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March 2017 Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. something new is happening!!!

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I'm in a pissy mood right now

getting sober hasn't made me any happier than I was when I was getting high. As incredibly backwards as that sounds, it is true.

Idk I'm starting to think I'm just not going to ever really assimilate into normal society? Important to note, I haven't gotten high or anything, but my god is this not really all it's cracked up to be from certain bullshitters in NA

I still hate socializing. I hooked up with this girl who I genuinely like hanging out with some days and then other days I'm like fuck that bitch. I figured pussy would make everything better but it really didn't. At all

I still only really know how to get high. I haven't done normal things in over 5 years. Wtf do sober people even do?

I work 6 days a week at this point and while I save probably 80% of my money, I also am going to spend it on a car soon

and once I get a car, I'm probably going to get high. Real shit. Idk, maybe I'm just having a bad night? My back hurts for no reason, the Sixers are back to tanking, I ran out of weed, trying to play black ops online for 360 is a joke because everyone just leaves halfway through matches, my fucking NBA 2k16 disc stops working whenever I try to actually play a game so I can only simulate games

have to get my wisdom teeth taken out on Monday.

Whenever anything hurts my first thought is to just shoot heroin. I mean, it works pretty fucking well.

"oh just delete your phone contacts"

shut the fuck up cunt. I haven't called someone for heroin in almost 2 years. Short of a giant force field being erected around certain areas there isn't fuck I can do to stay out of trouble.

I stay in a 55 and over community with my grandparents in the middle of nowhere because my dad lives like 30 minutes bus ride from where I'd cop at and I definitely would have done it by now

Idk, I just remember people would always say "just give sobriety a shot and if you don't like it, we'll refund your misery"

ok, well I'm starting to think a refund might be inevitable. At least when I was getting high none of this shit would matter

the only thing that has really kept me from truly just doing whatever it takes to go get high is the fact that there is a good chance I could die if I went back to using again. Everyone thinks they'll use the right amount with their tolerance being so low but wtf do I really know?

I'm at 6 months and 29 days. Never picked up a key tag. Haven't been to a meeting in over 2 months.

I don't know what im gonna do, but im just tired of this shit. My original plan was to move far, far away but I'd still find heroin. Living here just makes it easier

why the fuck does my back hurt? And my wrist sometimes. Does heroin make your bones brittle or something? I haven't worked out in almost a month either. Just no desire to do anything. And the circulatory issue that was mentioned by Requiem earlier in this thread, I got that too. Not overly bad but my arm will fall asleep sometimes if I lay in the same spot for too long. I have to adjust it to feel the circulation return

and my grandfather is taking Valium for his back and he's like "yeah I took a pill and I felt a lot better" and I'm just like no fucking shit grandpa that's because that's what drugs do, they make you feel better. I don't care if it's just a band-aid, it fucking works. You just have to keep applying new band aids, which can be challenging. But once you adapt to that daily routine, you get used to it

ehhhhhhhhhh. I feel a little better after typing that but I'm starting to think I'm just fucked up mentally and drugs probably are the best option for me
 
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I'm in a pissy mood right now

getting sober hasn't made me any happier than I was when I was getting high. As incredibly backwards as that sounds, it is true.

I don't think it sounds backwards. All too familiar, in fact. It's just so dreary and frustrating.

Good luck, Subotai.
 
Getting sober didn't make me happy for a long time. It made me happy during the first weeks but then I realized I had to deal with another world in another time. Since I had no more space to fail I decided to go on and day by day I'd pick up something useful here and there. Exercises were a big deal but not as much as having a steady hobby. It does get better though. Not if you compare feelings and state of mind when you were under the influence, but life in general it can surprise you.

But I agree, it's tough! You have to be in a place where there's only that direction so it may be quite frustrating Subtotai.
Good luck! and take care. :)
 
Working on my step 12 with my sponsor, soon I will be sponsoring other men. I'm really grateful to be in a position to give back what was freely given to me, today I am properly armed with the facts about myself.

What I never forget, is the pain that I was in on August 21st, 2016. As long as I never forget where and what and how sick i fucking was the day before my clean date then I have a chance of staying clean.
 
That's what's up Ds

The last time I used heroin was August 13th, 2016. So I'm at 7 months and a day right now

Idk I still smoke weed though. Once I got off probation I knew that was coming. I was bitching a couple posts back in this thread but I also didn't have any weed to smoke that night

and I guess I just traded one substance for another but I'm cool with that

got my wisdom teeth out yesterday, wasn't really that bad. Maybe mine weren't that bad to take out or something? Idk I think a lot of people might just be pussies talking about it on the internet though.

the worst part is the needles they use to numb you and the sounds they make when they pull out the teeth. It's a very blunt and quick procedure if you go to an oral surgeon though.

i still spit blood sometimes but my mouth doesn't hurt at all. Not taking anything except Tylenol and smoking weed one bowl at night

the worst part is having the munchies and not being able to eat whatever but I've just been eating pudding

hope everyone is doing well.

Oh and PS: fuck snow. Anyone who gets excited for snow probably doesn't have to shovel it. I would be cool with never seeing snow again for the rest of my life
 
Lucky you(?). Hope you heal up well and are healthy soon! What was the surgery for?
 
Nice work! :) How has month #4 been?


Thanks bro! Sleep wise its good almost normal (most of the time), energy is better but not fully back but much better. Mentally well lets say with me and my wife both out of work shortly and the dam nerve pain in my feet! mentally could be better but im hanging in there considering. Over the years me and my wife have been out of work a couple times each but never at the same time. Without the jobs situation and my nerve pain id say i would be kicking ass now in paws but still i have no opoiod cravings.
 
Thanks bro! Sleep wise its good almost normal (most of the time), energy is better but not fully back but much better. Mentally well lets say with me and my wife both out of work shortly and the dam nerve pain in my feet! mentally could be better but im hanging in there considering. Over the years me and my wife have been out of work a couple times each but never at the same time. Without the jobs situation and my nerve pain id say i would be kicking ass now in paws but still i have no opoiod cravings.

Nice! It's so cool to hear from people that have supportive loved ones and spouses in their time of need/this process. That can make such a big difference.

Got my tonsils pulled so it's a long painful recovery for adults

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear about that. I have heard how much more difficult the process is as an adult. But in terms of your medication and sobriety, I would try not to take the attitude that you'd chucked it all under the bus just because you're taking your narcotic pain meds for legitimate reasons (even if you are taking a bit more than prescribed, but particularly if you aren't taking (much) more than prescribed). Just my 0.02, do what works for you and get well soon! Hey at least you get lots of ice cream, right? :)
 
Haha, funny thing is ice cream leads to thicker mucus. Non acidic sorbet is the way to go.

I'm already past week 1, healing is coming along nicely.
 
Healing is great and I hope you do get well during weeks, months and years.
It all begins on week one and as time goes by we learn to deal with our own demons.
One day at a time!
Take care & good luck! :)
 
Yeah Subtotai, there is a LOT of psychological rearrangement that goes into staying sober.

Like Erikmen was saying, your moods and feelings are going to shift and change often, so finding something that appeals to you,
that speaks to you in some way, is a great way to smooth out those bad feelings. Talking to someone helps too - and here you are
posting about it, which is great.

Getting off drugs is technically the easy part. But what happens when you're physically detoxed but still WANT to use?
The psychological aspect of this is incredibly important. None of us will ever last in sobriety if we don't actually want to be sober.
I've struggled with that. And even though we are all unique, irreplaceable individuals, there are certain things that are common
across the board for us - like temporary chemical imbalances, suppressed emotion coming back up, a lack of coping skills, etc..

I've been writing a guide on how to fix some of the more important components of ourselves, as a way to ease the psychological
load of getting sober, so that actually staying sober is easier to reach and to manage. I've gotten about half of it typed up and posted
in this forum: http://bluelight.org/vb/threads/817897-How-To-Repair-Your-Body-Mind-Soul-A-Guide
Check it out, and maybe give the meditation part a try... It helps me daily, and can do the same for anyone.
 
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