Binge drinking - lightheadedness

[d1nach]

Well if i would describe my day as kind of crappy i would want to drink everyday. Maybe if your day had stuff that made you want to be sober so you can participate at your best. Because i think if your general day is kinda crappy its only natural to want to chemically make it little better.

 

[cj]

Thanks for the replies folks..
@d1nach Yes 12 standard size ~ 350 mL beers... and I never considered the caloric count ... havent considered a lot lately tbh but when you put it that way it seems even more dense lol... I have not checked for anything at this point .. Previously however I had issues with my gallbladder (likely due to excess drinking at the time) but an MRI showed nothing

@ Kief .. thats the reason I switched to beer... I used to drink liqour but I would get way too drunk and waking up in a pool of sweat ... well that was a real sign for me that i needed a change... and I was free for about 6 months ... but after my girlfriend left (which was a good thing) I had no one to bitch at me for drinking and sorta fell back into it... then I leveled out to once a week but now my mom got sick and im back to drinking my thoughts away ... I know this is an issue and have been trying to quit but its just a vicious cycle ... I know this is a satirical site but I found this article very helpful and funny ... My plan is to replace my drinking with exercise (like I was before mom got sick)

@ bomber - lets not judge others, please .. obviously the issue is never the drug but how we use them ... drugs dont kill people, people kill people...
But yes, I would say that I am not disciplined enough to deal with my stress/anxiety/depression right now ... I have been here before and have pulled myself out of this vicious downward spiral of self medicating with booze. I will do it again. Old habits die hard sometimes.

@dopemaster ... Ya... yesterday was the first day I havent had a drink in a week... once I came off the hangover I grabbed some grub. went for a walk. had some resst. went for a run and visited with friends for dinner. today I woke up and did my usual yoga and meditation... its not that I dont know what to do ... its simply that ive been stuck in this weird cycle of self loathing and self harm (through excessive drinking)... but I appreciated your input

Please keep it coming

It sounds like your not physically dependant yet which is great news. Try to find some things you enjoy tp replace the drinking. I was worried from your original post that you where going to need detox.

 

[tired of crap]

Very likely caused by changes in your blood pressure.

This was my guess too .. I used to get it occasionally after a night of heavy stimulant (more specifically ecstasy - i didnt have a testing kit at the time so god only knows what was in em) use some years back .. but I wonder why excessive drinking would cause ?

Well if i would describe my day as kind of crappy i would want to drink everyday. Maybe if your day had stuff that made you want to be sober so you can participate at your best. Because i think if your general day is kinda crappy its only natural to want to chemically make it little better.

I wouldnt exactly describe my sober days as "kind crappy" and truth be told not even all that stressful (compared to what some people go through, though I suppose that is relative).. Yes I have stressors in my life but I also have quite a lot that makes me want to be sober, as you say. However, recently Im far from my best and; while this has been a goal for my 30th birthday this summer (to be at my best physically and mentally by 30 - it likely wont happen, as I set that years ago and continued to drink my days away until now) I'd like to take the steps starting in that direction now. ...Im all for chemical enhancement but IMO daily use does the opposite of make it better. I'd almost go as far to say as daily use is what is making it kinda crappy. A perpetuating cycle of my day is crap so i drink, I drink because my day is crap.

It sounds like your not physically dependant yet which is great news. Try to find some things you enjoy tp replace the drinking. I was worried from your original post that you where going to need detox.

Thank you for your concern...No, I dont think Im physically addicted either ... Im on day 2.5 (I drank early monday morning to get back to sleep) and other than cravings there has been no signs of physical WD. I am, as noted, replacing drinking with short bouts of exercise, yoga and meditation throughout the day to deal with cravings as they come and go.
This morning was rough though; I awoke mid dream where my mom had died and I was half way through getting.
That made for a grumpy morning, even after yoga and meditation. Seems like the cravings come in waves.

I dont mean to play this out, I know there are people with physical dependencies suffering from withdrawls.. But its good to be able to vent and hear replies. I dont feel like I cant talk to my friends or family about this... theyre all kinda judgemental and I dont want it to get back to my mom.
So thank you for everyone who has taken the time to respond thus far

 

[d1nach]

It doesnt get any more physical then alcohol. When i was in the hospital for lower gastro pain the guy in the room next to me stopped drinking and was on valium and still went inro grand mal seizures and afib i think it was called something with his hert where i just kept hearing give him 20 valium ... give him another 20 valium .... give him another valium 20 because i think his heart wouldnt slow down

 

[tired of crap]

Thats what Im trying to avoid; physical dependence..

So today, Friday, is always a difficult day for me not to drink.
As I have to drive my daughter half way to her moms house, which is 4 hours away, thus I am driving 2 hours one way.
Driving her there is stressful for me, knowing I wont see my daughter for the weekend is stressful and driving home alone is even worse.

Today however I stopped in at a relatives place to grab a few things I left a few weeks back. -- They always have copious amounts of booze; no one would notice if I snagged a glass a wine or a shot or two. I didnt, just mellowed after the long drive and then went on my way.

When I left however I was overcome with anxiety. My head was spinning and I felt almost ill.

(Now the nausea could have been due to too much crap food for lunch - I stuffed myself.. why? I dunno but I find when Im hungry Im more likely to drink - been that way for a while.. kinda weird I know)

But the anxiety lasted a solid hour. I spent it focusing on my breath meditation techniques. Eventually it cleared.

I just got home not long ago. And was still antsy. So I went for a solid run.
Im exhausted now but the cravings are still there .. and its still early... Im hoping ill just do some meditation and yoga later and call it a night.

I know im not physically addicted but this is difficult for me to stop thinking about ..

 

[d1nach]

Im happy to hear you managed tp overcome that seriously uncomfortable experience. I dont drink but i get severe panic attacks while driving and I can relate to using substances to stop the feelings of everything spinning. I remember one time driving on the parkway at night and i started panicing so bad i felt like i was dreaming and everything looked weird and it felt like the lines where moving and I was shaking. I dont think you can control thinking about booze. Becauseit sounds like it was giving you things that made certain things better. But, that you where able to be uncomfortable have alcohol accessible and be able to say no is impressive. Good job much better then I could do as soon as I see a substance I want I crack. Keep us posted hope it gets easier

 

[Kassoviv]

Yes this "thinking about it" is the problem. While I am not drinking at the moment I do experiment with other drugs, namely stimulants. I am sure I am not dependent on anything, but I do have a strong affection to drugs of any kind.

The underlying pattern is "instant gratification". Some researchers claim to have found out, that the the more you need instant gratification the less likely you are to become successful, though there are many people like me who love instant gratification but are still reasonably successful.

The opposite, namely denying yourself all earthly pleasures isn't desirable either. That will put you on a puritan road, which in my opinion has many flaws.

Ideally I would like to see my life like driving. Driving can be enjoyable as such and it is not like only "arriving" is the real deal. With as many vices as I have, a week sometimes looks like jumping from one instant gratification to the next, with the time in between being nothing but filler material.

Just thinking aloud

 

[d1nach]

I agree moderation is key. But, i believe the orginal poster wantes to break his habit of drinking. While i personally think reducing it so say maybe a six pack a night with a healthier diet and some exercise would also be a success, that he was able to not drink is quite an accommplishment. I tried the puritn rode quickly found myself taking a hard left off the straight road

 

[tired of crap]

Yes this "thinking about it" is the problem....I do have a strong affection to drugs of any kind.

The underlying pattern is "instant gratification". Some researchers claim to have found out, that the the more you need instant gratification the less likely you are to become successful..

The opposite, namely denying yourself all earthly pleasures isn't desirable either. That will put you on a puritan road, which in my opinion has many flaws.

Ideally I would like to see my life like driving. Driving can be enjoyable as such and it is not like only "arriving" is the real deal.

I too have a strong affinity for drugs of all kinds, however my affection for drinking has become a problem and it it this that I would like to stop, not all drug use. If I can go back to my once a week rule (only consuming one drug, whatever it may be - in reasonable quantities- once a week) I would be more than content. Although this may not work for everyone, I see nothing wrong with it. However, for me, I dont think I can drink just once a week. I have tried but as noted once leads to a hangover, which leads to hair of the dog, which leads to day drunk, passing out early and repeating (if on weekends when my daughter isnt here.. weekdays I refuse to let her see me drunk or drinking so I consume after she goes to school, sleep it off, parent upon her return then repeat after she goes to bed). For me both of these options are not ok and I havent been drunk since Sunday night - almost a week now. Yesterday however I did have a drink with a friend. Just one, and a weak one at that. Although the thought crossed my mind to go grab more after we parted I knew I had work to do today and reasoned that would be a bad idea. We'll see if this has an effect in the coming days though....

I would arguably disagree that "thinking about it" is the problem.. I think thinking about it is only a problem if I (we) cant think about it reasonably, as noted in the example above about work needing to be completed today - thus I was sol for getting drunk. Because as I have noted, and as I may erroneously presume, most of us here at bluelight likely enjoy our altered states - or we wouldnt be here. Some of us, myself included have taken this enjoyment too far. Philip K Dick puts it quite well

They wanted to have a good time, but they were like children playing in the street; they could see one after another of them being killed--run over, maimed, destroyed--but they continued to play anyhow

And thus I enjoy your analogy of life being like driving - its not just about arriving, its about the journey. I am trying to find more little pleasures along the way to make the drive more enjoyable.

I agree moderation is key. But, i believe the orginal poster wantes to break his habit of drinking. While i personally think reducing it so say maybe a six pack a night with a healthier diet and some exercise would also be a success, that he was able to not drink is quite an accommplishment. I tried the puritn rode quickly found myself taking a hard left off the straight road

Thank you again for your kind words d1nach. Yes youre correct, I want to break my drinking habit. To be honest Im only on student loans and cant afford daily consumption anyways. Once a week, as noted above maybe, but right now I dont feel I can control myself to getting drunk once a week (again, for reasons noted above)and if im limiting consumption of any kind to once a week I feel I would benefit more from something introspective, which is not aquality drinking has for me. And although I was able to limit myself to one drink yesterday with a friend - this too is not something Im comfortable with, as I feel like it is akin to poking a sleeping beast, it may not awake this time but I dont want to tempt fate.

This week was challenging, admittedly not that rough compared to what many others go through - merely just frustrating, I suppose. And with exams looming in two weeks or so, assignments due and my moms health not improving I need to stay off the sauce so I can get through what is to come.

 

[tired of crap]

So it has been a week without drinking (mind one exception where one drink was consumed with a friend).

Today I told myself that I would get back to work on my school assignments. However Im stuck. Its been 3 weeks since Ive even picked up a book. Ive missed multiple assignments. I need to read 13 chapters in 2 weeks and then study for exams. It seems futile at this point.

Despite doing yoga and meditation and exercise this morning I am overcome with anxiety as I type an email to my professor attempting to explain, in not so many words, that I have been f'ed up mentally (I dont want to admit I was drinking) for the past month. My head is spinning. The cravings arent as bad as they used to be but this is when I would usually just concede defeat and start drinking. I am having a hard time staying grounded when I have no time for anything but...

 

[d1nach]

I think its great your meditating , exercising and doing yoga but I think anyone telling you that it will reduce your anxiety like a drug including alcohol is delusional. Proof of this is id argue most obvious in extreme cases a inmate has just been brought In hes nervous about being pray so he bites a guard and starts fighting. What would calm him down making him do pushups, put him in a cell with nothing in it but directions for meditation, or a injection of a very high dose benzodiazepine. The answer is obvious. However as soon as it stops hes gunna snap out of his stupor and feel anxious and fight again. I dont know of that made any sense

 

[d1nach]

What I mean is its not that alcohol wouldnt work in the here and now to remove the negative sensations of anxiety but it wouldnt fix the underlying problem of being anxious because your behind on your work and catching up on that work so you no longer feel that anxiety. And if your looking for a healthy lifestyle or meditation or yoga to take away the anxiety like alcohol youll be disappointed. But the problem is that alcohol numbs the fear but doesnt fix what you should right ly be worried about. Vs exercise that helps you learn tl work though a racing heart sweaty palms and discomfort and push through to the otherside .

 

[tired of crap]

Last night when I read this I was just like whattt..your example is extreme indeed...but now I think I get it. Although these things (yoga, exercise, meditation) are beneficial in the long term in relieving anxiety I shouldnt expect them to be cure alls for my short term bouts of anxiety (like a drug would). Esp when I have all these anxiety causing factors still present; ie I am freshly off drinking and I still crave / I am way behind in school work.... I need to actually put in the foot work, complete assignments and reading, get through exams, all the while staying off the sauce before the anxiety associated with these things can rightfully be expected to dissipate.

I suppose I am/was only being delusional with myself, as no one told me to expect such an anxiolytic response from these things.. though I have never claimed these things to be as effective as a drug, in my case alcohol, at relieving anxiety. I just expected that if I went back to my old routine from when I wasnt drinking that the anxiety wouldnt be present.... I suppose this will just take time and patience...I think i need to focus on my long term goals

In truth if I look back to when I was drinking like this before and quit I experienced the same kind of symptoms... though I wasnt in school then .. and could manage to force myself to work despite similar levels of anxiety.. because it was brainless droning ..

Although I was at first confused, thank you again d1nach ... cheers mate
ToC

 

[d1nach]

I was pretty out there when i wrote that hah but yes lmao you actually got what i was trying to say. I think its making the shift from drinking to get a feeling or reduce a uncomfortable feeling to doing things like yoga exrrcise meditation studying working on your goals despite anxiety and mood having ups and downs because as you build on yourself and get smarter feel more accomplished or healthier you feel more stable and its not that you wont get angry or sad or angry its that your have spend your energy building on things that last sso you alwaya bounce back

Exercise id describe as like investing in a blue chip company or buying bonds it doesnt do anything really now but you slowy get returns over time

Vs alcohol its like a casino for like ma few hours you get a great time and it is made to look like you could win so much more fast and easy but after a few hoursnthe moneys gone and ypur left where you started

 

[d1nach]

Sorry my screens cracked lol

 

[tired of crap]

despite anxiety and mood having ups and downs because as you build on yourself and get smarter feel more accomplished or healthier you feel more stable and its not that you wont get angry or sad or angry its that your have spend your energy building on things that last sso you alwaya bounce back

Exercise id describe as like investing in a blue chip company or buying bonds it doesnt do anything really now but you slowy get returns over time

Vs alcohol its like a casino for like ma few hours you get a great time and it is made to look like you could win so much more fast and easy but after a few hoursnthe moneys gone and ypur left where you started

another strange analogy but im getting em now! lol... despite being a temporary "fix" for my problems alcohol will always leave me at best back where I started (but typically for me worse off - as im out the cash, im craving and feel like turd). where as learning to cope with anxiety through a variety of healthful activities actually teaches me. I am learning that these feelings are ok (in fact, in a way they almost seem necessary for evolution in a sense - without feelings of fear and anxiety we may not recognize threats as such - obviously for some though they are misplaced and can get out of control). I am learning that they will pass with time.

Slowly things are getting back to normal and i am getting motivate to do more then exercise/etc and post here. Yesterday I actually banged out an assignment for school.. 2 more and studying before Im free for winter break ...

 

[tired of crap]

So today is two weeks without any real drinking (I had one with a friend about a week ago but stopped there)..
My anxiety is steadily decreasing as I am consistently following my routine of yoga/meditation and exercising.. I am starting to be more comfortable with missing a session of it here or there (when I first quit, messing with my routine would make my head spin and cause significants amounts of anxiety as I needed something to fill the void drinking left)

Slowly my motivation is returning as well.. I am making progress on my assignments... 1 more left to bang out today (12 pages of environmental law though .. from start to finish.. phew.. wish me luck)...And then onto studying for exams (they came up quick and are next week now)..

Rather unfortunately though I am still unable to visit my mom as I just cant seem to shake this cold (or whatever it is). I have made an appointment to make sure its nothing funky though.. Heres hoping it will bugger off soon..

Anyways thanks to everyone for your support thus far..
Ill likely keep posting every once in a while just for my own sake as this year will be the first year I dont get to see my daughter over christmas and I imagine that will be a challenging time...

Until then..
ToC

 

[d1nach]

Just because you cant see your daughter doesnt mean how you act wont profoundly influence them. My family member had two daughters and a problem with drinking and if they would of been sooo much happier to know their dad isnt drinking because in their case they pretended lile they didnt care but it was obvious they did and I guarantee you theyd give an arm and a leg to see him do what you did so far not drink take up exercise and work on a education so they dont have to worry is dads kindeys ok why is he peeing blood again is he driving ect ect. And the model you set will definitely influenc e what your daughter choooses to model. You dont have to see her often for your actions to profoundly influence her. I think the progress youve made is amazing especially identifying the small accumulation of benefit of exercise and study over time vs the large benefit of alcohol thatt always leaves you back where yoh where before

Alcohol imo Is like a payday loan it give you alot faster but leave you with even less then when you started the day after .

 

[Kassoviv]

One of the bad consequences of using drugs is that they weaken your ability to endure things. They will make you believe that the only sensible reaction to unpleasant feelings is to make them go away one way or the other, which may be impossible without the drug. However, you may just as well accept bad feelings as "the way it is". There are other important things in life than "feeling okay".

I believe I am not telling you anything new, because this is precisely what you are doing right now. Getting things straight no matter how shitty you feel while pursuing your goals. I just wanted to give you some reassurement.

 

[Jabberwocky]

One of the bad consequences of using drugs is that they weaken your ability to endure things. They will make you believe that the only sensible reaction to unpleasant feelings is to make them go away one way or the other, which may be impossible without the drug. However, you may just as well accept bad feelings as "the way it is". There are other important things in life than "feeling okay".

I believe I am not telling you anything new, because this is precisely what you are doing right now. Getting things straight no matter how shitty you feel while pursuing your goals. I just wanted to give you some reassurement.

While what you say is very true, that bit about just accepting the bad as "the way it is" sounds a bit defeatist, no?