Is it the MDMA causing all of this?

[Not Sure]

Hi everyone,

About 6 months ago I tried MDMA for the first and last time. (As far as I'm concerned it was MDMA, but I can't be positive.) Anyways, I had a super strange experience on it and well, i'm not sure what my goal is here I guess I just wanted to share a little bit of my story and hear your thoughts.. ease my mind, tell me I'm crazy.

In short, during this trip (well the physical effects of this trip abruptly stopped when this happened), I had a moment in which it felt like I was remembering certain future events that would happen to me. It was like my future consciousness was somehow contacting me with a message. The message was pretty simple- this is real, this is actually happening, and you need to share this story. I was told that everything would be okay, I have nothing to fear.

Somehow, it would be proven almost without a doubt that I had effectively "time traveled". This story would become well known around the world, and I would become extremely famous and wealthy. (Mind you, I'm an introvert, I don't like being the center of attention, and although i'd be lying if i said I don't care if i become rich, its certainly not as important to me as just being truly happy. I guess where i'm going with this is that I don't think this was just some weird manifestation of my desires. I don't aspire to be rich and famous, and I've never been all that into time travel, so this came way out of left field for me.)

Anyways, the next day I tried to shrug it off as just some weird drug trip, and thats what I did. However, almost exactly a month later, after smoking some weed (which i do everyday), it happened again. And another month later, again. I won't go into the details right now but I can't stress how real it all felt. During these moments I was certain what I was experiencing was real, and it was only the following days that the doubt came. These time I just tried brushing it off as flashbacks of the first trip being brought on by the cannabis.

I consider myself a pretty rational guy. I'm the type of person who needs to see it to believe it (I arguably did see it, and I still can't believe it.) I've never had trouble distinguishing reality vs just tripping balls until now. The problem is this didn't feel like the result of drugs, I was told this wasn't the drugs, i was told I would doubt myself, yet I still did, I still do. But I'll never forget the feeling I had, how real it felt, how it all made sense.

Two days ago, I was smoking some weed and thinking about the events that had happened. I decided to write down my thoughts - pretty much just a free writing exercise (something I've only done once for a class), when it happened again. I had sparked another "future memory" in which I remembered including what I had written in the preface of a book I would eventually write about my experiences. Again, it felt so real, and this felt like the final straw, like I could finally accept that this is actually happening, and it was comforting. But again, as usual, the next day the doubt crept back in. It just sounds stupid, its unbelievable, and theres a more logical explanation.

Both explanations scare me. Either I did somehow "time travel", breaking our understanding of time, the brain, and our universe, or I am experiencing intense delusions/ hallucinations/ flashbacks being brought on by the weed (which I guess means no more weed for me).

So yeah, thats the summed up version. What do you guys think? If you have any questions or want to know more, just ask, I'll be happy to answer.

 

[Young_ile]

I had something like that when I was on and after ecstasy. Also came back like u said after smoking weed. I thought I was a prophet/god/immortal after taking the beliefs and delusions too far. Good thing u recognized early and had the sense to post on this site. Wish I did that but I was living in my own bubble. It could be that ur bringing out a mental illness or the beginning of it. I was diagnosed bipolar after ending up in the hospital multiple friggin times and dealing with cops as well. Luckily I didn't get into legal trouble but made really stupid financial decisions. Please be careful and if I were u I'd feel lucky that u caught this early. Quit drugs immediately and pray you never get those delusions again as now I am going through the a horrendous depression I cannot control after going psychotic/manic for the past month. I've forced myself sober but I'm afraid it's too late and my damage is done. I'm 26 so I hope I can turn my life around

 

[JBrandon]

To the OP: to me, this sounds like you're on the cusp of a manic episode or a psychotic break. I would stop all drug use.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I have met several stoners, a few acid heads, and one girl that hippy flipped ALOT that had the SAME EXACT THING.

I know a few people that practice meditation that have experience the SAME EXACT THING

I don't recall a repeating theme for anyone but one guy that did alot of acid


That said, it could be signs of something like JBrandon posted. I would take a break from everything. If you are on any psych meds -- tell your doctor.

If you have an episode while sober, remain calm.

Not to be bearer of bad news, but there is a connection between schizophrenia and cannabis use

Apparently there is some evidence that cannabis may increase the expression of schizophrenia in people that are susceptible (family member with schizophrenia)

http://www.impactcannabis.org/schizophrenia/

Your daily cannabis habit may be contributing to Cannabis induced psychosis.

It's probably the weed, it's just a coincidence it happened while you are also using MDMA

 

[Not Sure]

Thanks for the replies guys. It probably is cannabis induced psychosis, so I'm definitely done with weed/ drugs. I've been wanting to quit for awhile and i guess this is a good wake up call. Hopefully I'll get my head straight after all this. Wish me luck with the sobriety.

 

[izaniceilike]

Wow dude that's deep.

It's good your able to take a step back and apply some rationality. Experiences like that are super hard to process.

I agree, mostly, with what others have said. Definitely cutting out the weed is a good idea. You'll have more energy and a clearer mind to work through the experiences.

Interested to know if you discussed with any friends / relatives? I ask because I had some strange dreams, about 5 years ago, that were sort of similar to what you described. I had a really hard time with it, because I wanted to explore these experiences, but felt I couldn't. Eventually I confided, a little bit of what happened to a friend. It didn't work out well. Understandably he was shocked and it definitely effected our friendship.

Probably bad judgement on my part deciding to talk about it to him - but I still always think if you can find the right person to to talk with then that's a very valuable thing.

 

[Not Sure]

Hello everyone, its been almost 4 months since I posted this, and I just wanted to give everyone an update.

On January 3rd, I had another experience, which is hard to believe because when I wrote this i was pretty adamant on giving up the weed. I guess I must have slipped up because sure enough it happened again. I remember it pretty clearly, this time I started freaking out and was convinced I was going to die. I was convinced I had been living in a trip, I was actually dead, and I was about to realize this and "wake up".

To answer izan's question, i have talked to many people about this... friends, family, and even some extended relatives. That night I had talked to my mom, like I usually did, and she convinced me I was not actually dead, and instead I thought of it as a "rebirth" of sorts. No one really judged me, everyone was super supportive and I honestly wouldn't have gotten through it without them.

Fast forward to today. Ever since that night, January 3rd at 3:33 am, i have not smoked any weed, and i have not experienced any of these delusions. It was very hard the first month or 2, i didnt feel i was getting any better, if anything i was more depressed since i hadnt had weed to numb my feelings. I craved it like crazy. Luckily the cravings are mostly gone, except days like today, which i guess kinda lead me here, its therapeutic for me writing about this stuff.

Although I stopped smoking weed, unfortunately my anxiety about everything creeps up pretty often. I will still doubt myself on the meaning of it all, whether it was real/ a premonition. This trip gave me severe ptsd, and it pisses me off. Its amazing how this event has fucked me up so much, shaken my reality. I lost my father 5 years ago at the age of 16, which left me with severe depression, and I can honestly say that this trip has done almost as much damage on my mental state as his death did, which is unbelievable to me. I know my father died, thats a fact, but to be tricked by your brain into believing something that is not real, is much scarier. Although I do feel much better since I stopped smoking weed and having these flashbacks, they have still left a lasting impact on me.

Hopefully some day I will truly get over it.

During one of these experiences I had a premonition that something bad will happen on april 14th. For weeks and weeks I had worried about that day. I looked up that date and found out that this was the day abraham lincon was shot, the dust bowl started, and the titanic had crashed... this led me to believe surely something awful would happen in my life. Leading up to this date I had thought to myself, "well okay, I'll make sure my family is extra safe today, and I won't leave the house at all". Instead, that day it was beautiful outside. I was compelled to enjoy the warm weather. I even went downtown and bought a new skateboard. Nothing bad happened, infact, it was a good day.

Going back to the ptsd the experiences have left me, I remember being "told by my consciousness" that nothing bad would happen to me. This wasn't something to be afraid of, I was just thinking negatively because of the shock of it all. I expected something terrible to happen april 14th, yet it was a great day, more so than others. My consciousness was right, yet it wasn't.... Everything is all in my head, and I have to remind myself of that each day.

Thank you to everyone who made it to the end of this post, I truly appreciate it. To those who didn't, no big deal, this was really just for my own sake.