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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

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^=D Ha, that's a good spin on it. Thanks Tori :)

I guess its Sunday night for you guys. For me, that's potentially the darkest time of the week. . . Good luck ;)
 
Does anyone of you guys know anything about (monochrome) bitmaps, dithering, those kinds of things? I have a short question (I use bitmaps for Arduino + OLED display) but up for a nice talk via IM regardless. In short though: i don't get why painting pixels doesn't work in my small monochrome bmp, very strange things happen. Like it is insisting some pixels stay black and just randomly creates a pattern... you would think that a monochrome bitmap would be really straightforward: just black and white pixels.
edit: oops sorry found the answer: it is considering even just plain black and white 'monochrome patterns'.. well thanks a lot 8)

I hardly IM at all anymore but it would be cool to change that and get to know people (if not everything revolves around drugs), let me know if that sounds good to you :) [xmpp plz]

@delay pedal: sounds like fun, I'd have to hook up digital piano to PC with a very long cable.. run ableton and load VSTI and effects I guess, what kind of delay would we be talking? I have been playing around with all that again cause an artist asked me to provide piano music for his audio project involving bedtime stories from around the world (in many languages), and to make some electronic music if I have time. Making my own version of AFX - Avril 14th
 
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Oh holy crap I had a nice weekend. Went to an 8-hour concert Saturday with friends, took a hit of ALD-52 and a hit of AL-LAD and tripped balls, a bit tense at first but it resolved beautifully. I also took a smallish amount of MDMA partway in which was nice. Stayed up til 8am talking with friends, talking a lot. :D Then yesterday my girl came over. I was still feeling an afterglow really strongly. I swear I was rolling more the next day than when I actually took it. Last night was basically a love fest, I just felt overwhelmed with love and gratefulness towards my cats and especially my lovely girlfriend. I gushed to her a bunch, and we talked all afternoon and night about anything and everything, she may havfe gotten my vibe some. We had sex at some point too and it was so wonderful. Just, everything was wonderful. I haven't felt so loved up in forever. I kept looking at her and just finding tears running down my face. I feel so lucky. :) She's like, perfect. It's amazing the way we are together, it really is. I am one lucky motherfucker. :)

After after she went to bed I stayed up for hours (since I didn't wake up til 3pm =D) and read my book, the 2nd book of Stephen Donaldson's Chronicles of Thomas Covenant... the Last Chronicals. God those books are good. Really unique. Reading them expands your vocabulary, dude uses beautiful and obscure language and some of the best similes I've ever encountered. Beautiful books. :) The 2nd set of 3 books is probably the best but the 3rd set of 4 books is getting to the point where maybe it's tied. The first 3 aren't quite as good. I love the way the author states things. I dunno, all of you fantasy readers, I recommend it. His books are an inspiration for so many fantasy authors since, basically the Thomas Covenant books are the next landmark epic fantasy after Tolkein, he wrote the first set in the 70s.

I still feel pretty lovey to be honest, never had such a strong afterglow from MDMA before. Got band practice tonight, pumped about that too. :)

I love you guys. <3
 
^^^his life = mine in a few years from now lol. Glad you had so much fun that's too sick! And time with your girl sounds real nice for ya. I already found her since I got clean... the way you speak of your girl is how I would and almost already do speak of the lady I met randomly through my work (she knows I feel that way about her, it doesn't really need to be said, and vice versa... like we just know who we are to each other and all that... maybe hard for me to explain at the moment since a lot of it is non-verbal between us, at least in the ordinary sense). We are taking everything quite slow (until we hang out, then we get caught up with each other and have way too much fun enjoying our company) and that slowness is def cool with me at this time of my life:)

I bought some bitcoin earlier today, and already made $10 worth of it in my currency in about an hour or 2. lol.

I remember when I used 20 of them to pay for something worth 70 or 80 bucks back in 2010 :)

Man I just wrote some shit about opiates but it can just be summarized like this: I feel better than I ever have in my life, but I have a hurricane of a mess to clean up that I will still be repairing years from now. had a panic attack today about it.

Chronicles of Thomas Covenant is on my reading list now, just like your 5-psych combo is in my journal. I could really go for a nice fantasy actually, the one I'm reading is based on the author's life (one tripped out dude, it really doesn't seem that way). I'm reading Diary of a Drug Fiend by Aleister Crowley, it is an amazing romance novel written in old-english like from 1910 or so, full of esoteric tangents, a guide who appears here and there and appears to be enlightened, poetic verses that are lovely, a little heroin and coke thrown in for good measure and the direct writing of the experience of that, but like how it impacts their honeymoon and experience together. Mainly it is a super-crazed-tripped out romance. It is probably my favourite book, brings a lot of things I like about a book together in one package. The writing is excellent, and I usually read it with my journal beside me taking note of all the words on each couple pages I don't know, or the references to ancient obscure such and such I never heard about either, or parts of poems I am having trouble finding meaning in and can't just spend two hours at the moment on 2 pages (but easily could, probably at any part of this book at all).
 
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I applied for a new position at work. I was told I was a shoe in. I'd already set myself in my mind that if they didn't give me the position, then I'm clearly not wanted/valued at my job, and will quit. Well, I got an email earlier saying that I was no longer being considered for the position. I best get job hunting 'cause chances are I'll be quitting within the month, likely before I find other work... I fucking hate this place. I'll probably have to take a job that pays less too. Things are going downhill very quickly for me.
 
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I have to find a second job too... kinda sucks. I love what I'm doing but have been expecting more hours for too long. This job has been disappointing in that respect but amazing in others. I'm just not making enough money so I am going to have to resort to my education and find somewhere I fit in.

Just played my guitar for an hour until I was soaked in sweat. Probably some of my best playing yet. Just had the phaser and clean boost going to my overdriven tubes. Need. Pasta. I was having a panic attack and just went insane it was sick!
 
Cream Gravy? said:
I applied for a new position at work. I was told I was a shoe in. I'd already set myself in my mind that if they didn't give me the position, then I'm clearly not wanted/valued at my job, and will quit. Well, I got an email earlier saying that I was no longer being considered for the position. I best get job hunting 'cause chances are I'll be quitting within the month, likely before I find other work... I fucking hate this place. I'll probably have to take a job that pays less too. Things are going downhill very quickly for me.
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Damn man, that sucks, sorry. :\ Hey, maybe you'll manage to find something you don't hate. Even if it paid a little less, liking or at least not hating your job is big.

Man I kept the party going from Saturday up through last night. I feel relatively shitty, got somewhat of a hangover, mostly just a sour stomach and a slightly dazed feeling. Well, no more partying for me for a while. I've gotten used to taking better care of myself and I really like feeling better on a daily basis. Crazy I used to basically almost always get drunk at nights. Doesn't seem appealing anymore. Which is good. :)
 
^I'd definitely take a pay cut over continuing where I am, but it would be nice if they could accept that I'm a skilled employee and put me in a position I wouldn't loath... can't expect much from corporate America though I guess.

I should really start applying myself towards finding a salaried job instead of settling for this slavery, but it's like my degree is a worthless piece of paper (kinda like a dollar bill these days :p). All the jobs I'd love and be great at reject me based upon my lack of experience, but i literally have no way to gain that experience, since I can't enter those fields. It's so fucking cyclical.
 
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Just had my first electric guitar sesh with my younger brother of 10 years. He balanced out my rhythmic funky metal type of playing with his super chill stuff, and we created something beautiful, groovy, and melodic. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my entire life.

He's like you really made that stuff up? I'm like... you're really soloing that good and in sync with it? Was beyond words... our brotherhood has now reached a whole new level:)

As if we just picked up our guitars, plugged in our amps and made something that lovely. I was on my fat strat, he was playing the telecaster. It was mind blowing how we could connect through music so instantly like that, and I feel like what we created includes and builds upon our individual styles which are totally different. We balance each other out, just like in our daily life.
 
Playing music with people is the absolute best thing. My band and I are basically in each others' heads. When we jam it's like we all just know what should happen and then do it, it's almost spooky sometimes. I wish I could jam with my brother, but he doesn't play any music.
 
Sup 'nauts... I've enjoyed living vicariously through y'alls stories the past week. I am finally getting discharged from the hospital today, with hardly any new info from the last 5 days. I will finally have results of biopsy tomorrow at my first outpatient appointment....the initial assessment shows a large chance, I.e. greater than 50% probability of cancer.
My consolation prize is better than nothing. Opioids. Long duration oxycontin, plus dilaudid for breakthrough pain. When I kicked suboxone last year I told myself I would reserve these meds in the future for cancer or end of-life. I couldn't have imagine those conditions being met so soon.
 
vortech said:
Sup 'nauts... I've enjoyed living vicariously through y'alls stories the past week. I am finally getting discharged from the hospital today, with hardly any new info from the last 5 days. I will finally have results of biopsy tomorrow at my first outpatient appointment....the initial assessment shows a large chance, I.e. greater than 50% probability of cancer.
My consolation prize is better than nothing. Opioids. Long duration oxycontin, plus dilaudid for breakthrough pain. When I kicked suboxone last year I told myself I would reserve these meds in the future for cancer or end of-life. I couldn't have imagine those conditions being met so soon.
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man, i really hope you're alright. really sucks that i just finished chemotherapy and now another PDer might have to go through it too. if you need anything at all, just ask.
 
Xorkoth said:
Playing music with people is the absolute best thing. My band and I are basically in each others' heads. When we jam it's like we all just know what should happen and then do it, it's almost spooky sometimes. I wish I could jam with my brother, but he doesn't play any music.
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Man it was so beautiful, I could not ask the universe for a brother. Really I don't need a chick, I already have a soul mate. That dude is the raddest dude on earth in my mind. He is so chill. We always trade amazing books together, we have opened each other's minds to so many different creative outlets and different ways of thinking about the world. He is 20 and one of the smartest men I know. Plays in a band and is a phenomenal guitarist. He toned down my funk and metal influences, I lift up his down tempo and bluesy kinda stuff. We ended up with something I'd say was like really melodic post-hardcore that was almost radiohead and old 80's chili peppers influenced (for the sake of description, not attaching the music of two brother's by labels that don't really exist).

We had never jammed before. Picked up our guitars and right away just made up something beautiful... recorded 20 minutes of our session. We were playing in that tiny cement dark part of the basement, where the acoustics are lovely, with our amps facing the wall. It was so chill. No tension or getting a feel for each other's styles or anything cause we know each other so well. We could immediately create amazing music and if I impressed my little brother, that definitely means I am improving. He was like... you really just came up with that just now? His playing is more structured, mine is chaotic and creative I guess, and he is the best singer I know with a grungy kinda style (but not really).

Nice to have people like that in my life. I am fiending for oxycodone today. I am depressed, my body feels like shit, I have restless legs and agonizing back pain... then I realized that I have a "backup script" of ER meds at the pharmacy around the corner. Man, fuck this shit... I woke up at 4am sharp (without an alarm set) for my 4am work and I couldn't enjoy it waking up like that. Of course, I knew subconsciously I had this prescription. I was, of course, only going to make myself conscious of it at the worst possible time. Just gotta distract myself with music... when I play guitar I find that I lose myself in the music.

Every time I play music with a friend, it is so much more fun than playing by myself. My brother though, was like a whole new level man. Like going from sober to tripping.
 
vortech said:
Sup 'nauts... I've enjoyed living vicariously through y'alls stories the past week. I am finally getting discharged from the hospital today, with hardly any new info from the last 5 days. I will finally have results of biopsy tomorrow at my first outpatient appointment....the initial assessment shows a large chance, I.e. greater than 50% probability of cancer.
My consolation prize is better than nothing. Opioids. Long duration oxycontin, plus dilaudid for breakthrough pain. When I kicked suboxone last year I told myself I would reserve these meds in the future for cancer or end of-life. I couldn't have imagine those conditions being met so soon.
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Sorry to hear about what you are going through. You have my blessings, whatever that means. There is still a percentage you are healthy and well so keep that in mind.before tomorrow. Best wishes.
 
Vortech & Pharmakos: You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Keep fighting the good fight!

Everybody else as well: Thank you for being here. On a day like today when I'm pretty much trapped inside with no money in my pocket, no gas in my car and a wind chill of something like 3 degrees Fahrenheit, it comforts me a great deal to know that I still have friends out there.

Peace, Love and Faith :D
Dreamflyer
 
ShroomySatori, your story is beautiful and makes me want to cry. Thank you for having such a strong relationship with your brother, it and your description let me live vicariously for a moment.
 
dreamflyer, I hope your situation gets better soon, friend :)

And of course I wish the same for you vortech. <3
 
Moxious, thanks for that. We are ten years apart (actually, we will be nine years apart, and both in our 20's for the next several months) and he is the most amazing dude I know. He hangs out with people older than him (like in between our age) so we have mutual friends as well. He's also immersed in the local music scene and I've been introduced to this lovely world through him. We have such a natural connection, like we can say anything to each other, see into our spirits so words are not always necessary. Unless he is at a kegger lol, then I get random 'i love you dude, we are brothers and obviously love each other' type of calls. I have a sister a couple years younger, and neither of us get alone with her all that much, and we don't get along with our parents ver well. It isn't bad, but they don't understand the way we think and start conflicts over how we are not who they want us to be. So it's like, within our whole extended family we are the only ones who get each other.

I told him I had been using heroin, and some stories about how high I've been around him. Chill dude was just like, never knew it was that bad man, that's crazy. And was really supportive in his own way, but knew he couldn't stop me from using. My life was / is still at risk from an OD (if I were to relapse, not knowing my tolerance), and he never told my parents or anyone in my family. Such a chill dude, we have to look out for each other as our parents are constantly putting us down over pointless shit. He has helped me in life, as much as I have helped him. Really, I'd do anything for the guy man I'd take a bullet for him without a second thought.

He's the chillest guy man like if I explain to him what I am looking for in a film, he will give me several recommendations. He is really into film and knows all the directors and actresses and actors and random trivia and stuff like that. We both love to read, share books all the time. We like all the same films, we are both silly, like poetry, artwork, film, writing, and especially music so we have the same creative outlets. There is never any competition or ego or anything like that whatsoever that gets in the way of us enjoying our time together. I really try and look out for him, but in a non-confrontational way as people should have the opportunity to learn from mistakes. We talk about foxy women we like, celebrity crushes and stuff it's just too chill. I am pretty shy and private about that with almost everyone in my life but some lady I like, and him. I will talk to him about how crazy I am into a girl like how the chick I met a month ago, how I have never felt these feelings before I don't really know what it means. Talk to him for like 15 minutes about her then he's just like "yeah dude defs ask that girl out on a second date, she sounds chill." lol. He has a real fiery spirit like me too.

Also, we have opposite signs on the zodiac, and the near-decade between us (I am the elder) makes for such a cool dynamic. He keeps my youth alive, and I help him to grow and mature, encourage him to explore new potential talents and activities and he supports me too. It's so damn badass to have a brother like him, and I know he feels the same way about me. It's just beyond words so why even bother trying to speak of something so sacred and profound? It only gets in the way, this reminds me of a poem from a book by Crowley I am reading for some reason.

The winged words with which my song would pierce
Into the heights of love's rare universe
Are chains of lead above its flight of fire,
I pant, I sink, I tremble, I expire.
 
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