• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Recovery My journey starts today (hydromorphone)

Thanks there taper suggestion VE, I'll give it a shot starting in the morning. I'm getting maybe an hour sleep last and tonight but waik up as I'm still flailing all over the bed involuntarily. Kratom and a xanax get me another few minutes. All though I suppose I jumped off at an extremely high dose. But God lord is it difficult.

I'm definitely noticing small strides, for days 2-5 I would see violent red colours when my eyes were shut. Now it's more of a soft yellow. Very difficult to explain..... Regardless I'm in this for the long haul.

I'm reading your while story VE, of your past failed attempts and stories... It's keeping me going. How are you feeling these days? With some paws time under your belt?
 
1 week four hours since I walked in the bathroom, snorted my last pill. Took a deep breath and handed the rest of my pills to my wife and said "game on" let's do this. Wow....a week already!

Luckily I own my own business and am able to take a little time off. Tomorrow I plan to actually get dressed and go out for a walk.... I'm gonna stay pushing myself a little.

Thank you guys for being here!


Now, if I could only sleep..
 
1 week four hours since I walked in the bathroom, snorted my last pill. Took a deep breath and handed the rest of my pills to my wife and said "game on" let's do this. Wow....a week already!

Luckily I own my own business and am able to take a little time off. Tomorrow I plan to actually get dressed and go out for a walk.... I'm gonna stay pushing myself a little.

Thank you guys for being here!


Now, if I could only sleep..

nice!!!! lol it's almost 2:30am here
 
5:47am here. I'm tempted to take a xanax and try to catch an hour's sleep. But id like to cut those out soon. I've been taking about 1mg a day of the xanax and 1/4mg klonapin. As I've said, in dependant on the small amount of klonapin. Which I find much more effective anyway.

I'm really trying to use the benzos sparingly, and now that the panic and wearing down I think it will help with that.
 
5:47am here. I'm tempted to take a xanax and try to catch an hour's sleep. But id like to cut those out soon. I've been taking about 1mg a day of the xanax and 1/4mg klonapin. As I've said, in dependant on the small amount of klonapin. Which I find much more effective anyway.

I'm really trying to use the benzos sparingly, and now that the panic and wearing down I think it will help with that.

off topic but do you have flux installed on your computer? changes the colour temperature on your screen so it's easier on your eyes at night.

https://justgetflux.com/

or 'night shift' when on ios10
 
Rocking night shift, my friend. My brand new iPhone 7 arrived a few days ago but I obviously haven't even opened the damn thing. Could care less right now. Hopefully my interest returns soon. Until then my older iPhone does the trick.
 
i still love ios5, the 4s was my first iphone. was forced to upgrade since a bunch of apps were no longer being made for old firmware :(

hope you get some sleep
 
I nodded off for little ten minute spurts here and there. I feel worse.... Woke up in a dark dark scary place.... I'm fighting to get out!
 
I nodded off for little ten minute spurts here and there. I feel worse.... Woke up in a dark dark scary place.... I'm fighting to get out!

I know that place well... or at least places like it. Just remember that it will pass and that this is part of your brain healing itself. Good vibes your way!!!
 
Thanks so much simco.... Man, I'll take the massive withdrawals over this horrifying dark hole im in. I feel OK now because I took a klonapin and a little kratom. What a roller coaster! Be honest with me guys, how long does the severe paranoia and hopelessness last. Right now it's absolutely crippling.
 
I'm sure the black thoughts differ for everyone. But personally, I find that they come and go; The longer I abstain from using, the shorter and less frequent they tend to be. In my experience, by the end of week 2, I'm almost always in a much better headspace (though it's true that that stuff carries over into PAWS for me).
 
Going 48hra with nothing and I feel fine. Odd? I will definitely get some red. Good idea!
 
Iv been following you Sixxam and i think you're doing great, and just wanted to say if you feel the need to have a benzo then go ahead and have one or two as it wont hurt but will help

I'm an opiate addict and have done a few detox's, i am still using but i have been there where WD's are concerned, and you are doing really well, i always find that day 3 is the hardest and it gets easier after day 3-4, so you're over the worst by now, keep it up as you're doing great, and don't be down just because you want to do a benzo as they will really help you out, keep us going and informed of how you are doing eh... you're braver then me!
 
Erin, that's excellent news. What kinda habit did you jump from?

Zaramorph, yeah i just till another benzo. I just don't wanna raise my dependence any further as detox will suck. But I suppose I'm just completely paranoid right now anyway.

Today is rough. No sleep, panick and a lot of pain, my lower back is brutal. Praying tomorrow is a better day.

I've tapered the kratom back today by 6g and I'm feeling it a little.

My brain is so fried right now! You guys are helping me stay in the game. Thank you all.
 
Sixx you goddamn legend. Your WDs have been way more brutal than mine ever were and you're still standing. Keep fighting the good fight bro.
 
Thanks brother! I jumped at a silly amount,i can't taper worth a damn. After a little xanax and kratom I'm actually having my first coffee ....ahhhhh.....I might regret it though.
 
I ended up having to take another scoop of kratom.... Man am I in a lot of fucking pain guys.

Little background.. I use to be there toughest guy in the world... At least I thought so until I took a couple bottles over the head while hopped up on cocaine. The following evening I had a massive brain hemorrhage. Lost the full use of my left side. A lot of therapy later I've regained a lot but still struggle with fine motor skills on my left side. I have three spinal fusions as well, so I do feel pain.... And man am I feeling it.

I'm afraid to doze of tonight as that dark cloud this morning scared the shit outta me.

I feel OK at the moment but I think I'll attribute that to kratom and xanax..... But I'm getting there guys.. I'm getting there

Reading VE thread, that's some inspiring stuff I tell ya! Listening to some blue October.. This moment is OK :)
 
Hold that head up high Sixxam! You're still the toughest guy in the world in a very real sense, handling yourself through all this as you are :)
 
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