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Recovery Oxymorphone hell...slowly reclaiming my life

Pokemama I was trying to find the post about you saying even while you were on your pills it still felt like withdraws I am going through that now and I think was was doing that a bit before I even started to actually cut my dose ...so I just wanted to say I really understand that feeling and I am in the boat of should I just jump or continue to taper ...I am going to read your whole threat again and see how the progress went I have read it before but my brain is seriously not being very smart as far as any memory right now ...

You are really doing good and I am so proud of you ...you give me inspiration ...
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b dog said:
Thanks for sharing. Day 1 off about 90mg a day snorting Opana. Started off needed them much for pain. Then pain and the high. I started to not feel anything from the opana. Almost feels like withdrawal but i am still on the pills, so today stopped taking them ..got clonadine and Xanax and immodium. Any help would be appreciated
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Ok never mind my last post about the withdrawals while on the meds Pokemama..... I now see it was b-dog who posted that hopefully he reads that post right above this one.... because I was feeling the same way about my meds ....I am feeling so dizzy and yucky right now so I don't feel like editing my other post OMG LAZY is me ....they are right after the other so he wont have to search
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P0kemama said:
B dog: Welcome!! OMG.. you sound a lot like me, in terms of our habits! Snorting them is what made the w/d's a little more intense for me... however you may have a different experience. I was constantly in withdrawal, even while using... it gets so out of control, liking a runaway freight train! Good for you for quitting now... And what is it about now that you are done using? Do yu have about a week off a work to detox? Any in person support? Are you cut off from your supply? That would help you be more successful with quitting. I wish you the best of luck! I will check back and see how you are doing!!
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Ok now I am laughing Pokemama you posted about that too ....Ok seriously I am not a crazy person ..but I am totally laughing
at myself right now
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Nomasfent: I am happy to read your last post and see that you have retained your sense of humor throughout this whole God awful process!! I never went to the streets during this last relapse, so only had my prescribed dose to work with. Talk about crazy... trying to remain functional and out of w/d's while only getting a bit of oxymorphone ER prescribed, and to have the oxycodone stop working...well, it would maybe stave off w/d's for a very short time, but leave me intensely craving as it did not address my mental state at all. Life was a nightmare towards the end of my using days, I was always anxious of running out, going into wds, not being able to function, and having intense panicky feelings while catastrophizing about the c.t. withdrawal process... basically scaring the crap out of myself, which was so over dramatized in my mind... so glad to be done with all of that.

Thank you, also, for the idea to reread my thread... definitely want to do so in the next week or so... I got a little jolt of anxiety TBH, thinking of reading it again. What hell my withdrawal was, physically and mentally, and yet SO WORTH IT. I am so very grateful for all the support here on BL and to have 5 weeks clean.
 
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TLD, Kayam and Sim: No, no nightmares on trazadone, I think my dose is too small to cause them. I tried a half a pill the other night, and it was too much... my heart started racing and I had anxiety, it is just too soon after my c.t.

However, I went to my doctor yesterday, and got some disappointing news about some issues I am having, totally unrelated to my opiate use. Basically, I had to process reality checks on two different health concerns. There are not major, and yet worrisome enough at this stage of early recovery.

Last night I got my best sleep so far. I took 1/4 of a trazadone, 1/2 benedryl and Alka Seltzer Cold, and slept six hours with only a 2 minute wake up in the middle of the night. My head is so clear today with that restorative sleep, and I am very relaxed. I do not feel like doing much, I am not running on nervous energy today, at least not so far. 5 weeks clean.. and things keep getting better!

By the way: does anyone have any advice or can share their experience on how to plan? I feel so great living my life one day at a time, but sometimes we just have to schedule things: visits, appointments... how do we do that when we have "good" days and "not so good" days? Do we schedule, but cancel if we have a kinda bad day... or just power through things? I really want to visit my daughter and grandkids on a good day, as she has seen me on some very bad, sleep deprived, in w/d type of days...I want to set her mind at ease and also visit when my energy is high enough to really interact with the children. My daughter has a very well balanced life, so she does ask for me to schedule my visits with a little notice, which I totally respect.
 
^^
That's a tough one. I totally understand your daughter's insistence on planning, especially where kids are involved (i.e. So things are as stable for them as possible). And there's something to be said for pushing ourselves back into the land of the living, where schedules, plans, and promises are the coin of the realm. Unfortunately, I think there's no easy way to ease ourselves back into that space. This is one of those places where I think the best we can do is to practice self compassion...we can do our level best to be stable and a good friend/family member. But if our plans get upset, it's important to tread gently, since things like energy level and mood are so difficult to plan around.

You're doing a great job, POke. Take it slow...things will fall into place so long as you continue to strengthen yourself. (Which you're doing swimmingly!)

<3
Sim
 
Great to see you doing well! I have never had nightmares or heart racing, etc on Trazadone, but everybody is different. 1/4 of a 50mg would no where near come to knocking me out, but I'm glad you've found a possible combo that works.

Yeah, just let whoever you plan with that it's still going to depend on how it's going that day when you do set a time...You are doing the most important work for yourself so you will be able to be there, and be clean!
 
Thanks Sim and Kaya for your thoughts. Kaya, i like that idea of setting it right out there that I may need to reschedule if I am having a rough go of it. Then, there are no misunderstandings.
 
P0kemama said:
Nomasfent: I was always anxious of running out, going into wds, not being able to function, and having intense panicky feelings while catastrophizing about the c.t. withdrawal process... basically scaring the crap out of myself, which was so over dramatized in my mind... so glad to be done with all of that.
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I have worn those shoes it was much easier after I go to n the patches and the pharmacys got much more hard core about you can only pic up your meds like 3 days early so after my pill mistake and doing cold turkey for the first time ever in my life I was like OMG never again of course I was also taking care of a 3 year old yikes .....

I am like your daughter I need to plan when people are coming by, I always tell people call first in case I am not home cause I live so far out... but with this withdrawal thing I just was straight up "look I am going to be going through some hard days and I just may not be available "for anything, except if your dying and I mean it !!!" everyone has been very understanding so that good ....

Hopefully soon you will feel better everyday and can make real plans again and be able to do them That's what I am working for too ....I am not a grand parent yet and I can not wait for the day I am ...My daughter can not have children and my son has the mind of a child so I gotta wait for my 10 years old to grow up ...I keep telling my husband I want him to get married at like early 20s and start young so we are not to old to have fun with them we had him late in life ...and my stepson who is 35 is more in love with alcohol then any women so I don't forsee him having kids anytime soon and I don't think it would be a good idea for him yet anyways he really need help and I wish he would find this board and get so help to stop drinking I think he is one of the worst alcoholics I have ever seen and it breaks my heart because he was such a smart kid and just gave it all to alcohol ...Welll anyways have fun cuddles with your grand next time you go visit ....I bet your daughter is so very proud of you

Here are a couple cuddle bears for your lil grands ʕ•̫͡•ʔ♡ʕ•̫͡•ʔ
 
Thanks for the kind words and the cuddle bears, Nomas! I appreciate you!

Wow!! I feel freaking amazing!! at 36 days clean, I slept almost 9 hours last night!! My body and mind, obviously, are healing well. I believe that is b/c I am not using any addictive substances right now, but I could be wrong. I am totally off the ativan now, 3 or 4 days, I think. I had a Zyrtec in the day for my horrible allergies, and then 1/2 benedryl, 1 Alka Seltzer +Cold and 1/4 trazadone, plus my sleep hygiene techniques

The sleep was deep and refreshing... I had dreams that were not nightmares... it is funny to be able to dream, or at least remember them again. All I know I thought pills helped me sleep. WRONG!! Because I had built my tolerance up, I was up some nights, every 1 -3 hours, sniffing a line of oxymorphone to fall back asleep. I realize now I probably was in w/d, off and on, for months. I am so grateful to be off those pills!!

Nomas: keep working on your taper!! It is so worth it!!
 
Yeah the sleep is totally different when you are not withdrawing on and off.

I had the same thought when I was abusing oxycodone that I actually were at withdrawals constantly when tolerance escalated enough.

I don't remember either having dreams at all when my abuse was in it's peak no matter what other drugs I was using to get some sleep.

Getting onto Suboxone got rid off all the sleep problems I had. I can actually go to bed at anytime and can fall asleep if there is enough time from the last time I got some sleep. I don't need to maintain any sleeping patterns at all or be concerned about sleep hygiene if I don't want to and still get enough sleep.
 
Mr Root, I am so happy to hear how well ORT is working for you, and that your sleep is good on it!! Thank you for stopping by my thread... I remember reading about your slow taper off the opiates awhile ago, and wondering why I could not do it... well, putting the drugs up my nose is why!
It is nice to see we are both on a good path right now... BL is a very, IMHO, unique and valuable community for those of us, who among other things, want to work on their addictions and improve the quality of their lives.
 
Great to see you doing well with the sleep...sooo important for being able to handle all the other shit that Life throws at us, fo' sho' =D
 
Ended up going to an out patients recovery program. I needed help. Went on a 2 week suboxone taper down to half a 2mg a day. Today is first day completely off everthing..having more concerns mentally than physically at this point
 
b dog: hang in there... the mental part is bad, in my opinion, and I need to take it one day at a time and then am able to make it through. Good luck!
 
Hey, POke...glad to see you! How've you been doing?
 
P0kemama said:
Thanks for the kind words and the cuddle bears, Nomas! I appreciate you!

Wow!! I feel freaking amazing!! at 36 days clean, I slept almost 9 hours last night!! My body and mind, obviously, are healing well. I believe that is b/c I am not using any addictive substances right now, but I could be wrong. I am totally off the ativan now, 3 or 4 days, I think. I had a Zyrtec in the day for my horrible allergies, and then 1/2 benedryl, 1 Alka Seltzer +Cold and 1/4 trazadone, plus my sleep hygiene techniques

The sleep was deep and refreshing... I had dreams that were not nightmares... it is funny to be able to dream, or at least remember them again. All I know I thought pills helped me sleep. WRONG!! Because I had built my tolerance up, I was up some nights, every 1 -3 hours, sniffing a line of oxymorphone to fall back asleep. I realize now I probably was in w/d, off and on, for months. I am so grateful to be off those pills!!

Nomas: keep working on your taper!! It is so worth it!!
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Thanks for letting me know that about the taper issue with yours..... it truly is hard doing these withdrawals every few days... I am so so proud of you.... you are so going places ...Yay ......
 
Hi,
Well I have been clean for 41 days today... I can't believe that tomorrow will be 6 weeks clean already. Time is definitely starting to go faster, as I am quite busy with all this new found energy. I am getting ready to head down to spend the day with my granddaughter's... I did not sleep all that well last night, I guess with the anticipation of the long drive down there and getting out of my comfort zone, but it is not as debilitating as it was to be a little sleep deprived as it was even a week ago.

I hope all my friends are doing well, taking good care of themselves and staying strong.
 
P0kemama said:
Hi,
Well I have been clean for 41 days today... I can't believe that tomorrow will be 6 weeks clean already. Time is definitely starting to go faster, as I am quite busy with all this new found energy. I am getting ready to head down to spend the day with my granddaughter's... I did not sleep all that well last night, I guess with the anticipation of the long drive down there and getting out of my comfort zone, but it is not as debilitating as it was to be a little sleep deprived as it was even a week ago.

I hope all my friends are doing well, taking good care of themselves and staying strong.
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Hey Sista congrats 41 days! so proud of you!!! im happy to hear some energy coming back. Im doing ok TLD
 
^likewise, congratulation on your success P0ke! Keep up the great work :)
 
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