17 year old heroin addict

[unearthlyn]

Haven't been on this site in a long while it seems.. I always find myself here when things get rough, which I guess right now would be the best/worst time to say hello! I have been addicted to opiates for two years now, been on the needle for a little over a year, and I guess I don't know how much longer I can handle this life. I feel like I put myself in a cage that only I have a key to unlock and I just swallowed the key. I gave up on life before i've even began experiencing it. Most days I wish I could go back to the first day that I used and just hit myself, beat the everliving fuck out of that 15 year old girl and all of the FUCKWITS who allowed her to put a fucking poison into her like they did. but also those same days are the days that I freak out with excitement over bags and bags of dope.. such a vicious cycle. How old were you when you first started using? Any advice you would've given your younger self?

 

[Alexander1956]

I started using when I was 25, I already had experience with other drugs but I got hooked on heroin real quick. I was an addict and everyday user during 10 years. Been clean for almost 26 now, it's not easy and it's an everyday battle but it is possible. I would've told my younger self that it's not worth it, destroying your life in exchange for a few seconds in paradise is not worth it. Heroin shows you a little glimpse of heaven and then it drags you to hell.

 

[adder]

I was 14 when I first took codeine and benzodiazepines, a year later I was using both morphine and codeine daily, and switched to heroin when I was 17 or so, honestly speaking, I can't remember much from that period of my life, I also feel so distant from the anxiety I was experiencing at school at that time and struggles I had in personal life which was school mostly as well. Shortly after I switched to heroin, I made my first taper one-month long taper with methadone which soon transformed into using heroin on and off to finally get stuck with daily methadone. Funnily enough, when I took codeine daily already, I remember I once tried quitting it cold turkey during Easter, I didn't even consider the withdrawal to be tough at that time, but I was simply sick and tired of my every day life that I simply preferred continuing taking opioids even though I could have quit without much physical pain at that time. On the other hand psychological pain is where the essence of the problem lies.

I can fully agree with this statement:

Heroin shows you a little glimpse of heaven and then it drags you to hell.

You find temporary peace, a temporary safe haven which turns out to be hell that you not consciously but willingly enter into. I can't imagine a good reason to touch heroin or equivalent opioid, there is none no matter how much sense you might find in such a decision at the beginning, if you do, that's because you've been lured. I'm 26 now, kicked methadone, kicked benzos, but I'm still on buprenorphine. I somehow managed to take care of myself, I mean just the basics, but every day I can feel the mark drugs left on me. I probably will never be a normal person again whatever that means. I suppose it's self-explanatory.

 

[cj]

I was 18 when I got addicted to H. I was 16 when I first realized opiates where going to be my drug of choice. Its a long tough fight but your young enough to turn it around still. It only gets darker the farther you go and the road back only gets longer. Your so young that I hesitate to recommend maintenance but the way you describe your addiction tells me its not a light one either. I am sorry to tell you that you have to make some tough choices to save your life.

Suboxone is just like a prescription you go to the doctor once a month and get the script filled at the pharmacy. It works well for a lot of people but it still takes some effort to build a new life without heroin because it may not kill all the cravings. But it will stop the sickness. And it may work great for you. I would try this before I tried methadone.

Methadone is a step further it will kill all the desire to use heroin but you have to go to a clinic everyday to get dosed at first and you will only have that restriction lifted after a period of testing clean for all drugs. It also carries a good bit of stigma. However its the only thing that worked for me. Statistically its the gold standard for IV opiate addicts. But it will get in the way of your life a little bit. Then again having a heroin addiction gets in the way a lot so its not bad when put in perspective.

Both suboxone and methadone have withdrawal periods that are considered worse then heroin as they last around a month. Ive kicked suboxone and it wasn't fun but being on it did save my life at the time. I haven't had the pleasure to kick methadone yet but I hear it really sucks. Of course that can all be mitigated with a proper taper and comfort meds and should not be used a reason to not choose maintenance because if something doesn't work and you continue using there is no good outcome.

Then of course there is total abstinence from heroin aka detox and rehab. If you can pull it off its totally the way to go but the success rates are low and the cost is high. I am sure if your parents are in your life this will be there preference just remember that most fatal overdoses occur after a period of abstinence. Not saying that to scare you its just the truth. If you don't have 100 percent motivation to get off heroin forever I would get on maintenance.

Do you have any questions?

 

[badfish45]

Bad news- youre young and this drug has affected your mind in a powerful way during critical development.

Good news - You're young! You have so much ahead of you and hopefully have people in your life you can turn to for this. The best time to reach out for help is when you're young, it gets SO much harder to admit the older you get and you lose a lot of resources. You really do have a good chance on turning your back on this forever. I know it might not feel that way but once you get yourself out of its grips you can hopefully have some perspective and I think you have a better chance of living a life away from the drug than many do due to your age and time using. Bite the bullet now before you go in too deep. It's never going to Be an easy decision but will get worse as time goes on.

However adversely the further you keep going the harder it will be and since you started young, it won't be in your favor much later down the road. Best of luck to you. Listen to what people on this forum are saying, they have a lot of wisdom gained through some unfortunate circumstances and hopefully they can help you avoid ever dealing with that.

 

[RRJ31337]

Honestly id have gone back and told myself at 14 to never smoke weed every single night. Never really had an addiction to hard drugs even tho ive done most besides meth but i cant stop smoking.

If i dont smoke every 12 hours i start shaking and sweating, angry , anxious, mind going to hell type shit. The only thing thats gotten me to stop smoking for more than a day is heroin.

 

[johnnypotsmoker198]

You are young so you haven't had the opportunity to live an adult life as an addict and deal with all the shortcomings/set backs that an adult would experience.

All I can tell you is that using addictive drugs like heroin will dramatically make life more difficult and will setup more walls and barriers in your life than you could ever imagine at your age.

Its easy to fall into the habits of drug use at a younger age, specifically when your social environment thrives in it. If I was to look back on myself at an earlier time in my life, I wish I could of advised myself on what hardships drug use would bring and even if they came with a social life, those around me who I had idolized would soon no longer even be contacts in my adult life. I know now I would have cut ties with all those around me, stayed a loner and would have found a brighter future instead of an constant uphill battle.

The only advice I would have given myself is to say fuck all's to those around me and taken my own path instead of following in theirs. Its important to decide what you want from life and set a goal to get there. Drugs, specifically addictive one's like heroin are a battle to conquer that can only bring you down.

Consider this, with heroin you have 2 options. You will either become an addict and destroy your life or you will be will have to overcome an addiction and fight an uphill battle to be successful.

Neither of these options have a clear outlook for your life and there isn't a third. You will one day have to conquer the addiction to heroin OR you will succumb to the life of an addict and find yourself no where on the track you had initially planned.

 

[Tes1021]

I started using when I was 23. Started with oxycontin, then moved onto herion. When I started using I was the assistant manager of a group home, working for an amazing company with great benefits. I had a brand new car, an apartment, a fiance and a beautiful baby girl. I had friends who used, and every night they would come over, play poker, and use. They alays asked if I wanted a bump. I said no. One day I said yes, before I knew it I was hooked.
I lost everything. Just for herion. I lost my license, drove anyway. I eventually lost my job. Then I pawned my car. I had to beg my parents for $2000 to get it out of pawn. I was evicted. Moved back in with mom and dad. Robbed a family friend. Got arrested, lost custody of my daughter. Went to jail. Blew the engine in my car. I'm being sued for 22k. Got clean. Relapsed. Stole from my parents. Lied, cheated. Then I went to jail again for 2 months. Maximum security because that's all we have for women here. 21hrs a day in a cell. Shit got better, then worse, always gets worse
I've lost a lot of friends from OD the other friends have been completely cut from my life. I don't hang out where I used to. I don't party. I cant. I'm ok with that. The friends I have now have their shit together. Houses, kids etc
I ended up pregnant when I was using and was put on methadone. So I'm a mom of 2, fiance is the best guy.....Idk how I got so lucky. Hes my rock. I'm clean now for over 6 years. But my past haunts me. It took years to earn back trust. I have a felony, I can't get a job. I could go on and on but I want to say, please, don't continue on this path. It only leads you down. Rock bottom for an addict is death. Your so young, you can go to college, get a good job, have money and be able to buy things, not drugs. You can get married, have kids etc.....or you can pick up that needle and loose everyone around you and become a shell of the person you were. I feel like their are 3 endings for addicts. Death, jail, recovery.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

I like how people who have been addicted to opiates say that this or that WILL happen to you if you don't stop what you're doing. They say it with such certainty, I guess based on their own life and the lives of people they've known?

Anyway, I've used dope for about 4 years now. "Hard drugs" for longer than that (although not opiates)...illegal drugs for over 10 years. They were all my choices and mine alone...I don't blame anyone but myself for what happened to me I could tell you that my career of use has been nothing but a horror story, but...that wouldn't be the truth. The truth is that I've had a lot of fun during that time, and also experienced pain...people I've known who've overdosed, been killed, been incarcerated.

But I don't know, when people who've used opiates extensively describe their overall experience as one of pure unrelenting horror it just strikes a chord of dishonesty with me...I mean, I get why people do it, to try and scare people away from using, but...still

 

[johnnypotsmoker198]

I like how people who have been addicted to opiates say that this or that WILL happen to you if you don't stop what you're doing. They say it with such certainty, I guess based on their own life and the lives of people they've known?

Anyway, I've used dope for about 4 years now. "Hard drugs" for longer than that (although not opiates)...illegal drugs for over 10 years. They were all my choices and mine alone...I don't blame anyone but myself for what happened to me I could tell you that my career of use has been nothing but a horror story, but...that wouldn't be the truth. The truth is that I've had a lot of fun during that time, and also experienced pain...people I've known who've overdosed, been killed, been incarcerated.

But I don't know, when people who've used opiates extensively describe their overall experience as one of pure unrelenting horror it just strikes a chord of dishonesty with me...I mean, I get why people do it, to try and scare people away from using, but...still

I know what you are getting at. For me, it's not like that. Yes, opiates did bring a state of bliss and apathy that was nice and at times I convinced myself I was better off with the drug.

I guess over the years reflecting back, I no longer see it that way.

 

[badfish45]

I like how people who have been addicted to opiates say that this or that WILL happen to you if you don't stop what you're doing. They say it with such certainty, I guess based on their own life and the lives of people they've known?

Anyway, I've used dope for about 4 years now. "Hard drugs" for longer than that (although not opiates)...illegal drugs for over 10 years. They were all my choices and mine alone...I don't blame anyone but myself for what happened to me I could tell you that my career of use has been nothing but a horror story, but...that wouldn't be the truth. The truth is that I've had a lot of fun during that time, and also experienced pain...people I've known who've overdosed, been killed, been incarcerated.

But I don't know, when people who've used opiates extensively describe their overall experience as one of pure unrelenting horror it just strikes a chord of dishonesty with me...I mean, I get why people do it, to try and scare people away from using, but...still

a 25% chance for an adult to use it and become addicted the first time they use it shows some inevitability to me...and with the mind of a 17 year old? I enjoy your honesty, but I wouldn't encourage someone to play Russian Roulette on the grounds that they have a 75% chance of survival.

 

[perpetualmotion288]

You obviously are acknowledging that you need to stop.
You probably don't want to and don't know how to go about it.

I would tell my young self....
To ask for help.
That it's okay to ask for help, and that there are resources available to help.

That nothing good will come out of staying on heroin...you will lose friends...you will lose lovers...you will lose your freedom every so often.
More often than you know, and not even just in jail.
You days will become completely dedicated to waiting for dope...getting money for dope...all day every day.
You may be able to hold a job, but thats not what you're thinking about.

If your family doesn't know what you're doing, trust me...if you keep doing it they will know eventually.
If they love you, they will help you get help and may be upset but nothing at all like if you end up dead or in jail.
Don't be afraid to ask them.

I tell you...
There's no magic way to fix it.
I shot smack for 10 years, and have managed to stay clean for 2 years....but it's been shitty, I think about using any time Im depressed.
But you can do it.

Get rid of your kit, get some subs to taper with if you can't handle the wd, stop talking to and hanging out with your dope friends, get new friends, dabble in some new hobbies, find something to be passionate about.

 

[Silverspoon13]

I think it's because once you become addicted, truly and absolutely dependent on whatever form of opiate you're on, it's so hard to remember life before. Energy, motivation, emotions, love, focus seems like nothing without it. Great people have become "one of those" all because of pain medicine. I've seen it, lived it, and it's hard to understand unless you've lived it (personally or someone you love)
I have a friend, married with kids, volunteer firefighter and amazing person in eye of community and peers. He is white collar addict if you will. Won't touch "street drugs" but spends upward of $700 a day on roxi, then buys adderall illegally. This started from ankle surgery and norco 10. He is about to lose it all to his habit and literally cannot stop on his own.

So when you hear hell, it literally is and I would say 9/10 that become addicted go thru it. God bless the 1 that comes out of it without a scratch! Sorry for rambling, just hit something in me and I felt the need to reply.