March 2017 Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. something new is happening!!!

[hydroazuanacaine]

congrats, Grinders Kiefers.

today is my first without pot. the previous two days were resin hit only. i know it's not big and bad, but i already quit the big bad drugs. pot's always the last to go when getting sober. it's really fucking terrible for me because of mental illness. chronic use of it completely removes me from reality and not at all in a pleasent way. it's also really hard for me to quit because the acute affects are so soothing and it's not scary enough like benzo addiction to elicit caution.

so i feel horrible. no benzos. no pot. and no more opiates for a bit, which i don't have the same problem with but i've been using excessively the last few months. opiates hurt the wallet. i cannot eat, sleep, or focus. in a few weeks i won't be such a fucking crazy person. hopefully.

 

[simco]

Five months sober yesterday. I was able to shed some tears and feel sadness this morning for the first time in a while. The journey continues.

Fantastic! I hope the emotions are cathartic and not too raw.

Onward and upward.

 

[simco]

congrats, Grinders Kiefers.

today is my first without pot. the previous two days were resin hit only. i know it's not big and bad, but i already quit the big bad drugs. pot's always the last to go when getting sober. it's really fucking terrible for me because of mental illness. chronic use of it completely removes me from reality and not at all in a pleasent way. it's also really hard for me to quit because the acute affects are so soothing and it's not scary enough like benzo addiction to elicit caution.

so i feel horrible. no benzos. no pot. and no more opiates for a bit, which i don't have the same problem with but i've been using excessively the last few months. opiates hurt the wallet. i cannot eat, sleep, or focus. in a few weeks i won't be such a fucking crazy person. hopefully.

Hey, it's as big and bad as it is.

I'm just curious, is the interaction between cannabis and your psych issues a long-standing problem? I ask b/c I'm at the point where weed is the only drug left on my plate...I also have some serious psychiatric problems, and every now and then I wonder if it wouldn't find them diminished if I quit the weed, too.

Good luck, hydro!

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

thanks, simco. yes, the interaction between cannabis and my psych issues has been a long standing problem. i don't know how long, but i was able to put my thumb on it several years ago. it has gotten worse with time, and/or i'm getting better at recognizing it. it unleashes the dam on my intrusive thoughts, makes me paranoid, and either directly or indirectly causes more rapid and severe mood fluctuations. paranoid not in the typical funny acute sense, but paranoid in a bad way where i am no longer in touch with reality and get sucked into persistent dangerous delusions. my most recent and consistent diagnosis is bipolar ii and ocd. i do not take medication, strongly against the advice of doctors.

quitting pot does not cure me. it's a matter of significant severity. not being an acute affect, it does not immediately diminish upon quitting. but it doesn't take a terrible amount of time either. hope that adds to your perspective concerning your situation. wishing you the best in managing.

 

[simco]

Thanks, hydro. That's very helpful to hear. I know the kind of paranoia you're describing...I've been hospitalized for very similar-sounding issues.

best luck with your own journey.

Oh, apropos of nothing...I've noticed your avatar on BL a few times over the years, and it's my very favorite!!

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

Oh, apropos of nothing...I've noticed your avatar on BL a few times over the years, and it's my very favorite!!

glad you like it! love anna, godard, and coutard. actually told myself this morning that i'm going watch Vivre sa vie, read, and do nothing else after work today.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

congrats, Grinders Kiefers.

today is my first without pot. the previous two days were resin hit only. i know it's not big and bad, but i already quit the big bad drugs. pot's always the last to go when getting sober. it's really fucking terrible for me because of mental illness. chronic use of it completely removes me from reality and not at all in a pleasent way. it's also really hard for me to quit because the acute affects are so soothing and it's not scary enough like benzo addiction to elicit caution.

so i feel horrible. no benzos. no pot. and no more opiates for a bit, which i don't have the same problem with but i've been using excessively the last few months. opiates hurt the wallet. i cannot eat, sleep, or focus. in a few weeks i won't be such a fucking crazy person. hopefully.

I would feel horrible without shatter. I've gone without it for like, I don't know, most of a day? And it really sucks.

Best of luck to you

 

[vlsol]

I just noticed I had posted in the wrong thread earlier. Sorry simco I hope I didn't disturb your recovery journal.

Anyways, so Im back in Sober Living. The last time I was here was in december 16. And I've had a short relapse since then. Now I attemped another cold turkey in the aid of a family member. Since Tuesday I am clean. Thankfully my withdrawal has been rather mild on me. I'm gonna spend a total of two weeks here before I return home which is where the big challenge starts, since that is where I have my darn Oxy dealer...

Anyone else notice they cease to enjoy music and other hobbies while on opioids? For me that's a big no. Too much of my personality goes with the Oxy. the same applies to buprenorphine which is why I hesitate going into treatment even if I had it recommended to me.

Now I'm off to bed. The RLS was really only bad for two days it seems (lucky me!). Good night and good luck to everyone who fights the good fight!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Best of luck vlsol!

 

[simco]

Hey, vlsol... glad you're here! And I'm glad you posted on my thread. The more the merrier.

Meanwhile, congrats on taking the plunge towards getting off opioids. Really glad to hear this has been a mild WD. You're smart to be on your guard about how to handle things when you get back to your stomping ground; it's a notoriously tricky moment--returning home after detoxing elsewhere. Do you have some concrete strategies for how you'll handle this? Getting a list of phone numbers for folks whom you trust is a good start. If you get to feeling at all iffy, time to start dialing. Similarly, minimizing how much time you spend alone, especially with unstructured time, can be very important.

As for your question about losing joy after quitting...this is pretty common, though that doesn't make it any less shitty. The inability to enjoy stuff you used to love (i.e. anhedonia) is a major factor in so-called post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS). The good news, though, is that with time, PAWS-related anhedonia usually subsides if we can continue to abstain from opioid abuse. Personally, I've found the process to be much slower than I'd like . But I can tell that it *is* happening for me.

Keep us posted, and good luck!

Sim

 

[the last dose]

Last day for March thread, bring on April with warmer weather! April will be my 5th month of no opioids for me atleast thats something good lately

 

[simco]

Last day for March thread, bring on April with warmer weather! April will be my 5th month of no opioids for me atleast thats something good lately

Things been rough? Sorry to hear it, man.

Personally, I'm ready for a new month too.

 

[the last dose]

Things been rough? Sorry to hear it, man.

Personally, I'm ready for a new month too.

Thanks Sim, i gotta rough stretch coming with jobs and this 39 degrees non stop rain sucks but hell yeah better days are coming.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Today went well for me

 

[Erikmen]

Thanks! I'm at 80mgs. I might need another 5-10mgs but for now I'm just happy to not be obsessing over my next shot for the first time in a very long time

For me 80 mg has worked for me for a number of years until I felt I really had gotten my life back. It's a good 'trade' as long as you realize you'll need to quit methadone eventually or else we become too dependent and some of its side effects can be overwhelming.

 

[vlsol]

Best of luck vlsol!

Thank you Captain

Hey, vlsol... glad you're here! And I'm glad you posted on my thread. The more the merrier.

Meanwhile, congrats on taking the plunge towards getting off opioids. Really glad to hear this has been a mild WD. You're smart to be on your guard about how to handle things when you get back to your stomping ground; it's a notoriously tricky moment--returning home after detoxing elsewhere. Do you have some concrete strategies for how you'll handle this? Getting a list of phone numbers for folks whom you trust is a good start. If you get to feeling at all iffy, time to start dialing. Similarly, minimizing how much time you spend alone, especially with unstructured time, can be very important.

As for your question about losing joy after quitting...this is pretty common, though that doesn't make it any less shitty. The inability to enjoy stuff you used to love (i.e. anhedonia) is a major factor in so-called post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS). The good news, though, is that with time, PAWS-related anhedonia usually subsides if we can continue to abstain from opioid abuse. Personally, I've found the process to be much slower than I'd like . But I can tell that it *is* happening for me.

Keep us posted, and good luck!

Sim

Hi and thanks!
As for my return after this vacation I'm not sure. No conrete plans. I've tried removing numbers to contacts for drugs, even asked them politely not to sell to me 8(, nothing which has worked so far! That's why I've been considering buprenorphine. But that's only if I relapse again! I've also considered moving to another town.

I think the reason I relapse is, well it seems to be, that several weeks after having withdrawn there can be this one single day when I feel even worse than peak withdrawal, and kinda just want to sleep all day, but can't sleep. They are rare days but when they happen I tend to turn to opioids and the wheel's set to spin.

I spend really a lot of time alone. I'm alone almost all the time. I try to study some, listen to music, read books or walk. I like that way of life but maybe that is the problem like you say with unstructured time spent alone.

For me 80 mg has worked for me for a number of years until I felt I really had gotten my life back. It's a good 'trade' as long as you realize you'll need to quit methadone eventually or else we become too dependent and some of its side effects can be overwhelming.

If I may ask, did you stop taking methadone once you felt you got better and if so how was it?

Good luck everyone!
​

 

[Ds]

i am officially 'done' with the 6-9 month drug rehab program that i've been in. now i'm just waiting to '12-step', which i will be doing in the next few weeks.

so i started attending 'Celebrate Recovery' groups at a local church, I really dig the small groups they have there, even though i'm not like a christian ,its still nice to go and talk about recovery.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

i am officially 'done' with the 6-9 month drug rehab program that i've been in. now i'm just waiting to '12-step', which i will be doing in the next few weeks.

so i started attending 'Celebrate Recovery' groups at a local church, I really dig the small groups they have there, even though i'm not like a christian ,its still nice to go and talk about recovery.

Congrats man.