Recovery Two months and 4 days being sober and i geting f*cken Furious allmost on everything

[opusxzy]

Two months and 4 days being sober and i'm geting f*cken Furious allmost on everything

Last weak i'v noticed that i'm getting to much angry and pissed off everything for no reason,my coworkers,work it self and other things that trigers me.I'v used for a long time Rc's (like spice and other shit)abused benzoz at high doses,alchol and every other thing that came to my hads on.
For now i'm prescribed xanax xr 1mg for my anxiety (it was always even befor my bad abusing of benzos) and remeron 30 mg as i'm insomanic too.
I'm visiting 12 step meating once or twice aweak and it realy helps me to stay sober and to solve some issues with my bad habbits.I'v never been so much angry,naturaly i'm to calm and peacfull person,but for now it's like the devil came out of me.Is it ok when u are in first mounths of soberty,and how do i deal with it?
My work by it self is too stresfull,i'm working extrta hours too,just not to stay at home and make my head busy and not to think about drugs too much,6 days aweak mostly in the evenings,at my free day i come to 12 step meatings and if i have a chanse if i'm working in the morning i come to 12 step meating too,How can i deal with my rage attacks?Any recommendations?


If anybody needs some more info to get things clear please wright and i'll answer.

Thanks for the help.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It sounds like you've been very busy and are working really hard both in life and on your recovery. What are you doing for fun, I mean other than going to meetings? Do you have any hobbies or passions you might be able to devote a little more time and energy to?

Coping with stress is probably the hardest part when it comes to getting sober, especially when coming off a benzodiazepine or alcohol habit. Have you thought about setting aside two 30-60 minute periods of time each day where you just devote yourself to de-stressing? Like practicing some form of stress reduction meditation or just doing something fun you enjoy that takes you out of the stressed out state?

 

[opusxzy]

My hobbie and passion is for cars working on them and driving them.Once or twice a mounth i'm taking my car to a track that is where i forget about all my troubles and cleaning my head.Yes i'm setting aside practising meditation or pray for awhille.Also used to run but for now I had injury at my knee,so for now it's preaty hard for me :-( Lately I'v found again love to music:chill out/soul janner,also some times muse comes back to me so i'm working on Fruity Loops.But with all that i still cna't find joy..I'v got some patience left in me.It's just for now i'm getting irritated[FONT=arial, sans-serif] for no reason regulary,which it does not fit on me.Looks like i can't find peace,preaty hard to me explain that feeling in words,[/FONT]Can not find a place for myself....Gues and hope it will vanish with the time,as time healing the wounds.

Thanks for help.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Time will definitely help. I know a lot of people who also find exercising to be great for working with personal issues with anger. Perhaps that is worth trying as well.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

That's to be expected. I went through the same thing and I still get extremely frustrated at times.

 

[fakeit2makeit]

hate to be the bearer of bad news, but....
clean since like last april, except for literally one day(3 shots) a few months ago.
I'm still irritable as a bastard. Literally people talk to me and it makes me angry. Like "did i say something to you? no stfu"
In all fairness, every fiber of my being still wants to use, and im not quite sure why i don't.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

hate to be the bearer of bad news, but....
clean since like last april, except for literally one day(3 shots) a few months ago.
I'm still irritable as a bastard. Literally people talk to me and it makes me angry. Like "did i say something to you? no stfu"
In all fairness, every fiber of my being still wants to use, and im not quite sure why i don't.

Stay strong. It's amazing how badly we want to do something but can still resist it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I feel like identity is the crux of the thing. It isn't anything essential in "us" that really wants to use in such cases, it's just a product of how our desires have been conditioned. They can readily be recondition according to a more sustainable framework than what substance use disorder has to offer.

 

[simco]

Stay strong. It's amazing how badly we want to do something but can still resist it.

That's a great insight. During the early months/weeks of recovery, I feel like coming to terms with this is one of the hardest but most crucial dimensions of progress. It's been (and continues to be) incredibly hard for me to put this into action. But, little by little, it does seem to sink in eventually, if I can just stick around long enough for it to happen.

 

[opusxzy]

Now i'm on 3 months and 20 days,things got much better i'v became more patient and calm,but with that i'v become more numb,

in 12 step meatings that i'm visiting spoken to be powerless against things,kind of we actualy don't know how our reaction will be to some sort of events that we are Passing through and it seems to be right.I'v found that I'v became sort of a new person,discovered some good sides in my personality. In addition I'v started practicing day dreaming and it's kinda helping me.

Guess the time and my persistence is helping me to heal,and it works.Thank you for your comments and support you are wrighting in a post I'v wrote nearly a month and a half ago.I'm getting stronger and my Addiction Disease vanishing little by little,I know that I'm In the beginning of my recovery journey and it's slippery way but I'm trying and doing my best not to fall in to the hands of that terrible disease.

The support group helps me a lot and it keeps me pointed to the goal that I want to achive and it's to be clean. Additionally at last I'v found little joys in my life Enjoy nature as it is and I learned to accept things as they are, it seems like my soul starts to clean up that dirty black hole which has been created by the prolonged use of substances that altering mood and consciousness.

Finally I take life as it should be, and face with the difficulties of life and solves them and I'v have a lot to fix LOL.Not running away and not hiding behind drugs as it is temporary easy fix.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sounds like you are really benefiting from AA meetings! It is good to hear you have found a home group time in your formal efforts at recovery (when I began finding mine it was, and continues to be, pretty significant).

What else are you doing - for yourself or other people - that you are grateful about? Feel likes last week was pretty damn fine on my end - everything is so green outside where I live!

 

[opusxzy]

For my self,first of all i'v started to love my self and take care of my self XD maintains both physical and mental health.Share in group what sits on my heart and it helps me a lot (such a relief!) and makes it easier for me to recover As I wrote before I'm listening to soul music,which also seems to help in my recovery,Philosophical thoughts.The situation in my family is much better and the environment in which I am now in general is much more relaxed and pleasant.Despite all this I will not lie and will say that I have days or moments that I can not find a place for myself and the whole world looks like a trash can and all that's in it is just shit and I wonder what I'm living for?!?Of course I have depression and a strong desire to use drugs, but I deal with it, Reading literature Distracting my Bad thoughts and desires,Saying several times a day the Serenity Prayer
"God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."Medications (Xanax XR 1mg and Remeron 30 mg) that I take regularly which prescribed by my doctor absolutely legal helps me to deal with these problems and thoughts too. I try to fill in the gaps that I accumulated during my abuse.The support that I receive greatly strengthens me and to me it is one of the most important things for a person who is addicted in recovery. I also want to continue to write that Recovery Journal(That's why it's called Recovery Journal,no?) Because everything I write will be saved in this forum and I will be able to follow up after the process I'm going through.