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Recovery Oxymorphone hell...slowly reclaiming my life

Thanks for sharing. Day 1 off about 90mg a day snorting Opana. Started off needed them much for pain. Then pain and the high. I started to not feel anything from the opana. Almost feels like withdrawal but i am still on the pills, so today stopped taking them ..got clonadine and Xanax and immodium. Any help would be appreciated
 
B dog: Welcome!! OMG.. you sound a lot like me, in terms of our habits! Snorting them is what made the w/d's a little more intense for me... however you may have a different experience. I was constantly in withdrawal, even while using... it gets so out of control, liking a runaway freight train! Good for you for quitting now... And what is it about now that you are done using? Do yu have about a week off a work to detox? Any in person support? Are you cut off from your supply? That would help you be more successful with quitting. I wish you the best of luck! I will check back and see how you are doing!!
 
Wow thanks for responding. I do have support. The opana just weren't working. I do have 14 extended release 15 MG left. I hope that helps some. My goal is to be complete off. See Dr in a week.
 
Seems like thinks are rolling into right way P0kemama. I wish all the strength you need.
 
Thanks, Captain, and Mr. Root... I respect you guys! I just went to my first (this time around) NA meeting today, down in the hood. It was full, and it was a pretty good meeting. At day 11, I am feeling flat, so as soon as I got home from the meeting I went for a walk for about 45 minutes....sure hope some endorphins kick in.
 
I went for a massage today to see if there was anyway to get those endorphins kicking in, and I think it may be too early?? Can anyone remind me when the flatness will start to leave and I can feel some happiness? I am sure, though, that it is a bit different for us all. I felt good after the massage, b/c of being so sick that 4 weeks of my rapid taper/c.t. My body is hurtin. I have some work to do , but she seems very knowledgeable and has a kind soul, so that helps a lot. I definitely do not want to fall asleep during the day, as my sleep is messed up enough at night. So, I am sitting here waiting for a repair man who is late... plus I cannot go for a walk until he gets here, completes the repair, and leaves. It is hard to be positive, for some reason.
 
P0kemama!!!

You jumped off!!! I'm so proud and happy for you!! That's so great!

I jumped earlier today after a pretty rapid taper myself. I've been on and off a lot though since my last posts. I'm not sure how I'll feel in the morning, but I'm hopeful. I have the whole weekend without being on call or anything, so I'm going to find out.

I'm just happy to see you pulled the trigger on making a move off of everything. I know you struggled with trying to taper over the last year or so. It's very encouraging! I'm sub'ed to this thread now.
 
Pokemama, you're doing so freaking awesome. I'm so proud of ya! This shit is hard... But each passing day is one day closer to freedom..

?
 
POke...I wish I could give you a timeline for when your psych/mood symptoms will shrink. But my experience is that these kinds of symptoms' duration really varies from person to person.

When I get to feeling dreary and flat, I try to remind myself of the whole 'one day at a time' thing. In fact, I find that reminding myself not to worry too much about the future is more helpful with gloom than it is with, say, cravings. Nevertheless, it *is* discouraging to feel that way for long periods of time. It's actually interesting to me, right now the cravings come and go. But the depression is nearly constant. And the urge to flip a switch and turn it off (with drugs) is the impulse I struggle with most.

We're in the trenches. But you got this!
 
stillkickin said:
P0kemama!!!

You jumped off!!! I'm so proud and happy for you!! That's so great!

I jumped earlier today after a pretty rapid taper myself. I've been on and off a lot though since my last posts. I'm not sure how I'll feel in the morning, but I'm hopeful. I have the whole weekend without being on call or anything, so I'm going to find out.

I'm just happy to see you pulled the trigger on making a move off of everything. I know you struggled with trying to taper over the last year or so. It's very encouraging! I'm sub'ed to this thread now.
Click to expand...
Yes!!
Two weeks clean today!! I wish you nothing but the best over this week-end as you attempt to stay off the drugs. Yes, I did struggle so hard... more than a year, actually. It is a frickin' miracle to have two weeks clean!!
 
Thanks, Sixx, for stopping by... I appreciate your supportive post!

Sim: Yesterday was so dark... today is much better. No sh%$, it really is "one day at a time". I have been making myself get out and walk... I probably told you that, and today was able to extend the time I walk without a break to 30 minutes... I am thinking it might help a bit. I did go to an extremely emotional NA meeting, held at the inpatient treatment center at a hospital near my home last night. It is open to people in the community, as well as whoever is in treatment at the time. It was packed. However, there were about 3 or 4 women who shared about relapsing, and a young women talked about going out of state for heroin and benzo treatment. I cried, and cried... it was one of the best meetings I was ever at in my life. Then, 2 men shared a very strong message of hope and recovery. It changed my perspective to heartfelt gratitude... I am starting to cry just thinking of it. And, I have two weeks clean today!!
 
Poke, the truth is that LIFE is best lived one day at a time. That is why I truly believe that people that go through recovery become such wise human beings--they can use the skills (and the realizations) they learn in recovery from a drug for a true recovery of the deepest self. Many people that have never even had a drug problem go through life in a constant projection into a future they never quite live up to. Learning to live in the present, one minute, one hour, one day at a time is a very profound skill. Recovery can also be the most humbling experience in the world as well as the most empowering. So, have faith in the struggle. It is a very honorable endeavor and I am amazed by your strength and commitment.<3
 
Thank you, Herbavore, your post is so wise and touching. And yes, learning to live my life one day at a time, again, will come with practice and patience. Thank you!
 
Damn, POke, you are doing so well! I think getting emotional during recovery is totally healthy...in fact, I take it as a sign that our emotions are actually coming back. (That sounds like an intense meeting...I went to a couple inpatient ones when I was in the psych ward last summer, but I never dropped in on one from outside ;)). Takes some serious guts to go to something like that. Really impressive!

I actually came back from a meeting just now. I wasn't going to go, but one of my buddies txted me to ask if I'd come so we could talk for a while. I realized afterwards that it wasn't him who was having trouble--he was worried about me. And with good reason...I've been an emotional basket case recently. I always think I hide that shit well, so I get kinda unnerved when people see it in me. But it was a great conversation. That's the kind of shit I love about NA. As you find people you can click with, your relationships with them can get surprisingly intimate and deep.

Thinking of you, POke.
Sim
 
You're a great inspiration P0ke! I'm glad you're documenting things on the forums. It helps a lot of people I'm sure, as I'm one of them. :)

Keep it up!!! You've got more that a couple people rooting for your success in finding peace and happiness with everything.

-SK
 
HI Sista! how ya doin! your more than two weeks clean and kicking ass!! that is awesome it puts a smile on my face and thats with 18 to 24 inches of fuckin snow coming tonite and tomorrow thank you for giving me something to smile about. Herbavore is right i only took one day at a time especially during paws its the only way. best Sista!!
 
Hey, my friends, thank you for the kind and supportive posts! Day 16 finds me at my daughter's home, so that I can see my new grandbaby and my toddler aged granddaughter. Is is so much better being around people than being home alone. We all went for a walk together, ate lunch together, and just chilled a bit. I am going to spend the night, to see what my insomnia is like here vs at home.

I still find that my mornings and early afternoons are w/d symptom free, but right around now, late afternoons, I experience fatigue, cold chills and stomach cramps, mostly mild. Evenings I attend meetings are much better than being home. Sunday night, I attended another NA meeting, and the women were very welcoming. They explained I may not feel well physically for a little while longer. It set my mind at ease, as I thought I was worse off.

I hope everyone continues to do well... let's all give this another day!!

Oh, TLD: I am looking forward to watching the national news over the next few days to see how much snow you are getting. It is way too dry here... send some snow my way!!
 
POke...so pleased to hear about day 16. That's just great!

Sounds like a lovely visit with your family.

I don't mean in any way to cast a shadow on it. But just a head's up...I've found that since quitting, interacting with family can sometimes bring on stress in a way that's hard for me even to identify for a while. It's not a dealbreaker or anything. And it may not happen to you at all. But if you find yourself feeling antsy or weird, I encourage you to take a bit of time for yourself, or to talk one-on-one with someone. I only bring it up b/c it kinda startled me the first time it happened.

By the way, congrats on your grandbaby!!
 
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