues of dealing with sponsors who I never really felt really knew, listened to what I had to say or heard me at all. I'm sorry to hear about this experience, but try and remember that, even though they act like it sometimes, sponsors are not professionals, not therapists and as a general rule have no actual training in what they do. The best sponsors I've ever heard of are more of companions, less instructors.

How is working in your chosen field a bad idea? What is your chosen field? There are lots of great opportunities out there in the medical field that allow one to have an income and still work on their own recovery. There are lots of different roles one can play, even as a RN one can still have a variety of different jobs.

It doesn't sound to me like your sponsor actually heard what you were trying to express - you seem like you have already figured out what will work best for you in terms of getting back to work (by going back to a field you already have experience in and working part time), it sounds like you really just need someone to support you in your efforts, as opposed to criticizing your for your dreams.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top