Thanks for the responses folks..
@d1nach - it was kinda hard not to recognize ha. I knew it was gonna happen after Mom passed, even caught myself on the third day. Stating no more. But then I started compiling a slide show for the funeral about my mom/our family, with my aunt and next thing ya know: Im at the store, then back at my bothers place and .. drunk. Not to mention all my relatives kept calling me out on it. Despite some of them drinking daily themselves (but "not before 11 pm"... right...). But it got me when my Oma (grandma) said something.
@tpd - haha ya.. simply recovery. I used to think negatively about people who couldnt quit their vice. "It's just a choice". Now, I understand, its more than just a choice, it's more like choice
s, along with a potential health related issue. Kinda like that saying "You can take a boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of a boy." (or however you may like it). A lot of us can recognize the need to quit our d.o.c. but simply quitting isnt enough if that's the only step in the recovery process we take. Thus I have taken, as you have kindly pointed out, some steps I believe are necessary to help me continue down my path of sobriety (I also recognize that sobriety means different things to different people now).
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As for fun? I dunno, after I hooked up with my old lady (ex now) I left a lot of my hobbies behind, with the exception of my psychedelic use
.. I've always found that fun but these days its more of a once a month (if Im pushing my tolerance / can find the time) and its usually more of an introspective, alone in the dark kinda vibe. Though occasionally, I'll make time to enjoy a trip with friends (ie New Years) . Anyways, then I became a parent and went back to school and me time became even harder to find.
Now Im realizing the importance of such activities. Truthfully I enjoy all things kitchen chemistry. Making extracts/tinctures (peppermint, turmeric, etc). I recently took to brewing kombucha and experimenting with different teas or various flavour additives during the secondary fermentation stage. Even baking (though I dont make much time for it) and cooking - I usually roast a whole chicken weekly and turn whats left into stock, experimenting with different flavours (veggies and spices and such). Ive even been known to garden if what grows is useful to the aforementioned mucking in the kitchen, otherwise Ill just hose the plants when they look half dead.
Thus I am rather excited to announce that earlier today I have taken the first steps necessary to complete a minor in chemistry. Im currently in my last year of accounting but it was killing my soul. I meet with a professor today to discuss and he referred me to an academic advisor, I have a meeting next week to determine if my plan is feasible (not sure why they wouldnt want my money ha).
Other than that, just being outside. Im lucky enough to have a conservation area just down the street, however, I havent been in there much lately. Partially due to the rain, also due to my crappy mood. So I am trying to make a point of that.. Other than that I dunno..Ive talked to friends who play on sports team and will likely join up this summer. In the meantime Im also considering getting my fishing license, my daughter has always wanted to go but Ive never had my license (and one shouldnt break the law
).
Today has been the best day since returning.
Id like to delude myself into thinking shitty days wont come, but they will. Im just thankfully that I am taking some steps necessary to prepare for them.
Venting here, to people who understand, is ever so helpful.
Thanks be to Bluelight (haha)
TOC