i've been dealing with this too, i'm happy to say that i have completed a honest 4th step, which is 48 pages front and back of all the awful shit i've done to others,and others done to me. including my sex inventory now that shit rattled me up because at a lot of meetings i still have a hard time having a face to face conversation with some of the females because i know how much of a piece of shit i have been to them in the past, and its just hard for me to picture me being their friend because of all the raunchy shit i've done to females over the years.
i should be dropping my 5th step sometime this week, and i'm really looking forward to it because thats when i get to let all that hate n shit finally go.
know that your not alone simco. we can be friends