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Insomnia and The Very Farty Dog

N

NikeAGoGo

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Joined
Feb 23, 2017
Messages
16
I'm just at a week off kicking oxies after a (finally) successful taper. I've been attempting to get here for about 3 years or so, but before that I had a considerable multi drug habit in my early 20s that I thought was a thing of the past because I hadn't been on anything in a dependent sense for, oh, roughly a decade when I started this horrible cycle of just nonstop bullshit. I put myself through an at home rapid detox months ago, which, the only description I've got isn't even a coherent sentence, it's just wide eyeballs, babbling, twitching and the words, "No no no no no just no."- and pretty clearly: didn't work.

Anyway I've been just balls out honest with people this time, active in several support groups and made a crapload of lifestyle and diet changes: and after the past few years, six days feels brilliant. Sort of. I'm dealing with this weird caffeine sensitivity and seems like 2 cups in the am is my limit, and tonight I recognized it soooooo I know what to avoid to try to stave off the twitching anxiety from hell. I hope. If not, well, shit. Still going with staying done.

The OTHER thing though- my sense of smell is insane. I always get it back hardcore when I quit smoking- but this is new. I swear I could smell a bead of sweat on a gnat's leg hair at 10 miles upwind right now.

Which brings me to now- insomnia because it's just a thing AND afternoon coffee I should Have avoided, super sniffer and...the dog.

I'm laying here and each time I think, "Ok! This is it, gonna doze off!"

It sounds like he's got a high pressure air cannon and is sitting in a bowl of soup, no lie. They are LOUD and this would be hilarious if the stench of dog poo wasn't filling my nose.

I start to crack up because I mean, c'mon, it's farts but- I can taste it!

I'm mostly venting here- kind of bored and not sleeping so, hell of a first post, but hi? I guess?
 
Oh, I feel dumb- my actual question is about that caffeine sensitivity and the anxiety: the anxiety does seem to hit hard in the afternoon around 4 or so, coffee or not, but the coffee just makes it seriously bad. Obvious answer is obvious: no more pm coffee. Does it calm down?
 
Ah, your title made me laugh and so did the text. =D Seriously, though, the fact that it still makes you laugh is good. (Maybe try changing his food?)

I had to give up drinking coffee later in the day--and by "later" I mean anything after 1PM. It's a bummer because I used to love my little afternoon ritual of preparing a cup and the break it gave me. Tried supplementing a good herbal tea but to me nothing has the same draw as the aroma of good coffee. But the need for good sleep is a pretty effective motivator to drop any habit that inhibits it. If caffeine also negatively affects your anxiety that's a double incentive to stop. At least give it a good try for a while to see if caffeine really is the culprit--maybe that is a time of day when your mind starts to overload with worrying. There are very effective therapies/philosophies out there for learning to manage anxious thoughts. Check into mindfulness. There are usually very low cost classes through local hospitals, or just use resources on line. Listening to mindfulness podcasts at night before sleep-time can also really help.

P.S. Welcome to Bluelight!:)<3
 
Omg it was hilarious for about a half hour, got really annoying for another hour and then it was like REALLY?! And became funny again. Well, at least today- no afternoon coffee and I was dozing on the couch at six. Lol Not conclusive, sure- but no afternoon anxiety.

I did, however have one raging case of "Where on EARTH did this bitch come from?!" Mood this morning. I drink a pretty strong homemade herbal and I do meditate- yoga since foster care off and on, mostly on after prison later. Weird catch 22: different mindfulness. I've taught myself to empty the mind and now that the machine's busted for a bit, I'm relearning the whole process from a different approach whiiiich is like "Well, crap. Starting ooooover."

Kinda humbling but mostly yaaaargh. Might need to invest in a heavy bag. Lol
 
I've taught myself to empty the mind and now that the machine's busted for a bit, I'm relearning the whole process from a different approach whiiiich is like "Well, crap. Starting ooooover."
Click to expand...

Yeah feel you there, once I made some lifestyle changes and stopped using substances, I definitely lost motivation and got knocked off track from my normal routine of meditation, creativity, etc. Be patient with yourself and don't put too much pressure onto feeling like you're "failing" at it, realize where you are in life. Think of it this way; eventually you'll redevelop those skills and be even BETTER because you're not hindered by a substance and don't need to be motivated by one to engage in what you love doing.
 
Interesting about the "different mindfulness". I have never had a problem emptying my mind. I was a spacey kid before the era of ADD diagnoses, diagnosed as an adult; I don't see it as a disorder, I see it as neurodiversity with a lot of downsides (scattered, difficulty focusing, losing things, impulsivity, etc) and way more up-sides (creativity, rich inner world, complete lack of understanding of boredom, and a natural propensity for 'emptying the mind' or entering a meditative state). I realize that one of the reasons that I value alone time so much is that I need my spacing out time: sitting, doing nothing but detaching from thought.:)

It sounds like you have a lot of complicated history behind you. Do you ever write as a way to explore your life (past as well as past as it manifests in the present)?
 
Yep: Mindfulness Meditation. Meta Meditation. Vipassana. There is a sticky thread detailing how to practice them all. Find the one (or ones) which groove with you, but start with simple mindfulness: It's not "hippie shit", and just because they all come from Buddhism it doesn't mean you have to be remotely "religious" to use them. Get those misconceptions out of your head if you have them. They can be used by anyone and everyone.

Loads of people and rehabs suggest mindfulness meditation as a main therapy now because it actually works. It's practical.

Insomnia is the root cause of all my opiate, benzo, amphetamine, coke etc abuse in my life. I know it fucking sucks and can make you feel lonely when you feel like the only person alive at night at 4am when you are tossing and turning.

But get to grips with your waking life and the insomnia will get better. Meditation, exercise every day at least half an hour, look at your diet, and yeah caffeine sensitivity is a common issue during opiate and benzo withdrawal in my experience: I screwed up today and had 3 cups of coffee. Mistake. Try switching to Matcha Green Tea if you have to have caffeine: It stimulates you without making you jittery and doesnt last as long as coffee so wont fuck your sleep if you are sensible and dont drink past say 1pm.
Developing a routine and structure is important too: Keep your bed time and waking up time as consistent as possible.

It's the bane of my existence still though for sure and I am struggling with it still going through benzo withdrawals (just gone through heroin withdrawals and on day 10 of recovery). So my heart goes out to you.

Meditate the crap out of that afternoon anxiety lol
 
Thanks.
And believe me, being a professional woo slinger: I don't write anything off as hippie shit.


Well, some music but old habits die hard. Lol
 
LOL @ "professional woo slinger".=D

Most of the good and lasting things in my life (inside and out) came from being a hippie back in the day (waaaaay back;)). Total embarrassment to my kids who grew up in the era of laughing at anything vaguely 'hippie-ish' but who then grew up to adopt most of it on their own. Strangely one of my proudest accomplishments as a mother was to see my teenage then adult sons continuing to buy everything second-hand. :)
 
By way of an update- still doing really well on the whole not popping the pills front. :) I stopped counting days a while back and just..am. Which kinda rocks and beyond some hormonal bullshit, I am doing awesome. Partner's use has not derailed me- though, he tried, I think. He seemed like weirded out and concerned about me when he offered, like you know, offering it but at the same time doing this whole "I don't want you to mess yourself up" deal, I dunno, I just passed, anyway.

The dog was apparently sneaking rolls out of a bird-food pile. (I know I shouldn't give the birds bread but, I hate wasting stuff.)
He is not farting tonight but the cat is a bit on the psycho side.
My eldest son's a bit more of a hippie than I am- oughta see this kid's hair. I am genuinely shocked his father hasn't made him cut it, cause that one's a Toby Keith listening country boy from hell. (Don't ask, I dunno what happened there- he started out a skater punk type when we were young and...morphed. It was freaky. Lol)
 
Psycho cats are a trip. I always liked my sons' long hair the best. They both had a tradition growing up though where they grew it long every year until school let out and then buzzed it. I always hated the June buzzcuts because I thought they looked like either army recruits or cancer victims but they planned on being in the ocean every day and it was more practical.
 
This thread makes me smile, reminds me of that one time I detoxed off heroin and experienced those dog farts from hell myself :) Also reminds me of how I need a pet! The birds and squirrels in the backyard are pretty nice, but they'll only venture so close for so long, you know? Sometimes you just need a snuggle. Animals are such great therapy <3

Glad to hear you are doing well Nike!
 
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